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Friends can see when you're online


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Not sure if this comes across as rude to my friends.  It isn't meant to be.  But wanted to know, if all of my friends will be notified if i turn off the 'friends can see when you're online' button?

Its just sometimes - just like in real life -  i just want a a few hours privacy... and can become a pain or awkward to have to disappoint friends IMMING me, to then have to tell them I am busy.  Especially if they are not close friends... 

I do realise there are other ways they will know I am online... and I am not trying to hide.  Just wantd to now and again make it less obvious, and to try and minimize the wave of instant IMS I get the very second I log on.

And a related second question.

If I turn on either AWAY - UNNAVAILABLE or AUTORESPOND..  What is the difference between them all?.  And would this be a better alternative to tell friends that I am busy?

Thanks for any advice?

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40 minutes ago, BelindaMercedes said:

Not sure if this comes across as rude to my friends.  It isn't meant to be.  But wanted to know, if all of my friends will be notified if i turn off the 'friends can see when you're online' button?

Its just sometimes - just like in real life -  i just want a a few hours privacy... and can become a pain or awkward to have to disappoint friends IMMING me, to then have to tell them I am busy.  Especially if they are not close friends... 

I do realise there are other ways they will know I am online... and I am not trying to hide.  Just wantd to now and again make it less obvious, and to try and minimize the wave of instant IMS I get the very second I log on.

And a related second question.

If I turn on either AWAY - UNNAVAILABLE or AUTORESPOND..  What is the difference between them all?.  And would this be a better alternative to tell friends that I am busy?

Thanks for any advice?

when you enable they "see when online", they can see that status in the friendslist. They only themself can set or disable, the messages when a friend comes online, thats a setting you only half have control over, by disable the online visibility.
Just a note, in groups, as long the memberlist is visible, you can nót hide your real status, and there are scripts that also are able to read that info.

There is no very good solution for your question. Some people will fee insulted when you hide your status, because that's what you do in many opions,
or use the busy/away mode ... " no time for your friends...... " :) 

I mostly simply ignore the IM's i'm not sure it's working in all viewers but in some you can limit it to just a blinking tab in a minimized chat window. 
If you feel more comfortable with a autorespond, but as far i remember, that works only once, second time, in same session, they don't get the message again, and might take it as you ignore them.
(i wouldn't mind a lot, it's your time online and are free to spend it in your way)

 

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52 minutes ago, BelindaMercedes said:

If I turn on either AWAY - UNNAVAILABLE or AUTORESPOND..  What is the difference between them all?.  And would this be a better alternative to tell friends that I am busy?

Away just changes your status so people around you and some scripts can know that you're AFK.

Autorespond sends a message to anyone who IMs you saying you're busy, and when you turn the setting off you receive all the IMs that were responded to. (you don't get the IM when it arrives)

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8 minutes ago, Gabriele Graves said:

If you turn off someone's ability to see you online via the friends list, you drop off the list of friends listed on the secondlife.com web site until you turn it back on and so people can deduce what you have done that way.

But if they message you, won't they get an indication that you really are online due to lack of the standard "user offline" message?

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4 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

But if they message you, won't they get an indication that you really are online due to lack of the standard "user offline" message?

Yes of course, this is just another "tell".  I mean in reality for the paranoid drama-loving people who this bothers so much, they'll go straight to a scripted tool to stalk your online/offline habits.  No question about it.

Edited by Gabriele Graves
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50 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

But if they message you, won't they get an indication that you really are online due to lack of the standard "user offline" message?

hah. yes i guess so.  :)  And if they have actively messaged me without knowing if I am on online or not, then thats fine.. no issues.  It's just the kind of 'wave' of IM's I get the very second i logon from friends who have just had the 'Bell is online' notification.   Its not a biggie.. and I was just trying to find a way to give myself a bit of breathing space, between logging on. and then getting a little overwhelmed with dozens of chats and IMS.

As i say.. nothing wrong with that most of the time.. but now and again, I'd like to just log on.. settle down.. do some things for myself..and THEN perhaps be more ready for all the messages.  But as it stands, all of my friends (some not very close at all) will get an instant notification I am online even before my cloud has gone away, and start messaging me.  As i say.. nothing wrong with that - it's nice that they even want to. But it can get a bit overwhelming sometimes.

Maybe I should be a little more careful with my friends list - but I don;'t ant to offend anyone that i like or meet and want to add..  Oh well.. i am sure I will sort something..and as i say, its not a biggie.

:) 

Edited by BelindaMercedes
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3 hours ago, BelindaMercedes said:

Not sure if this comes across as rude to my friends.  It isn't meant to be.  But wanted to know, if all of my friends will be notified if i turn off the 'friends can see when you're online' button?

Disregarding all the other ways people can know that you're online - at the moment you turn off "friends can see when you're online", they will get notification that you have just gone offline (assuming they have not disabled those notificatons).  It will be the same message they'd get if you really did log out.

3 hours ago, BelindaMercedes said:

If I turn on either AWAY - UNNAVAILABLE or AUTORESPOND..  What is the difference between them all?.  And would this be a better alternative to tell friends that I am busy?

Unavailable is what used to be called "busy mode". The problem with this one is that it will prevent you receiving inventory as well - including inworld and marketplace purchases. It will also block group messages.

Away is only useful if you really are away from keyboard because it will disable itself when you move or do anything. 

Autorespond is best IMO - you can configure the message to say what you like. You will still get the IMs, but your friends will know not to epect a response right away. Autorespond will persist between logins, Away doesn't.

Edited by Maitimo
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42 minutes ago, Maitimo said:

Disregarding all the other ways people can know that you're online - at the moment you turn off "friends can see when you're online", they will get notification that you have just gone offline (assuming they have not disabled those notificatons).  It will be the same message they'd get if you really did log out.

@BelindaMercedesGetting that offline message usually doesn't "fool" someone who is motivated to know though because when they see that message they will just go check using a reliable method to see if they really went offline.

Good thing though is that the ones who start drama over it are self-selecting themselves as candidates for unfriending.

Edited by Gabriele Graves
Add clarification who the information in the post was aimed towards
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Just use auto respond and put something in there like,

" I can't come to the IM right now because I'm busy with something in SL or RL, so if you would be so kind as to GET OFF MY LAWN!!, I'll get back with you as soon as I can, thank you and you have a really nice day. :)"

:D

 

 

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I've used autorespond, but for some reason I'll still get a pop-up (a "toast"? whatever it's called) when I get an IM and it's on. And it will include both the sender's IM and my response, which generally made me feel so guilty that I'd respond anyway.

So now I don't bother.

PS. Hiding my online status also leads to feelings of guilt. And sometimes I'll forget to unhide, get a message, and have to convince the person that I am not ghosting them. Ugh.

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I turn off toasts for IMs.  Also if the chat/IM/Friends/Groups window isn't visible on screen, I just get a small icon notification in the corner so it's easily ignored if I don't care.  It's possible to configure your way around some of this on Firestorm at least.

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On 9/21/2022 at 3:23 PM, Gabriele Graves said:

I turn off toasts for IMs.  Also if the chat/IM/Friends/Groups window isn't visible on screen, I just get a small icon notification in the corner so it's easily ignored if I don't care.  It's possible to configure your way around some of this on Firestorm at least.

That's what i need to do.. Does it stop the chat showing up in the upper right corner also? I keep my chat minimized to not see chat and  if someone IM's it gets broadcasted on my screen..  it might not sound like a big deal to some, but when your husband or one of your three kids are standing there that know how to read and someone say's something that isn't that good.. Ya, it's not good.. hehehe

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On 9/21/2022 at 9:51 AM, BelindaMercedes said:

As i say.. nothing wrong with that most of the time.. but now and again, I'd like to just log on.. settle down.. do some things for myself..and THEN perhaps be more ready for all the messages.  But as it stands, all of my friends (some not very close at all) will get an instant notification I am online even before my cloud has gone away, and start messaging me.  As i say.. nothing wrong with that - it's nice that they even want to. But it can get a bit overwhelming sometimes.

You've given the solution here. Log in. Get settled. Do the things you want to do. Then check your IMs when you're ready. It's not realistic in Second Life to expect an instant response to an IM, especially from someone who has just logged in and has to load and do all the other stuff they need to do.

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2 hours ago, Ceka Cianci said:

That's what i need to do.. Does it stop the chat showing up in the upper right corner also? I keep my chat minimized to not see chat and  if someone IM's it gets broadcasted on my screen..  it might not sound like a big deal to some, but when your husband or one of your three kids are standing there that know how to read and someone say's something that isn't that good.. Ya, it's not good.. hehehe

Chat will always show on the screen in some form.  Mine appears in the bottom left as a semi-transparent area over the main screen when the chat/IM/group/contacts window is closed.

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I always used to turn off that see when friends are online thing.  I never liked getting the notices that someone had logged in or out and I assumed nobody else would either.  Then I had some of my "friends" yell at me for it.  They were insulted that I was "hiding my status" from them.  So some of us stopped being friends and some of them understood when I explained. 

I'm an introvert.  If I feel like being sociable, I will go out to places where my friends hang out.  If I'm not feeling sociable, I isolate.  I don't really like people popping up in my IMs when I'm isolating.  I especially hate it when I've just logged in and I'm catching up on notices and stuff.  If people do that often then I turn off the "see I'm online" feature.  I try to wait until they are offline so they don't know I've done it. But I've stopped apologizing for it.  If they don't get it then we're not really friends.

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40 minutes ago, Gabriele Graves said:

Chat will always show on the screen in some form.  Mine appears in the bottom left as a semi-transparent area over the main screen when the chat/IM/group/contacts window is closed.

Ya regular chat is not a problem and that shows up on the bottom left.. I was just hoping I could stop what people type in an IM that shows in the upper right corner..

It even has a little x to close it ,where regular chat doesn't..

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11 minutes ago, kali Wylder said:

I always used to turn off that see when friends are online thing.  I never liked getting the notices that someone had logged in or out and I assumed nobody else would either.  Then I had some of my "friends" yell at me for it.  They were insulted that I was "hiding my status" from them.  So some of us stopped being friends and some of them understood when I explained. 

I'm an introvert.  If I feel like being sociable, I will go out to places where my friends hang out.  If I'm not feeling sociable, I isolate.  I don't really like people popping up in my IMs when I'm isolating.  I especially hate it when I've just logged in and I'm catching up on notices and stuff.  If people do that often then I turn off the "see I'm online" feature.  I try to wait until they are offline so they don't know I've done it. But I've stopped apologizing for it.  If they don't get it then we're not really friends.

I just updated my AutoRespond today.. If that doesn't say enough for someone, then they are just being impatient and will start to become a little invasive with each IM..

Time is our most valuable thing we have.. I don't think it's bad of us to take it personal when someone start overstepping and avoiding things we've set up so we can enjoy our time here.. I really take it personal when they start acting like my time is their time and for some reason feel they need an explanation for where i was..

My husband is the only one with the right to get huffy over that. I get really edgy when someone thinks they are anywhere near his shoes.

This is my updated version.. It's plain and simple and to the point.. hehehehe

The Resident you messaged has activated Firestorm viewer's 'AUTORESPOND mode.  They are busy doing something in either SL or RL  and will get back with you as soon as they are avalible.
Thank you and have a great day / night.

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16 minutes ago, kali Wylder said:

I especially hate it when I've just logged in and I'm catching up on notices and stuff.  If people do that often then I turn off the "see I'm online" feature. 

This is the exact reason I rarely, if ever, add anyone to my list.  In the past, 9 out of 10 times, people would do this.  Often after I've explained that I HATE when people do that.  

I'm like you.  If I'm feeling social, you'll see me out so say hello.  If I'm not feeling social, the handful of friends still on my list usually wait at least 30 minutes before messaging me.

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1 minute ago, Rowan Amore said:

This is the exact reason I rarely, if ever, add anyone to my list.  In the past, 9 out of 10 times, people would do this.  Often after I've explained that I HATE when people do that.  

I'm like you.  If I'm feeling social, you'll see me out so say hello.  If I'm not feeling social, the handful of friends still on my list usually wait at least 30 minutes before messaging me.

I had a couple of glasses of wine last night and ended up adding like 5 people to my friends list..lol

I woke up today with my head hurting and then remembered.. omg How many people did I add last night?  Should i log in , should i just take a day off?

I looked over the chat and was like, omg  I'm never drinking again!!\o/

So My autorespond it staying on today and I'm gonna deal with it tomorrow.. I'm too weak today.. hehehe

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