If someone IMs you...

[Jordyn McGregor]

Profile perve for sure.  

Edited August 11, 2022 by Jordan Whitt

[Scylla Rhiadra]

4 hours ago, Randall Ahren said:

I totally ignore and add them to my block list. What do they think this place is, some sort of virtual 3D world where people socialize by chatting?

Funny you should say that, Randall, because a couple of years ago I gave you a shout out at Fogbound and . . . you ignored me!

I am of course deeply scarred.

/me sobs, just a little, for dramatic effect

[Kalegthepsionicist]

you all unsocialize  and too afraid.

they cant do anything to your avatar unless you let them .

someone unonown IM I always reply with ,

what can I help you.

and ofthen they not reply lool.

 

reading profile , well too many dramatic explain about themself, I put barrier n conversation

 

[Maitimo]

15 hours ago, blissfulbreeze said:

If someone IMs you in SL, do you:

Cam on them first to see if you want to reply

Cam and read their profile first

Totally ignore without further action 

IM them back without camming or seeing profile

Also, do you enjoy random civil IMs?

 

A lot of it depends on context; - where I am, where the other person is, and what was said.

Cam on them - Yes, to check if their avatar is male, female or other.  I am least likely to ignore an "other", most likely to ignore if male.  Also checking to see if the person is currently with someone else. A guy who IMs me whilst he's dancing with another girl will most likely get ignored - and if he's persistent I'll tell his girlfriend too.

Read the profile - always.  Looking for an indication of personality, interests, types of groups (and if there are any we have in common). Groups in common is not necessarily a good thing though, especially if it seems otherwise random - clearly they're just going down the members list sending an IM to every other member with a female avatar.

Totally ignore - Yes, if the IM consisted of just "Hi", or "Hi how are you?" or something similar. Yes if the IM comes from somewhere else whilst I am at home (unless they are already a friend).   Yes if the IM occurs whilst I am shopping.

IM them back without camming/reading profile - only if I already know who they are.

Do you enjoy random civil IMs - That depends. Provided that I'm at a club or similar event, and the person is there also, and the IM itself is an interesting conversation-starter with no sexual undertones, yes. 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

I don't get this happening a whole lot anymore. Although I'm usually clubbing 2-3 times a week, I tend nowadays to hang out at place that aren't really pickup spots. I actually get more random IMs at gallery openings -- but they tend to be about my Flickr, or whatever is on display. I do occasionally get random IMs when I'm at home, or working on a photo, but they tend not to last long or be very interesting.

My heart always sinks a little when I do get a random IM, because, really, I'm not very good at small talk with people I don't know, and I'm even worse at batting away people trying to pick me up. I usually end up wasting a lot of their time and my own because I am trying to be nice, and not assume things, so I'll end up waiting until the person's intentions are entirely clear before I firmly but gently (I hope) explain that I'm not interested.

On occasion, of course, the exchange actually becomes interesting, but that only happens when there isn't an immediate and obvious interest in romance or sex. I've made some very good friends of people who IMed me out of nowhere -- although they are the exceptions. Invariably, if someone is trying too hard to compliment me, or talking romantically or with obvious sexual intent, I'll know that I have no interest and can end it there: even if I did romance or sex in SL, I'd want to know the person well before going down that road.

I don't generally cam to the person right away. In fact, sometimes I don't bother doing so at all. Although I do believe that your avatar says things about you, it's much easier to pick things up through chat. I'll usually open the person's profile after it becomes evident that the exchange is going to last longer than a few IMs back and forth: I'll look at, in order, Second Life profile, First Life one, picks, and then, last, groups.

I do wish to god people would not only read profiles, but actually believe what is written there. I am very clear on mine that I'm not interested in hookups. It always puzzles me when someone has clearly read my profile, because they make reference to it, but still seem not to believe that I mean it when I say that I don't do these things here.

Is it that they have problems with comprehension? Or they don't believe me? Or is it that they like a "challenge"?

[Charalyne Blackwood]

1 hour ago, Kalegthepsionicist said:

you all unsocialize  and too afraid.

they cant do anything to your avatar unless you let them .

someone unonown IM I always reply with ,

what can I help you.

and ofthen they not reply lool.

 

reading profile , well too many dramatic explain about themself, I put barrier n conversation

 

Some people have legitimate social anxieties and subsequent dislike of random IM. Being out in public can be very difficult for them. No need to be judgy.

[Kalegthepsionicist]

23 minutes ago, Charalyne Blackwood said:

Some people have legitimate social anxieties and subsequent dislike of random IM. Being out in public can be very difficult for them. No need to be judgy.

yes idk that i have no problem with any of the kind problem . I have friend he told me about what you said. I tell him that actually they should avoid virtual since it will more make them  avoid peopke. we all know virtual   imclude gakng online are dangerous. it addicted.

and there are some people destroy their rl life for online life.

 

Edited August 11, 2022 by Kalegthepsionicist

[Leahndra]

17 hours ago, blissfulbreeze said:

If someone IMs you in SL, do you:

Cam on them first to see if you want to reply

Cam and read their profile first

Totally ignore without further action 

IM them back without camming or seeing profile

 

Also, do you enjoy random civil IMs?

 

 

 

 

I first freeze 😬

If its just the awful "Hi, how are you", i neither read nor cam but close the IM without responding.

If it was a sentence, i cam and read their profile

Depending at what is written (BDSM or Sxx) or if they are a still noobish 15 y/o character, i close the IM and don't react

I don't like random IMs but if it's a civil one, i might answer.

 

[Ceka Cianci]

1 hour ago, Kalegthepsionicist said:

you all unsocialize  and too afraid.

they cant do anything to your avatar unless you let them .

someone unonown IM I always reply with ,

what can I help you.

and ofthen they not reply lool.

 

reading profile , well too many dramatic explain about themself, I put barrier n conversation

 

There is irritation and then there is fear..  It's probably a really good idea to learn how  to tell those two apart..

[Love Zhaoying]

Idea: If someone IM's you awkwardly (for example: "hi"), send them an "autoreply" that helps determine if they are "worthy":

"This is an auto-reply. Please answer the following question to speak with me:"

Example questions:

- What is the value of "Pi" to 5 decimals?

- What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

- What is your name? What is your quest?  What is your favorite color?

[Charalyne Blackwood]

3 hours ago, Kalegthepsionicist said:

yes idk that i have no problem with any of the kind problem . I have friend he told me about what you said. I tell him that actually they should avoid virtual since it will more make them  avoid peopke. we all know virtual   imclude gakng online are dangerous. it addicted.

and there are some people destroy their rl life for online life.

 

And still judgy.

[Charalyne Blackwood]

37 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Idea: If someone IM's you awkwardly (for example: "hi"), send them an "autoreply" that helps determine if they are "worthy":

"This is an auto-reply. Please answer the following question to speak with me:"

Example questions:

- What is the value of "Pi" to 5 decimals?

- What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?

- What is your name? What is your quest?  What is your favorite color?

3.141592

European or African? (WWAAUUUAAGGHHH!!!)

Sir (Lady?) Charlie, i seek the Holy Grail, black...no purple...(WWAAUUUAAGGHHH!!!)

[Love Zhaoying]

45 minutes ago, Charalyne Blackwood said:

3.141592

European or African? (WWAAUUUAAGGHHH!!!)

Sir (Lady?) Charlie, i seek the Holy Grail, black...no purple...(WWAAUUUAAGGHHH!!!)

That Tim was one heck of a Wizard!

[Modulated]

I just leave the autorespond on as I am not a chatty person IM wise. I have had people get mad and curse me because of the autoresponse which is funny...especially since I never reply. 😛

[Annalise Evergarden]

Why isn't just reading their profile an option?

Whenever someone IMs me, I read their profile first to see if there is anything there I can make a conversation out of

[Seicher Rae]

1 hour ago, Annalise Evergarden said:

Why isn't just reading their profile an option?

Whenever someone IMs me, I read their profile first to see if there is anything there I can make a conversation out of

Was kind of my thought when I read the question and I see a lot of people in the comments don't cam the avatar, ever. Interesting how we all do our SL differently and assume "normal." One big sociology experiment.

[Seicher Rae]

3 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

What is your quest? 

stealing this one, too

I'm getting a lot of new ammo from this thread

[Luna Bliss]

If I suspect the IM is from someone hitting on me, and so not from a resident attempting to strike up a friendly conversation, I sometimes post the following in response, and I never hear from them again:

"The cities lie. Their radical chic is stretched tight over the bare lust for money. Their cosmopolitan diversity hides the uniformity of clawing ambition. Their youth is stolen from elsewhere, used for a time, and discarded when its looks and gullibility begin to fade. They grow little food and make fewer objects every year. They offer only services no one needs and knowledge no one believes. A blustering businessman sinks deeper into debt; but, risking it all again and again, he’ll keep up his pretense until the bailiffs arrive. That is the soul of the city".

[Seicher Rae]

7 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

clipped below and responses in bold... cuz it is easier on ME and that's all I care about!

I don't get this happening a whole lot anymore. /me points to your avatar and giggle snorts. Mystery solved.

... and I'm even worse at batting away people trying to pick me up. I usually end up wasting a lot of their time and my own because I am trying to be nice, and not assume things, so I'll end up waiting until the person's intentions are entirely clear before I firmly but gently (I hope) explain that I'm not interested. This has to be the most Canadian thing written in quite a while. This from a people known for apologizing, profusely and with concern, to the lamp posts they knock into accidentally on the sidewalks.

I do wish to god people would not only read profiles, but actually believe what is written there. I am very clear on mine that I'm not interested in hookups. It always puzzles me when someone has clearly read my profile, because they make reference to it, but still seem not to believe that I mean it when I say that I don't do these things here. (now serious here) Yes! Omg. While my partner isn't an official in-the-little-box SL partner, before I wiped out my profile a little while ago, he was fairly plastered on mine, in a near stereotypical D/s type posting (stopping before it got to "he'll beat you up if you mess with me"). And yet... and yet... And folks, it isn't just "male" avatars. I sometimes hang out at a music club, listening to a specific DJ that I didn't realize has a lesbian (avatar) following, and one night I must have been dressed just "right" because I got something like five "hitting on you" IMs. They were just slightly more flirty than the in-your-face ones of Random Guy.

Is it that they have problems with comprehension? Or they don't believe me? Or is it that they like a "challenge"? They first have to read to have comprehension. I find few people read. I think they look at profile photo and see "female" (or whatever) and go from there. And yes, there is a tad of ego involved, about "oh I can change your mind, baby..." Generally a good time to start talking about existential nihilism.

Since others are giving out their secret lines, this is one I've had since 2009: "Do you want to have sex?" them
"Oh my god, yes! I sure do! ... Just not with you." me

Edited August 11, 2022 by Seicher Rae
randomly hyphenating for no known reason

[Lindal Kidd]

9 hours ago, Akane Nacht said:

At first I thought this was a poem! 

If someone IMs you in SL
Do you reply, and cam as well?
Do you read their profile first
Do you answer them in verse?

I totally love this. Dr. Seuss would be proud.

Where do you want your Internet delivered?

[Pixie Kobichenko]

I always respond to IMs.  For whatever reason tho after the hi, hrus are done I get asked “so what’s up?”  But I didn’t I initiate the conversation- it’s really 🙃 having that feeling of their expecting me to entertain them.  
 

But I always I initially respond.

[Lindal Kidd]

I do not like this strange IM
I do not like the av I cam
I do not like his profile bare
I won't dance with him anywhere

I do not like this av named Sam
I won't reply to Sam's IM!

With sincerest apologies to @Akane Nacht and Ted Geissel.

[Carolyn Zapedzki]

I usually check their profile first before answering. That's if I see their message as it comes in. often I am AFK or engrossed making something or gambling hard earned lindens and don't notice unttil hours later. So when checking later if it is meaningful then I reply but if it is a rasndom hi and the guy has lots of adult groups showing and sexual content on his profile then I just ignore.

[Seicher Rae]

3 minutes ago, Carolyn Zapedzki said:

and the guy has lots of adult groups showing and sexual content on his profile then I just ignore.

That's half of my friends

[Madelaine McMasters]

5 hours ago, Kalegthepsionicist said:

6 hours ago, Charalyne Blackwood said:

Some people have legitimate social anxieties and subsequent dislike of random IM. Being out in public can be very difficult for them. No need to be judgy.

yes idk that i have no problem with any of the kind problem . I have friend he told me about what you said. I tell him that actually they should avoid virtual since it will more make them  avoid peopke. we all know virtual   imclude gakng online are dangerous. it addicted.

and there are some people destroy their rl life for online life.

The relationship between social anxiety and online socialization is complex. You and your friend are probably misinformed or at least underinformed...

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3260965/

My 14 year experience with SL residents who admit social anxiety or anxiety/depression in general, is that SL has been a net positive for them, lowering the risk of social engagements. To the extent the rest of us understand and empathize with them, we can hopefully help build their confidence and reduce their anxiety. In return, we get the benefit of their wit, wisdom, and perspective.

I can meet gregarious people anywhere, sometimes without intention. SL and other online venues before it have been a valuable source of connections with people I otherwise might never meet.