Do you all think that Second Life is less sociable now than before?

[Guku Aabye]

On 9/13/2022 at 3:32 AM, Charolotte Caxton said:

I happily throw my friendliness all over. Sometimes my interpretation of friendly isn't the 'norm' lol, whatevs right?

Seriously though, I find SL to be very sociable now as ever. Most residents seem well informed on tech and social constructs.

I know clubs are very sociable and greet people as they come in. But the people on your friends list. Do they socialize with you sometimes? I know for me it's not like it used to be. 

[Guku Aabye]

23 hours ago, Cate Foulsbane said:

Some of my earliest club experiences were fairly unpleasant.   I'd hear about a popular place, I'd go check it out, find it very crowded and local chat VERY quiet. If I bothered to stick around long enough, I might see some local chat by a small group. Because they knew each other and had common experiences, their chat was essentially private. If I had no clue what they were discussing, I'd stay quiet and soon leave. When I did find a club where new arrivals were greeted by hosts and others, I'd stick around longer and would often end up joining in on a discussion when I had something to add. Making friends came later as I would get to know the regular chatters. Two things I learned and felt from the beginning...it feels bad to be ignored and it feels good to be included. To this day, because of those early feelings, I am almost compulsive about greeting new arrivals in clubs and sometimes other places.  I make an effort to update that person if they arrived in the middle of a discussion (or round of silliness) and, if all works well, the newbie picks up the thread rather quickly.

The thing is, a lot of clubs are more about keeping the place crowded with people who tip...numbers matter...than they do with making customers feel comfy.  I like music, i like dancing, I like local chat. I don't go to clubs to talk to one person in IM . I go out into the world (clubs, etc.) to be sociable. If somebody wants to hear the music but NOT interact with others, they can often find the stream the dj is using and listen from home or while building or sailing or whatever. 

That is true about clubs. And they do make people feel comfy. I know when I go to a club I get greeted from the host and I get greeted from others in the club. 

[Guku Aabye]

22 hours ago, Rowan Amore said:

Everyone is different.  I actually dislike being greeted when I arrive somewhere.  It gives me that flashback of "let's say Hi to our newest student, Rowan Amore". Don't like it at all.

My sociable IS going out and about regardless of whether I talk to a single person.  Just being amongst a group is plenty social for me most times.  I rarely ever chat in local.  Never have and really hate when others try to drag me into it by addressing me and asking anything.  I've been this way since day one so I'm no less.social now than I was before.

Now if you message me privately, I'll be more than happy to chit chat forever.

Different strokes and all that.  

I know for me I'll get in a group call with people sometimes. I don't mind that. But I do like chatting one on one as well. 

[HeathcliffMontague]

Still a lot of social places. But it has changed, yes. It's narrowed, in a way.

Gotta find places for you. Wanna drive, drive. Many subcultures even in that realm. Speed, rideout? Drag racing? Bike, car? Both? I exist in all. But:

Wanna boat? Yes. Motor or wind? "Sigh... that again" 

Just one example. Suspect it might exist in other realms too. One of the first convos I had as a relativly new human male was with a tiny zebra. Made me feel welcome.

[Charolotte Caxton]

19 hours ago, Randall Ahren said:

You had an auto message set.

How dare you be offended that I purposely am ignoring you. Right. Good topic for deletion. 

[Randall Ahren]

23 hours ago, Persephone Emerald said:

I'm not playing the same game you are. I have no interest in getting a bite from someone just because my avatar is cute.

I didn't make the rules. I'm just adapting my game play in response to how most other people play. Hate the game, not the player.

 

1 hour ago, Charolotte Caxton said:

How dare you be offended that I purposely am ignoring you.

It wasn't a block message, so I wasn't being purposely ignored. It was an automatic busy message.

[Charolotte Caxton]

2 minutes ago, Randall Ahren said:

I didn't make the rules. I'm just adapting my game play in response to how most other people play. Hate the game, not the player.

 

It wasn't a block message, so I wasn't being purposely ignored. It was an automatic busy message.

I never ignore you, Randall. Sometimes my avi goes afk. She be cray

[Guku Aabye]

7 hours ago, HeathcliffMontague said:

Still a lot of social places. But it has changed, yes. It's narrowed, in a way.

Gotta find places for you. Wanna drive, drive. Many subcultures even in that realm. Speed, rideout? Drag racing? Bike, car? Both? I exist in all. But:

Wanna boat? Yes. Motor or wind? "Sigh... that again" 

Just one example. Suspect it might exist in other realms too. One of the first convos I had as a relativly new human male was with a tiny zebra. Made me feel welcome.

Oh, I agree with you can do all of that and more. But for me I like hanging out with people. I am a very sociable person. 

It's not really fun doing the things you listed by yourself. It's more fun with one person or a group of people. 

[Guku Aabye]

2 hours ago, Randall Ahren said:

I didn't make the rules. I'm just adapting my game play in response to how most other people play. Hate the game, not the player.

 

It wasn't a block message, so I wasn't being purposely ignored. It was an automatic busy message.

Well, for me when I message someone, they may have their busy mode on sometimes. And I may never get a response from them at all. Because they may have gone to RL or might have fallen asleep. And sometimes the next day I don't even hear from them at all. I try not to take it too personal if they don't respond back to me. Most of the time they do 

[HeathcliffMontague]

6 minutes ago, Guku Aabye said:

It's more fun with one person or a group of people. 

Yep. And that is the problem I guess. Just got back from a racing track and spent time  having to keep sorting my local chat and ignoring some because of IM having  to aplogize later.  They are there as long as SL remains. I have dragged them ,some of them along, but to similar things like I said. 

[Guku Aabye]

15 hours ago, HeathcliffMontague said:

Yep. And that is the problem I guess. Just got back from a racing track and spent time  having to keep sorting my local chat and ignoring some because of IM having  to aplogize later.  They are there as long as SL remains. I have dragged them ,some of them along, but to similar things like I said. 

Well, if you're riding a motorcycle. It's hard to respond to IM's while riding. If you're riding a motorcycle by yourself, I suggest maybe put yourself on busy mode. That it's totally up to you. 

[Randall Ahren]

21 hours ago, Guku Aabye said:

Well, for me when I message someone, they may have their busy mode on sometimes. And I may never get a response from them at all. Because they may have gone to RL or might have fallen asleep. And sometimes the next day I don't even hear from them at all. I try not to take it too personal if they don't respond back to me. Most of the time they do 

If someone has their busy mode on, I don't leave a message. Rarely, someone will get back to me and ask why I didn't leave a message. It's because I wanted to chat with someone right, now not the next day or an hour from now.

[Cate Foulsbane]

On 9/14/2022 at 7:50 PM, Randall Ahren said:

I didn't make the rules. I'm just adapting my game play in response to how most other people play. Hate the game, not the player.

You know, I thought you were having a negative or cynical reaction to experiences in a particular club. Now I think you mean you see SL as a game, literally... a video game of sorts. Never having been a "gamer", I can't relate to this. I might play a game in SL, like Greedy or (as I did tonight with a bunch of crazed tinies) Bingo. But I don't feel or experience my time in SL as a game. I don't see other people, whether appearing as humans or cats or mice or monsters, as players..I experience them as people living their lives in one way or another. Hard to explain how I feel in SL..but even harder to understand how you feel. Perhaps if you went to a club and saw it as a party and treated the people there the same as you would treat them at a RL party, your experience in SL would be better? Just a maybe to consider. 

[Randall Ahren]

1 hour ago, Cate Foulsbane said:

Perhaps if you went to a club and saw it as a party and treated the people there the same as you would treat them at a RL party, your experience in SL would be better?

At RL parties, they aren't a bunch of people standing around AFK. If I wanted to chat in RL with someone that acted like most people do in SL at clubs, I would have to write a message on a post-it, stick to their forehead and hope they got back to me.

 

[Cinnamon Mistwood]

Well, this thread has opened my eyes a bit.  I have become less social inworld over more than a decade, so I suppose I am part of the problem.  I still reach out to random people sometimes, but not as often as I used to.  My friend group has grown pretty small and I'm content doing my own thing.

I need to make more of an effort.  I will try to hit a music club once or twice a week and make a point to respond to each IM that comes in.  I'm not really interested hooking up but I do enjoy meeting new people. A lot.

I'm just out of practice with small talk and jaded at times.  If anyone sees me milling around at a club, send me an IM or address me in local chat.  I will answer and maybe even dance. There are too many lonely people.

I have no height, gender, mesh, or species requirements. No pressure.  I will never ask you to prove who you are or try to force you to use voice. Just friendly banter and dancing.

If you are shy or have social anxiety, let me know and we can dance without too much awkward chatting or I can babble on about nothing special while you just read along.  😊

[blissfulbreeze]

4 hours ago, Randall Ahren said:

At RL parties, they aren't a bunch of people standing around AFK. If I wanted to chat in RL with someone that acted like most people do in SL at clubs, I would have to write a message on a post-it, stick to their forehead and hope they got back to me.

 

Not everyone is out and about looking for IMs. Some are involved already in other IMs. We have to remember that people are not here to entertain us. They don't owe us anything. Just because we want to IM them or think they're hot, doesn't make them want us.

There are some in SL that are indeed friendly and looking for interactions. 

If in RL, people are at a festival, it's a social thing but doesn't mean that people are there to solicit conversations with strangers. 

I can be alone in SL and enjoy myself. I find things to do. I don't depend on others to amuse me. If I'm not in a mood to reply to multiple IMs from strangers, that's my right. I don't owe anyone anything. 

Stop thinking that others are the problem. Respect their desires. Find people that are on the same page as you. If you can't find any, then maybe you should try other outlets besides SL. 

Think of it as going to a restaurant alone in RL. Do the other diners owe you conversation? Are they being rude because they are conversating with people already and not reaching out to you? 

SL is a platform for anyone. People come for different reasons. Respect their choices and boundaries. 

 

 

Edited September 16, 2022 by blissfulbreeze

[Rowan Amore]

Here's just a sample of a typical interaction.  Note, the IM was initiated by the Random Person.  Also note the time between my response and his.  2 minutes!  After my second response, he never responded again.  This is exactly why some people HATE a simple 'Hello".  Those conversations generally go exactly like this one...

[2022/09/15 21:11] Random Person: hello
[2022/09/15 21:11]  Rowan Amore: Hello
[2022/09/15 21:13] Random Person: how are you tonight?
[2022/09/15 21:13]  Rowan Amore: I'm doing pretty good and how are you?

ETA:   So, I logged into this message this morning...his follow up was 5 minutes later with the typical response I've mentioned before

[07:00] Random Person: (Saved Fri Sep 16 00:24:17 2022)sorry to bother you have  good one

Edited September 16, 2022 by Rowan Amore

[Cate Foulsbane]

23 hours ago, Randall Ahren said:

At RL parties, they aren't a bunch of people standing around AFK. If I wanted to chat in RL with someone that acted like most people do in SL at clubs, I would have to write a message on a post-it, stick to their forehead and hope they got back to me.

When I was much younger, I found parties terrifying. So, I'd drink, get a buzz on before going to one. Sometimes enough of a "buzz" that I could barely remember the party when it was over. When I stopped drinking and determined that I would live my life in a different way, no matter how scary, I tried something new. I went to a party where I knew a few people but not most of the people. I started going up to people and talking to them. I worked my way around the entire party. A few folks were not very friendly, not very receptive. But most turned out to be pretty damned friendly. I was amazed at myself, so pleased, and so happy that I'd had such a good time and had MADE that good time happen. After that, me going to parties meant me engaging with as many people as I could. I do the same now in SL clubs. If those folks at a club aren't receptive or friendly, I find another club. I am determined to have a good time, to have pleasurable interactions with others.

 

Edited September 17, 2022 by Cate Foulsbane

[Charolotte Caxton]

I just like it when people talk to me. But I can be somewhere for two hours and not say anything. Or I can chat your ear off for 23 hours (I sometimes need sleep). 

[Randall Ahren]

12 hours ago, blissfulbreeze said:

Not everyone is out and about looking for IMs... I don't owe anyone anything. 

If you want to be alone it's pretty weird to go the busiest clubs in SL and park your avatar AFK with a busy message that you're working in Blender in another window and to leave a message.

It's also rude to use up resources and create lag at a busy venue. But then you don't owe anyone anything, including common courtesy.

[Rowan Amore]

2 hours ago, Randall Ahren said:

If you want to be alone it's pretty weird to go the busiest clubs in SL and park your avatar AFK with a busy message that you're working in Blender in another window and to leave a message.

It's also rude to use up resources and create lag at a busy venue. But then you don't owe anyone anything, including common courtesy.

Just because I'm in a busy place and not responding TO YOU, doesn't mean I'm afk or in another window.  99% of the time, I'm reading profiles while listening to the music.  I checked out your profile.  I probably wouldn't IM you first.  If you IMed me, i.probably wouldn't have much to say.  Whether it's meant as a joke or not,  the part in your 1st life tab about "somebody please talk to me!" would put me off.  

[Guku Aabye]

2 hours ago, Randall Ahren said:

If you want to be alone it's pretty weird to go the busiest clubs in SL and park your avatar AFK with a busy message that you're working in Blender in another window and to leave a message.

It's also rude to use up resources and create lag at a busy venue. But then you don't owe anyone anything, including common courtesy.

 I am a firm believer that our experiences and interactions are solely what we make second life to be. We cannot depend on other people to make us happy. To be honest I think if your lower your expectations in people replying to you, your experience in second life would improve. People have their reasons why they don’t reply and if they don’t just move on till you can find someone that wants to engage in a conversation with you. There are lots of things to do on second life. Maybe self-reflect in yourself what you want second life to bring to you. Second life is no different than real life, because behind every avatar is a real person. Sometimes you have to do allot of digging to receive that trophy. I do wish you the best in second life and hope you soon find a club or group that you can click with.

[Guku Aabye]

10 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

Just because I'm in a busy place and not responding TO YOU, doesn't mean I'm afk or in another window.  99% of the time, I'm reading profiles while listening to the music.  I checked out your profile.  I probably wouldn't IM you first.  If you IMed me, i.probably wouldn't have much to say.  Whether it's meant as a joke or not,  the part in your 1st life tab about "somebody please talk to me!" would put me off.  

Let’s all be mindful on this forum we are here to talk about the topic if second life being sociable now than before. We should not be slandering other people’s profile in this discussion. Let’s keep it respectful please.

[Rowan Amore]

16 minutes ago, Guku Aabye said:

Let’s all be mindful on this forum we are here to talk about the topic if second life being sociable now than before. We should not be slandering other people’s profile in this discussion. Let’s keep it respectful please.

That was not my intention at all and even so, it was not slander but an opinion on why people don't return his IMs.  Many people read profiles as.they give a little peek at what a person thinks.  If I see, please talk to me, I see someone far too needy as I'm sure many people would.  It's almost like someone already mentioned, "please entertain me" which isn't anyone's job.

It doesn't mean SL.is less social at all.   I have almost always read profiles.  If some man IMs me with a bunch of misogynist groups in his profile, I'll probably ignore him.  Mostly because he'd hate being ignored by a woman.  😊

[Kathlen Onyx]

43 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

It doesn't mean SL.is less social at all.   I have almost always read profiles.  If some man IMs me with a bunch of misogynist groups in his profile, I'll probably ignore him.  Mostly because he'd hate being ignored by a woman.  😊

Right there you hit the nail on the head. A lot of times I will get an IM and the very first thing I do is look at their groups. If they have ANYTHING in their groups about D/s or Masters or the like I don't even bother to engage.  Men don't IM women to become their best friend and if they are into that eventually they will want you to participate.  I've tried a couple times to explain it nicely but it isn't received well at all so I chose not to respond at all now.  The same if you have a bunch of naked beaches or swinger groups. I assume that since you actually added them to your profile that you  would be into that.  Profiles are the equivalent of a first impression.