Do you all think that Second Life is less sociable now than before?

[Gabriele Graves]

Everyone has different preferences and what I am reading in the last few pages of this topic is that some people are judging others for having different preferences to them because it doesn't suit them.

When I go to a club, I am there to listen to the music and engage in some light social chatter with the people in the room who want to participate in that.  I don't really want the vast majority of random IMs.

People often feel free to say a whole bunch of stuff in IMs that they would never say in chat where others can see which can include a whole range of bad behaviours.  Surprise, surprise!

If I don't know a person and they cannot say what they want to me in chat, then I don't want to receive it.  I understand that it's not reasonable to expect others to know my preferences without telling them and so my auto-response is on to let them know that I am happy to talk in chat but not privately in IMs.   I get that some people feel more comfortable in IMs instead of chat but as they are a stranger to me, I don't have to indulge them.

To me talking one-on-one in private IMs only at a SL social gathering of any kind is no different to going to one in RL where everyone is able to text everyone in the room whether they know them or are a total stranger and that is what they are exclusively doing so there is no general chatter at all.  That's not a social environment to me.

In my world, chat is where the casual social interactions take place, IMs are where private conversations take place.

Of course, it's different if I know the person beyond exchanging a few words and/or we are chatting in a group.
 

[Randall Ahren]

1 hour ago, Guku Aabye said:

To be honest I think if your lower your expectations in people replying to you, your experience in second life would improve. People have their reasons why they don’t reply and if they don’t just move on till you can find someone that wants to engage in a conversation with you.

I typically add people with busy messages at popular clubs to my block list and derender their avatar so that none of my resources are wasted.

[Persephone Emerald]

22 hours ago, Randall Ahren said:

At RL parties, they aren't a bunch of people standing around AFK. If I wanted to chat in RL with someone that acted like most people do in SL at clubs, I would have to write a message on a post-it, stick to their forehead and hope they got back to me.

 

In RL people stare at their phones, which is essentially the same as being AFK or busy IMing with someone else.

[Persephone Emerald]

18 hours ago, blissfulbreeze said:

Not everyone is out and about looking for IMs. Some are involved already in other IMs. We have to remember that people are not here to entertain us. They don't owe us anything. Just because we want to IM them or think they're hot, doesn't make them want us.

There are some in SL that are indeed friendly and looking for interactions. 

If in RL, people are at a festival, it's a social thing but doesn't mean that people are there to solicit conversations with strangers. 

I can be alone in SL and enjoy myself. I find things to do. I don't depend on others to amuse me. If I'm not in a mood to reply to multiple IMs from strangers, that's my right. I don't owe anyone anything. 

Stop thinking that others are the problem. Respect their desires. Find people that are on the same page as you. If you can't find any, then maybe you should try other outlets besides SL. 

Think of it as going to a restaurant alone in RL. Do the other diners owe you conversation? Are they being rude because they are conversating with people already and not reaching out to you? 

SL is a platform for anyone. People come for different reasons. Respect their choices and boundaries. 

 

In RL we also have visual body-language cues that we don't have in SL.

If one were in a RL club, would they be more likely to say hello to a single person sitting near them or to someone who's obviously with a date or a group of friends? In SL we can't tell if someone is busy chatting with someone else or if they might feel aloof or chilly to us. It's easier to say hello to a stranger in SL, but this doesn't mean they owe us a conversation. 

[Walelu Summerwind]

I think that many who have been on SL for a long time tend to get a little jaded. 14 yrs ago, I was a bright eyed newb wandering around worlds with blurry stretch textures in amazement..I didn't know how to tp or any of the easy stuff. Being very naive and gullible, on my very first day a stranger sent me a tp.. I had no idea what i was clicking .. I tpd to a place that was over-run with naked avatars having smex with animals! I was fricking shocked!!! 😁 I didn't know how or where to tp out of that place! Newer people probably can't imagine what it was like back then.. naked 'ruths' running around with frenis's bigger than their bodies, prim abodes with huge doorways.. Anyway, I digress.. I miss those days on SL.

[blissfulbreeze]

14 hours ago, Randall Ahren said:

If you want to be alone it's pretty weird to go the busiest clubs in SL and park your avatar AFK with a busy message that you're working in Blender in another window and to leave a message.

It's also rude to use up resources and create lag at a busy venue. But then you don't owe anyone anything, including common courtesy.

I'm mostly not parked and not doing something in the background. I'm people watching, reading profiles, listening to music and chatting with friends. 

I chat with others if am not busy. However, too many people think that people are on a buffet and they're there to serve you. Clubs are not a guarantee that anyone is looking for conversation. 

Yeah it's nice to have a conversation but if others are bitter or think that people are there to get their needs fulfilled, it's not right. 

So, imagine if you were busy doing things in SL, and people were IMing you. You're not in the mood to add more conversation because you won't be able to keep up. You're enjoying yourself at the club, chatting with some friends. So you put your busy response on so that you don't have to explain to every IM. Would it be fair if people got upset with you for not paying them attention? What if you got called names for it? What if they flipped out on you because they felt like you should be talking to them? 

Welcome to being a female in SL. Try it sometime to experience what we have to deal with. We're just trying to live our SL life, and we get harassed for it.

 

 

Edited September 17, 2022 by blissfulbreeze
commas!

[blissfulbreeze]

Also, many men are looking for a hook up. We have so many pretend that they want conversation and hang out. Then they start touching us without our permission. So, we tp away, then get called a slew of names, even the awful c word. 

Men don't realize this happens a lot. Of course some of us are jaded now. It's abuse. 

Will we skip over a possible guy with a great personality. We probably will. We know he's frustrated but talk to your fellow men. They're the biggest reason why we keep to ourselves a lot.

Not every man is in it for sex but a lot are. Maybe the men should make a group and have events to meet like minded women. To have laughs, conversation etc. Make it non sexual. Women would be more interested if we don't feel pressured to listen to pick up lines or being touched inappropriately. 

 

Edited September 17, 2022 by blissfulbreeze

[blissfulbreeze]

Here are some places that those looking for conversation and laughs should try:

https://secondlife.com/destinations/chat/1

https://secondlife.com/destinations/cafes

https://secondlife.com/destinations/popular

 

Men, please do not bring up sex in the first conversation or comment that we look "sexy". Most of us women would prefer conversation. Believe it or not, continuous comments on our looks throughout the convo, makes us cringe. We want to talk about other things.. life, what makes you tick, things to do in sl, games, etc.

Treat us like you'd want a guy to treat your sister or daughter. PLEASE!

 

 

 

Edited September 17, 2022 by blissfulbreeze

[Randall Ahren]

6 hours ago, blissfulbreeze said:

Welcome to being a female in SL. Try it sometime to experience what we have to deal with. We're just trying to live our SL life, and we get harassed for it.

I've tried being female in SL. It's no big deal.

[colleen Criss]

If I have learned anything in this thread is that Randall is a ray of sunshine.

[Guku Aabye]

20 hours ago, Randall Ahren said:

I typically add people with busy messages at popular clubs to my block list and derender their avatar so that none of my resources are wasted.

I am wondering why you put High expectations on others?  Maybe if you lower your expectations of others and live in the moment then there would be a chance people would start talking to you etc. I would think. But if you have all these high expectations of others and there not doing what you expect them to do then yes you going to be angry at them and then angrier at yourself. I mean only you can change yourself how you handle situations around you. I mean if you want to be the way you are that's ok. That is, you. Only you can change yourself. No one else can't change you. 

[Guku Aabye]

11 hours ago, blissfulbreeze said:

I'm mostly not parked and not doing something in the background. I'm people watching, reading profiles, listening to music and chatting with friends. 

I chat with others if am not busy. However, too many people think that people are on a buffet and they're there to serve you. Clubs are not a guarantee that anyone is looking for conversation. 

Yeah it's nice to have a conversation but if others are bitter or think that people are there to get their needs fulfilled, it's not right. 

So, imagine if you were busy doing things in SL, and people were IMing you. You're not in the mood to add more conversation because you won't be able to keep up. You're enjoying yourself at the club, chatting with some friends. So you put your busy response on so that you don't have to explain to every IM. Would it be fair if people got upset with you for not paying them attention? What if you got called names for it? What if they flipped out on you because they felt like you should be talking to them? 

Welcome to being a female in SL. Try it sometime to experience what we have to deal with. We're just trying to live our SL life, and we get harassed for it.

 

 

I agree ladies get IM's like crazy from so many people in SL. It's always been like that. And I know it drives ladies crazy. I know I wouldn't want that in SL all the time day in and day out. It would drive me nuts. I don't blame you putting your busy mode on. I would do the same if I kept getting IM's like crazy like that

[Randall Ahren]

26 minutes ago, Guku Aabye said:

I am wondering why you put High expectations on others?

Low expectations is the key to happiness.

[Rowan Amore]

5 hours ago, Randall Ahren said:

I've tried being female in SL. It's no big deal.

How many men did you IM?  How many men IMed you?  Were you using a system avatar?  So many variables to consider.

[Guku Aabye]

6 minutes ago, Randall Ahren said:

Low expectations is the key to happiness.

I agree. I know no one is perfect at that all the time. But once we practice day by day it does get better. And things seem to go along smoother with others then.  Are you willing do that with others? 

[Walelu Summerwind]

for 11 yrs I have a really good friend from Stratford-Apon-Avon friend who i skype with.. He still stuggles with my Texas accent and I with his his.. we laugh a lot and have a really good time youtubing and crazy websites. He is my one person in sl that keeps me coming back. This is why I log on.. my friends across the pond.. love you!

[Charolotte Caxton]

Hello. My name is Charolotte Caxton and I don’t know what Randall said to upset you all but I know him personally in SL and will defend his character. He likes to speak intelligently which some people don’t get. Irony, sarcasm etc. Not saying he’s perfect, but he’s a good guy. Anyway, he doesn’t know I’m saying this so if this is cheesy it’s all on me. *sorry randall

[Walelu Summerwind]

IRONY and SNARK is SL.. wouldnt have it any other way.. this is what makes the world a funny place 🤩

[Charolotte Caxton]

Yes!!!!

[Foxx Ghoststar]

13 hours ago, Randall Ahren said:

Low expectations is the key to happiness.

I would say rather that no expectations is the key to happiness, or at least the antidote to feeling negative or angry at people in SL.

I can't say if SL is more or less social than before. I know when I log in and am in the mood to chat/banter then I can usually create that experience for myself with others around me.

When I am not in the mood for chat then I am happy to watch people socialise around me while I quietly listen to music or take pictures of something interesting. Conversation takes a certain kind of energy that at times I simply don't have to give, but that's okay. I'm free to make that choice, as is everyone around me.

[Rowan Amore]

6 hours ago, Charolotte Caxton said:

Hello. My name is Charolotte Caxton and I don’t know what Randall said to upset you all but I know him personally in SL and will defend his character. He likes to speak intelligently which some people don’t get. Irony, sarcasm etc. Not saying he’s perfect, but he’s a good guy. Anyway, he doesn’t know I’m saying this so if this is cheesy it’s all on me. *sorry randall

No one is upset with Randall that I can see.  Personally, I'm trying to understand why his experience with receiving so many busy responses or no responses might be happening.  

Snark is fine.  Sarcasm is fine.  Both being fine with people you already know.  When contacting someone for the first time, it's probably best to hold off on both as they are hard to distinguish in text form as is some humor.  It just doesn't translate well.  

Quite a few of the responses here seem to be snide comments.   Are they?  Who knows but that's how they appear in text from someone I do not know.  That might be what's happening inworld as well.  

Just my interpretation.

[colleen Criss]

Just to clear the air, I was not being mean in my comment about Randall. TBH I was setting at my desk laughing. I don't even know him past this forum.

[Love Zhaoying]

On 9/17/2022 at 10:43 AM, Randall Ahren said:

I've tried being female in SL. It's no big deal.

I've tried being human in SL, it was a big deal.

[Charolotte Caxton]

2 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I've tried being human in SL, it was a big deal.

Humans are the worst, right? Lol

[Charolotte Caxton]

2 hours ago, colleen Criss said:

Just to clear the air, I was not being mean in my comment about Randall. TBH I was setting at my desk laughing. I don't even know him past this forum.

I have nothing against you. I don’t think anyone is being ‘mean’. I just am pointing out he’s not some rando weirdo. This thread looks like a debate so don’t listen to me. Randall Ahren took care of me when I was new. He never was perverse or weird. He is a great builder and a fun conversationalist. We went on many adventures and Second Life wouldn’t have been as wonderful as it is without him. In my life. So. That’s all. Just stop attacking him. Not you personally. In general.