Recognizing and refraining from Interpersonal Disputes

[Silent Mistwalker]

2 minutes ago, Fluffy Sharkfin said:

No, but wearing certain headsets for more than an hour or two tends to make my head feel like it's been trapped in a vice sometimes. 😅

Between the headsets and the irate people, I usually went home with a headache and a butt ache. 😆

[Persephone Emerald]

8 minutes ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

I'll let you finish reading the thread. 😊

Thanks.   🙂

[Luna Bliss]

4 minutes ago, Solar Legion said:

elephant in the room

 

[LittleMe Jewell]

6 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

As long as the comedian doesn't go too far, that is.

Therein lies the rub --- who gets to decide what is "too far"?

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

8 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

As long as the comedian doesn't go too far, that is.

Therein lies the rub --- who gets to decide what is "too far"?

It's not black & white with only one person deciding, for sure.  I'd venture to say most people would agree on certain lines though.

A lot depends on context too -- the environment in which the teasing is taking place.

[Persephone Emerald]

5 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

Therein lies the rub --- who gets to decide what is "too far"?

Often that's the person or group who has the most power. 

Will Smith could be said to have had more power socially than Chris Rock, yet the society of "public opinion" and Hollywood had more power than Will Smith.

[Luna Bliss]

BTW, comedians will often say their job is to push the boundaries. Some are trying to facilitate awareness.

Edited April 25, 2022 by Luna Bliss

[Madelaine McMasters]

15 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

15 hours ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

butt heads

I bet they are, indeed!

Hey! I might be one!

[Luna Bliss]

34 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

what

I forgot to describe what is most funny about the cartoon we discussed.
Many people find a preposterous situation funny...it appears so idiotic and nonsensical that it causes a kind of surprise, and laughter ensues.
So the very idea of a children's book teaching children such a thing is beyond silly -- it's as silly as some people deciding they have the right to own another's uterus for their purposes.

[Fluffy Sharkfin]

1 hour ago, Luna Bliss said:

I have angered others by saying I felt sympathy for ...

I'll preface this by saying I prefer to talk in general terms than cite specific individuals as examples since public opinion can vary, new facts can come to light and public figures can fall in and out of favour as a result, especially when dealing with those involved in politics, so sometimes such examples don't age well.

That being said, and without mentioning any specific names, while it would be nice to claim that everyone is deserving of understanding and forgiveness there are some who seem hell bent on proving themselves the exception to that rule.  

[Rolig Loon]

I truly do apologize for even sticking my toe into political waters.  I did try to avoid it, but probably not hard enough. 

This is obviously a complex topic, and our collective ideas about what it's OK to joke about continue to change over time and with context. When I was young, we laughed at Red Skelton's routines as Clem Kadiddlehopper. He and Frankie Fontaine had hilarious skits as characters with low intelligence.  I cringe to think of them now, even while while smiling reminiscently.  In my father's generation, it was acceptable to make fun of African Americans and Hispanics. My dad still told some of those jokes as I was growing up (although, mercifully, never in public).  My kids and grandkids wouldn't dream of it.

It is definitely possible to be oversensitive and see every edgy attempt at humor as a personal attack.  It is also possible for any of us to inadvertently push someone else's buttons by making a comment or telling a joke that crosses an invisible line. There's a vast gray area in which we can misunderstand each other and cause hurt.   My only point in posting earlier was that some kinds of humor -- like roasts, Yo Mama jokes, and ethnic humor -- deliberately flirt with stepping across the line. They risk flashback.  Does that mean we should avoid them?  Not necessarily, but I think it means we should be more than usually aware of where their humor may lead.  We should not be surprised that some people don't get the joke.

[Love Zhaoying]

19 minutes ago, Rolig Loon said:

This is obviously a complex topic, and our collective ideas about what it's OK to joke about continue to change over time and with context.

Joking about things is only one of the myriad possibilities of topics that can lead to interpersonal disputes. 

[Rowan Amore]

2 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Joking about things is only one of the myriad possibilities of topics that can lead to interpersonal disputes. 

One also needs to consider the source.  When I first started posting here, I didn't know you nor your brand of humor.  I'd sometimes be thinking, "WTH?".  Now I understand you and others here much better.  If I had jumped all over you back then, thinking it was a personal attack, I'd have felt bad if everyone else jumped to your defense.  

As far as the forums are concerned, new people should probably take some time to read the room before jumping into a melee.  Just my opinion.

[Fluffy Sharkfin]

16 minutes ago, Rolig Loon said:

I truly do apologize for even sticking my toe into political waters.  I did try to avoid it, but probably not hard enough. 

This is obviously a complex topic, and our collective ideas about what it's OK to joke about continue to change over time and with context. When I was young, we laughed at Red Skelton's routines as Clem Kadiddlehopper. He and Frankie Fontaine had hilarious skits as characters with low intelligence.  I cringe to think of them now, even while while smiling reminiscently.  In my father's generation, it was acceptable to make fun of African Americans and Hispanics. My dad still told some of those jokes as I was growing up (although, mercifully, never in public).  My kids and grandkids wouldn't dream of it.

It is definitely possible to be oversensitive and see every edgy attempt at humor as a personal attack.  It is also possible for any of us to inadvertently push someone else's buttons by making a comment or telling a joke that crosses an invisible line. There's a vast gray area in which we can misunderstand each other and cause hurt.   My only point in posting earlier was that some kinds of humor -- like roasts, Yo Mama jokes, and ethnic humor -- deliberately flirt with stepping across the line. They risk flashback.  Does that mean we should avoid them?  Not necessarily, but I think it means we should be more than usually aware of where their humor may lead.  We should not be surprised that some people don't get the joke.

Sometimes in life you encounter individuals that so epitomize the traits that you are trying to demonstrate that it's almost as if they're naturally occurring caricatures that are destined to be held up as examples no matter what, and the instance you cited illustrated your point exceptionally well.

I think to some extent making fun of each others faults can also be an important part of human interaction and bonding since it can promote a feeling of acceptance by those around you of flaws that you may otherwise feel self-conscious about, but regardless a public forum is probably not the best venue for any kind of roasting.

[Love Zhaoying]

20 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

26 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Joking about things is only one of the myriad possibilities of topics that can lead to interpersonal disputes. 

One also needs to consider the source.  When I first started posting here, I didn't know you nor your brand of humor.  I'd sometimes be thinking, "WTH?".  Now I understand you and others here much better.  If I had jumped all over you back then, thinking it was a personal attack, I'd have felt bad if everyone else jumped to your defense.  

As far as the forums are concerned, new people should probably take some time to read the room before jumping into a melee.  Just my opinion.

I mentioned "joking" because the posts seemed to get stuck on that, then politics kept coming up. I hope things veer back closer to the main topic. The more politics or "T___" come up, the shorter time we have here in this useful thread. 

[JuliaFina]

53 minutes ago, Fluffy Sharkfin said:

but regardless a public forum is probably not the best venue for any kind of roasting.

I just thought to look up the meaning of the sock puppet meme today. I was shocked at what it meant. 

[Love Zhaoying]

1 minute ago, JuliaFina said:

I just thought to look up the meaning of the sock puppet meme today. I was shocked at what it meant. 

It's not just a meme here, people actually log into the forums as multiple accounts to stir up trouble. 

[JuliaFina]

Just now, Love Zhaoying said:

It's not just a meme here, people actually log into the forums as multiple accounts to stir up trouble. 

ah gotcha noted lol 

[Nalates Urriah]

Fact Disagreement

On 4/22/2022 at 6:23 PM, Madelaine McMasters said:

This kind of conflict seems increasingly hard to resolve, doesn't it?

Revisionist... ?

On 4/22/2022 at 6:37 PM, LittleMe Jewell said:

Or they just reword things a bit and say, 'what I was meaning was .....' 

Backtrack & reword to try saving face.  I do think that some folks really do thing it a mortal failing to have to admit that they said something wrong.

In both cases the problem comes from how people are trained by media. People see it, they imitate it. If politicians, TV personalities, journalists, and reporters provide full on fake news it means we have to do our own fact checking. Unfortunately few people do the research needed to know whether their sources are lying to them. So, it is not surprising we disagree so much about what are facts.

People lie to Congress (USA) under oath and they are allowed to amend their testimony when they are caught. How confusing is that? You hear the 'under oath' lie and never hear about the correction. We hear/see lots of 'I meant' or 'you misunderstood' they claims from people that got caught and called out.

So, it shouldn't be surprising people imitate those behaviors in the forum.

[Fluffy Sharkfin]

12 minutes ago, JuliaFina said:

I just thought to look up the meaning of the sock puppet meme today. I was shocked at what it meant. 

I'm always reluctant to throw around the term "sock puppet" since it's hard to be certain and once you start believing they're everywhere then it becomes too easy to discount opposing views as background noise and effectively construct your own echo chamber.

[Madelaine McMasters]

4 hours ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

4 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

As long as the comedian doesn't go too far, that is.

Therein lies the rub --- who gets to decide what is "too far"?

I suppose we don't know until they make their decision felt.

 

[Love Zhaoying]

24 minutes ago, Fluffy Sharkfin said:

41 minutes ago, JuliaFina said:

I just thought to look up the meaning of the sock puppet meme today. I was shocked at what it meant. 

I'm always reluctant to throw around the term "sock puppet" since it's hard to be certain and once you start believing they're everywhere then it becomes too easy to discount opposing views as background noise and effectively construct your own echo chamber.

Sock puppets..sock..sock it to me?

 

[Love Zhaoying]

9 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

I suppose we don't know until they make their decision felt.

 

As I understand it, in the 50's / 60's, comedians just weren't broadcast if they were too bawdy: Lenny Bruce, for example. As a result, my generation is barely aware of them.

[Madelaine McMasters]

28 minutes ago, Fluffy Sharkfin said:

I'm always reluctant to throw around the term "sock puppet" since it's hard to be certain and once you start believing they're everywhere then it becomes too easy to discount opposing views as background noise and effectively construct your own echo chamber.

I'm equally reluctant to entertain the ideas of cabals, clans, or other orchestrated movements. I see the forum as a collection of individuals who might, now and then, appear to move in coordination, but instead hold beliefs and expectations that are in alignment in some area. Correlation is usually just that.

Correlation can be powerful, but addressing it as conspiracy seems like a mistake.

[Fluffy Sharkfin]

7 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

I'm equally reluctant to entertain the ideas of cabals, clans, or other orchestrated movements. I see the forum as a collection of individuals who might, now and then, appear to move in coordination, but instead hold beliefs and expectations that are in alignment in some area. Correlation is usually just that.

Correlation can be powerful, but addressing it as conspiracy seems like a mistake.

When engaging with others on a forum such as this with a fairly well established community, you will inevitably meet groups of like-minded people and also those who share opposing views to your own and I think it's easy for those less familiar with these forums and the people that post here to mistakenly perceive the rapid succession of posts from people who all share the same or very similar views and whose posts compliment each other due to their familiarity with each others perspectives as some sort of coordinated attack.