Non-binary

[CherriesMakes Puddles]

I am looking for information in regards to self identifying as non-binary, and what LL would do if one is harassed for doing this? 

[Mollymews]

in the first instance Linden ask us to use the viewer tools provided to block any person harassing us. All the tools are explained here

https://community.secondlife.com/knowledgebase/english/how-to-deal-with-abuse-and-harassment-r610/:~:text=Abuse occurs when someone or something intentionally harasses,You control your avatar and what it experiences.

when a person harassiing us keeps finding further ways to harass us even after we have used the tools provided then we file an Abuse Report. How to do this is here:

 

 

Edited April 8, 2022 by Mollymews

[Scylla Rhiadra]

9 hours ago, CherriesMakes Puddles said:

I am looking for information in regards to self identifying as non-binary, and what LL would do if one is harassed for doing this? 

Transphobia (which would generally include intolerance of non-binary identities) is definitely covered by the LL ToS as a form of intolerance, but the likelihood of getting any response from the governance team would depend very much on the nature of the harassment. In general, as Molly suggests above, they'll expect you to deal with it yourself by blocking the person. If that proves inadequate, you'll need to carefully document the harassment and file an AR against the person, which can be difficult if the harassment is indirect (for instance, spreading lies about someone and trying to have them ostracized or banned from a community).

For good or ill, someone who is just displaying intolerance and bigotry in chat, say, or perhaps even on their profile, is unlikely to be disciplined -- although I think that can vary somewhat depending on the nature of the infraction.

There ARE plenty of LGBTQ+ groups in SL that are likely to provide support for you -- in fact, I created one many years ago myself, although it's no longer very active. And search reveals at least one group that is actually called "Non-Binary," and is intended to function as a support group. You might check these out.

[Alwin Alcott]

20 minutes ago, Mortified Wanderer said:

Oh! Oh!

 xxx xxxx is non-binary themselves, you could always ask them their personal viewpoint.

 

Edit; They don't frequent the forums that often so you'll have to leave them a message inworld.

Are you sure it is wise to publish names, for sure in subjects like this, on the forums?

[BlueMoonLightz]

 

 

  You can try to report but may it take a while.  Sorry if you ever had this good to be cautious for your safety.  Sometimes we run into someone who just may not be happy so they get a blow at making fun of people. Truly they should learn to love themselves. they may have gone through some things in real life at home.  My Counselor growing up told me if a person bothers you just say thanks and smile, keep on walking and show them you are better than this.  Yes this is in a virtual world but you have feelings just know you have the power not to deal with this kind, take your power back keep showing people you happy just being yourself they go back under their rock they have some growing up to do themselves. If one says anything it's on them it comes out their mouth not yours. 

 

You have right to your boundaries you don't need to play their game sometimes best way just ignoring  and leave save land mark and report let the land owner deal with it let them know this person being a problem so does happen to anyone else.  Try to recharge daily with balance before going anywhere. Find a friend that can tag along with you if you don't like going to some places alone.  Before you go to the place, stand by the entrance but a little bit away but look around.  Does this place give good vibes and does make you feel good for my mental health? It's up to you how you feel if it's not you go to a different place. Go to places where people support LBGTQ+ you will feel welcome but second life truly supports LBGTQ+ in every way.        Please do some self care self love treat yourself today you are beautiful only you know you those that understand you we support you! 

 

p.s 

If someone wants to get to know you they should take the time never try to force you they are willing to take you for you are those can not you do not have to answer wish them well send them on their way. 

 

 

 

 

Edited April 8, 2022 by BlueMoonLightz

[Coffee Pancake]

The ability to be and present yourself as your heart desires is a huge draw to SL, as a result there is a large and active  LGBTQ+ population and in my experience at least, has been extremely friendly and welcoming. Depending on community / sub culture it's not uncommon for us to outnumber the hetro cis folk.

I've run support groups in world and while we closed the inworld location some years ago, still moderate the group chat. Having done this the better part of 16 years I have to say truly intolerant jerks are rare.

 

Don't be afraid to lean on the local population for support if a jerk does show up, we and our allies are everywhere, no one likes a bully, and no bully likes getting called out for being a phobe.

If you're at a social event / location, report them to the staff if you can.

Just don't get caught in the trap of copy pasting chat logs inside SL, that can be used to against you with reports to LL. If you need to tell people in SL about someone being a problem, put it in your own words.

Reporting to LL can be course of action, but from personal experience it can be very hard to make a case that LL will find actionable, especially if the harassment is ongoing. 

[Ginger Blackwood]

13 minutes ago, Coffee Pancake said:

The ability to be and present yourself as your heart desires is a huge draw to SL ...

Amen to that.

[Reese Wicken]

3 hours ago, Mortified Wanderer said:

Oh! Oh!

@Virus Vortex is non-binary themselves, you could always ask them their personal viewpoint.

 

Edit; They don't frequent the forums that often so you'll have to leave them a message inworld.

 

3 hours ago, Alwin Alcott said:

Are you sure it is wise to publish names, for sure in subjects like this, on the forums?

I'm fine with this.

[Nalates Urriah]

@CherriesMakes Puddles I think you got all the answers there are to your question.

The RL and SL worlds can be tough places. Step out of the norm and you will freak out some people and they will react negatively. So to some degree you need to be tough enough to endure and smart enough understand people's reactions to minorities. But there are lines. When people harass you and cross those lines you can call on the Lindens for help, Abuse Report.

I think the Linden response gives you an idea of where in the spectrum your complaint falls. Unfortunately the Lindens see events in a larger context so we don't often get the response we expect or want. (I often think a nuclear bomb would be appropriate...) But we need to consider our viewpoint and realize when we may sound whiny or overly sensitive and be over reacting. That is each person's call for when they decide to class an other's actions as harassment or abuse. But anyone repeatedly annoying, harassing, or bullying is a prime candidate for an official complaint.

[cunomar]

They don't harass those they can't intimidate so take it public , homophobes are a minority in sl so have fun with it .  I played as a male av crossdresser for a long time so every now and then id encounter a homophobic muppet , sometimes with an attack hud . I'd be like ooooh your so sexy when your angry , i like a bit of rough , promise i won't tell anyone about your little d... lol .  Let them kick me all over the sim because eventually someone will see it for what it is and eject them .

I never blocked a single one of them . Some time later most would message complaining i got them banned from the place and i'd reply no i made no complaint so you got you banned .

[Codex Alpha]

Oh dear. From my experience in virtual worlds, the line for defining 'harassment', 'bullying', 'toxic' and just outright 'abusive' can be very low.

Most of the time something can be taken as such, and then ironically the alleged victim feels entitled to act in a worse manner: aggressively, threateningly, dramatically, spreading rumours, calling out for others to get involved, chasing the alleged 'abuser' around the sim or other continuing the encounter.

If you're offended by something truly and  you believe that that person is truly a negative force in  your life, just block/ignore them and go on your way, and leave the Lindens alone.

99.9% of problems online and in virtual worlds can be solved with a single action, and takes 0.0001 seconds and 0.000000945 Kj of energy to do. Click ignore/block.

Of course, most won't, because strangely they like that abuse, try to escalate it and all sorts of things so that way they truly look as the victim.

In virtual space, where literally no one has any control over you, nor can they compel you or your avatar to do anything, or submit to anything can anyone ever have power over you - other than that which you allow them to. You are God in Second Life, with that ignore/block button.

It's time to grow up and stop crying about how you are bullied and empower yourself as the 'strong, independent, and fierce' warrior you are and solve it yourself.

It's a fact of life that not everyone is going to like you, not everyone is going to agree with you, and not everyone is going to conform to your standards as to how they should act, speak or express themselves. Tolerance goes both ways. Fortitude in your manner and a calm reaction is not that hard. If some random person on the internet can get you so blindingly-raged upset over words they say, or their own intolerance of different people, that has more to do with you than them - just take personal responsibility for your own reactions to outside stimulus.

"We don't have time to manage the ban lists. I mean, if we restricted everyone that everyone would like to restrict, there'd be no one left on the platform. So we're going to leave it to you to do that, in your own hosted worlds (lol)" - paraphrased Phillip Rosedale after closing social hubs in HiFi partly due to community drama, calls to ban people, and constantly burdening staff at the Help Desk about it...

Edited April 9, 2022 by entity0x
For clarity

[Coffee Pancake]

Just now, entity0x said:

 

Thanks for that objective lesson in victim blaming.

Big yikes.

[Codex Alpha]

8 minutes ago, Coffee Pancake said:

Thanks for that objective lesson in victim blaming.

Big yikes.

Objectively, victim blaming is described thusly;

Victim blaming can be defined as someone saying, implying, or treating a person who has experienced harmful or abusive behaviour (eg: a survivor of sexual violence) like it was a result of something they did or said, instead of placing the responsibility where it belongs: on the person who harmed them.

Encouraging and empowering individuals on virtual platforms from RecRoom to VR Chat to Sansar to Second Life does not qualify as victim shaming. It has many benefits to individuals to understand and know how to use ignore/block functions in games, and also benefits staff from being bothered by things that users can handle themselves.

It also helps on virtual worlds and platforms to assume the best intent of other users on forums or otherwise, and reply in that manner, and not aggressively or accusatory oneself.

Edited April 9, 2022 by entity0x

[Scylla Rhiadra]

So much empathy and compassion on display here.

[Ayashe Ninetails]

The question from the OP was what would LL do. The answer was already given, but I'll summarize - if you file an abuse report, they'll look into it. You won't be told the result of the investigation, however, so block and (if needed) ban the person/persons from your land.

 

The long version (from Mollymews' linkie):

What happens when an abuse report is filed

You receive an automated response by email. If you need to add more information after submitting a report, please submit a new report. We try to resolve abuse issues as quickly as possible, but response times vary depending on the number of backlogged abuse reports. For privacy reasons, we are unable to share the details of an investigation into an abuse report.  Once your report has been submitted, we'll take it from there.

Often all it takes to curtail an issue is an official warning. In most cases, a Resident who violates our Terms of Service and/or Community Standards is given several opportunities to rectify his or her behavior before banishment occurs. In all cases, the Resident's disciplinary record is reviewed to determine an appropriate response. Serious abuse may result in account suspensions or permanent bans. The length of a suspension is determined by the nature of the abuse, previous violations, and how many people are affected.

[Silent Mistwalker]

Lecturing adults as if they were children isn't going to go over very well anywhere you go.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

5 minutes ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

Lecturing adults as if they were children isn't going to go over very well anywhere you go.

Indeed not.

There are some people to whom you barely have to respond, though. They are not going to change or grow, because they are incapable. And their inner ugliness is so readily apparent to everyone else every time they open their mouths to speak, that it is hardly necessary to refute them: they are their own counter-argument.

Edited April 9, 2022 by Scylla Rhiadra

[Robberinthemuseum]

27 minutes ago, entity0x said:

Oh dear. From my experience in virtual worlds, the line for defining 'harassment', 'bullying', 'toxic' and just outright 'abusive' can be very low.

Most of the time something can be taken as such, and then ironically the alleged victim feels entitled to act in a worse manner: aggressively, threateningly, dramatically, spreading rumours, calling out for others to get involved, chasing the alleged 'abuser' around the sim or other continuing the encounter.

If you're offended by something truly and  you believe that that person is truly a negative force in  your life, just block/ignore them and go on your way, and leave the Lindens alone.

99.9% of problems online and in virtual worlds can be solved with a single action, and takes 0.0001 seconds and 0.000000945 Kj of energy to do. Click ignore/block.

Of course, most won't, because strangely they like that abuse, try to escalate it and all sorts of things so that way they truly look as the victim.

In virtual space, where literally no one has any control over you, nor can they compel you or your avatar to do anything, or submit to anything can anyone ever have power over you - other than that which you allow them to. You are God in Second Life, with that ignore/block button.

It's time to grow up and stop crying about how you are bullied and empower yourself as the 'strong, independent, and fierce' warrior you are and solve it yourself.

It's a fact of life that not everyone is going to like you, not everyone is going to agree with you, and not everyone is going to conform to your standards as to how they should act, speak or express themselves. Tolerance goes both ways. Fortitude in your manner and a calm reaction is not that hard. If some random person on the internet can get you so blindingly-raged upset over words they say, or their own intolerance of different people, that has more to do with you than them - just take personal responsibility for your own reactions to outside stimulus.

"We don't have time to manage the ban lists. I mean, if we restricted everyone that everyone would like to restrict, there'd be no one left on the platform. So we're going to leave it to you to do that, in your own hosted worlds (lol)" - paraphrased Phillip Rosedale after closing social hubs in HiFi partly due to community drama, calls to ban people, and constantly burdening staff at the Help Desk about it...

I agree with this. If they view themselves as a victim secondlife won't be very fun because every interaction will be colored with that. I have met all kinds of creatures and I have some non binary friends in secondlife. You can be whatever you want, it's your secondlife. Why not approach every interaction with a fresh mind? Try not to let your RL ruin your SL. Everyone is living a different SL and they're entitled to. If you can't bear to interact with people on their terms, and must dictate to them how to speak etc, that's fine too. I'm sure there are groups you can join for this. There's a group for everything here ^^. Happy exploring!

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 minute ago, Robberinthemuseum said:

If you can't bear to interact with people on their terms

Or not.

And if "their terms" consist of spewing hatred on you because of who you are?

What then, Reilly? Just shrug and smile, and move on to the next bruising?

[Codex Alpha]

4 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Or not.

And if "their terms" consist of spewing hatred on you because of who you are?

What then, Reilly? Just shrug and smile, and move on to the next bruising?

No, you shrug and smile, and block/ignore them and go about your Second Life.

Yes, it's really that simple.

[Robberinthemuseum]

7 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Or not.

And if "their terms" consist of spewing hatred on you because of who you are?

What then, Reilly? Just shrug and smile, and move on to the next bruising?

I don't think anyone will. I have gotten so much abuse in SL and also have so much fun 🙃.  It's part of it. Just don't interact with abusive people. There's a woman who follows me on Flickr who really hates me and wants me to die haha. She faves all of my pics too 🤣🤣🤣. You just have to laugh sometimes. I would rather enjoy my SL and continue as I am, than let weirdos make me unhappy. 

Edited April 9, 2022 by Robberinthemuseum

[Ayashe Ninetails]

The OP gave absolutely zero information regarding their situation (other than asking the question of what LL does in cases of harassment). Not sure where all these assumptions are coming from.

Unless maybe there was another post with a lot more detail posted somewhere I missed, which is entirely possible. 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

Just now, Robberinthemuseum said:

I don't think anyone will. I have gotten so much abuse in SL and also have so much fun 🙃.  It's part of it. Just don't interact with abusive people. There's a woman who follows me on Flickr who really hates me and wants me to die haha. She faves all of my pics too 🤣🤣🤣. You just have to laugh sometimes. But I would rather enjoy my SL and continue as I am, then let weirdos make me unhappy. 

I think that's great. Honestly, and sincerely, I am pleased that you are so strong, and so secure, that you've decided that you can just let abuse roll off your shoulders.

Not everyone can do that. And it's not good enough to implicitly blame others if they don't come from your position of self-confidence, security, or privilege, and can't.

I , personally, don't want to live in a world where we shrug off abusers and vile bigots because, hey, they aren't really bothering me.

[Robberinthemuseum]

Just now, Ayashe Ninetails said:

The OP gave absolutely zero information regarding their situation (other than asking the question of what LL does in cases of harassment). Not sure where all these assumptions are coming from.

Unless maybe there was another post with a lot more detail posted somewhere I missed, which is entirely possible. 

Okay good point. Haha. SORRY OP lol. 

[Robberinthemuseum]

2 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I think that's great. Honestly, and sincerely, I am pleased that you are so strong, and so secure, that you've decided that you can just let abuse roll off your shoulders.

Not everyone can do that. And it's not good enough to implicitly blame others if they don't come from your position of self-confidence, security, or privilege, and can't.

I , personally, don't want to live in a world where we shrug off abusers and vile bigots because, hey, they aren't really bothering me.

Noo Scylla you quoted me with the grammar error! I went back and fixed it. It's burning my eyes!

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