Do you think people look down on "traditional" femininity?

[Ayeleeon]

5 minutes ago, Nick0678 said:

We were talking about the people that we choose as partners, lovers whatever you like to call them, regardless of the society when you choose the wrong partner you made a bad choice. We live in 2021, choose someone that fits you.

This makes it all sound so simple, it is not. Often a woman's tendency to choose badly stem from deep rooted issues, often that began in childhood. To point fingers at her and blame her for making bad choices is wrong. It is this attitude that just perpetuates the violence.

[Luna Bliss]

5 minutes ago, Nick0678 said:

14 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

We are not atomized individuals. We live within a society, and that society also affects us and contributes to our happiness or not.

We were talking about the people that we choose as partners, lovers whatever you like to call them, regardless of the society when you choose the wrong partner you made a bad choice. We live in 2021, choose someone that fits you.

Often we did not heed the clues, heed our gut feelings that the other person has issues that could be quite destructive. There are many reasons for this, but a main one is that people who have been victimized before are unable to see what's going on -- they exist in a state of dissociation and confusion, trauma induced PTSD or CPTSD, and so they aren't able to make the best choices.

But even if not psychologically damaged due to previous trauma, sometimes we simply can't be aware, because people can be very deceptive and manipulative. When you study those who are psychopaths and with some who have been diagnosed with NPD, we find that they have unusual skills at manipulation. So we really can't blame people for not knowing.

[Luna Bliss]

12 minutes ago, Nick0678 said:

21 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

The most dangerous time for a woman (when a big percentage of women are murdered by their partners) is when she leaves her partner. 

Yes sometimes it can be dangerous but that's not a rule since millions of divorces are taking place every year worldwide but be smart and go to the police if necessary.

Nobody said it was a rule. We have been talking about those in toxic relationships as they break up, and this is where the violence is more likely to occur.

[Nick0678]

2 minutes ago, Ayeleeon said:

This makes it all sound so simple, it is not. Often a woman's tendency to choose badly stem from deep rooted issues, often that began in childhood. To point fingers at her and blame her for making bad choices is wrong. It is this attitude that just perpetuates the violence.

Bad choices aren't gender specific and not all people are raised in the same way or want the same things.. We all make bad choices. One can  either choose to change that choice or live with it. Expecting someone else to change because we want them to be different is not an option and is toxic.

It is their life so they will live it in the way they want to.

[Arielle Popstar]

1 minute ago, Luna Bliss said:

Often we did not heed the clues, heed our gut feelings that the other person has issues that could be quite destructive. There are many reasons for this, but a main one is that people who have been victimized before are unable to see what's going on -- they exist in a state of dissociation and confusion, trauma induced PTSD or CPTSD, and so they aren't able to make the best choices.

Most often I believe it is because of wishful thinking that this prospective partner will love me enough that they will not do the same things to me they did to their ex-partner, their children, siblings, parents etc etc. When I finally come to realize that this person will do the exact same to me as was done to other significant people in their lives, then I will have a smidgeon of the truth that can set me free from repeating the same mistake again.

[Luna Bliss]

10 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

16 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Often we did not heed the clues, heed our gut feelings that the other person has issues that could be quite destructive. There are many reasons for this, but a main one is that people who have been victimized before are unable to see what's going on -- they exist in a state of dissociation and confusion, trauma induced PTSD or CPTSD, and so they aren't able to make the best choices.

Most often I believe it is because of wishful thinking that this prospective partner will love me enough that they will not do the same things to me they did to their ex-partner, their children, siblings, parents etc etc. When I finally come to realize that this person will do the exact same to me as was done to other significant people in their lives, then I will have a smidgeon of the truth that can set me free from repeating the same mistake again.

Indeed. How can we expect every woman to understand the psychological dynamics playing out without having studied or experienced it? Coupled with the fact that, as you say, women can have such wishful thinking in terms of hoping they can fix all problems in relationships, and want so much to hold on to a relationship, and they are socialized to maintain connections.

Many women, still, believe that their love will fix the person, and that it is even their duty to nurture and heal a partner.  And even that they are to blame for the abuse that is clearly not their fault!!

Awareness and experience can heal the dynamic and demonstrate that the only realistic action is to leave...hopefully before they are murdered.

Edited October 27, 2021 by Luna Bliss

[Kathlen Onyx]

7 hours ago, Nick0678 said:

Everything is simple the moment you realize that you won't live another life. It is simply a bad choice so you either change it or live with it but don't expect the other person to change. We all make bad choices one way or another.

You should know better. Simple logic with this group just isn't possible.

[Luna Bliss]

6 minutes ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

7 hours ago, Nick0678 said:

Everything is simple the moment you realize that you won't live another life. It is simply a bad choice so you either change it or live with it but don't expect the other person to change. We all make bad choices one way or another.

You should know better. Simple logic with this group just isn't possible.

I suggest you read some books/articles about what trauma does to people so you can have more empathy.

I'm speaking to trauma done to both men and women, and how it affects our ability to behave in healthy ways. We need education to develop awareness of behaviors and heal, not the blame you throw at people.

[Nick0678]

36 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Most often I believe it is because of wishful thinking that this prospective partner will love me enough that they will not do the same things to me they did to their ex-partner, their children, siblings, parents etc etc. ..

Well.. i don't know. I have dated some married women and they all treated me great. (It's their husbands they couldn't tolerate.)

[roseelvira]

I am getting confused did any one read that article Gopi posted starting the thread?

the title is deceiving because the article how it came across to me is about how a man views his own individual level of masculinity and women their own individual level of femininity if i  read it correctly. 

Did everyone read the article just asking?

 

[Arielle Popstar]

2 minutes ago, Nick0678 said:

Well.. i don't know. I have dated some married women and they all treated me great. (It's their husbands they couldn't tolerate.)

Just remember that if push comes to shove, they can burn you bad. Hell hath no fury like a dragon queen scorned. 🔥

[Ceka Cianci]

54 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Just remember that if push comes to shove, they can burn you bad. Hell hath no fury like a dragon queen scorned. 🔥

That's because it feels like it just  all happened and came out of nowhere in an instance.. When actually, we'd been planning for a long time..

hehehe

[Nick0678]

9 minutes ago, Ceka Cianci said:

That's because it feels like it just  all happened and came out of nowhere in an instance.. When actually, we'd been planning for a long time..

hehehe

Of course you do....

[Paul Hexem]

11 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Nobody is "man bashing." Discussing systemic sexism and toxic masculinity isn't an assault on men: it's a critique of the culture that has generated a kind of acceptance of violence, sexual and otherwise, from men, and conditioned some to believe that it is not only "ok" to engage in such violence, but actually expected of them.

I know man bashing when I see it.

I'm a straight white male, everyone's got it out for me these days.

You have no idea how hard life is right now. And to make matters worse, due to all the delivery issues lately, I can't get replacement parts and my private jet's been grounded for weeks!

[Ceka Cianci]

8 minutes ago, Paul Hexem said:

I know man bashing when I see it.

I'm a straight white male, everyone's got it out for me these days.

You have no idea how hard life is right now. And to make matters worse, due to all the delivery issues lately, I can't get replacement parts and my private jet's been grounded for weeks!

I don't have it in for you..

In fact I think a lot of white guys are hawt!! \o/

hehehehe

Just take a gander at this heck of a fine man here?!

Something about salt and pepper hair and a beard that gets me every time..

That and he's friggin Hawt too!

I know there was something important I was gonna say, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was..

[Nick0678]

9 minutes ago, Ceka Cianci said:

.... In fact I think a lot of white guys are hawt!! \o/..

Ahem.. I must congratulate you cause you have good taste.

Almost similar hair, salt n pepper ofc, with blue eyes.. (just not the beard type, always trim or shave after a couple of days).

 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

44 minutes ago, Paul Hexem said:

I'm a straight white male, everyone's got it out for me these days.

My laughter reaction is meant affectionately, or ironically, or something like that. I'm even going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that your tongue was at least a little lodged in your cheek.

It's all a bit like poor Dave Chappelle (est. net worth $50 million; 853.3k Twitter followers) lamenting in ongoing full-length interviews to GQ, CNN, the BBC, etc., etc., that he is being "silenced" and "cancelled" because a trans woman on Twitter (457 Twitter followers) has cancelled her Netflix subscription in protest over his new comedy special.

Look at all that silence. So much silence.

The sound you hear is the world's smallest violin.

[Luna Bliss]

56 minutes ago, Paul Hexem said:

I know man bashing when I see it.

I'm a straight white male, everyone's got it out for me these days.

You have no idea how hard life is right now. And to make matters worse, due to all the delivery issues lately, I can't get replacement parts and my private jet's been grounded for weeks!

Paul, have you thought of becoming a gay man to improve your status?  I've heard that with the lights off, a chubby male who shaves can work as a good substitute. If you would be willing to transition to a female, and then date females (in case a chubby male is simply not palatable and you also want to double your improved status), you could be both gay and trans and so be killing 2 birds with one stone!  Only the whiteness would need to be dealt with if you really want to status punch your life.  Fortunately, I have heard of some treatments even for this problem! -- some kind of medication that, while not able to reasonably create a person with extremely dark skin, you might at least pass for Hispanic!

So don't feel sad and left out and exist with 'low status syndrome' -- there is hope out there! 

[Silent Mistwalker]

9 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

The sound you hear is the world's smallest violin.

Edited October 27, 2021 by Silent Mistwalker

[Ceka Cianci]

1 minute ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

That looks so cute, Where spiders are so, not cute..

I want that lil crab! \o/

[Silent Mistwalker]

2 minutes ago, Ceka Cianci said:

That looks so cute, Where spiders are so, not cute..

I want that lil crab! \o/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-guQ3Pki-0

The link could not be embedded because www.youtube.com does not allow embedding of that video.

 

[Ceka Cianci]

21 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

My laughter reaction is meant affectionately, or ironically, or something like that. I'm even going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that your tongue was at least a little lodged in your cheek.

It's all a bit like poor Dave Chappelle (est. net worth $50 million; 853.3k Twitter followers) lamenting in ongoing full-length interviews to GQ, CNN, the BBC, etc., etc., that he is being "silenced" and "cancelled" because a trans woman on Twitter (457 Twitter followers) has cancelled her Netflix subscription in protest over his new comedy special.

Look at all that silence. So much silence.

The sound you hear is the world's smallest violin.

I really used to like his comedy.. I still do, but he's not as funny as he used to be.. He's becoming more serious and serious and moving away from what he is really good at..

It feels like he's wanting to build a legacy for himself as a speaker in a movement.

His ego he used to flaunt used to be really funny how he would use it. but it feels like he is believing in it more than is good for him nowadays..

I just think his humor sent out a better message than his seriousness I guess..

That or maybe I'm being selfish that He is becoming more serious.. That may be the case honestly, because he is really good and one of my favorites..

He's a really good speaker.. I'm just gonna miss him really going out there to be funny with a message I guess, rather than more message than funny..

Yep I'm selfish I think when it comes to that.. hehehe

Edited October 27, 2021 by Ceka Cianci

[BjorJlen]

   Interesting viewpoints all (even with you @Paul Hexem, as it's sorta funny as I don't feel there's any real "man bashing" here; just detailed sometimes heated discussions on the subject. I've seen man bashing in person in RL, and it's not good; this isn't it). I especially like the "Nature vs Nurture" one, or especially the "Free Will" point of view. Me and a close friend in RL have many discussions on free will, and we both have different opinion's on it.
   With him, while he accepts the "will" part of free will, he doesn't believe freedom exists within it, which of course I do. This is because he believes very strongly that the aspect of nature vs nurture completely negates it. His reasoning is, as something always effects (either positively or negatively) you in some way, are you truly free to make a "free will" choice? And mine is, yes you do because even if that's true, you are free to make the choice anyways.
   For example, say you want to cross the street with traffic coming (of course). Well, while this aspect may be part of the nature vs nurture point of view, you can still choose to cross the street when it's all said and done; the results may (or may not) be good, but at least you have the freedom of choice to do so, and face the consequences thereafter (whatever they may be).
   My point being that nature vs nurture and free will both have an effect on any relationship, and especially battered women (which is a fact, as it is with battered men). So again, interesting points all... 👍

Peace...

P.S: Oh and @Ceka Cianci, I love your humor; it's great. But have you seen @Ayeleeon by chance? His avatar is white and has salt & pepper hair too. Maybe you should hook up and see what Nature vs Nurture really does for you. lol 😁😋😁

Edited October 27, 2021 by BjorJlen
Edited for a possible happy hookup with two good people :)

[Scylla Rhiadra]

24 minutes ago, Ceka Cianci said:

His ego he used to flaunt used to be really funny how he would use it. but it feels like he is believing in it more than is good for him nowadays..

I'm with you. The whole "I'm rich and I'm famous thing" thing has got a little old, now that he seems to be using his outsized soapbox to punch down against one of the most vulnerable minorities in our society, rather than up, against an establishment that he used to mock, but now seems pretty comfortable being a part of. Where his humour was once "edgy" and actually a bit subversive, it's now seeming more and more mainstream, and less and less challenging -- and less funny.

It's sad, actually, because I did like his stuff. I want to like him still. It's getting harder.

[Ceka Cianci]

10 minutes ago, BjorJlen said:

P.S: Oh and @Ceka Cianci, I love your humor; it's great. But have you seen @Ayeleeon by chance? His avatar is white and has salt & pepper hair too. Maybe you should hook up and see what Nature vs Nurture really does for you. lol 😁😋😁

I'm not really looking as far as hooking up. But I do look.. hehehe