Women's expectations: Unrealistic

[Arielle Popstar]

3 hours ago, Paul Hexem said:

So in the context of dating and/or meeting other people, the question is, do men in SL experience the same issues as other online dating platforms?

Sure why not considering there is a RL man and woman behind the avatar just as there is behind the profiles on a dating platform. The only difference I can see is that the ability to take risks with a potential other in virtual is much greater but then there is also a greater risk in that the person behind the avatar is not as they really appear.

Quote

We have stats that show that in other forms of online social interactions, women's expectations and standards are completely unrealistic. It makes the entire process of meeting women a totally skewed, uphill battle for most men. Does that carry over to SL or is it less prevalent here?

Again it is real women behind the avatars (assuming), so other forms of online social interactions would parallel a virtual world other than the greater risk taking because of the greater level of anonymity virtual provides. This is is I think is especially true with having the ability to change display names as I have seen many take advantage of. 

Here is an online list of unrealistic expectations women have for men. They may not have their exact equivalents in virtual but there is still some equivalency in attitude I think.

 Unrealistic dating expectations women have for Men

•  He’s supposed to be good at “manly” tasks

• A man is supposed to know exactly what women want and need

• As a man, he’s supposed to take care of everything, but still allow me independence

• He’s supposed to be both masculine and sensitive

• Expecting his place to have a lot of feminine touches

• That he’s not for me if he doesn’t want to do everything I do

• Expecting the guy to be 100% confident on the first date

• Expecting the guy to call/text after the 1st date

• Asking him to be comfortable showing vulnerability but think of him as weak when he shows it

• Only being willing to date tall guys

• Expecting him to change his love language

• https://newmiddleclassdad.com/unrealistic-expectations-women-have-for-men/

[Theresa Tennyson]

6 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

https://newmiddleclassdad.com/unrealistic-expectations-women-have-for-men/

Oh, that guy's a charmer, all right - now read this one and scroll down to "But to be specific, her issues center around 2 things I did:"

https://newmiddleclassdad.com/why-does-my-wife-suddenly-want-a-divorce/

[Arielle Popstar]

5 minutes ago, Theresa Tennyson said:

Oh, that guy's a charmer, all right - now read this one and scroll down to "But to be specific, her issues center around 2 things I did:"

https://newmiddleclassdad.com/why-does-my-wife-suddenly-want-a-divorce/

So you want to add more to the unrealistic expectations list? 

[Ayashe Ninetails]

Oh I would run so far far far away from a man that fit that list. No thank you.

For a start - I stan the short kings, thanks. 😂

 

[Theresa Tennyson]

4 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

So you want to add more to the unrealistic expectations list? 

You mean like, "not having an affair?"

[Scylla Rhiadra]

21 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

He’s supposed to be good at “manly” tasks

Oh right! I forgot a third expectation.

They need to be able to open jars.

[Akane Nacht]

15 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Unrealistic dating expectations women have for Men

• A man is supposed to know exactly what women want and need

Because we ourselves do not know! 😭

But seriously, enough about women, what do men want in SL? All these years I assumed they are happy just to tinker with things, chat about food and look at bewbies. 

[Ceka Cianci]

10 Easy steps to a mans heart without havin tah cook.  Click here====> A MAYUN!

10 easy steps to reading your dream girls mind without her knowin it. Click here====> HOW'D YOU KNOW THAT!

[Paul Hexem]

24 minutes ago, Theresa Tennyson said:

Theresa Tennyson looks up, then over to the left.

Snowflakes are fallin' early this year. Huh.

I mean, obviously every poor interpersonal interaction in SL is a man's fault. It was a man that invented SL, after all.

But if women could contribute to it, how do you think they'd do it? Skewed expectations or something else?

[ValKalAstra]

34 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

https://newmiddleclassdad.com/unrealistic-expectations-women-have-for-men/

Okay. I always like to see where someone is coming from. Seeing your quotes there, I decided to have a look at your source because they're common talking points among certain... places.

First: The target audience of the article are lonely men. It plays on their emotions, incites them with dressed up talking points from Andrew Tate - just with less virulent rhetoric.

Second: The sell is a dubious dating website that is presented as the solution for their loneliness.

It's a product they're selling, not some sort of qualified statement on the nature of women and their expectations. While we're on the topic of expectations, a quick glimpse through the related articles is rather enlightening in itself.

• Can a Relationship Go Back to Normal After Cheating?
• How Couples Therapy Can Help After Infidelity
• 15 Proven Signs Your Partner Has Changed After Cheating
• 35 Proven Signs Your Wife or Girlfriend Slept With Someone

And then on page three it went full mask off with essentially conversion therapy. Sorry for not taking those claims about women's expectations at face value. They're oft cited, yet never proven when I go looking for the source. The website then is a full on grift praying on insecurities and political hot button topics, then peddling some funky affiliate link.
 

Edited September 15, 2023 by ValKalAstra

[Love Zhaoying]

12 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Oh right! I forgot a third expectation.

They need to be able to open jars.

In the US, a "Jar-head" is a term for a Marine.

Then there's Jar-Jar Binks..

Is it sufficient to merely leave a door..ajar?

 

[UnilWay SpiritWeaver]

I think a lot of these issues might be solved with pacing - getting to know people and not assuming.

When your opening line... is a line... you're doing it wrong.

 

Do men and women have unreal expectations of each other more often than we'd all like - sure. And it sabotages a lot of people when they set those. But there's a whole lot more people who manage.

Edited September 15, 2023 by UnilWay SpiritWeaver

[Love Zhaoying]

3 minutes ago, ValKalAstra said:

Okay. I always like to see where someone is coming from. Seeing your quotes there, I decided to have a look at your source  because they're common talking points among certain... places.

First: The target audience of the article are lonely men. It plays on their emotions, incites them with dressed up talking points from Andrew Tate - just with less virulent rhetoric.

Second: The sell is a dubious dating website that is presented as the solution for their loneliness.

It's a product they're selling, not some sort of qualified statement on the nature of women and their expectations. While we're on the topic of expectations, a quick glimpse through the related articles is rather enlightening in itself.

• Can a Relationship Go Back to Normal After Cheating?
• How Couples Therapy Can Help After Infidelity
• 15 Proven Signs Your Partner Has Changed After Cheating
• 35 Proven Signs Your Wife or Girlfriend Slept With Someone

And then on page three it went full mask off with essentially conversion therapy. Sorry for not taking those claims at face value. The website is a grift praying on insecurities and political hot button topics, then peddling some funky affiliate link.
 

Sounds like the "cure" after dating from the "Ashley Madison" dating site.

[Theresa Tennyson]

2 minutes ago, Paul Hexem said:

I mean, obviously every poor interpersonal interaction in SL is a man's fault. It was a man that invented SL, after all.

But if women could contribute to it, how do you think they'd do it? Skewed expectations or something else?

It would depend entirely on the individual women, because women, like men, cats and automobiles, are individuals with their own strengths and weaknesses instead of fungible members of a group.

For instance, if there was a man who was... say, smug, given to complaining, highly critical of others yet remarkably sensitive about any imagined slights aimed toward him, and given to hyperbole, he might find that people didn't like spending time with him. However, it would be because of his own traits, not because he was a man. And a woman with the same traits would find herself in just about the same position.

[Ted McGregor]

18 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

They need to be able to open jars.

You mean we are destined for more than just taking out trash ?

Hallelujah !

Edited September 15, 2023 by Ted McGregor

[Ayashe Ninetails]

10 minutes ago, ValKalAstra said:

Okay. I always like to see where someone is coming from. Seeing your quotes there, I decided to have a look at your source because they're common talking points among certain... places.

Thank you for checking and saving me a click.

As some here know, I eyeroll generalities like that. Do some women like tall guys? Sure. Do some women like guys to take care of everything? Sure. Maybe?

That definitely ain't all of us, though. The problem is, when a guy makes the assumption that it is ALL of us, they're likely going to strike out fairly quickly with those of us it doesn't apply to. Better to just approach women (and everyone else) with an open mind and look for actual given signs and signals than let a website predict what we all think and want.

[Sid Nagy]

50 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

They need to be able to open jars.

Off topic pro tip:
Use some sanding paper in your hand. Sanding side towards the lid of course.
 

[Paul Hexem]

43 minutes ago, Theresa Tennyson said:

And a woman with the same traits would find herself in just about the same position.

Would she?

Seems like I might have struck a nerve. 

Edited September 15, 2023 by Paul Hexem

[Theresa Tennyson]

4 minutes ago, Paul Hexem said:

Would she?

Seems like I might have struck a nerve. 

Yes - she'd just complain about being mistreated because she's a woman though, because Heaven knows it's not her fault.

[UnilWay SpiritWeaver]

7 minutes ago, Paul Hexem said:

Would she?

Well what Theresa described read to me like somewhere between the definition of the stereotype of a Becky or Karen so... I think such a woman would find it a kind of conduct that didn't work out well.

But yeah, we do have gendered stereotypes. Beckys and Karens are seen as women, Incels are seen as men. Reality is that anyone can find themselves acting like any of those 3 roles.

Back in the 'Creep' thread - a lot of the things noted as Creepy have been things I've had women toss my way as often as men.

 

Edited September 15, 2023 by UnilWay SpiritWeaver

[Arielle Popstar]

1 hour ago, Theresa Tennyson said:

You mean like, "not having an affair?"

Or that she had an unrealistic expectation that she was sufficient for all his needs and he wouldn't wander?

47 minutes ago, ValKalAstra said:

Okay. I always like to see where someone is coming from. Seeing your quotes there, I decided to have a look at your source because they're common talking points among certain... places.

That is an unrealistic expectation that the source is one you happen to agree with. The source in this case is secondary to the validity of the points raised and to what degree any particular person can acknowledge that they may be engaging any of those unrealistic expectations or whether they are even unrealistic.

58 minutes ago, Akane Nacht said:

Because we ourselves do not know! 😭

That might be pretty close to the truth of it I feel. We think we know but when it comes down to it, might it not have more to do with what makes the other exciting rather than what they are hopefully are?

[Casidy Silvercloud]

I think overall, equal numbers of both men and women have unrealistic expectations. That's not to say all or even most people do. I believe those with very high expectations are also a minority in the grand scheme.

The experiences I have had in sl have contributed greatly, along with rl, to me figuring out myself and what I want, in both worlds. It may sound like I have very high expectations, but in reality, they're pretty tame. I've just yet to meet anyone in sl, or rl, that checks all the boxes. I won't compromise on the very few expectations I have, just because someone, anyone, thinks I should. They're extremely reasonable and if someone doesn't meet them, we simply won't be compatible and I won't pretend we will eventually (been there, done that, wore the shirt then burned it)

My expectations:

-treat me and others with the kindness and respect you expect

-good sense of humor. I can be crass af, I can be punny as hell. I tell bad jokes, and I don't just mean nsfw bad, but groan-worthy bad. 

-yes, you initialize the convo. I rarely ever do, and when I do im someone, it's either already a friend or something important. I'm terrible at initializing a convo, a flaw I have always had and clearly don't intend to fix. I consider it a feature now. I can only turn it off at work, anywhere else, you better start chatting first or it's going to get awkwardly silent. 

-don't just start messaging with how, sexy, cute, etc you think I am, or anything else stupid. I, unlike many, don't mind a hi, hello, or brief greeting. As long as you don't start off with a pickup line from word go, especially one revealing your actual intentions (see next item), you're golden.

-not looking to jump into my pants the first time we meet. I've said this before, but I'm not looking to mash pixel bits, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of my own rl needs. I'm not a nun. Should that event ever be put on the table, it won't be within days of meeting. Go find virtual satisfaction elsewhere my dude, you've got two hands, make use of them. (also, I have no pixel bits with which to mash, and I don't intend to spend $1kL or more on them anytime soon for someone to polish their knob). This is the expectation most men take serious issue with and suddenly have connection issues, lmao.

-if looking for a relationship (sl) that intends to be more than friends, there simply has to be some physical attraction (not sorry, everyone has preferences and I know what I bring to the table, lol), I enjoy looking at nice things, and I'm sure others do too. Plus who can resist a sweet cuddle or sensual dance with someone they find attractive? Some people can I suppose, I'm not some people

-not looking to change me, or have me change them, of course minds are forever changing, but the basis of who we are, not looking for (nor offering) mod perms on a whole person here. although I did once help a male friend fix his av, he was trash at making shapes and he looked like a dorito, he asked, I obliged and now he's cute af and his bf thinks so too (surprise!) 

-enjoy exploring, and all that entails. I like to click things. I like to sit on things and I love to explore, sometimes slowly, sometimes not. I enjoy having fun, and also winding down.

-enjoy cuddling, dancing, chatting (about whatever we're comfy chatting about)

-not have a rl, or sl, partner. I know, this is a big one, but I will not be "the side piece", or be with someone who needs one, nor will I contribute to another woman's woes because her partner is spending time with me-even just emotionally.  Been there, done that, great friends with his now ex-wife in rl. 

My expectations are not that high, they do however make very good use of the fact that I know my worth, my likes, my desires and every single boundary I will never cross or allow. That knowledge sometimes can be a problem, and why I remain woefully, or happily (depends on the day) single in sl and have been so for years.

To me, this is common sense and everything I'd be willing to fit others' expectations too. Anything more may come in time, depends on the relationship, but as a foundation, I'm not budging on these things. I wouldn't expect a man to budge on theirs either. If this is unrealistic, then call me a unicorn and I'll forever remain unrealistic....but still cute af, so 😛 

 

 

[UnilWay SpiritWeaver]

One of the huge unrealistic expectations that both men and women have about SL is that SL is a pickup bar.

One of the other huge unrealistic expectations that both men and women have about SL is that SL is a not pickup bar.

...

 

[Theresa Tennyson]

1 minute ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Or that she had an unrealistic expectation that she was sufficient for all his needs and he wouldn't wander?

Isn't behaving destructively because needs weren't being met without those needs being clearly expressed exactly what he was complaining that she did?

3 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

The source in this case is secondary to the validity of the points raised and to what degree any particular person can acknowledge that they may be engaging any of those unrealistic expectations or whether they are even unrealistic.

When I read the article, I don't see anything backing up the "points" other than the "source" saying them. So, in this case, the "source" IS the "points."

[Ceka Cianci]

30 minutes ago, Sid Nagy said:

Off topic pro tip:
Use some sanding paper in your hand. Sanding side towards the lid of course.
 

A piece of rubber works also.. I actually have a thing that is made of rubber that is meant for opening jars..

Another also has a handle for the ones that I can't really open myself without help.. It works really good and i use it more than anything just because it's so much easier.