Do you consider yourself a narcissist?

[Marigold Devin]

On 7/7/2021 at 1:09 AM, Robin Kiyori said:

Temporary return to say that I am kinda unerved by the degree of misinformation and ableism towards NPD sufferers.

They aren't inhuman monsters or 100% always absuers. Or completely in love with themselves. Or any other werid misconception. They are just people who have a mental disorder. They are as varied and multifaceted as any other person and like many other mentally ill person more likely on average to be victims of violence and abuse.

Not to say there aren't any NPD sufferers who aren't also awful people because anyone can be awful. But to claim evey single NPD sufferer is inherently evil is wrong.

 

[Goes back to the void]

They can do some good things. They can make very good police officers for example, as not having empathy makes them more objective and able to tell folks their relatives have been found dead in several plastic bags at the bottom of a river. They will seem to generously give blood, because that makes them look so good to their peer group (this of course does not mean that people who give blood are narcissists!). 

It is a very interesting condition, but not classed as a mental illness as such, something has not properly developed in the brain, causing a disorder. The mildest narcissists are self-centred, unlikely to truly care for others, and at the other extreme of the spectrum there are the psychopaths who believe it is OK to be serial killers. A good example of this is Dennis Nilsen, who murdered at least 15 men in the 1970s/80s. He actually was a policeman for a short time, but left the force and I think at the time of his arrest he was working as a civil servant in a jobcentre.  Whatever compelled him to do what he did was normal for him, and to the outside world he looked and acted in the main like a very average man. 

Narcissists are all around us, and the covert ones are the worst ones, looking to the outside world like perfectly normal people. 

I did not find out until late in my life that my own mother had narcissistic personality disorder. It's far too personal to talk about, and in the end I had to cut her out of my life. Many doctors were baffled by her behaviour, used to just prescribe tranquilisers, which of course did nothing of any benefit, as narcissism is not a mental illness, it is an incurable brain disorder. 

I'm not a doctor, of course. Far from it, of course, but a couple of near death experiences at the hands of covert narcissists has certainly taken the rose-tinted lenses from my eyes! I used to think narcissists were people who just liked to look in the mirror constantly, or were always brushing their hair, or kept taking selfies, but no, there is much more to it than that. They need constant attention, even negative attention will feed them. My mother was a freakin' nightmare, and she will not be resting in peace!

A lot of people believe to be an abuser you have to have been abused, but this isn't true either. The narcissists and abusers I have known in my life have all come from what would be deemed to be a good background. They just did not receive the right type of nurturing in their formative years. They don't know how to give or receive love, but can fake it if they can find other ways of obtaining attention.

And knowing these people exist and struggle so much on a daily basis makes me sadder than anything else. 

Edited July 21, 2021 by Marigold Devin

[Sukubia Scarmon]

On 7/7/2021 at 2:09 AM, Robin Kiyori said:

Temporary return to say that I am kinda unerved by the degree of misinformation and ableism towards NPD sufferers.

They aren't inhuman monsters or 100% always absuers. Or completely in love with themselves. Or any other werid misconception. They are just people who have a mental disorder. They are as varied and multifaceted as any other person and like many other mentally ill person more likely on average to be victims of violence and abuse.

Not to say there aren't any NPD sufferers who aren't also awful people because anyone can be awful. But to claim evey single NPD sufferer is inherently evil is wrong.

Usually the catalyst for NPD is a traumatic event or childhoodabuse - which both my grandma had. So I do understand it'S comming from somewhere, and yes, I do understand that it's a disorder and people don't chose to have them. I don't think you implied that I think of my gran-gran as an inhumane monster (Got that reserved for someone else, who is unlikely to have NPD, heh) - I'm fully aware she has good sides as well. I'm absolutely convinved that she truly, honestly loves and cares about me - it's just the ways she expresses it, and the fluff around it, that's utterly incompatible with me and does actually hurt and harm me. 

There are narcissists who do recognise their disorder, and try to work against it, that is true!
 

2 minutes ago, Marigold Devin said:

They can do some good things. They can make very good police officers for example, as not having empathy makes them more objective and able to tell folks their relatives have been found dead in several plastic bags at the bottom of a river. They will seem to generously give blood, because that makes them look so good to their peer group (this of course does not mean that people who give blood are narcissists!). 

It is a very interesting condition, but not classed as a mental illness as such, something has not properly developed in the brain, causing a disorder. The mildest narcissists are self-centred, unlikely to truly care for others, and at the other extreme of the spectrum there are the psychopaths who believe it is OK to be serial killers. A good example of this is Dennis Nilsen, who murdered at least 15 men in the 1970s/80s. He actually was a policeman for a short time, but left the force and I think at the time of his arrest he was working as a civil servant in a jobcentre.  Whatever compelled him to do what he did was normal for him, and to the outside world he looked and acted in the main like a very average man. 

Narcissists are all around us, and the covert ones are the worst ones, looking to the outside world like perfectly normal people. 

I did not find out until late in my life that my own mother had narcissistic personality disorder. It's far too personal to talk about, and in the end I had to cut her out of my life. Many doctors were baffled by her behaviour, used to just prescribe tranquilisers, which of course did nothing of any benefit, as narcissism is not a mental illness, it is a brain disorder. 

I'm not a doctor, of course. Far from it, of course, but a couple of near death experiences at the hands of covert narcissists has certainly taken the rose-tinted lenses from my eyes! I used to think narcissists were people who just liked to look in the mirror constantly, or were always brushing their hair, or kept taking selfies, but no, there is much more to it than that. They need constant attention, even negative attention will feed them. My mother was a freakin' nightmare, and she will not be resting in peace!

Actually, Narcissists DO have empathy, unlike psychopaths/sociopaths. But it's - due to the disorder - a little skewed and not expressed as a non-NPD person. It may be a little less, tho. 
Also, are you sure it's not classified as a mental Illness? 

[Marigold Devin]

3 minutes ago, Sukubia Scarmon said:

Also, are you sure it's not classified as a mental Illness? 

No, I am not sure. 

[Maitimo]

4 hours ago, Marigold Devin said:

They can do some good things. They can make very good police officers for example, as not having empathy makes them more objective and able to tell folks their relatives have been found dead in several plastic bags at the bottom of a river. They will seem to generously give blood, because that makes them look so good to their peer group (this of course does not mean that people who give blood are narcissists!). 

It is a very interesting condition, but not classed as a mental illness as such, something has not properly developed in the brain, causing a disorder. The mildest narcissists are self-centred, unlikely to truly care for others, and at the other extreme of the spectrum there are the psychopaths who believe it is OK to be serial killers. A good example of this is Dennis Nilsen, who murdered at least 15 men in the 1970s/80s. He actually was a policeman for a short time, but left the force and I think at the time of his arrest he was working as a civil servant in a jobcentre.  Whatever compelled him to do what he did was normal for him, and to the outside world he looked and acted in the main like a very average man. 

Narcissists are all around us, and the covert ones are the worst ones, looking to the outside world like perfectly normal people. 

I did not find out until late in my life that my own mother had narcissistic personality disorder. It's far too personal to talk about, and in the end I had to cut her out of my life. Many doctors were baffled by her behaviour, used to just prescribe tranquilisers, which of course did nothing of any benefit, as narcissism is not a mental illness, it is an incurable brain disorder. 

I'm not a doctor, of course. Far from it, of course, but a couple of near death experiences at the hands of covert narcissists has certainly taken the rose-tinted lenses from my eyes! I used to think narcissists were people who just liked to look in the mirror constantly, or were always brushing their hair, or kept taking selfies, but no, there is much more to it than that. They need constant attention, even negative attention will feed them. My mother was a freakin' nightmare, and she will not be resting in peace!

A lot of people believe to be an abuser you have to have been abused, but this isn't true either. The narcissists and abusers I have known in my life have all come from what would be deemed to be a good background. They just did not receive the right type of nurturing in their formative years. They don't know how to give or receive love, but can fake it if they can find other ways of obtaining attention.

And knowing these people exist and struggle so much on a daily basis makes me sadder than anything else. 

You know, this is the first time I've seen a description of NPD that I actually relate to.  I don't have the need for attention (in fact I prefer to avoid it, (which is why I have no interest in facebook or other social media) but I do certainly feel like I don't really know how to give or receive love and affection. I do "fake" it, but the motivation there isn't attention, it's more to avoid conflict with people who expect me to give and receive love in a certain way.

I wonder actually if it's more likely that I'm on the autism spectrum somewhere, rather than being a narcissist. My brother was autistic (was because he passed away in 2009) and I have heard that it tends to run in families. 

My father, yeah he was probably a narcissit too.

Edited July 21, 2021 by Maitimo

[Marigold Devin]

2 minutes ago, Maitimo said:

You know, this is the first time I've seen a description of NPD that I actually relate to.  I don't have the need for attention (in fact I prefer to avoid it, (which is why I have no interest in facebook or other social media) but I do certainly feel like I don't really know how to give or receive love and affection. I do "fake" it, but the motivation there isn't attention, it's more to avoid conflict with people wo expect me to give and receive love in a certain way.

I wonder actually if it's more likely that I'm on the autism spectrum somewhere, rather than being a narcissist. My brother was autistic (was because he passed away in 2009) and I have heard that it tends to run in families. 

My father, yeah he was probably a narcissit too.

 

I read somewhere - wish I could remember where - that as many as one in one hundred people may actually be considered to be somewhere on the autism spectrum.  I just tend to think that some people are more 'touchy feely' than others. And if you look at dogs and cats, not all of them want to be petted, they have very individual personalities.

We're all individuals, and it's a shame we feel the need a lot of the time to fit in with what other people expect of us. 

 

[Maitimo]

3 hours ago, Marigold Devin said:

 

We're all individuals, and it's a shame we feel the need a lot of the time to fit in with what other people expect of us. 

 

Agreed. It's society that's disordered. That's why there are so many people who don't fit in.

[Liaa Nova]

While I realise this is just a fun thread, some are aware they are narcissistic or have NPD, even if they don't believe it. I can imagine how I'd feel if I came across a thread where everyone was taking quizzes to see if they had the personality disorder that I have. Not sure it's good to be posting all of this

[cunomar]

In my unqualified opinion narcissistic tendencies evolve from a natural inclination to selfishness which has gone unhindered and without consequence for many years .

Spoilt to a point that they can't function socially , and a black eye and broken nose would do a lot to cure most of them .

The bloke who murdered my mother was a nice fella most of the time , and I will regret for the rest of my life that I felt he was to old to get some of what he dished out when he got too drunk .

So don't tell me violence cures nothing , I'm quite sure she would still be alive and well had I slapped him around some .

[Jordyn McGregor]

On 6/28/2021 at 5:44 AM, Marigold Devin said:

True narcissists actually hate themselves, and envy others for what they have; money, status, good looks, etc. 

True narcissists *may* hate themselves...but they are incredibly unlikely to admit it.  

[Marigold Devin]

19 hours ago, Jordan Whitt said:

True narcissists *may* hate themselves...but they are incredibly unlikely to admit it.  

I know.  

 

[Marigold Devin]

On 7/29/2021 at 10:16 AM, cunomar said:

In my unqualified opinion narcissistic tendencies evolve from a natural inclination to selfishness which has gone unhindered and without consequence for many years .

Spoilt to a point that they can't function socially , and a black eye and broken nose would do a lot to cure most of them .

The bloke who murdered my mother was a nice fella most of the time , and I will regret for the rest of my life that I felt he was to old to get some of what he dished out when he got too drunk .

So don't tell me violence cures nothing , I'm quite sure she would still be alive and well had I slapped him around some .

Violence breeds violence, and sadly with a narcissist, a broken nose and black eye would make them play the victim for a while and then a bigger rage would ensue.

But it is a bloody great shame a big massive truck didn't get him before he murdered your mother. 

I went out with a "really nice" radio presenter/DJ when I was 16. Beautiful baby blue eyes, loved his mother, did a lot for charity. 

But he had narcissistic personality disorder, a raging temper to the chosen few behind closed doors, I dumped him because of it, but forgave him six years later, only for him to come to me for solace when his girlfriend left him for another man. I had his head in my lap hearing him pouring out his heart to me. Five weeks later he killed the (ex-) girlfriend, the other man poisoned himself in his car with exhaust fumes, and my 'friend' hanged himself while on remand in prison.

Makes you wonder why these things happen sometimes. Narcissists/sociopaths/psychopaths are all on the same spectrum, like ticking time bombs waiting to go off.

Edited July 30, 2021 by Marigold Devin

[True Vortex]

Everyone is a little of everything. Some are just honest with themselves and others aren't old enough to accept they are not perfect humans yet. But in 2021 you are what your label on a social platform says you are. Don't believe me take 1 hour out of your day and actually look at every ad you see on the internet today. You pay to be shamed like this with every click you make. And you have taught your children to need this AI confirmation to feel good about themselves. #TrueStory

[Ceka Cianci]

My kids don't have cell phones.. Not everyone raises their kids on internet.

[Silent Mistwalker]

7 hours ago, Ceka Cianci said:

My kids don't have cell phones.. Not everyone raises their kids on internet.

Mine didn't. No game boxes either.  or anime

[Ceka Cianci]

1 hour ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

Mine didn't. No game boxes either.  or anime

I caught one of the temps at work with his phone out and told him to put it away.. He got smart with me and said, My wife is pregnant dude!

I said, oh really, What Trimester is she in?  I got the most confused look I'd seen in awhile..

I said put the phone away Now! Also, call me dude again and we're gonna have a real problem.

He went from Mr. attitude to Awe crap! Real quick. So now He lost any slack he was ever gonna get from me.

Damn phone zombies.. hehehe

[Silent Mistwalker]

2 hours ago, Ceka Cianci said:

I caught one of the temps at work with his phone out and told him to put it away.. He got smart with me and said, My wife is pregnant dude!

I said, oh really, What Trimester is she in?  I got the most confused look I'd seen in awhile..

I said put the phone away Now! Also, call me dude again and we're gonna have a real problem.

He went from Mr. attitude to Awe crap! Real quick. So now He lost any slack he was ever gonna get from me.

Damn phone zombies.. hehehe

[Evah Baxton]

YES!!

[Krystina Ferraris]

6 hours ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

 

[Silent Mistwalker]

8 hours ago, Krystina Ferraris said:

 

No, that would be the red scarf you have tied to your tail. Red clashes with sorrels. I'm sorry. 🤗

[Krystina Ferraris]

3 hours ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

No, that would be the red scarf you have tied to your tail. Red clashes with sorrels. I'm sorry. 🤗

That’s brilliant 😂😂

[Silent Mistwalker]

1 hour ago, Krystina Ferraris said:

That’s brilliant 😂😂