Forum becoming more negative?

[Blush Bravin]

8 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Well, say you were at the grocery store and a guy twice your size deliberately knocked you to the ground to get the last head of lettuce. That wouldn't be repeated, but I'd call it bullying.

I would call it assault and call the police, but no that would NOT be bullying.

[Luna Bliss]

1 hour ago, Blush Bravin said:

8 hours ago, Rya Nitely said:

Stop supporting bullies, call them out on it, don't ignore it, don't defend it - make the world a better place.

The problem is not everyone agrees on what constitutes bullying. What I consider bullying for someone else might be a totally different thing. I know the word has come to encompass far more today than it did a couple of decades ago.

Well, I think the point is, whether someone is bullying, assaulting people, or behaving like an ash-hat we need to stop ignoring this. Speak up!  I can't believe how many people will just stare at the floor when someone in a group makes a nasty sexist slur, or a racial slur. It's only by having the courage to say "I don't like you being so disrespectful" that this changes. And it has changed really...

[Luna Bliss]

I reclaim the word "white knight", plucking it from the social justice warriors! And placing it back into the hands of the progressives who truly care about society, demolishing the stereotype placed upon us by those in power who want to run off with all the money!

 

[Luna Bliss]

Must stop avoiding my Blender lesson

[sirhc DeSantis]

So, I have a confuse. Where exactly is this 'balance of power' in this particular place*? Or possibly 'imbalance'? (search for usage)

Do I get one? Or is there a demo somewhere.

*as in this forum thing. Which was the point at some..point.

[Luna Bliss]

2 hours ago, sirhc DeSantis said:

So, I have a confuse. Where exactly is this 'balance of power' in this particular place*? Or possibly 'imbalance'? (search for usage)

Do I get one? Or is there a demo somewhere.

*as in this forum thing. Which was the point at some..point.

Familiarity enables one of most important attributes of personal power, and that is 'competency'.
New people in the forum are typically at a disadvantage, as the forum is not as familiar to them as it is to regulars. And so, they will have more trouble feeling/behaving competently. They haven't 'learned the ropes' yet and so can't understand what's going on as well.

I'm, of course, not saying they have no responsibility for their behaviour whatsoever. But if I see someone fairly new I try to be aware of what they might not know yet when they're having a conflict with other forum members. I would rarely critcize unless I understood their perspective better, as it may be very innocent.

I recognize the power imbalance caused by their newness.

I might have the same feelings about someone who is upset, but for different reasons.
If they're upset (like, for example, the woman who reported encountering a RL pedophile), I would realize she's probably not thinking as clearly, or perhaps not even totally aware of her motives/goals for posting here. I'd cut her some slack.

[LittleMe Jewell]

4 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

If they're upset (like, for example, the woman who reported encountering a RL pedophile), I would realize she's probably not thinking as clearly, or perhaps not even totally aware of her motives/goals for posting here. I'd cut her some slack.

While cutting her some slack might be nice, whether she or any one realizes it at the time, shaking her out of any delusions would definitely be beneficial. 

It is often that "shaking out of delusions" that the overly sensitive thinks of as bullying.  However, coddling someone to the extent that they continue with totally unrealistic expectations is doing nobody any good.

[Luna Bliss]

6 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

It is often that "shaking out of delusions" that the overly sensitive thinks of as bullying.

Usually, people only let go of delusions when they feel safe.

I don't think that woman ever felt safe.

[Luna Bliss]

16 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

While cutting her some slack might be nice

Why would this be nice? Does this mean you recognize a power imbalance between the poster vs regular forum posters, regarding someone who is either new, rarely posts, or is upset?

[LittleMe Jewell]

29 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Why would this be nice? Does this mean you recognize a power imbalance between the poster vs regular forum posters, regarding someone who is either new, rarely posts, or is upset?

Poor grammar -- may vs might

You sure do read a lot into posts sometimes.  

Edited September 19, 2018 by LittleMe Jewell

[Luna Bliss]

3 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

You sure do read a lot into posts sometimes.

Well I was really just asking you what you believed about power imbalances in the forum, regarding a new or infrequent poster, or a poster who is upset.

Do you take these factors into consideration too when responding to them?

[Rya Nitely]

Luna. You are saying everything I've been thinking and feeling for so long. 

[LittleMe Jewell]

14 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Well I was really just asking you what you believed about power imbalances in the forum, regarding a new or infrequent poster, or a poster who is upset.

Do you take these factors into consideration too when responding to them?

I typically take into account someone that is new -- but in that same vein, I weigh what they are posting against them being new.  Some folks create new accounts just for trolling.

I don't think someone else being upset about posts plays into power imbalances.  My handling of upset folks would depend on how they show that they are upset.  I'm not going to wrap responses in cotton to cushion them if the person is throwing a tantrum like a 2-yr old.

[Rya Nitely]

It's altruism - its a characteristic that some have, and I believe most don't. When I started talking about kindness, people immediately thought I was meaning towards me, and they gave me advice about blocking people etc.. I was only ever using myself as an example. When I see new people having a hard time, my instinct is to protect them, like Luna and Phil and some others do as well. 

[LittleMe Jewell]

7 minutes ago, Rya Nitely said:

When I see new people having a hard time, my instinct is to protect them, like Luna and Phil and some others do as well. 

Some of us also have different ideas about what the best way is to protect someone. 

While the truth sometimes hurts, it is often necessary to protect someone from some worse hurt down the road.  Sometimes, that does apply to things that get posted here.

[Garnet Psaltery]

19 minutes ago, Rya Nitely said:

It's altruism - its a characteristic that some have, and I believe most don't.

How would you know?

When I started talking about kindness, people immediately thought I was meaning towards me, and they gave me advice about blocking people etc.. I was only ever using myself as an example. When I see new people having a hard time, my instinct is to protect them, like Luna and Phil and some others do as well. 

That could be altruism or it could be a sign of a deep need for protection oneself.

 

[Rya Nitely]

All my life I've stood against the group and next to a victim, and the group would turn against me too. When I was at school I was usually the first to make friends with the new person, even though I had plenty of friends. I always move towards the weaker, less powerful person. 

when I was 6 I was asked to choose a puppy out of a litter, and I was warned that the one over there is sick. I said ' I'll have the sick one'. Because I felt sorry for it.

Of course I didn't get the sick puppy. One of my siblings got to choose, because I was 'stupid' ?

Edited September 19, 2018 by Rya Nitely
Changed crowd to group

[Pamela Galli]

2 hours ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

Some of us also have different ideas about what the best way is to protect someone. 

While the truth sometimes hurts, it is often necessary to protect someone from some worse hurt down the road.  Sometimes, that does apply to things that get posted here.

Reminds me of what  I always told my kids and my students: deal with reality or reality will deal with you. 

[Rya Nitely]

Does that always apply though? That reality doesn't need to change through education awareness? It's never necessary? A gay teenager struggling for acceptance, a child facing gender identity issues, etc. - educating society isn't necessary, because reality is what it is?

[Callum Meriman]

27 minutes ago, Rya Nitely said:

Does that always apply though? That reality doesn't need to change through education awareness? It's never necessary? A gay teenager struggling for acceptance, a child facing gender identity issues, etc. - educating society isn't necessary, because reality is what it is?

Education is a necessesity. And it is happening.

But no matter how much education, society will not change overnight. As we see with the slow acceptance of Gay people into society, or with the growing percentage of female participation in the workplace, it can take decades, and sometimes even a whole generation is needed.

While the change happens, while people are educated about mental health, gender identity, racism, equal rights - those in the affected group also need to work on building the resiliance to protect themselves. It's a sad fact, but it is a fact. While the education happens over a century... people need resiliance to keep up the fight.

We can wish that society could do an immediate 180° turn from the 1950s, and everything became fair and kind overnight - but this freight train is a hard one to reverse. It will take a lot of time for mental health or gender identity or any other issue to be understood, especially in the older population.

 

Edited September 19, 2018 by Callum Meriman

[Luna Bliss]

4 hours ago, Rya Nitely said:

Luna. You are saying everything I've been thinking and feeling for so long. 

I'm glad

[Luna Bliss]

2 hours ago, Rya Nitely said:

All my life I've stood against the group and next to a victim, and the group would turn against me too. When I was at school I was usually the first to make friends with the new person, even though I had plenty of friends. I always move towards the weaker, less powerful person. 

when I was 6 I was asked to choose a puppy out of a litter, and I was warned that the one over there is sick. I said ' I'll have the sick one'. Because I felt sorry for it.

Of course I didn't get the sick puppy. One of my siblings got to choose, because I was 'stupid' ?

I understand you....you're a sensitive soul.

I can remember feeling sad when I won something in a competition, because those who lost would feel hurt.

I remember riding to school on the bus at age 11 or so, and my friend beside me suddenly started taunting some other girl seated a few seats away, holding her nose as if the girl smelled and yelling "ewwwwee, Miller".  I was mortified. I could not join in with my friend or the people laughing. It was a major 'dawning' or something for me, the beginning consciousness of how people should be nicer to each other. 

[Luna Bliss]

4 hours ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

I don't think someone else being upset about posts plays into power imbalances.  My handling of upset folks would depend on how they show that they are upset.  I'm not going to wrap responses in cotton to cushion them if the person is throwing a tantrum like a 2-yr old.

I think my response (in the case of a poster being emotional) often goes more toward how they're handling the emotion. If they're not handling their emotion well (or if I suspect they're somehow traumatized) then I try to show more sympathy. I agree though, there's a point where someone can be so out-there emotionally that I lose sympathy for them. Self-protection I think.

[Drake1 Nightfire]

8 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

Well, say you were at the grocery store and a guy twice your size deliberately knocked you to the ground to get the last head of lettuce. That wouldn't be repeated, but I'd call it bullying.

Naa, that's assault.. 

[Luna Bliss]

4 hours ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

4 hours ago, Rya Nitely said:

When I see new people having a hard time, my instinct is to protect them, like Luna and Phil and some others do as well. 

Some of us also have different ideas about what the best way is to protect someone. 

While the truth sometimes hurts, it is often necessary to protect someone from some worse hurt down the road.  Sometimes, that does apply to things that get posted here.

I wish I could believe all responses I've seen were to protect another, but that would be naïve wouldn't it?

A good many of them have less benevolent motivations. Sometimes I can accept that, and other times it bothers me. And I'm talking about MY responses too...they are not always so wonderfully altruistic. But my evilness is verified for all now -- I raise my voice to my poor little kitty...lol.