How to be Your Own Best Friend in SL

[Persephone Emerald]

Time for a weekend discussion thread.

Since many of us in SL are basically introverts, I think we need to think about what it takes for us to be our own best friend sometimes. What are some things that you do for yourself to improve your experience of Second Life? What are some things that irritate you, and how do you reduce those irritations? 

For instance, I joked in another thread that I was pleasantly surprised to get my weekly stipend, but ensuring that I have this not only ensures I always have a little spending money, but also makes sure I don't waste money on transaction fees. It keeps me from spending more than I really want to spend in SL and makes me wait and think about purchases while I'm waiting for the next week's stipend to drop.

Other examples might be having a favorite music stream playing on your parcel or giving yourself a limit on how long you'll put up with an annoying user.

[Istelathis]

Imagination

 

I just get soaked into my own imagination, then I come on the forums and share some of it.  I don't get irritated very often, and find as time goes I grow less irritated at things, I think I am doing this aging thing all wrong or something..  I should have started to yell at people to get off my lawn, and complain about that new fangled technology, and how them zoomers ruin everything.

For sure though, I never lost my touch of imagination.  Second Life is the perfect place for me to go wandering around, and create all sorts of stories, and scenarios, plus it is always changing, and I am always finding things - and when I don't find things, I just build them and make new stories.  

Edited March 1 by Istelathis

[Love Zhaoying]

Just now, Istelathis said:

I don't get irritated very often

Some of us aren't doing our jobs!!!

1 minute ago, Istelathis said:

I just get soaked into my own imagination, then I come on the forums and share some of them.

I LOVE your imaginative pictures!

 

[Istelathis]

Just now, Love Zhaoying said:

Some of us aren't doing our jobs!!!

I LOVE your imaginative pictures!

 

I know, I have failed our younger generation, they need that sense of their grumpy elders putting them in their place!  I got a kick out of that episode, poor  Squidward

 

 

[Love Zhaoying]

41 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

I think we need to think about what it takes for us to be our own best friend sometimes.

Great idea! (Of course, we are also often our "own worst enemies"!)

 

[Raspberry Crystal]

I think that if you find yourself spending lots of alone time in SL (for whatever reason) then some sort of self imposed structure can be helpful, whatever that happens to be, even if you sometimes throw this aside and do spontaneous things as well.
Structure means different things to different people, so it could be making up games or challenges which contain their own satisfaction from being completed. It could also be about timetabling your activities, or working around existing SL events, such as shopping sales.
SL allows for both asymmetrical and asynchronous socialising. So you could have a chat group pinging in the background without joining in, just knowing that people are around. Or you could have a very drawn out conversation on the forums here, only throwing in a remark every few hours / days.
Sometimes it is about getting 'permission' to do the things you need, or want to do in any case, and not being too hard on yourself when things go awry (easier said than done I know).
 

[graceblakeley]

I spend lots of time alone on SL. Not trying to sound unfriendly, but I just prefer my own company. I add people daily to my Block list before they've even said a word. The lack of effort in their avatar tells me already they are not my type of person. Easier to nip it in the bud.

Other people can sometimes bother me without them actually doing anything, just by being there. Occasionally I put some semi random word in the 'Places' search and see where I get taken. From time to time I discover some intriguing or new place where I can see that thought and effort has gone into its creation and I want to appreciate it by exploring.

As I always have my 'Nearby' list showing I can see someone else is there too. I look at their profile. I zoom in to see the red cloud and I carry on for a bit. Then I look at them again to see if they've rezzed. They have. It's a terrible looking avatar 16 years old looking like they've had a 15 year sabbatical from the game. They're still stood standing in the same place. Haven't moved a pixel. Their presence gives me the creeps. I decide to leave. Nice place wasted.

Next interesting place on the 'Places' search results here I come.

My alts are my best friends.

[Anaryane]

I spontaneously avoid communities and places filled with drama. Without blaming anyone, I've found more respect and less superficiality among conversational partners from around the world than in my own country. As mentioned elsewhere, and like you, I'm often (always ?) alone, but I enjoy it; it's my nature. I have some similar habits to yours, like searching for places using keywords to discover new locations, discreetly viewing people's profiles (including my neighbors on Belli) because I'm curious, and sometimes there are hidden places worth visiting in their favorites.

Do I speak to these people? No, and I don't want to disturb them.

Some send me private messages, but it always turns into 'oh, you have a pretty avi,' 'oh, nice outfit'... Superficial, without reading the profile, and we know where that would lead. Obviously, I don't respond or I respond off-topic, and the conversations quickly fade away. What also annoys me are people who don't know how to decorate, when with a little research, even with gifts, one can beautifully decorate their land with something other than ugly and flashy prims. Similarly for the old avatars, when it's been proven that it's possible to create a decent avi with gifts or a few l$. It makes me want to give them a makeover. I must not have played with dolls enough when I was little! But I understand that the very old ones are not interested in these aspects, but come to SL for their own reasons, and that's perfectly fine too. 

So yes, I also enjoy imagining how I could decorate and build rooms for my house, drawing inspiration for landscaping, or changing my avatar according to my mood or a story I tell myself. Once (a few years ago), I decorated a house when I was still living in Second Norway, in a rural cottage with its small grocery store and farm produce. Every winter, I did things like that, and it encouraged people to come back every year to rent the surrounding lands and create a kind of village, simply because I decorated in a special atmosphere, and it was snowy ambient. So it was great.

Right now, I have some projects that will require me to focus more on certain aspects I've been fumbling with so far, which is a first step towards something I've been postponing for years without really having an explanation. So it will take me a lot of time, and much more serious learning.

I really love exploring others' creativity, so I visit a lot of artistic places, and that, it's the most important thing for me. Creativity. Somewhere, I think I enjoy peeking into people's minds through this medium, without necessarily having to interact with them.

For the rest, anything that can excite me and teach me something makes the experience in SL even more interesting and enriching. Otherwise, in both the first and second life, i think it's important to respect oneself, but also to be kind to oneself, without having to tolerate what offends or makes us uncomfortable.

[starxrender]

I spend most of my time alone and I'm fine with it. I'm not really social anyway and I like to use SL as a dress up game/fishing simulator/exploration sandbox where I can also be a space alien. No complaints so far!

[MoiraKathleen]

I've never been bothered by being by myself and finding ways to entertain myself, in RL or in SL, and, especially since I stopped working, I know that my conversation and social skills are a bit rusty and not the best.   

Different aspects of SL have been important to me at various times over the years.  Right now, with my husband retired and home all the time, my daughter and her two sons living with us (2 with ADHD and 1 on the autism spectrum and homeschooled) and the return of a health issue I thought I had conquered, what is important for me in SL right now is having a place that is just mine alone, calm and peaceful, and a setting and activities that are soothing and relaxing for the RL me as I watch the SL me participate in things.  I started DFS farming again - very small scale - a kitchen garden, a few animals - because I find the tending of the animals and crops very relaxing for me right now.  I generally have a classical music stream on my parcels, and lots of bird sounds.  I can dream of living that pretty much self-sufficient life out in the countryside with no one but myself to take care of or be responsible for.  I don't even let my other accounts have rooms in the house, or houses of their own anymore - right now they're just for contributing tier to our land group and contributing their stipends. 

This doesn't mean that I never want to talk with anyone, or to be around other people.  While I do prefer to go out exploring by myself, I do like knowing that there are other people around somewhere (one of the reasons I like to live on mainland) and I often will have a group chat or two open and watch the conversations taking place.  There are a few friends that I do talk with from time to time, though usually not from my initiative.   (I am definitely not the type of friend that is going to IM you the moment you log on!).

[Zallia Creeley]

Man, this is one of those topics that invites a whole ton of self reflection.

The short version, which is where I think you are getting at, is taking the time to take my pics, and try and stop in for some of a friend's set.

But, the way I can really be my best friend is shaking off RL, and accepting where SL can help with that.

It's also accepting that SL is like my RL, in that 4-5 quality friends is better than a ton of "so-so" friends.

[Spiffy Voxel]

I took the decision last year to cut down on visits to shopping events & sales, with the only exceptions being those that support charities and good causes. (And even then, I'll usually make a direct donation via a kiosk.) I still buy artwork & sculptures from galleries or direct from creator's stores from time to time.

The reduction in inventory clutter has been noticeable! I've had time to organise things and decide what I want to keep, and build up a selection of outfits & looks that I actually use fairly regularly.

But the best decision I took to be my own best friend in Second Life was when I stopped caring about which body or head I should be wearing and just rolled with what works for me.  Yes, there may not be much new OG Maitreya Lara clothing in the future, but I have more than enough already, and I'm sure there will be plenty of options for Lara X at that point.

[NipahRika]

15 hours ago, starxrender said:

I spend most of my time alone and I'm fine with it. I'm not really social anyway and I like to use SL as a dress up game/fishing simulator/exploration sandbox where I can also be a space alien. No complaints so far!

Me too. I rejoined SL after being away since around 2015-2016. I forgot my info of my 11 year old account so just decided to start fresh and new. SL to me is more of a dress up game, clubbing, etc than anything tbh. I am not expecting to make friends on here or whatever if am gonna be real.

 

6 hours ago, Spiffy Voxel said:

But the best decision I took to be my own best friend in Second Life was when I stopped caring about which body or head I should be wearing and just rolled with what works for me.  Yes, there may not be much new OG Maitreya Lara clothing in the future, but I have more than enough already, and I'm sure there will be plenty of options for Lara X at that point.

Agree. I honestly never really got into the various body and head stuff in SL even back 11 years ago. I just wear whatever I want which is usually a cosplay avi or something else entirely.  

[Zallia Creeley]

7 hours ago, Spiffy Voxel said:

But the best decision I took to be my own best friend in Second Life was when I stopped caring about which body or head I should be wearing and just rolled with what works for me.  Yes, there may not be much new OG Maitreya Lara clothing in the future, but I have more than enough already, and I'm sure there will be plenty of options for Lara X at that point.

Good gravy this is fantastic advice. I worry too much about the body, and it's a needless worry.

Thanks for the reminder.

[Orwar]

   I think the importance of friendship in SL varies a lot on how you 'use' it, and I think that's one reason that a lot of people who hop on the grid because they view it as a 'social platform' end up feeling disappointed (some people are just here to play dress-up and take pictures, others are here to create stuff and don't necessarily want to get involved with any people along the way). I don't really ever go out to 'find friends', I meet a lot of people doing the things I enjoy and some of them ascend from acquaintances to friends over time. Being an introvert, I'm very picky about which people I'll expend my 'social energy' on; and a handful of people I feel comfortable enough around that their presence doesn't feel like it's using up that energy (not talking about social vampirism here, that's another issue entirely).

   Whilst I don't fully agree with the concept of viewing oneself as one's friend (it seems a bit schizophrenic to me), there certainly are similarities in how you should view and treat yourself as you should others; most importantly, accept you for you, you may aspire to become a 'better' person but don't put expectations on yourself that you can't live up to, and don't punish yourself when you experience failures. It is fine, even important, that you reflect on your failures and try to find constructive ways to improve (it's what we call 'growth'), but telling yourself you're 'worthless' or such isn't constructive. Then there's the whole gratitude thing; enjoy what you have and who you are.

   But you also shouldn't lie to yourself, so if you are an entirely depraved person with no redeeming qualities whatsoever, and no ability to improve .. Well, the only way I can think of to separate yourself from your own company would be a lobotomy. But those are pretty hard to do in SL! But for the modest fee of L$5,000 I'll give it my best shot!

[graceblakeley]

On 3/2/2024 at 7:59 AM, Anaryane said:

I spontaneously avoid communities and places filled with drama.

[...]

I didn't want to quote your whole post because it was long, but every word (besides that around creating content) could have been written about me, but you wrote it much better than I could have.

I re-read my own post above. I sound so miserable, disconnected and on the verge of suicide. I am none of those things. 

I guess I am somewhat selfish and introverted and just like doing my own thing. At my most comfortable, relaxed and happiest like that.

Edited March 3 by graceblakeley
Error correction.

[Ksenia Elcano]

On 3/1/2024 at 10:49 AM, Persephone Emerald said:

I think we need to think about what it takes for us to be our own best friend sometimes.

I thought this thread was going to be about making an alt to be your own best friend.

[Persephone Emerald]

36 minutes ago, Ksenia Elcano said:

I thought this thread was going to be about making an alt to be your own best friend.

That can work too!

[Zallia Creeley]

13 hours ago, Persephone Emerald said:

That can work too!

I have given serious thought to partnering an alt just to make it clear I am off the market.

Not that partnering stops people, but one roadblock.

[Spiffy Voxel]

46 minutes ago, Zallia Creeley said:

I have given serious thought to partnering an alt just to make it clear I am off the market.

Not that partnering stops people, but one roadblock.

Of course, that assumes people will even read that far into your profile. Or open it, for that matter.

(Related: I see a lot of empty or virtually-empty profiles these days. Yes, I'm one of those weird people who still checks those things.)

[Love Zhaoying]

13 minutes ago, Spiffy Voxel said:

1 hour ago, Zallia Creeley said:

I have given serious thought to partnering an alt just to make it clear I am off the market.

Not that partnering stops people, but one roadblock.

Of course, that assumes people will even read that far into your profile. Or open it, for that matter.

(Related: I see a lot of empty or virtually-empty profiles these days. Yes, I'm one of those weird people who still checks those things.)

Adding, some people REALLY like to cheat.  I can see people adding a fake partner just because they want to "cheat", and other people propositioning them for the same reason.

[PheebyKatz]

Being my own best friend? Hmm, well...

When nobody is around I like to get naked and... OH, right, you mean in SL.

When nobody is around I like to rezz as many zombies as our sim's remaining LI will allow, and then hunt them all down again.

Occasional a visitor will show up during this "routine sim maintenance", and either freak out and run away, or ask to join in.

I keep extra AK's handy for the latter instance.

The rest of the time I'm either building or doing other actually responsible things.

Except for when I rezz a big prim dance floor and put Youtube on it and dance on it.

EDIT: Fine, I also like to ride my motorcycle all over my home sim, because it's probably got the worst roads in all of SL, and I like a challenge. Sorry for all the noise, dear residents~!

Edited March 4 by PheebyKatz

[Porky Gorky]

On 3/2/2024 at 12:04 AM, graceblakeley said:

As I always have my 'Nearby' list showing I can see someone else is there too. I look at their profile. I zoom in to see the red cloud and I carry on for a bit. Then I look at them again to see if they've rezzed. They have. It's a terrible looking avatar 16 years old looking like they've had a 15 year sabbatical from the game. They're still stood standing in the same place. Haven't moved a pixel. Their presence gives me the creeps. I decide to leave. Nice place wasted.

I am using a 14 year old avatar and have had a 12 year sabbatical. Also when I teleport into a new area I never move my Av, I just move the camera. Please consider this as my official application for your creep list. 😁

[vanettda Lassard]

The last couple of years (decade) have been rough. I went from teaching full-time at college while simultaneously running a professional illustration studio (60 to 80 hr weeks) to being housebound with barely an ability to walk or stand. Last year, after nine months in PT/OT rehab where I could not leave my bed I’ve learned a few things.

1. I am grateful every day for the mobility I have, rather than focusing on what mobility I’ve lost. At the same time I am thrilled with the opportunities that SL gives me to move, and socialize, and build, and enjoy virtual sunsets. Living most of your life within four walls is a special kind of torture. SL provides an escape and respite from this reality.

2. I’ve been forced to simplify my RL and by extension, my SL. I’ve always been so focused on making money and growing my business (thus the hours) that I missed a *****load of stuff. The same was true in SL. I had three alts, with distinct personalities. (Because SL is actually a psychological experiment in multiple personality disorder.) and all three built stuff and I funneled the products into a store and was consumed by stats, and visits, and trends. I now have one avatar and while I still built and sell stuff I couldn’t care less about its marketability, success, or any kind of coherent theme. I build because I love It and that’s my non-business model. I now have time to explore more.

3. I’ve always been an introvert. My energetic popular  professor-ship that stood in front of a hundred students and enthusiastically espoused the wonders of photoshop and digital illustration was an exhausting mask that sucked the life out of me. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVED the teaching, it was just draining. In SL I have been a lot more selective in who are actually my friends what groups I join, and what activities I participate in. My RL interaction with people is extremely limited. So I am grateful for the interaction opportunities that SL provides.

4. I hate grief-ing and trolls. I will never understand the thrill it must be to be a professional ***** and crap on another persons SL experience. Since joining SL 18 yrs ago I’ve been told by griefers  to get a life! Get a life? Really? Because deliberately offending and belittling, and bullying residents is such an example of a life well lived? Truly, it just baffles me. (Caution, comic book nudity: https://flic.kr/p/2pCrk8m

 

 

[Imogen Bloodrose]

On 3/4/2024 at 2:09 PM, Spiffy Voxel said:

Of course, that assumes people will even read that far into your profile. Or open it, for that matter.

(Related: I see a lot of empty or virtually-empty profiles these days. Yes, I'm one of those weird people who still checks those things.)

I love profile perving specially if the person put thoughts and effort into it, it means to me they take SL a bit more serious as a second life and not just a game with moving puppets lol.

and even after all the years on SL i still only got 6 friends on my list as random stranger requests will be ignored.