Negative Roomate Experience With Someone I Met In Second Life

[RealTrueMe]

Let me make this clear this post was not put here so I could be critisized for my choices I had enough of that for 6 years and im done with it. If you don't have a story to tell then just don't comment. I am happy to hear and listen to others stories. If your goal is just to critisize about what sl is or what should be put on here to talk about just keep it to yourself please. 

[RealTrueMe]

1 hour ago, Ceka Cianci said:

I can understand that, probably not anywhere near the level that you experienced... I've had friends in SL that were just friends and didn't  tell me they were a man until years later.. It wasn't anything that made me not their friend anymore or anything like that, but it did change  the way we related to each other after that..

I did have someone in RL that I knew as a friend and then later had gotten serious with each other.. Then found out about a year later from someone else that he had been putting pictures online of some things that  by now I would hope are buried somewhere at the bottom of the internet..

I would say, it seems like we can never be too careful..

I don't know the whole story of your situation since I came to the thread late and didn't see what all was said..So I'm not sure what all happened and you really don't have to tell me.. If it is something you feel you had to remove because some were  being disrespectful, that is more than understandable.. I have a much better idea of what you went through now and can sympathise with it much more now..

The reason My very first post was the response that it was, is because of only seeing the edited part and not realizing the story was edited out.. It appeared to me as someone just seeking information about the community for their studies, which we've had so many for years trying to sneak in ways to get us to talk about our SL experiences for their papers or some sort of research..

My other post to Phil, that was just to humor Phil.. Because if you don't humor Phil every once in awhile, He gets grumpy. hehehe

On a more serious note, I hope you aren't stuck still with this roommate and removed them from your home or got out of the situation in some way.. That would be terrible to be stuck in..

I appreciate the response I understand and yes I am out of the situation now and never thought I would have to seek therapy. Was on the advice of a friend who I have known in rl for years noticed I was jumpy and when I did things even in someone elses house I would feel or act as if I would be in trouble and noticed it looked like I might have some form of ptsd. 

 

[Ceka Cianci]

3 minutes ago, RealTrueMe said:

I appreciate the response I understand and yes I am out of the situation now and never thought I would have to seek therapy. Was on the advice of a friend who I have known in rl for years noticed I was jumpy and when I did things even in someone elses house I would feel or act as if I would be in trouble and noticed it looked like I might have some form of ptsd. 

 

From what I hear, roommates can be hard situations anyways, even in good situations with friends who knew each other for a long time in RL..

I've known friends that were best friends and became roommates and ended up not talking to each other for years after moving away from each other..  I remember getting an ear full from each one of them talking about each other behind their backs..

I think it's just a hard thing in general, then to add in someone not being who they made themselves out to be.. That's just got to be terrible.. I don't think I would walk away from it without scars either..

I will say, when I first moved in with my husband, I had a pretty good idea of what he was going to be like and what I was getting myself into..hehehe 

He had long since gotten passed the stage of feeling  like he had to hide anything and well in the comfort stage with me.. Once they get passed that stage where gassing you becomes funny, I think they really don't feel there is much more reason to hide the rest.. From blanket ovens to what he calls crop dusting and then tricking me into the bathroom after he's been in there for awhile, then jumping out and  holding the door..

Now he's passing that legacy onto our three boys..The youngest one though, He's more on Mommas side.. hehehe

Aaanyways, I do hope you find a situation in the future that makes you happy and outshines the darker past and moving forward.. Don't let this person keep your wheels spinning in one spot.. They don't deserve to rent space in your head anymore.. Scars become the toughest part of our skin.. Don't let this person keep a wound open.. They don't deserve that kind of time consumption..

I hope the best for you in the future.

Ceka ❤️

 

 

[Alwin Alcott]

1 hour ago, RealTrueMe said:

Let me make this clear this post was not put here so I could be critisized for my choices I had enough of that for 6 years and im done with it. If you don't have a story to tell then just don't comment. I 

you'r posting on a public forum, not your personal blog with friends or followers. I have not seen ány rude comments, but people that point you at things you don't like to hear.

[Luna Bliss]

8 hours ago, belindacarson said:

Mmmm no the real problem with people these days is the increasing amount who are too sensitive

I'm not sure you understand how growing up in certain ways affects people deeply and causes them to have to work very hard to overcome patterns established early on, due to the ineffective and/or abusive behaviors directed toward them. Abuse can cause a chronic type of PTSD named C-PTSD (chronic post traumatic stress disorder).

I'd recommend reading up on C-PTSD and current research detailing how we can help others overcome the challenges. It does absolutely no good just to tell these people they are simply too sensitive.

*The EchoVets sim in SL (assisting our veterans who enjoy virtual worlds)  deals with PTSD a lot -- I attended a few classes there on PTSD/C-PTSD run by the Psychologist who has the Fearless Nation sim.  Great info!  Fearless Nation has lots of education on it via signs you click on while walking through the sim, and a support group meets there too.

Edited October 6, 2023 by Luna Bliss

[Luna Bliss]

15 minutes ago, Alwin Alcott said:

1 hour ago, RealTrueMe said:

Let me make this clear this post was not put here so I could be critisized for my choices I had enough of that for 6 years and im done with it. If you don't have a story to tell then just don't comment. I 

you'r posting on a public forum, not your personal blog with friends or followers. I have not seen ány rude comments, but people that point you at things you don't like to hear.

Sometimes people just want others to hear and understand some sort of experience they've gone through, and are not seeking people to fix them.  That might not be what you do with others, but many seek that. And strangely, out of being heard, and listening to the experience of others, sometimes new ideas occur to them and they do better next time.

[Dorientje Woller]

7 hours ago, Alwin Alcott said:

you'r posting on a public forum, not your personal blog with friends or followers. I have not seen ány rude comments, but people that point you at things you don't like to hear.

And so what, it doesn't give you the right to act so hostile from the start of this topic. Even if this is a "public forum", there are gentler ways to make your arguements.

Edited October 6, 2023 by Dorientje Woller

[Love Zhaoying]

On 10/4/2023 at 10:59 PM, RealTrueMe said:

I had the worst experience with a rl roomate that I met in sl. Share your Story I would like to know if it's worse than mine.

 

Your story may be the worst ever! I hope you learned a lot.

[Persephone Emerald]

If you (general you, not specific) watch this series on Netflix, you may never want to share your home with a stranger again.

 

[Luna Bliss]

8 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

If you (general you, not specific) watch this series on Netflix, you may never want to share your home with a stranger again.

 

It real life Halloween, Persephone........

Oh no, the first episode is named "Call Me Grandma"...that is creepy..

Edited October 6, 2023 by Luna Bliss

[Persephone Emerald]

38 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

It real life Halloween, Persephone........

Oh no, the first episode is named "Call Me Grandma"...that is creepy..

One of our very own Sacramento serial killers, Dorothea Puente.* 

The first episode is almost funny - if you have a dark sense of humor. Then each episode after gets increasingly more disturbing, until you want to hide in your childhood bedroom with your favorite stuffed animal and a beloved pet.

* She was a great cook by all accounts, and there's a cookbook of some of her recipes. - No, nothing like Mrs. Lovett's meat pies.

Edited October 6, 2023 by Persephone Emerald

[Luna Bliss]

Just now, Persephone Emerald said:

Then each episode after gets increasingly disturbing, until you want to hide in your childhood bedroom with your favorite stuffed animal and a beloved pet.

I can't wait to watch these episodes and feel just like that later!   ;0

[BilliJo Aldrin]

On 10/5/2023 at 9:27 AM, Luna Bliss said:

Well, mine is not the same as yours but it's pretty bad.

I had an 8-year long relationship with someone in SL that I thought was a woman, and they turned out to be a man! 

Suffice it to say, it takes some time to get over the feelings of betrayal, and I understand your pain.

Hoping it won't take too long to get over yours.

So why did he choose to tell the truth after 8 years.  If someone goes for that long, why would they ever tell?

[Luna Bliss]

5 minutes ago, BilliJo Aldrin said:

So why did he choose to tell the truth after 8 years.  If someone goes for that long, why would they ever tell?

He accidentally sent an email from his RL account. At first he denied, saying this male name was for a game character in some game he was involved in, but I took the name and did a little sleuthing.  Bingo, his website, photos and all.

[BilliJo Aldrin]

15 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

He accidentally sent an email from his RL account. At first he denied, saying this male name was for a game character in some game he was involved in, but I took the name and did a little sleuthing.  Bingo, his website, photos and all.

That does suck though, I'm sorry it happened to you

[Love Zhaoying]

The key word is "roommate". 

Embarking on ANY living situation, you need to be able to get along.

The OP's "roommate" situation, having met them from Second Life, reminds me strongly of most of the "roommates" I met over the internet. 

It's not that a "roommate" was met on Second Life in particular, or the Internet in general. The issue is, if you get into a living situation with ANYONE and you don't know them well, it can turn into a nightmare pretty easily.

 

[Quartz Mole]

Please remember that, if you feel you really must draw attention to what you see is the failings in other posters' character or personality as revealed by their comments, even indirectly, you should do it in personal messages or in-world IMs, not in public posts in the forums.

[Angelor Galanter]

Hi! I've had several friends over the years who met in sL, married, and even have new kids. I know one guy who moved his business from Canada to the UK just to be with his new-found SL love. It worked out great. Also, I knew a woman who dated a man who said he lived with his terminal spouse in Australia and subsequently moved back to the US - only to discover it was all a lie. I do love success stories, though!

In a similar vein, I met my first roommate on roommates.com, and we spent years together (12 yrs). During that time, she had several rl scares of breast cancer (treated), and Hep C (treated) - all of which she survived. People change and become more in focus when you live with them - and life's journey is never straight forward. If you feel connected and enjoy them then you're willing to suffer the slings and arrows with them.  If not, obviously, it becomes a nightmare worth figuring out - and moving out (if you can).

In all cases, it's a good rule of thumb to trust your instincts and review how you feel about them before they move in - or you move in with them.

I once flew across the country to meet a prospective love, and it was a disaster. I was polite and gentlemanly, but the relationship stopped there. The first face-to-face meeting could have gone very differently. Following your heart has inherent risks, but I say - do it anyway!

[RealTrueMe]

On 10/6/2023 at 1:56 PM, Persephone Emerald said:

If you (general you, not specific) watch this series on Netflix, you may never want to share your home with a stranger again.

 

I saw that and made me feel instantly better about my horror experience. 

 

[kali Wylder]

I've met several people from SL in RL and not had any bad experiences.  I've even shared hotel rooms with a couple of them.

The only problem I had was with one friend who was deaf.  I knew he was deaf in SL and that was not an issue in world because I don't use voice much anyway.  But I didn't realize how hard it was going to be to communicate in RL with no keyboards and I don't speak sign language.  We worked it out by getting a legal pad and pen and he'd write down his replies and read my lips.

[Randall Ahren]

On 10/8/2023 at 6:24 PM, kali Wylder said:

I've met several people from SL in RL and not had any bad experiences.  I've even shared hotel rooms with a couple of them.

How did you manage to share a hotel room, but not a bed? Was is it like one of those romantic comedies, where you could not afford separate rooms, and the only rooms available had single beds?

Edited October 13, 2023 by Randall Ahren
Correct type

[Rowan Amore]

21 minutes ago, Randall Ahren said:

How did you manage to share a hotel room, but not a bed? Was it like one of those romantic comedies, where you could not afford separate rooms, and the only rooms available had single beds?

Most hotel rooms I've been in have 2 double beds.

[kali Wylder]

57 minutes ago, Randall Ahren said:

How did you manage to share a hotel room, but not a bed? Was is it like one of those romantic comedies, where you could not afford separate rooms, and the only rooms available had single beds?

I don't recall mentioning the sleeping arrangements. This might surprise you, but you can get a hotel room with more than one bed. Splitting costs with friends is a great way to make traveling affordable. 

[Persephone Emerald]

On 10/5/2023 at 11:54 PM, RealTrueMe said:

Thats my main point for even posting wanting to hear of others experiences is that I am over it. The fact is I was left with lots of anxiety and fear for trust in others and I am trying to get that back. She destroyed that for me. I am not going to be able to stop her from doing it to others so this is my way of dealing with the experience so I don't let this experience make me distrust people for the rest of my life. Believe me I never thought this type of stress could actually cause ptsd in someone till I saw a therapist but the fact is it did. Someone that manipulaitive needs therapy herself so all I can do is take care of myself she will never change. I will pray for her and her future children cause with someone like that raising children I fear the worst. I was raised around manipulative people and she even managed to hide that from me for almost 6 years that is a sign of someone with real issues. Your right there were positive moments now that I look back on I am sure that was fake as well to achieve her own agenda.

I had a wonderful landlady who I lived with for 18 years before she decided to sell her house and move into a senior apartment.

After that, I had some terrible housemates and some ok ones. The one I thought would be the worst was smoking way too much weed and taking meth instead of his prescribed medication. He would play the same song all night long, over and over, night after night. He started talking to himself in the bathroom like he was talking to the devil. He strung up the fire alarms in the garage like some kind of Blair Witch homage and took apart 2 wooden stools to burn them in some kind of ritual in the garage. We had to call the police on him twice, the 2nd time when he went out into my other housemate's van and was banging his head on the floor saying "My real calling is a werewolf."

That guy was crazy, but he never threatened me, my dog, or my stuff, and he didn't traumatize me and reactivate my CPTSD like my last evil ex-housmate did.

She seemed fine for 2 years. We would watch streaming shows, eat pizza and drink wine together during the height of the COVID pandemic. After my temp job ended and the other housemate had a mental breakdown that traumatized both of us, she started getting worse and worse toward me, though. It's hard to explain how she made me feel trapped in my room and scared of her just by complaining that she couldn't stand the sound of my desk moving or my spoon scraping my bowl, by telling me I wasn't to take a bath before 10 am when she might want to use the bathroom when she came back from her gym, by how she would say mean things to me or purposely bump me if I was in the kitchen when she wanted to be there, when she purposely broke my cereal bowl and would eat part of my food then throw the rest in the trash. She wasn't being irrationally crazy, but was purposely invading my boundaries, controlling me, and destroying my possessions in order to destroy my self-confidence and sanity. 

It's a good thing she doesn't want to ever have kids, but I suspect she's left a trail of psychologically damaged housemates and romantic partners in her wake.

Edited October 13, 2023 by Persephone Emerald
2 years, not 3 years.

[Randall Ahren]

13 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

She wasn't being irrationally crazy, but was purposely invading my boundaries, controlling me, and destroying my possessions in order to destroy my self-confidence and sanity. 

Have you considered living by yourself?