Negative Roomate Experience With Someone I Met In Second Life

[Luna Bliss]

4 minutes ago, Katherine Heartsong said:

This is why I tell guys who run female avatars ... be honest, and don't do this!

That's one of the reasons I respect you so much..

[Alwin Alcott]

2 hours ago, Persephone Emerald said:

She did tell her story, but then removed it after she was getting flippant, insensitive responses. 

as you can clearly see, the edit was before most others replied, you and one other were the only ones who seen the full post. So please keep you reply honest, this remark isn't.

[Persephone Emerald]

10 hours ago, Alwin Alcott said:

am i the only one that can't bother?.. rl dream blown up .. this is what mostly happens when bringing sl to rl. People are in their pink cloud, not realizing that a real person is a lot more as a avatar.

Your response here seems to show that you saw her post, since you say her RL dream blew up. Randal posted their response before I posted mine, so they must've seen it too, then posted 2 flippant, insensitive responses.

25 minutes ago, Alwin Alcott said:

as you can clearly see, the edit was before most others replied, you and one other were the only ones who seen the full post. So please keep you reply honest, this remark isn't.

The edit removing her experience was before most of the current responses, but it was not before Randal's 2 responses. She edited her post after I'd read Randal's.

Edited October 5, 2023 by Persephone Emerald

[Luna Bliss]

10 hours ago, Persephone Emerald said:

10 hours ago, Alwin Alcott said:

am i the only one that can't bother?.. rl dream blown up .. who cares.

If you don't care, then why bother responding?  🤷‍♀️

Yes, and I think it's good to care and be concerned about a person, be sensitive to their pain, even if someone makes an honest mistake.

Edited October 5, 2023 by Luna Bliss

[RealTrueMe]

11 hours ago, Randall Ahren said:

What was so negative about the experience? Did she use the last of the toilet paper and not replace it with a new roll?

I wish it was something that minor spent 6 years with someone who wanted to control everything from how I washed a dish to who I used as a doctor to dentist. Never in my life had I known someone that controlling and I raised by women.  I am not even sure the word manipulative could even begin to explain her personality.  It was so bad I was diagnosed with ptsd after I moved and sought therapy for depression that I had never had prior to living with her. 

[RealTrueMe]

1 hour ago, Alwin Alcott said:

as you can clearly see, the edit was before most others replied, you and one other were the only ones who seen the full post. So please keep you reply honest, this remark isn't.

yes I did edit that was before any responses at all I edited the header but thanks to yet another person trying to make something from nothing to make it seem as if I am not being honest that is the real problem with people these days. 

[Ceka Cianci]

3 hours ago, Persephone Emerald said:

The OP told her story before you made your 2 flippant comments. Then she removed it, probably because she was getting so much negative feedback.

She did tell her story, but then removed it after she was getting flippant, insensitive responses. 

Ahh ok, I only seen what's up there now.

[Alwin Alcott]

10 minutes ago, RealTrueMe said:

yes I did edit that was before any responses at all I edited the header but thanks to yet another person trying to make something from nothing to make it seem as if I am not being honest that is the real problem with people these days. 

my post was in nothing about you but the statement by Persephone

[UnilWay SpiritWeaver]

This kind of topic seems better suited to reddit where 'relationship horror stories' is a whole major theme for many different communities.

It seems poorly suited for a place like this forum.

 

[Cold Shiver]

Well alright, I'll bite. I met a guy on SL, found out we lived close by and then decided to meet. Turned out we had chemistry irl and dated for a few months, but honestly he was abusive. I'm also positive he used SL to cheat on me all the time because he couldn't admit he was attracted to guys but used SL has an outlet for his queerness. I should also point out we both agreed not to do sexual/romantic stuff with other people on SL (his call since he claimed he had trust issues). He also accused me of cheating on him constantly, irl and in SL. Then when I was going through a rough time he made fun of me for.... using SL? Like I used SL to recuperate by redecorating my place but he would turn up randomly and get very angry I was on SL, I never force teleported to him since I respected his privacy and I suspect that made the *****ing of guilty conscience, become full blown defensive rage.  It was so weird and headwrecking, but ah, I was young and this was 6-7 years ago. Glad that's over.

[Ceka Cianci]

7 hours ago, Phil Deakins said:

No problem

Ok, here is the moment you've been waiting for.. I remember my very first and only roommate ,because husbands don't count, even though we did life together for a few years before getting married..

Aaaanyways,

My very first roommate used to be so bad.. She would push me and hit me and take things from me.. Soon as I turned 10 and we moved and got a bigger house I moved out and into my own room..

You can see why I never had no roommates after that one..

 

[Rowan Amore]

2 hours ago, Ceka Cianci said:

Ok, here is the moment you've been waiting for.. I remember my very first and only roommate ,because husbands don't count, even though we did life together for a few years before getting married..

Aaaanyways,

My very first roommate used to be so bad.. She would push me and hit me and take things from me.. Soon as I turned 10 and we moved and got a bigger house I moved out and into my own room..

You can see why I never had no roommates after that one..

 

Kind of the first thing I thought of, too only there were 3 of us girls sharing a room.  Mayhem!

[RealTrueMe]

4 hours ago, Cold Shiver said:

Well alright, I'll bite. I met a guy on SL, found out we lived close by and then decided to meet. Turned out we had chemistry irl and dated for a few months, but honestly he was abusive. I'm also positive he used SL to cheat on me all the time because he couldn't admit he was attracted to guys but used SL has an outlet for his queerness. I should also point out we both agreed not to do sexual/romantic stuff with other people on SL (his call since he claimed he had trust issues). He also accused me of cheating on him constantly, irl and in SL. Then when I was going through a rough time he made fun of me for.... using SL? Like I used SL to recuperate by redecorating my place but he would turn up randomly and get very angry I was on SL, I never force teleported to him since I respected his privacy and I suspect that made the *****ing of guilty conscience, become full blown defensive rage.  It was so weird and headwrecking, but ah, I was young and this was 6-7 years ago. Glad that's over.

I agree the fact its over is a relief for sure but I wondered if I was alone in my experience. Learned a hard lesson and doing everything I can to support myself and not get into this type of situation again. I feel really bad for anyone else that has to go through something like this cause its hard to trust people. 

[RealTrueMe]

3 hours ago, Ceka Cianci said:

Ok, here is the moment you've been waiting for.. I remember my very first and only roommate ,because husbands don't count, even though we did life together for a few years before getting married..

Aaaanyways,

My very first roommate used to be so bad.. She would push me and hit me and take things from me.. Soon as I turned 10 and we moved and got a bigger house I moved out and into my own room..

You can see why I never had no roommates after that one..

 

I can totally see why for sure the only thing I learned is that the person you know in sl can be a totally different person in rl. 

[Luna Bliss]

4 minutes ago, RealTrueMe said:

I agree the fact its over is a relief for sure but I wondered if I was alone in my experience.

Inviting you to the Empowering Relationships In SL & Beyond group, meets Wednesday's @ 10am.

It's really helpful to hear others talk about the complexities of relationships taking place with the addition of virtual worlds.  You don't have to talk there...is ok to just listen.

https://www.virtualwholebrainhealth.org/calwbh/

[Luna Bliss]

16 minutes ago, RealTrueMe said:

the only thing I learned is that the person you know in sl can be a totally different person in rl.

Yeah, and in 1st life too people can put up fronts for months, seem fine, and the negative stuff doesn't start surfacing till much later...

[Ceka Cianci]

1 minute ago, RealTrueMe said:

I can totally see why for sure the only thing I learned is that the person you know in sl can be a totally different person in rl. 

That can be the same with anyone, online or in RL.. There is always a risk that you have to take..

I've dated guys that didn't show their true self until 3 or 4 months  into the relationship when they finally get comfy enough and let those things that they kept hidden ease on in.

With SL I've never thought of going RL with anyone, or really had any roommates after moving out of my Fathers house.. I was fortunate enough to not have to have a roommate and could have my own house.

But I still had to take a risk on a man and him take one with me.. I don't think there is any getting around that.. But I had a lot of bumps along the way because of risks too..

Honestly, SL  is probably a very low percentage of people lining  up with each other, because there is a lot that  you miss out on in signals from first meetings in RL..

There might be some that have success, but I doubt it's many compared to those that haven't.. It's probably not the best place to be looking for relationships or roommates to be honest.

[Ceka Cianci]

8 hours ago, Persephone Emerald said:

Your response here seems to show that you saw her post, since you say her RL dream blew up. Randal posted their response before I posted mine, so they must've seen it too, then posted 2 flippant, insensitive responses.

The edit removing her experience was before most of the current responses, but it was not before Randal's 2 responses. She edited her post after I'd read Randal's.

The only reason I chose the way I posted was, because we get so many that try to get their studies done on us for their college exams and research..

I didn't notice the post was edited and it came off as someone looking for information about us in that way..

If I had seen their story, I'm sure I would have responded much differently..

 

[Randall Ahren]

9 hours ago, RealTrueMe said:

I wish it was something that minor spent 6 years with someone who wanted to control everything from how I washed a dish to who I used as a doctor to dentist. Never in my life had I known someone that controlling and I raised by women.  I am not even sure the word manipulative could even begin to explain her personality.  It was so bad I was diagnosed with ptsd after I moved and sought therapy for depression that I had never had prior to living with her. 

Six years is a long time. There must have been some positive moments, especially at the beginning, otherwise the relationship would have ended much sooner. Remember the positive and leave the negative in the past. Most likely you won't live forever, so try to be happy now. If that's too much for you at this moment, begin with a smaller goal, like getting your soul off life support. Then trying being less sad, followed by finding something to smile about. Don't stop until you reach your final goal.

I have it on good authority that some of the best therapy is to rub your face against the fur of a very soft cat. I'm allergic to cats, but I totally think it's worth it. If you're not allergic to cats, that's something to be smile about.

 

[RealTrueMe]

3 hours ago, Randall Ahren said:

Six years is a long time. There must have been some positive moments, especially at the beginning, otherwise the relationship would have ended much sooner. Remember the positive and leave the negative in the past. Most likely you won't live forever, so try to be happy now. If that's too much for you at this moment, begin with a smaller goal, like getting your soul off life support. Then trying being less sad, followed by finding something to smile about. Don't stop until you reach your final goal.

I have it on good authority that some of the best therapy is to rub your face against the fur of a very soft cat. I'm allergic to cats, but I totally think it's worth it. If you're not allergic to cats, that's something to be smile about.

 

Thats my main point for even posting wanting to hear of others experiences is that I am over it. The fact is I was left with lots of anxiety and fear for trust in others and I am trying to get that back. She destroyed that for me. I am not going to be able to stop her from doing it to others so this is my way of dealing with the experience so I don't let this experience make me distrust people for the rest of my life. Believe me I never thought this type of stress could actually cause ptsd in someone till I saw a therapist but the fact is it did. Someone that manipulaitive needs therapy herself so all I can do is take care of myself she will never change. I will pray for her and her future children cause with someone like that raising children I fear the worst. I was raised around manipulative people and she even managed to hide that from me for almost 6 years that is a sign of someone with real issues. Your right there were positive moments now that I look back on I am sure that was fake as well to achieve her own agenda.

[RealTrueMe]

7 hours ago, Ceka Cianci said:

That can be the same with anyone, online or in RL.. There is always a risk that you have to take..

I've dated guys that didn't show their true self until 3 or 4 months  into the relationship when they finally get comfy enough and let those things that they kept hidden ease on in.

With SL I've never thought of going RL with anyone, or really had any roommates after moving out of my Fathers house.. I was fortunate enough to not have to have a roommate and could have my own house.

But I still had to take a risk on a man and him take one with me.. I don't think there is any getting around that.. But I had a lot of bumps along the way because of risks too..

Honestly, SL  is probably a very low percentage of people lining  up with each other, because there is a lot that  you miss out on in signals from first meetings in RL..

There might be some that have success, but I doubt it's many compared to those that haven't.. It's probably not the best place to be looking for relationships or roommates to be honest.

I knew her for 10 years in sl before I even moved in with her and still did not realize what kind of person I was dealing with. I am telling you its a real lesson. She managed to hide this side of her for years. That takes alot of practice or a natural personality defect. 

[RealTrueMe]

23 hours ago, Stephanie Misfit said:

I had a very negative experience meeting an online friend in real life (not SL, this was years ago). I am very cautious about meeting people now unless it is in a group setting. And it is important to remember too that people can be on their best behaviour at first, with their true colours only showing with time and proximity. I had chatted with my online friend for years before meeting her, and it was only on my second visit to her country that she showed what she was really like (violent and abusive), and it was scary.

I think most of the time it only takes once at least for me I know others in sl that have done it over and over and over I could not take that. I even had one friend who invited a guy to come stay with her and when she picked him up at the airport he brought his rl wife whom she never knew about before picking him up that day. She was nice enough to let them stay with her until things went bad and she had to go to court to get them out of her house. 

[Ceka Cianci]

1 hour ago, RealTrueMe said:

I knew her for 10 years in sl before I even moved in with her and still did not realize what kind of person I was dealing with. I am telling you its a real lesson. She managed to hide this side of her for years. That takes alot of practice or a natural personality defect. 

I can understand that, probably not anywhere near the level that you experienced... I've had friends in SL that were just friends and didn't  tell me they were a man until years later.. It wasn't anything that made me not their friend anymore or anything like that, but it did change  the way we related to each other after that..

I did have someone in RL that I knew as a friend and then later had gotten serious with each other.. Then found out about a year later from someone else that he had been putting pictures online of some things that  by now I would hope are buried somewhere at the bottom of the internet..

I would say, it seems like we can never be too careful..

I don't know the whole story of your situation since I came to the thread late and didn't see what all was said..So I'm not sure what all happened and you really don't have to tell me.. If it is something you feel you had to remove because some were  being disrespectful, that is more than understandable.. I have a much better idea of what you went through now and can sympathise with it much more now..

The reason My very first post was the response that it was, is because of only seeing the edited part and not realizing the story was edited out.. It appeared to me as someone just seeking information about the community for their studies, which we've had so many for years trying to sneak in ways to get us to talk about our SL experiences for their papers or some sort of research..

My other post to Phil, that was just to humor Phil.. Because if you don't humor Phil every once in awhile, He gets grumpy. hehehe

On a more serious note, I hope you aren't stuck still with this roommate and removed them from your home or got out of the situation in some way.. That would be terrible to be stuck in..

[Alwin Alcott]

3 hours ago, RealTrueMe said:

I think most of the time it only takes once at least for me I know others in sl that have done it over and over and over I could not take that. I even had one friend who invited a guy to come stay with her and when she picked him up at the airport he brought his rl wife whom she never knew about before picking him up that day. She was nice enough to let them stay with her until things went bad and she had to go to court to get them out of her house. 

now your talking about SL again, your problem is bigger than just your roommate, you seem not to be able to see that SL isn't RL and keep those seperate.

[RealTrueMe]

15 minutes ago, Alwin Alcott said:

now your talking about SL again, your problem is bigger than just your roommate, you seem not to be able to see that SL isn't RL and keep those seperate.

yes im aware im talking about sl that is where I met my roomate but no I am not confused it took only this experience to know sl is sl and rl is rl and I won't forget that again.