superpeeve Oh my Gawd! - Totally unOfficial Pet Peeve Thread.

[Arielle Popstar]

2 minutes ago, Modulated said:

I really don't understand the premise of this so called scorn laugh. You can never know what someone else finds funny, even if its meant to be serious.  If people laugh at something I posted I just assumed they found it amusing in some way, even if I didn't mean it specifically to be that.  Maybe don't read so much into things?

 

When the ones leaving them don't ever show in their postings they have anything that could be equated to having a sense of humour, it is sort of a dead giveaway.

[Love Zhaoying]

1 minute ago, Seicher Rae said:

Context is key. The post. The poster. The one reacting. It's a language of its own. Even with differing styles, it is generally (but not always) translatable.

Context is a little like "tone".  You and I may be really good at detecting "tone" in a post (or think we are good at it, at least).

Other people appear to be "tone deaf" - so far as to claim in posts that "you cannot tell a person's tone from written information".  I'm not sure what is missing for their interpretive style.  Context, or ability to emphasize with "why" something may have been written - for instance, I try to give others the benefit of a doubt when interpreting their post. So I may interpret "tone" and thereby "context" differently than some other people.

[Love Zhaoying]

Just now, Arielle Popstar said:

 

When the ones leaving them don't ever show in their postings they have anything that could be equated to having a sense of humour, it is sort of a dead giveaway.

I know of a few exceptions, people who nowadays only leave reactions, never posts - but once upon a time, when they DID leave posts, they had a wicked good sense of humor. I won't "name names". 🙂 

[Seicher Rae]

3 minutes ago, Modulated said:

I really don't understand the premise of this so called scorn laugh. You can never know what someone else finds funny, even if its meant to be serious.  If people laugh at something I posted I just assumed they found it amusing in some way, even if I didn't mean it specifically to be that.  Maybe don't read so much into things?

 

The scorn laugh is not a premise. It is an actual way people use the darn things. This become obvious if you follow certain posters. There are some people, and I'll use Scylla as an example because she's mentioned it a few times, who get  to whatever she writes, regardless of content, and those  are always by the same moronic people. To the casual observer, maybe one who doesn't follow Scylla a lot, they look like random  and you're left wondering what they thought was so funny, but "ok" and you move on. But if you're Scylla and you notice the 10,000th  from the same person, there is no doubt what is being "said" and if you're Scylla you'll laugh to yourself cuz you just got more "reputation points."  

So there is definitely a language going on by some people. Other people know it happens, and not wanting to seem like jerks, are hesitant to be misunderstood.  The people who routinely do the scorn laughs are jerks. I do mean routinely, not the occasional one-off that is more a "wtf?"

[Jordyn McGregor]

12 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Peeve: Not knowing when certain Forum posts are just venting, or if they are asking for advice (a reply response).

I had this happen to me many moons ago when Plurk was the "in" thing.  Some chick added me and then on her thread she asked a question...it's been so long I don't remember what it was now, but it was along the lines of "why do people do *insert negative thing here*"

 I do remember that my response was along the lines of "that's something I do and this is why...." And I went into great detail explaining why I do that negative behaviour.  I have a vague recollection about it having to do with being so sick of seeing friends ignoring advice or support so cutting them off, but I may be wrong.

Anyway back to the story, next thing I know, I'm defriended cos I thought she was asking a serious question so I gave a sincere answer, but she was really after "you poor thing" responses and attention.

[Love Zhaoying]

2 minutes ago, Jordan Whitt said:

I had this happen to me many moons ago when Plurk was the "in" thing.  Some chick added me and then on her thread she asked a question...it's been so long I don't remember what it was now, but it was along the lines of "why do people do *insert negative thing here*"

 I do remember that my response was along the lines of "that's something I do and this is why...." And I went into great detail explaining why I do that negative behaviour.  I have a vague recollection about it having to do with being so sick of seeing friends ignoring advice or support so cutting them off, but I may be wrong.

Anyway back to the story, next thing I know, I'm defriended cos I thought she was asking a serious question so I gave a sincere answer, but she was really after "you poor thing" responses and attention.

IKR? I'm like, "If you don't want a reply, don't post in the form of a question."  

I am learning "who to reply to, who not to reply to" based on their reactions and replies. 

But whadaya gonna do? Change your whole internet communication style just because maybe some people don't like it?  Thank goodness it's not a requirement that all people "like" us!  (Royal "us/we", I better add!!)

 

[Seicher Rae]

4 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Context is a little like "tone". Exactly

So I may interpret "tone" and thereby "context" differently than some other people.

Context is a little like "tone". Exactly

A very good friend of mine is one of them thar intellectuals with a PhD n stuff, and part of it is in communications. There's some fancy theory about how language of any kind is faulty as there is no way to get inside a person's head to know exactly what they mean. So I cannot accurately communicate "red" to you and you cannot accurately know exactly what red I mean. It is all interpretation, some of it better than others.  I got lectured on this (plus it was interesting) after he and I had a helluva argument that stemmed from a very simple, basic "omg, really???" misunderstanding. Once we realized the very basic miscommunication we stared at each other like, "gosh, that was stupid... AWKward!"

[LittleMe Jewell]

I almost never pay any attention to the reactions that other folks leave on posts that are not mine. I react to posts totally based on my own internal thoughts when reading the post.

I only semi pay attention to the reactions left on my own posts.

I typically only quote someone when I want to reply directly to their comment or add to it and feel that the quote is needed to make my addition make sense.

Edited August 19, 2022 by LittleMe Jewell

[Seicher Rae]

26 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I'm sure you've heard of the old "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus" books and associated materials, originally written by John Gray. 

Taking "gender" out of the equation - some people post their "gripes" on the Forum purely to "vent" - and "helpful" replies actually just make them upset! 

Other people post their "gripes" hoping for replies whether it is for replies where people "agree", or for "helpful advice", etc.  It is hard to tell which "type" people are. (One poster would often respond to replies with "Not what I meant." - just an example.)

And some people post just in the hopes that someone, anyone will "agree" with them. 

So, it takes all types!

I get what you are saying, but I don't totally get it.

I suppose there is some gender issues and biases to how one responds/reacts. I dunno. But since we're taking gender out of it...

People absolutely post for a myriad of reasons. Even the same poster may have a bunch of different reasons for posting, from comment to comment, thread to thread. (I have at least 13,492 reasons.) 

I would say if your (generic you, not Love you) "helpful" comments are constantly being reacted to with annoyance, then some reflection may be in order. Is it only one person who responds that way to your posts? Then probably the onus is on them. If it is a lot of people then... maybe it is time to check your preferred syntax? Some things, including non-mean sarcasm, can be very difficult to translate.

I honestly can't take the responsibility to know how everyone will respond to everything I type. I rarely try to peeve people off. There are some people who will get snark from me, but generally that is in response to something specific. And my sig-line number IS growing. Generally I try to be "normal" and usually I'm joking. If people don't get it, well... sometimes that can be rather confusing or upsetting to me. If I have hurt someone unintentionally and I realize it, I will try to correct it. I dunno, it goes to personal responsibility and not wanting to be a troll and a jerk... and I KNOW some people will find that ironic and laughable. And as far as those people go, I basically don't care at this point.

But if it is TRULY a well-meaning response to someone, I don't see why people would get upset by that. But I believe you that they do. I've seen some of that myself with some very bland responses I've made, where the reaction was akin to me having parboiled a puppy.

ETA: I think even more than gender, the issues of nationality and mental health issues are also things to be taken into consideration.

Edited August 19, 2022 by Seicher Rae

[Jordyn McGregor]

Peeved cos it's almost 4am and I should go do that "sleeping" thing...so y'all need to stop posting the good and entertaining stuff till I wake up. 

And just for @Seicher Rae, I'm off to have very un-pg dreams about Hrithik... 😍

[Love Zhaoying]

6 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

Even the same poster may have a bunch of different reasons for posting, from comment to comment, thread to thread. (I have at least 13,492 reasons.) 

I don't believe you. Please list all your reasons for posting, so that I can respond to each, point-by-point!

[Seicher Rae]

32 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

 

Some people are "sensitive" - and after they detect that people are laughing "at" their posts, deriding them, etc. - they decide that "any laugh reaction" must somehow therefore be a negative ("scorn") reaction.  Weird, innit?

 

Some people are right to be sensitive to either comments or reactions. There's truth in the old joke, "Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get you." Again, it varies widely from person to person, and it is difficult to know of the inner motivations, intentions and interpretations of others.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

17 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

I almost never pay any attention to the reactions that other folks leave on posts that are not mine. I react to posts totally based on my own internal thoughts when reading the post.

Hmm. This is an aspect of the question I hadn't even considered.

I think the only times I pay attention to how other people react to someone else's post are on those rare occasions when I'll see a reaction from someone I generally respect / agree with that surprises me. And in those instances, its only real effect is to make me pay a bit more attention to possible nuances I might have missed in the post. I suppose it operates in that sense as a kind of red flag. It doesn't impact on my own reaction directly, but it alerts me to the possibility I might have missed something.

[Seicher Rae]

9 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

People absolutely post for a myriad of reasons. Even the same poster may have a bunch of different reasons for posting, from comment to comment, thread to thread. (I have at least 13,492 reasons.) 

2 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I don't believe you. Please list all your reasons for posting, so that I can respond to each, point-by-point!

No.

#13,493

[Love Zhaoying]

Just now, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Hmm. This is an aspect of the question I hadn't even considered.

I think the only times I pay attention to how other people react to someone else's post are on those rare occasions when I'll see a reaction from someone I generally respect / agree with that surprises me. And in those instances, its only real effect is to make me pay a bit more attention to possible nuances I might have missed in the post. I suppose it operates in that sense as a kind of red flag. It doesn't impact on my own reaction directly, but it alerts me to the possibility I might have missed something.

I've found myself in the opposite situation sometimes lately.  I notice a post with a lot of "positive reactions" by a poster who I usually (or almost always) disagree with - so I stop, read their post carefully..and all of a sudden I learned something. This is one reason I stopped ignoring / "blocking" certain people.

[Seicher Rae]

31 minutes ago, Jordan Whitt said:

I had this happen to me many moons ago when Plurk was the "in" thing.  Some chick added me and then on her thread she asked a question...it's been so long I don't remember what it was now, but it was along the lines of "why do people do *insert negative thing here*"

 I do remember that my response was along the lines of "that's something I do and this is why...." And I went into great detail explaining why I do that negative behaviour.  I have a vague recollection about it having to do with being so sick of seeing friends ignoring advice or support so cutting them off, but I may be wrong.

Anyway back to the story, next thing I know, I'm defriended cos I thought she was asking a serious question so I gave a sincere answer, but she was really after "you poor thing" responses and attention.

Introverts unite.

Motto #1: People are hard.

[Seicher Rae]

13 minutes ago, Jordan Whitt said:

Peeved cos it's almost 4am and I should go do that "sleeping" thing...so y'all need to stop posting the good and entertaining stuff till I wake up. 

And just for @Seicher Rae, I'm off to have very un-pg dreams about Hrithik... 😍

/me loses all train of thought... starts drooling and falls over :::plonk:::

[Seicher Rae]

9 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Hmm. This is an aspect of the question I hadn't even considered.

I think the only times I pay attention to how other people react to someone else's post are on those rare occasions when I'll see a reaction from someone I generally respect / agree with that surprises me. And in those instances, its only real effect is to make me pay a bit more attention to possible nuances I might have missed in the post. I suppose it operates in that sense as a kind of red flag. It doesn't impact on my own reaction directly, but it alerts me to the possibility I might have missed something.

Darn it. I sooooooooooooooooo wanted to  to this. You know I did. But I couldn't. siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

comedy is hard

So I thanked you instead. Totally boring.

Sadly, the way my brain is wired (and this goes back to the very real, physiological thing of being a 'highly sensitive person' and oh how I wish they had named it differently!) I do see everything, whether I want to or not. My brain registers every comment, and every response, and who said what to whom, and when. And in a place like this, that can definitely lead to being a tad defensive at times.  And absolutely, when I see a "that's strange" response from someone, I also sit up and take notice, but I get paranoid on top of wondering what I missed. And there are good reasons for that too, and it is also often totally ridiculous.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

Just now, Seicher Rae said:

Darn it. I sooooooooooooooooo wanted to  to this. You know I did. But I couldn't. siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

comedy is hard

So I thanked you instead. Totally boring.

Sadly, the way my brain is wired (and this goes back to the very real, physiological thing of being a 'highly sensitive person' and oh how I wish they had named it differently!) I do see everything, whether I want to or not. My brain registers every comment, and every response, and who said what to whom, and when. And in a place like this, that can definitely lead to being a tad defensive at times.  And absolutely, when I see a "that's strange" response from someone, I also sit up and take notice, but I get paranoid on top of wondering what I missed. And there are good reasons for that too, and it is also often totally ridiculous.

I don't think you need to even gesture in the direction of an "apology," nor be "sad" about how your brain may or may not be wired.

It's silly to be prescriptive about how one should respond to things like reactions on posts. We ARE all different, and that's kind of a good thing. At the very least, it helps defeat the social engineering that lies behind the provision of things like "likes" and other social rewards on social media.

All reactions are is another piece of information associated with something that has been said, I think. One can argue that it's actually more silly not to pay attention to all of the information with which we are provided.

And after all, the forums are social place. This is just another facet of that. There are, for sure, "healthy" and "unhealthy" ways to read reactions, but there's certainly no one "right" way.

[Marigold Devin]

Peeve:

When two different internet service providers decide to carry out essential maintenance while I am wanting to use the computer. (There is never a good time to be doing this.)

 

(Really I wasn't that peeved because I could read a book with a clear conscience while I had no internet access. Ill wind and all that.)

Edited August 19, 2022 by Marigold Devin

[Seicher Rae]

16 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

And after all, the forums are social place. This is just another facet of that. There are, for sure, "healthy" and "unhealthy" ways to read reactions, but there's certainly no one "right" way.

sniffles

And there is TOO a right way: My way. And baked Cheetos and or a cookie. And gin. Or vodka. Or gin and vodka, but not together, unless it is a Long Island Iced Tea.

[Sid Nagy]

9 minutes ago, Marigold Devin said:

Peeve:

When two different internet service providers decide to carry out essential maintenance while I am wanting to use the computer. (There is never a good time to be doing this.)

 

(Really I wasn't that peeved because I could read a book with a clear conscience while I had no internet access. Ill wind and all that.)

See, for this kind of posts we need a hug reaction button.

[Seicher Rae]

8 minutes ago, Marigold Devin said:

Pet Peeve - another "first world problem" - when I have plans for using the internet after I have been toiling at my brother's house for 12 hours straight and the internet service provider decides to carry out essential maintenance.

Pet peeve number 2 - when I retreat to my home after toiling at my brother's house for 12 hours straight and (a different) internet service provider decides to carry out essential maintenance.

Fortunately I still know how to use a pen and paper. 

(And really I wasn't that peeved because I could read a book with a clear conscience while I had no internet access. Ill wind and all that.)

I panic and die when the Internet goes out. (Possibly making things up. Or not) Good for you for going to a book and only getting mildly peeved.

[Love Zhaoying]

19 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

And after all, the forums are social place. This is just another facet of that. There are, for sure, "healthy" and "unhealthy" ways to read reactions, but there's certainly no one "right" way.

Interesting observation.  From one point of view, to me - this means, if somebody creates a post but does not desire a reply - at all, then they don't understand (or are ignoring) the "social" part.  It is supposed to be a conversation, not a "soapbox".

Obvious exceptions are things like "ads".  Related: When people post an "ad for employment" but say, "don't ask questions here, fill out the application", etc. - Peeve.

[Love Zhaoying]

4 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

sniffles

I can probably find some Kleenex, Puffs (I prefer "Puffs Plus with Lotion"), or a "hanky" on the Marketplace!

Or is it allergies?

My mother always said, "blow it, don't [sniffle]!"

Edited August 19, 2022 by Love Zhaoying