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SL Friendships


Cheval1488303227
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People in real life lie, people in SL lie. People are people wherever you go. It's just a fact of life. Unfortunately. :smileysad:

Hopefully, the good and honest true friends you meet in SL will outweigh the devious, secretive, liars though :smileyhappy:

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I totally agree, Cheval.

I came into Second Life a few months ago with high hopes of meeting lots of people and establishing solid friendships. Unfortunately, as everyone else has said...there are liars everywhere! After having been used and abused, my initial expectations were crushed.

I will be much more careful who I chat to in Second Life, in the future.

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What you call lie could be the other person's Role Play. Maybe the person didn't want to be what he or she is in RL... and it is his/her imagination. So the person wants to be 25 years younger than the real self... we can't force the person to believe otherwise... similarly you can't call a neko a liar because you know they don't exist in RL. 

But if the person has promised you the world SL and RL, took your money and dissappeared... now that is a fraud! Otherwise, you can't really live in SL and react to all situations as what you would do in RL. I don't expect anyone here to tell the truth of themselves either... no matter how open or how zealous they are in professing themselves to be their real life self.

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Everyone comes with baggage...Maybe they trusted in the past and got burned and now they are unwilling to be so open again because they are not sure they can trust you.

The longer someone has been in SL the more chance they have been burned by someone here too, so then you have RL and SL baggage to deal with.

I do agree with OP that it would be better to just say I don`t want to tell you rather than lie, but to some people that would be just as annoying trying to guess what the big secret is, so you can`t win.

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Cheval wrote:

I understand that Second Life is a way to escape from reality, but when you make friends...you should be able to rely on them to tell you the truth.

If you don't wish to reveal anything...just say so. Lying to others hurts them.

 

I suspect you've been lied to recently...

 

I have no issue with it. I have RL friends I know to be liars - I make allowances for them, because they are friends - I just don't believe anything they say without double-checking. If you make friendship conditional on anything it isn't friendship, it's just a close acquaintanceship for your own advantage.

 

Besides, rogues are more fun to know :smileywink:

 

 

 

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Chevel,

 

I don't want to jinx it,  but I've had really good luck making friends in SL.  I have only met one person that turned out to be one enchilada short of a combination - and in truth, when I looked back - all the signs were there pretty early on,  I just chose to ignore them.

Maybe it's better to just go a bit slower,  but don't give up!  I hope things improve for you!

 

 

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I make friends in SL to chat with and do things with, does not have the same rules of RL friends.

Just have fun, other in SL there is no other interaction involved, so why put the same amount of trust in SL vs. someone you know in RL?

Personally I do not care if they lie, I am here for having fun, not trying to become real friends....at most, if you want to be pals, be chat pals on yahoo or some other IM program outside of SL.

It only hurts if you let it hurt you, or if you place too much trust in a computer game.

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When I was new in SL I had my heart broken and I was also badly deceived by someone I thought was a close friend.  I now take almost everything with a grain of salt (especially when I have just met someone).  I have caught friends in lies and when that happens I rarely confront them but I take note of it.  Lying is not a "deal breaker" for me in SL friendships.  I was even able to patch things up with the friend who "played" me that I mentioned earlier.  So it can be rough going at first but over time you will come to develop real friendships, I have several friendships that have lasted years and I cherish these people in rl and sl.

 

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I'm sorry to read that you've been hurt, Cheval. It's always wise to approach SL with a sense of caution and suspicion.

That said, my personal view is that it's unacceptable to lie when you know, or reasonably believe, that others will be hurt if and when they discover the truth behind your lies. I don't think lying in such circumstances can be excused on grounds of "role playing". Anyone seeking to excuse their own behaviour in this way is selfish and plainly has little respect for the feelings of others.

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There are 2 facts about SL:"everybody lies the only variable is about what!" and that last one is dont get bonned and close with your SL friends, you came here to have fun! If someone doesnt have RL friends or feels lonely, its their problem not yours! So, in the end noone should care if you are surrounded by liars, my problem is that I am honest and nice person and people like me, get screwed up always SL or RL.

I stopped bothering about who lies in here and about what and you should too it will only mess your head and what do you get in the end? Stress from the "game" People should choose wether they will RP in world or be theirselfs, its everyone's choice, but just dont be twofaced, hipocrat dramaqueen idiot. 

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It is too bad that you have a bad first experience to friendship in SL.  I have had fairly good luck with people in SL, but I have realistic expectations about who I am meeting.  I have no idea who they are.  I just play along with whoever they are today.  I have been inworld for 11 months now and have only 2 friends I felt trustworthy enough to give some RL info to, but I have MANY 'friends'.  A little caution is all that is needed.  Just accept people for who they seem to be (or want you to think they are) and don't expect trust to happen quickly.  It builds over time.  Don't give up on everyone.  Just have fun and keep an open mind.

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@ majestic12

That's all very well, but not everyone wants to "play" that way.  Not all of us are "playing".   Plenty of us do find real friendships here.

I trust that you make it clear in your profile and to everyone with whom you "play" that no real friendship is on offer.  That way there can be no misunderstanding.  

'Drama' happens when expectations differ.  We've all seen it.

 

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Well, I tend to take people at face value. Sure I know plenty of people are full of BS but really, what is the difference?

It is highly unlikely I will ever get to meet them in RL so who or what they say is fine.

I have yet to have an SL friend that would not tell me about things in their RL that are rough.

 

Here is the thing - if someone had a lot of money, was extremely good looking, and had a fabulous real life, they probably would not be hanging out in a virtual world. I know if I had a good job, money, good looks, lots of RL friends, I would not even know what SL was.

 

If what you are getting at is finding a lover in SL and finding out their RL gender is different, ehh so what? Just ignore the fact that what is on the other end might be your worst nightmare, "attach" to pelvis, and pay no attention to the "man" behind the curtain.

 

I saw a comic about this -

Two old men meet and one says - "I thought you were a woman!" and the other goes, "I thought you were 21!" But then they just hug each other....

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