Why adult activity on Second Life is good, actually

[Extrude Ragu]

I'd like to offer an alternate point of view to the recent negative portrayal(s) of adult content in Second Life.

I personally think adult content on Second Life is a positive thing. Why?

It lets us learn how to love each other.

In the internet era, we as adults have different ways to fullfill short-term and long-term needs. Some of the most unhealthy ones are pornography and dating apps, both of which objectify people and make us into 'throw away' people.

Second Life is different. In Second Life, many of us aren't just fullfilling a quick need, but forming long-term relationships with each other, with varying levels of intimacy. We learn what each other likes, spend time with our partners, make memories and have fun together. The human experience is celebrated, rather than treated as an obstacle to quick gratification.

Adults need online space too.

Second Life is the only platform I've been on, where I've made RL friends and visited them IRL, I have friends who have met their RL spouses in Second Life.

In an increasingly loveless world, Second Life is one of the few platforms that understands the importance of intimacy to adults growth, and provides a space where adults can find others with shared interests and form meaningful connections, without worrying about putting children in danger.

If adults didn't have an online space to share, chances are they'd be mingling in platforms that were full of RL kids, which creates danger and confusion for everybody.

It helps people to be more understanding of their differences.

Second Life is the home to a lot of people with non-traditional sexuality and interests that would get one shunned in RL. We intermingle here, and there are a lot of opportunities to learn about each other here that we don't get RL. Not everyone takes them, and nobody is required to take them. Indeed, I don't accept everything I see myself. With that said, Second Life has over the years opened my mind to many things and become more understanding of people than I would have otherwise been.

I understand why people might see adult content in SL in a negative light. After all, the negative effects of Pornography are widely understood. But actually, compared to the alternatives, I think Second Life manages to offer something that has the capability to be used for good, that can have positive outcomes for the people who use the platform.

So I suppose I made this thread to celebrate adult activities on Second Life. Share your own experiences! ❤️

 

[TheAwkwardMochi]

I'm not sure if pornography is really that bad altogether, if er..."used" wisely. After all, it's been around since the dawn of civilisation, in one form or another. 

But I completely agree that adult content in SL is a positive thing, for all the reasons you mentioned, and perhaps many more. Whether it's about pushing our boundaries in a safe environment, enjoying some rather exciting time with complete strangers and parting ways afterwards, or forming long-term close relationships, the adult aspect of SL can be a place to celebrate, discover and become more accepting of various aspects of our own - and other's sexuality. 

I'll pass on sharing my own experiences though. I'm really innocent. All the naughty photos on my flickr are completely staged and I'm basically an angel XDDDD

[BillFletcher]

A whole lot of people in SL use sex in ways that objectify people. Not everyone of course, but I suspect those who see SL sex as a bad thing look to that sort of activity. 

 

[Arielle Popstar]

4 minutes ago, BillFletcher said:

A whole lot of people in SL use sex in ways that objectify people. Not everyone of course, but I suspect those who see SL sex as a bad thing look to that sort of activity. 

 

Some of us like being objectified. One of the main attractions to using a dollish look. Hard to make it look old though as they lose their appeal when aged.

[BillFletcher]

4 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Some of us like being objectified. One of the main attractions to using a dollish look. Hard to make it look old though as they lose their appeal when aged.

There is roleplay in which one person might play the role of being objectified but at the same time there is mutual.respect between the roleplayers, then there are those who come to SL for personal gratification and have to respect or consideration for the real person behind the avatar they interact with.

[Rowan Amore]

10 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Some of us like being objectified. One of the main attractions to using a dollish look. Hard to make it look old though as they lose their appeal when aged.

That just sounds all kinds of wrong.  So they are only appealing because they look too young?  Please tell me that's not how you meant that to sound.

[Arielle Popstar]

10 minutes ago, BillFletcher said:

There is roleplay in which one person might play the role of being objectified but at the same time there is mutual.respect between the roleplayers, then there are those who come to SL for personal gratification and have to respect or consideration for the real person behind the avatar they interact with.

If one has a partner already in an open relationship then objectification for a third party leads to mutual gratification without strings attachment. Something like the Community Dolls group would aim for. At least some of us.

Edited May 12 by Arielle Popstar
spelling

[BillFletcher]

1 minute ago, Arielle Popstar said:

If one has a partner already in an open relationship then objectification for a third part leads to mutual gratification without strings attachment. Something like the Community Dolls group would aim for. At least some of us.

Yes this is true, but my point is that while it is true that there is a lot of healthy sexual activity going on in SL. A lot of it, and I believe the majority of it, though I have no statistics to support that belief, is unhealthy. Lots of people come here for personal gratification, and get angry with those individuals who say no to their requests. This sort of thing is rampant in SL and the fact that those are exceptions to this really doesn't make up for it.

[Arielle Popstar]

6 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

That just sounds all kinds of wrong.  So they are only appealing because they look too young?  Please tell me that's not how you meant that to sound.

Yes young as in how it would be interpreted in an adult forum pre TOS update. Somewhere around 18, 19. As we saw in the Child, Adult, Can't Tell thread though that could include a range of differently interpreted ages, like real life.

[Arielle Popstar]

11 minutes ago, BillFletcher said:

Yes this is true, but my point is that while it is true that there is a lot of healthy sexual activity going on in SL. A lot of it, and I believe the majority of it, though I have no statistics to support that belief, is unhealthy. Lots of people come here for personal gratification, and get angry with those individuals who say no to their requests. This sort of thing is rampant in SL and the fact that those are exceptions to this really doesn't make up for it.

I would never dream of asking for it, just accept if offered or ordered to. I no longer accept all requests now though and do worry a bit with the bolded part, in being reported by those  who do get angry when I refuse or beg off in some way. I tend to think the ToS changes  are going to make it an open season for that type.

Probably right that it isn't really healthy behaviours. I sometimes use the Line: "old enough to know better, too young to care"

[Persephone Emerald]

Why I think Adult (sexual) activity is good for SL:

1. Many people want it & spend money on SL to pursue these activities.

2. We're supposed to be adults, so we should be able to have fun doing adult stuff - as long as it's not hurting anyone.

3. People wanting to have virtual sex in SL, creates an incentive for better looking avatars and interesting innovations.

4. Erotic Roleplay might be the first experience some people have of roleplay. It might also encourage them to learn better online social skills.

5. It's cheaper and safer than engaging in casual sex, prostitution or a regular porn addiction.

[Coffee Pancake]

4 hours ago, BillFletcher said:

Lots of people come here for personal gratification, and get angry with those individuals who say no to their requests. This sort of thing is rampant in SL and the fact that those are exceptions to this really doesn't make up for it.

Yeah .. this is just white knighting.

If anyone is having an "unhealthy" time in SL, they can close the viewer, or do something/someone else.

I guess you've not ever considered that an unhealthy looking time can be performative, right .. part of the role-play. Or a the couple that seem to fight or complain about each other all the time, yet never break up .. that's part of the dynamic. Drama can be intensely enjoyable, role-playing difficult or disturbing themes can be challenging and cathartic.

You're seeing trauma and wondering why those involved aren't leaping to safety .. because that would be boring. They are here for the trauma. It's all part of the game.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 hour ago, Coffee Pancake said:

If anyone is having an "unhealthy" time in SL, they can close the viewer, or do something/someone else.

Surely you don't mean this, Coffee. It sounds very like the unsympathetic response one sometimes sees to people who've been emotionally abused or griefed in SL: "It's not real! Just hit the 'X' at the top right!"

Are you really suggesting that all relationships in SL are so shallow and superficial that simply logging off represents an always-applicable "solution"? The deeper the emotional connection, the more the opportunity for real emotional abuse, gaslighting, coercion, etc. SL relationships can be very deep indeed. And unfortunately they can also be very emotionally unhealthy too. Even an amicable breakup can be difficult if the connection has been deep enough.

SL relationships are in that regard no different than RL ones: they can be healthy, or unhealthy. And they can certainly be abusive. The fact that there are few financial, legal, or physical restraints to leaving unhealthy ones doesn't mean that they can't also cause emotional hurt and damage.

1 hour ago, Coffee Pancake said:

Yeah .. this is just white knighting.

Is it not just possible that he is speaking from personal experience, and not "white knighting" at all?

I'm a bit surprised at this answer, Coffee, tbh.

Edited May 13 by Scylla Rhiadra

[Love Zhaoying]

8 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Surely you don't mean this, Coffee. It sounds very like the unsympathetic response one sometimes sees to people who've been emotionally abused or griefed in SL: "It's not real! Just hit the 'X' at the top right!"

If there was no immersion in Second Life (i.e. "just close the viewer"), than "adult activities" would be no deeper than "playing Barbie" and would thus not have an outsized importance.

You can't have it both ways! 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

3 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

If there was no immersion in Second Life (i.e. "just close the viewer"), than "adult activities" would be no deeper than "playing Barbie" and would thus not have an outsized importance.

You can't have it both ways! 

Yeah, this is what I don't get. While of course there are people who log in just for sex, that's really not always the case. Possibly not even the majority of cases.

If there were no emotional involvement at all, there'd be no point in the exercise in the first place.

[Paul Hexem]

6 hours ago, Rowan Amore said:

That just sounds all kinds of wrong.  So they are only appealing because they look too young?  Please tell me that's not how you meant that to sound.

Leo DiCaprio has entered the chat.

[Coffee Pancake]

1 minute ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Surely you don't mean this, Coffee. It sounds very like the unsympathetic response one sometimes sees to people who've been emotionally abused or griefed in SL: "It's not real! Just hit the 'X' at the top right!"

There are several sides to this, rarely, someone will be in an actually abusive relationship and its a problem.

The rest .. well .. a conversation I had with someone once that went a little bit like this.

 

> My Master is a misogynistic *****.

> Why did you submit to him, stay with him, wear his collar?

> because I respect the institution.... because hes a misogynistic *****. But he can read me like a book, move me with a word, is having none of my *****, and I love him for it. .. and I know it won't last.

 

9 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Are you really suggesting that all relationships in SL are so shallow and superficial that simply logging off represents an always-applicable "solution"? The deeper the emotional connection, the more the opportunity for real emotional abuse, gaslighting, coercion, etc. SL relationships can be very deep indeed. And unfortunately they can also be very emotional unhealthy too.

I understand and fully appreciate that, been there a few times myself. But that's important to note .. a few times.

I've been here over 18 years, I know myself and it's all be learnt the hard way.

19 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Is it not just possible that he is speaking from personal experience, and not "white knighting" at all?

The white knights lament .. I offer her security, sanctuary, safety and adoration. Why doesn't she see that .. it must be the evil controlling abusive guy who has his hooks into her.

The reality .. as soothing and safe as that sanctuary might be, it's unfulfilling and carries greater emotional investment.

It's easier to break a jerks heart to save oneself.

It's easier for a white knight to become the real abuser.

 

 

[Love Zhaoying]

24 minutes ago, Paul Hexem said:

Leo DiCaprio has entered the chat.

I'm confused, because he "used to" look young, or because he creepily dates much younger women? Either way..that's RL so..

[Luna Bliss]

2 hours ago, Coffee Pancake said:

You're seeing trauma and wondering why those involved aren't leaping to safety .. because that would be boring. They are here for the trauma. It's all part of the game.

Just no...

This is very disrespectful toward people who are not able to break out of past patterns, accusing them of wanting abuse.  It's blaming the victim.

People (in RL or SL) can get stuck in what is known as 'trauma bonds' and need competent help to overcome the dynamic:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traumatic_bonding

[Love Zhaoying]

1 minute ago, Luna Bliss said:

Just no...

This is very disrespectful toward people who are not able to break out of past patterns, accusing them of wanting abuse.  It's blaming the victim.

People (in RL or SL) can get stuck in what is known as 'trauma bonds' and need competent help to overcome the dynamic:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Traumatic_bonding

I'm glad to see you check in! So many threads lately, would benefit from your perspective.

[Coffee Pancake]

1 minute ago, Luna Bliss said:

Just no...

For many here, this is a fantasy and an escape and a role play.

Spinning pages from pulp romance, for the thrill of living it .. but not actually living it. Story of O, or 50 shades or Gor would be horrifying in real life, but in a book, or here, it's something else entirely.

Talking about difficult relationships formed here can help to deal with what play brings up. For the overwhelming most part, that is what's going on. No matter what it looks or sounds like.

It can still be very intense and moving when caught up, things can progress incredibly quickly but we all have our limits.

 

But in the real world, there isn't an X at the top of the screen. There isn't the decision to engage again or the ability to distract and evade.

Anyone can make an alt and start over, maybe that shouldn't be so frowned upon.

 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

3 minutes ago, Coffee Pancake said:

For many here, this is a fantasy and an escape and a role play.

Many.
Not all.

This really is something you do a lot: make assumptions about other people's SL on the basis of your own experience. "We're all here for the sex, and everything else is just foreplay."

Please stop doing this.

3 minutes ago, Coffee Pancake said:

Talking about difficult relationships formed here can help to deal with what play brings up. For the overwhelming most part, that is what's going on. No matter what it looks or sounds like.

Citation required.

Edited May 13 by Scylla Rhiadra

[Kathlen Onyx]

1 hour ago, Coffee Pancake said:

For many here, this is a fantasy and an escape and a role play.

 

Ok, I'll give you this however the problem is that  ^^^^ people seem to get off on it to the extent that they drag in people that are NOT here for that. Many times on the pretense that they are not here for the fantasy, escape and RP - until they are.  This is where the abuse and mistrust of people come in and simply pressing the X doesn't just end the abuse.  

Granted you are involved in a environment (kink) that is inherently abusive in Second Life while at the same time advertising the abuse  as comforting, respectful and loving. 

No I don't need a lecture on D/s relationships or BDSM.  

 

Edited May 13 by Kathlen Onyx

[BilliJo Aldrin]

9 hours ago, BillFletcher said:

There is roleplay in which one person might play the role of being objectified but at the same time there is mutual.respect between the roleplayers, then there are those who come to SL for personal gratification and have to respect or consideration for the real person behind the avatar they interact with.

so ummm, being objectified is bad, but pretending to be objectified is acceptable? It doesn't work that way Bill, if you want to be objectified, it has to be real.

[BilliJo Aldrin]

1 hour ago, Coffee Pancake said:

For many here, this is a fantasy and an escape and a role play.

Spinning pages from pulp romance, for the thrill of living it .. but not actually living it. Story of O, or 50 shades or Gor would be horrifying in real life, but in a book, or here, it's something else entirely.

Talking about difficult relationships formed here can help to deal with what play brings up. For the overwhelming most part, that is what's going on. No matter what it looks or sounds like.

It can still be very intense and moving when caught up, things can progress incredibly quickly but we all have our limits.

 

But in the real world, there isn't an X at the top of the screen. There isn't the decision to engage again or the ability to distract and evade.

Anyone can make an alt and start over, maybe that shouldn't be so frowned upon.

 

I can do stuff in here to bring fantasies to life that I would never ever do in RL. It's exciting, it can be a total turn on. They say the brain is is the most powerful sex organ, immerse yourself totally into what you are doing, it can be so intense, so vivid, and so good. When I'm doing it in SL, it can be real in my mind.