Resiliency In Second Life

[Ceka Cianci]

1 minute ago, Luna Bliss said:

Sounds like you navigate SL well.

It's not easy to have a pleasant and relaxing experience (for some people anyway) yet have a little 'spice' thrown in there to make it interesting.

It breaks up the boredom.. LOL

[Arielle Popstar]

12 minutes ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

Indeed, that's why I said 'generally', and in my mind was the thought that we've generally experienced more, including more pain, more examples from life from which to learn, and more understanding of what makes people tick .. and what's not worth the effort.  I have to agree this is a bit sad.  I'll let it go once I'm sure we're not still being misrepresented.

I thought about the Tiny community one time and thought to myself that it least filters out those with a Slex/Sex obsession/addiction. That is one big addiction within SL that can cause a lot of dysfunction.

[Garnet Psaltery]

6 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Adding, in general, people with more "time behind them" CAN have more "compassion" and empathy (unless they have gone to the "conservative side" to "protect what they have").  More compassion can make anyone an invaluable friend to trust, learn from, look to, depend on, and model one's own self after. 

I think we need a "Find a Grandparent/Elder" service in Second Life. For "youngers" to have some intergenerational interaction with, and from whom to learn resiliency. I don't think anyone would want to learn "resiliency" from the judgmental crowd, unless one also only self-selects companions of their same politics, beliefs, etc.

Well, I'd say I am on the conservative side, but perhaps we take that to mean different things.  I have all kinds of friends, with different beliefs or none, and certainly different politics.  I suppose we focus on what we have in common.  I like the 'Find a Grandparent/Elder' idea though knowing SL it could be misused by people with another agenda.  Anyway, I'm digressing, I think.

[Garnet Psaltery]

2 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

I thought about the Tiny community one time and thought to myself that it least filters out those with a Slex/Sex obsession/addiction. That is one big addiction within SL that can cause a lot of dysfunction.

Raglan Shire has had no problem with that, as far as I know, because it's General rated.  Someone asked me whether I'd ever thought about or experienced sex as a Tiny, neither of which I've ever done.  The old Wynx avatars and similar aren't capable of it anyway.  What the Dinkies can do, I'm not sure, as they're mesh based on a human shape, but even then if they have the ability they must be doing it somewhere else.

[Arielle Popstar]

10 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

You're taking what I said out of context and adding addiction psychobabble.

I was advocating that people do what feels good in SL in order to build resiliency. I think you're forgetting the "in order to build resiliency" part.
How could getting drunk or engaging in addictive behavior further resiliency?  It can't, because it's self-destructive behavior - it's escapism and takes people down a long, dark path -- totally opposite from resiliency.

Of course, yes, it's not good to run your life on dopamine highs. But again, this is not what I ever meant so there was no need to point that out!

It's not "narcissism" to point out that you misinterpreted me.

 

What you are not realizing or acknowledging is that the addictive mindset is one of the most resilient states known to man. Any addict is very resilient in how they can continue on in their addiction even after they realize the unmanageability it brings into their life. Resilience taken too far leads to an obsession and ultimately an addiction.

[Love Zhaoying]

19 minutes ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

Well, I'd say I am on the conservative side, but perhaps we take that to mean different things. 

No offense, but in general - over here (points at the ground) - "conservative" doesn't just mean 1) "I prefer a less liberal approach to life", but also for SOME people 2) "don't change anything that may affect ME" to the detriment of actually helping people with such things as charities, social programs, etc. 🙂 I am not really talking about politics, just about attitudes in general.

So, as a member of the "LGBT+" community, I would expect less "support" in Second Life from a "conservative" person due to 1) above.   I would probably get less positive "life lessons" in resiliency and compassion due to 2) above.  

ETA: See how I made this "on topic"?

Edited April 19 by Love Zhaoying

[Arielle Popstar]

6 minutes ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

Raglan Shire has had no problem with that, as far as I know, because it's General rated.  Someone asked me whether I'd ever thought about or experienced sex as a Tiny, neither of which I've ever done.  The old Wynx avatars and similar aren't capable of it anyway.  What the Dinkies can do, I'm not sure, as they're mesh based on a human shape, but even then if they have the ability they must be doing it somewhere else.

I realize some could take it to a Slex thing anyway but that at least it would be a minority as there would be so many easier ways for it to be indulged. The Dinkies I have met in past were cute and cuddly and liked lap sitting but that is as far as it went.

[Garnet Psaltery]

2 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

No offense, but in general - over here (points at the ground) - "conservative" doesn't just mean 1) "I prefer a less liberal approach to life", but also for SOME people 2) "don't change anything that may affect ME" to the detriment of actually helping people with such things as charities, social programs, etc. 🙂 I am not really talking about politics, just about attitudes in general.

So, as a member of the "LGBT+" community, I would expect less "support" from a "conservative" person due to 1) above.   I would probably get less positive "life lessons" in resiliency and compassion due to 2) above.  

 

Thanks for the explanation, and no offence taken (and nothing implied by my use of the spelling over here ).  My knowledge of the US doesn't involve ever having been there, alas.

[Luna Bliss]

5 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

What you are not realizing or acknowledging is that the addictive mindset is one of the most resilient states known to man. Any addict is very resilient in how they can continue on in their addiction even after they realize the unmanageability it brings into their life. Resilience taken too far leads to an obsession and ultimately an addiction.

I'd agree that it's difficult to let go of an addiction, yes. But you're redefining the word 'resilient' in the way you're using it.

Resilience

Resilience is the psychological quality that allows some people to be knocked down by the adversities of life and come back at least as strong as before. Rather than letting difficulties, traumatic events, or failure overcome them and drain their resolve, highly resilient people find a way to change course, emotionally heal, and continue moving toward their goals.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/resilience

[Arielle Popstar]

6 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

I'd agree that it's difficult to let go of an addiction, yes. But you're redefining the word 'resilient' in the way you're using it.

Resilience

Resilience is the psychological quality that allows some people to be knocked down by the adversities of life and come back at least as strong as before. Rather than letting difficulties, traumatic events, or failure overcome them and drain their resolve, highly resilient people find a way to change course, emotionally heal, and continue moving toward their goals.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/resilience

Not redefining it but pointing out that there is a potential for a dark side to it also. Depends entirely on the motivation. To someone who is a creator, resilience is a good thing to deal with the vagaries of a changing platform if they wish to continue creating for it but to someone like my self who is not much more then consuming avatar it leads to questioning myself why I continue beating on this platform to understand and live within it when there are easier ones out there. Most gaming platforms try to make it easier, not steepen the learning curve to such a point that even a 15 year veteran is throwing their hands up in confusion. 

There are plenty of other virtual worlds out there where the degree of resilience is not needed to be able to interact within it. Is it possible that those of us here who continue to rely on the resilience to continue on with SL have not crossed the line from a healthy resilience to becoming obsessive about it? 

[Rowan Amore]

What resilience means and why it matters (just not the way you thought) : Life Kit : NPR

 

[Ivanova Shostakovich]

   My first earnest forays into socializing within SL began around 2012, when I sought out and maintained more friendships. But it was about more than simply socializing for me. It was also very much about discoveries I made about myself, and the self exploration that followed.

   I form attachments easily, and with them, emotional connections that I've had to manage. In seeking out, or simply being open to relationships,  I suppose it could be called resilience that I can endure some of the disappointments that are inevitably a part of this process. The how of it lies in reminding myself that I put myself into these situations, whether delight, or difficulty, and by also reminding myself that new happiness so often comes after pain.

Edited April 19 by Ivanova Shostakovich
because word litter.

[Kathlen Onyx]

4 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

What resilience means and why it matters (just not the way you thought) : Life Kit : NPR

 

Thank you for posting an article from a reputable site rather than the hogwash from psychology today.

[Luna Bliss]

27 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Not redefining it but pointing out that there is a potential for a dark side to it also. Depends entirely on the motivation. To someone who is a creator, resilience is a good thing to deal with the vagaries of a changing platform if they wish to continue creating for it but to someone like my self who is not much more then consuming avatar it leads to questioning myself why I continue beating on this platform to understand and live within it when there are easier ones out there. Most gaming platforms try to make it easier, not steepen the learning curve to such a point that even a 15 year veteran is throwing their hands up in confusion. 

There are plenty of other virtual worlds out there where the degree of resilience is not needed to be able to interact within it. Is it possible that those of us here who continue to rely on the resilience to continue on with SL have not crossed the line from a healthy resilience to becoming obsessive about it? 

Like with any situation we're in (be it a place, person, or group) there can come a time when it's no longer right for us, when it no longer enhances our life.
That's when it's time to move on to something that does, and that's actually a characteristic of being resilient (knowing, having the awareness, of when something doesn't suit us anymore, and leaping out in faith to find what does).

From what you've described it sounds like it's time for you to move on. But I don't see the reason being that you've become "too resilient" here, rather that you are simply seeking positive meaning for your life in a place that isn't suited for you anymore.

[Luna Bliss]

5 minutes ago, Ivanova Shostakovich said:

But it was about more than simply socializing for me. It was also very much about discoveries I made about myself, and the self exploration that followed.

Those are the friendships I treasure the most     Ones that cause me to move to new and better ways of being in the world.

[Luna Bliss]

6 minutes ago, Ivanova Shostakovich said:

I form attachments easily, and with them, emotional connections that I've had to manage. In seeking out, or simply being open to relationships,  I suppose it could be called resilience that I can endure some of the disappointments that are inevitably a part of this process. The how of it lies in reminding myself that I put myself into these situations, whether delight, or these difficulty, and by also reminding myself that new happiness so often comes after pain.

Yes!  Managing the pain is such an important part of developing resilience, though I can't say I always like it!  

[Ayashe Ninetails]

9 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

What resilience means and why it matters (just not the way you thought) : Life Kit : NPR

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeees. Thank you!!! 

I wouldn't necessarily take it as a compliment if someone were to call me that.

[Luna Bliss]

Messages from the place I'm visiting now...are they using ChatGP?  hmmmm

 Bowl of Wisdom whispers....: The mandala of existence unfolds in intricate patterns. Each experience, a brushstroke on the canvas of consciousness, contributes to the masterpiece of enlightenment.

[Love Zhaoying]

28 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

What resilience means and why it matters (just not the way you thought) : Life Kit : NPR

 

Awesome! 

"Those millennials just need to be more resilient."

"Boomers were more resilient."

"Stop whining and be more resilient."

TAKE THAT, ANTI-WOKE PPL!

ETA: That explanation really was eye-opening. 

 

Edited April 19 by Love Zhaoying

[Ayashe Ninetails]

33 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

ETA: That explanation really was eye-opening. 

It's something I definitely didn't want to touch in this thread given the places that discussion could go, so instead, I just focused on stress/stress relief in SL in general, but yes. Resilience is not quite a positive thing in my world, for the reasons laid out in those comics. It's definitely stopped me from receiving help in the past when I've wanted it, due to being told by a strong, independent parent that nothing could be soooo bad surely I'd be fiiiiiiine and would be able to handle anyyyyything on my owwwn (ironic, since she herself was a counselor in a field I wasn't personally struggling with, but still - you'd think she'd recognize a cry for help in general, lol). I eventually did manage to get over my normal teen social troubles (wasn't anything serious and fairly routine for that age, but I'm a sensitive sort with general anxiety about everything, so of course I made things out to be worse than they were), but I do regret having to struggle through it on my own when things could've been made slightly easier with a good counselor or someone to talk to.

I don't strive to build resilience in Second Life. Why would I? It's a place I go to chill and be around friends I can actually talk to and share advice with. Truthfully, I don't want a whole lot of it in any life. A little is fine, which I already have, but I'm good admitting I can't conquer the world by myself.

[Luna Bliss]

omg...they wanted us to get on a hug ring at the end of that thing....my friend and I ran off...LOL   See, not all groups are fitting for everyone...

[Love Zhaoying]

2 minutes ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

It's something I definitely didn't want to touch in this thread given the places that discussion could go, so instead, I just focused on stress/stress relief in SL in general, but yes. Resilience is not quite a positive thing in my world, for the reasons laid out in those comics. It's definitely stopped me from receiving help in the past when I've wanted it, due to being told by a strong, independent parent that nothing could be soooo bad surely I'd be fiiiiiiine and would be able to handle anyyyyything on my owwwn (ironic, since she herself was a counselor in a field I wasn't personally struggling with, but still - you'd think she'd recognize a cry for help in general, lol). I eventually did manage to get over my normal teen social troubles (wasn't anything serious and fairly routine for that age, but I'm a sensitive sort with general anxiety about everything, so of course I made things out to be worse than they were), but I do regret having to struggle through it on my own when things could've been made slightly easier with a good counselor or someone to talk to.

I don't strive to build resilience in Second Life. Why would I? It's a place I go to chill and be around friends I can actually talk to and share advice with. Truthfully, I don't want a whole lot of it in any life. A little is fine, which I already have, but I'm good admitting I can't conquer the world by myself.

Now with my new understanding of "resiliency", I think the NPR "Code Switch Project" would do it justice in one of their programs. 

[Dafadilia Wayfarer]

My brain hurts from reading the entirety of this thread. It is a pain that was obviously self inflicted since I had the choice to read or not. So I have learned that perhaps I shouldn't of continued to read through a topic that was made confusing the more it was discussed.

Like things that have happened in my sl over the years that were negative experiences for me. There haven't been many in sl thankfully, but I have made a point to learn from each experience things I could actively do differently to avoid those types of experiences from happening again. I can't control other people's actions, but I can control my own. I take responsiblity for my actions because again, the only person I have control over is myself.

I learned to put up personal boundaries for self care. My family and friends know those boundaries and I know theirs. We all make the agreement to respect said boundaries for all of our own sanity. That is why the family and friend group I have in sl was established years ago and has lasted to the present day. My rl has been complicated and difficult enough so I do everything in my power to make sure my sl is a mini holiday for me when I login.

I don''t have any special techniques or exercises. Just learning from past experiences I've had. I simply call that common sense though. Not resilience.

[Ayashe Ninetails]

1 minute ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Now with my new understanding of "resiliency", I think the NPR "Code Switch Project" would do it justice in one of their programs. 

Frankly surprised they haven't gone into it, if they really haven't yet. It's a widely known trope and one a lot of us struggle with fairly often.

I won't go any further with that, though, because that whole concept goes places. Lots and lots of places (you could even follow it into the medical field, if you really wanted to).

To keep things related to SL, I'll just say there's nothing in there that could stress me out enough to where I'd even need to employ such techniques. That little red X button is all I need. 😂 But no really - socializing with close friends and photography are great for general stress relief and the bulk of how I use SL these days.

[Luna Bliss]

1 hour ago, Rowan Amore said:

What resilience means and why it matters (just not the way you thought) : Life Kit : NPR

 

Well that article is just silly. Nobody runs around with a flag labeled 'resilient' and thinks everyone has to constantly be strong. That would be some societal meme and honestly I don't see that everywhere except with macho men who claim to be super tough.
Being resilient doesn't mean you can't express pain.  Total distortion of the concept.  In fact, the ability to feel your emotions and deal with them is a sign of resilience.

I love it if a friend notices I went through a difficult time and tells me I really dealt well with that!
I think it depends on the context as to whether I'd like someone telling me I'm resilient though.  The person matters...how close I am to them...whether I'm okay with them noticing my inner life.

I'm not criticizing anyone who wants to choose whether they accept another using that name when speaking to them though -- I'm criticizing the author of that article and how she distorts.

I like this song of empowerment for women titled 'Resilience.'..we sometimes play it for inspiration at my Heart Menders meeting  where we deal with the loss of loved ones. We make a point of overcoming adversity because if you don't deal with pain it affects the quality of your life in very bad ways, and part of that process is crying on each others shoulder.

 

Edited April 19 by Luna Bliss