Resiliency In Second Life

[Cinnamon Mistwood]

If anything we do for fun and relaxation builds resiliency,  the people who really enjoy trolling and griefing in SL are just taking care of themselves.  It would be a shame to take their coping mechanisms away, but it's super important for us to encourage their self-growth and help them build good self esteem. If we don't,  we are actually the road blocks to their healthy emotional lives. 

Support a griefer today!  They are just having fun and letting off a little steam. 

Edited April 19 by Cinnamon Mistwood

[Luna Bliss]

22 minutes ago, Jaylinbridges said:

1 hour ago, Ceka Cianci said:

I haven't read much of the thread, but this last page really sounds like it's been a hot one..

The Moon Queen made a disparaging comment about the Lion King here, and she is being severely punished by his subjects.  That's all.  Drama here, drama there, drama everywhere...

Please address me correctly, Jay -- I am the Moon Goddess....

[Luna Bliss]

3 minutes ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

f anything we do for fun and relaxation builds resiliency,  the people who really enjoy trolling and griefing in SL are just taking care of themselves.  It would be a shame to take their coping mechanisms away, but it's super important for us to encourage their self-growth and help them build good self esteem. If we don't,  we are actually the road blocks to their healthy emotional lives. 

Support a griefer today!  They are just having fun and letting off a little steam. 

A griefer does not have healthy self-esteem though, so no resiliency would be built.  You might read up on positive vs negative coping mechanisms. Negative ones don't further self-growth -- they do the opposite.

[Luna Bliss]

Somebody suggested joining a group of people to increase resiliency, a group of people who are wiser because they're older.  Just no.  Always take a close look at the individual people and don't assume older is better:

[Cinnamon Mistwood]

3 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

A griefer does not have healthy self-esteem though, so no resiliency would be built.  You might read up on positive vs negative coping mechanisms. Negative ones don't further self-growth -- they do the opposite.

They are only negative to you.  Bullies get rewards for their behavior.  So do griefers and trolls.  If there was no emotional reward, it wouldn't be fun.  You have said over and over and over that resiliency is just what you do for fun.  Unless you meant only what you do for fun counts.

Your personal view of what is positive and what is negative is only yours.  I consider many of your posts to be quite negative.  They dismiss every other comment that is not 100% in agreement with your opinions.  If not dismissed, then you tell the person they misunderstood the words you typed out.  I feel that is a very negative pattern to have in SL or RL. Thinking that only your way of life is the correct one for everyone else (anyone who disagrees with you is sick, or not emotionally healthy) is a very destructive energy to send out into SL.  It's divisive here on the forums as well.  

There are a lot of ways to live a healthy second life.   Look beyond yours.

You can be super proud of how healthy you think you are, but true health and understanding comes from knowing your views are not right for someone else.  That is not only emotional health, but emotional maturity.  SL needs more emotional maturity.

[Luna Bliss]

11 minutes ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

26 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

A griefer does not have healthy self-esteem though, so no resiliency would be built.  You might read up on positive vs negative coping mechanisms. Negative ones don't further self-growth -- they do the opposite.

They are only negative to you.  Bullies get rewards for their behavior.  So do griefers and trolls.  If there was no emotional reward, it wouldn't be fun.  You have said over and over and over that resiliency is just what you do for fun.  Unless you meant only what you do for fun counts.

Your personal view of what is positive and what is negative is only yours.  I consider many of your posts to be quite negative.  They dismiss every other comment that is not 100% in agreement with your opinions.  If not dismissed, then you tell the person they misunderstood the words you typed out.  I feel that is a very negative pattern to have in SL or RL. Thinking that only your way of life is the correct one for everyone else (anyone who disagrees with you is sick, or not emotionally healthy) is a very destructive energy to send out into SL.  It's divisive here on the forums as well.  

There are a lot of ways to live a healthy second life.   Look beyond yours.

You can be super proud of how healthy you think you are, but true health and understanding comes from knowing your views are not right for someone else.  That is not only emotional health, but emotional maturity.  SL needs more emotional maturity.

It's difficult to discuss this with you because you'd need to understand the long-term effects of destructive types of defenses.  It's not a matter of me only accepting what I think should be -- it's what psychology says according to much research. Go research it  if you want to know more (types of psychological defenses and their effects)...not in the mood to explain it further.

I've agreed with those I think have good suggestions for resiliency (there were quite a few amidst the posts trying to distract) and disagreed with those I think have suggestions that won't work........same as everybody else has on this thread.

*Unbelievable...you're trying to discredit me because I don't accept that being a griefer or a troll is a healthy way to exist in SL?

Edited April 19 by Luna Bliss

[Cinnamon Mistwood]

19 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

It's difficult to discuss this with you because you'd need to understand the long-term effects of destructive types of defenses

You have no idea what I know.  Maybe researching emotional maturity could be part of your learning.   You could help build resilience in others by working on the arrogance used to try to convince others that your views are the only correct ones.  That is if you truly are in SL to help others find ways that work for them.

Your chanting and praying only help you.  Hanging out in SL with people who don't think like you might also help you discover that there are a lot of happy ways to cope that would never work for you, but are just as valid.  Instead of thinking that a book you read has all the answers for everyone you could grow in your views...  which builds resilience. 

I am not discrediting you. I am pointing out that your views should be bigger to encompass more thoughts than just your own. 

Edited April 19 by Cinnamon Mistwood

[Luna Bliss]

16 minutes ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

33 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

It's difficult to discuss this with you because you'd need to understand the long-term effects of destructive types of defenses

You have no idea what I know.  Maybe researching emotional maturity could be part of your learning.   You could help build resilience in others by working on the arrogance used to try to convince others that your views are the only correct ones.  That is if you truly are in SL to help others find ways that work for them.

Your chanting and praying only help you.  Hanging out in SL with people who don't think like you might also help you discover that there are a lot of happy ways to cope that would never work for you, but are just as valid.  Instead of thinking that a book you read has all the answers for everyone you could grow in your views...  which builds resilience. 

If you think being a griefer and a troll is a healthy way to exist in SL...if you think destructive types of defenses actually benefit a person in the long run...then I do know what you know (or don't know).

I hang out with lots of people who are different than me, and I accept them. What I won't accept is somebody advocating hurtful behaviors for others on a public forum (as you're doing here).

It's quite odd that, after I didn't accept your suggestion, you begin to trash me totally and paint me with a wide brush.  That's not a good way of debating, Cinnamon. It's shady. If you think your theory is right, just say it, and let me agree or disagree the same as everybody else has been expressing on this thread.  Totally trashing another and saying they NEVER agree with anyone based on my not finding your suggestion worthwhile is a distortion and an unfair way to argue a point. Bringing up my praying and chanting is even more out of bounds.

Edited April 19 by Luna Bliss

[Persephone Emerald]

5 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

See the thing is...anything that makes you feel good, that you enjoy, increases resiliency...helps you cope with the difficult experiences in life when they come along. There are many studies that demonstrate this fact, but then of course someone will chime in now that I've mentioned this and pooh-pooh Science.

I agree with the Linden that came to the forum once (well 2 of them did actually)...and said the forum is negative.

No, not everything that makes one feel good in SL increases resiliency. I suggested earlier having a drink or edible while playing in SL, but having several drinks everytime one goes into SL might be a sign of alcoholism. 

Some people on this forum seem to enjoy acting negative and insulting others. This probably makes them feel good in the short term, but it's not an ideal way of coping with life's stresses.

Some people feel good when they shop in SL, but if this hobby costs them several hundreds of dollars each month, that may be a sign of a shopping addiction.

As has been suggested elsewhere on the forums, RL gambling and sex addictions have SL versions that can also be damaging.

Edited April 19 by Persephone Emerald

[Kathlen Onyx]

2 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

but others don't seem to understand that simply enjoying activities in SL is a great stress reliever, 

Did you read any of our answers or just re-read your posts? That's ALL we've been saying in the entire thread!

[Cinnamon Mistwood]

Well, that went from zero to 100.  I am not trashing you, discrediting you, or attacking you.  You can lower your defenses and stop the attack at nothing.  I am not even mad.  I am just pointing out that there are a lot of ways to cope and bounce back from stresses.  You may not like them all or think they will work. It is okay to have the views you do and to be passionate about them.  It is not okay to expect everyone to be with you all the time.  You post stuff I like and stuff I don't like. 

What we do in SL or the forums should be fun and feel good to be a part of it.  Do you feel good right now?  I don't.

Enjoy your SL in whatever way feels good to you and post in the same way.

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, Persephone Emerald said:

4 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

See the thing is...anything that makes you feel good, that you enjoy, increases resiliency...helps you cope with the difficult experiences in life when they come along. There are many studies that demonstrate this fact, but then of course someone will chime in now that I've mentioned this and pooh-pooh Science.

I agree with the Linden that came to the forum once (well 2 of them did actually)...and said the forum is negative.

Expand  

No, not everything that makes one feel good in SL increases resiliency. I suggested earlier having a drink or edible while playing in SL, but having several drinks everytime one goes into SL might be a sign of alcoholism. 

Some people on this forum seem to enjoy acting negative and insulting others. This probably makes them feel good in the short term, but it's not an ideal way of coping with life's stresses.

Some people feel good in by shopping in SL, but if this hobby costs them several hundreds of dollars each month, that may be a sign of a shopping addiction.

As has been suggested elsewhere on the forums, RL gambling and sex addictions have SL versions that can also be damaging.

I'm not, nor have I ever been, talking about addictive behavior. I'm speaking to healthy ways of feeling good in the world -- finding joy in various pursuits, relaxing when needed, taking care of oneself, getting support from other healthy friends -- all this can be found in SL. What I've described has nothing to do with addictive behaviors or those who utilize negative types of defenses that might relieve pain in the present but end up being harmful.

And I'd never say people feel 'good' when utilizing a negative defense -- I'd say they feel a relief...they've escaped some pain.  But that's not feeling good...it's escapism.

But in any case, again, I want to know the ways people utilize SL in healthy ways (so this doesn't include being an addict, a griefer, or a troll).  What next, are we going to validate serial killers and stalkers here?  lol

[Kathlen Onyx]

1 hour ago, Luna Bliss said:

A griefer does not have healthy self-esteem though, so no resiliency would be built.  You might read up on positive vs negative coping mechanisms. Negative ones don't further self-growth -- they do the opposite.

I would disagree with you. A griefer in SL usually does it for fun and games. It's only negative to the one being griefed if they see it that way.  YOU might read up on that.

Edited April 19 by Kathlen Onyx

[Persephone Emerald]

28 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

I'm not, nor have I ever been, talking about addictive behavior. I'm speaking to healthy ways of feeling good in the world -- finding joy in various pursuits, relaxing when needed, taking care of oneself, getting support from other healthy friends -- all this can be found in SL. What I've described has nothing to do with addictive behaviors or those who utilize negative types of defenses that might relieve pain in the present but end up being harmful.

And I'd never say people feel 'good' when utilizing a negative defense -- I'd say they feel a relief...they've escaped some pain.  But that's not feeling good...it's escapism.

But in any case, again, I want to know the ways people utilize SL in healthy ways (so this doesn't include being an addict, a griefer, or a troll).  What next, are we going to validate serial killers and stalkers here?  lol

Playing in SL (and even engaging in a dramatic forum thread) feels good because this behavior creates dopamine. Sex, gambling and shopping can also create dopamine. This is what makes these kinds of activities addictive. Those of us who have been in SL for years know it can be addictive. Sometimes we have to step back and resist that drive to dive into this lovely fantasy world because, even if it feels good, too much of a good thing might not be good for us.

What I got from @Cinnamon Mistwood's posts wasn't that trolling or griefing is a healthy coping mechanism, but that everyone has different ideas of what they believe is fun or healthy, and it's not healthy to believe that your views are right, to the exclusion of everyone else's views. That's just narcissism.

Psychology also doesn't know everything. Like all sciences, it's a bunch of theories competing for acceptance and dominance. Lobatomies and shock therapy were once considered cutting edge psychological medicine. (No pun intended.) Now psychiatrists debate over whether ADHD meds and SRIs actually help patients or not. People try different treatments to see what works for them, but there's no guarantee that what seems to help one person will help someone else.

Edited April 19 by Persephone Emerald

[Kathlen Onyx]

31 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

But in any case, again, I want to know the ways people utilize SL in healthy ways (so this doesn't include being an addict, a griefer, or a troll).  What next, are we going to validate serial killers and stalkers here?  lol

You again, are discrediting people's responses and attempting to make people post what you want and the way you want. That's not how forums work.

Edited April 19 by Kathlen Onyx

[Luna Bliss]

3 minutes ago, Kathlen Onyx said:

1 hour ago, Luna Bliss said:

A griefer does not have healthy self-esteem though, so no resiliency would be built.  You might read up on positive vs negative coping mechanisms. Negative ones don't further self-growth -- they do the opposite.

I would disagree with you. A griefer in SL usually does it for fun and games. It's only negative to the one being griefed if they see it that way.  YOU might read up on that.

A person who chooses to bother others (griefing or stalking), manifesting discord and destruction in the world as opposed to behaving in a constructive manner, is unhealthy. From what I've read about their psychological make up they lack purpose due to believing they can't fulfill positive life goals. Often they've felt thwarted in some way and don't know how to deal with that pain, so they act out in a destructive manner, often punishing people they think are responsible for their pain (even symbolically, as often the person in the present they punish is a stand-in for someone who hurt them in the past).

[Luna Bliss]

6 minutes ago, Kathlen Onyx said:

36 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

But in any case, again, I want to know the ways people utilize SL in healthy ways (so this doesn't include being an addict, a griefer, or a troll).  What next, are we going to validate serial killers and stalkers here?  lol

You again, are discrediting people's responses and attempting to make people post what you want and the way you want. That's not how forums work.

I set the topic -- please read my opening paragraph.  People need to stick to the topic. The topic is, how do we utilize SL to cope with stresses (building resiliency in the process). Do you think Kipling was wanting people to know how to be griefers and stalkers with his poem? lol

[Kathlen Onyx]

3 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

A person who chooses to bother others (griefing or stalking), manifesting discord and destruction in the world as opposed to behaving in a constructive manner, is unhealthy. From what I've read about their psychological make up they lack purpose due to believing they can't fulfill positive life goals. Often they've felt thwarted in some way and don't know how to deal with that pain, so they act out in a destructive manner, often punishing people they think are responsible for their pain (even symbolically, as often the person in the present they punish is a stand-in for someone who hurt them in the past).

OR they are just having fun in a game they don't take seriously.

Edited April 19 by Kathlen Onyx

[Kathlen Onyx]

1 minute ago, Luna Bliss said:

I set the topic -- please read my opening paragraph.  People need to stick to the topic. The topic is, how do we utilize SL to cope with stresses (building resiliency in the process). Do you think Kipling was wanting people to know how to be griefers and stalkers with his poem? lol

You can post a topic and hope it stays on topic.  A normal thread will have twists and curves otherwise every thread would be boring.

You very often go on a tangent and go off topic on a thread. Shall we point that out when you do it?

[Luna Bliss]

11 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

Playing in SL (and even engaging in a dramatic forum thread) feels good because this behavior creates dopamine. Sex, gambling and shopping can also create dopamine. This is what makes these kinds of activities addictive. Those of us who have been in SL for years know it can be addictive. Sometimes we have to step back and resist that drive to dive into this lovely fantasy world because, even if it feels good, too much of a good thing might not be good for us.

What I got from @Cinnamon Mistwood's posts wasn't that trolling or griefing is a healthy coping mechanism, but that everyone has different ideas of what they believe is fun or healthy, and it's not healthy to believe that your views are right, to the exclusion of everyone else's views. That's just narcissism.

Persephone...really?  It's not narcissism to believe we actually DO have some healthy ways to build resiliency in SL and request that others reveal those. This is how we learn from others...learn what's in SL that is good for us.

Why the two of you (or three) have gotten off on this addiction kick is beyond me.  I was not, nor would I ever, propose that people become addicts in SL!   Yes, my views are right...yes! -- my views are that I want people to enjoy SL in a healthy way, and for us to talk about it on this thread.  If you like to experience addiction that's fine...but it's not what I ever wanted to advocate here.

[Luna Bliss]

18 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

Psychology also doesn't know everything. Like all sciences, it's a bunch of theories competing for acceptance and dominance. Lobatomies and shock therapy were once considered cutting edge psychological medicine. (No pun intended.) Now psychiatrists debate over whether ADHD meds and SRIs actually help patients or not. People try different treatments to see what works for them, but there's no guarantee that what seems to help one person will help someone else.

Things change over time. That's true. I tend to read studies -- studies that control for variables well so are more likely to be true.  To dismiss Science completely because it changes when new information comes out, or become some of it is false having not been done correctly, is short-sighted on your part.

[Luna Bliss]

6 minutes ago, Kathlen Onyx said:

You can post a topic and hope it stays on topic.  A normal thread will have twists and curves otherwise every thread would be boring.

You very often go on a tangent and go off topic on a thread. Shall we point that out when you do it?

Me....go off-topic?  Never!  I'm just adding greater detail and depth...lol.

[Luna Bliss]

10 minutes ago, Kathlen Onyx said:

OR they are just having fun in a game they don't take seriously.

Some adolescents grief a lot, cause trouble -- it's almost expected of them.

But it's because they actually don't feel empowered as they try to move into adulthood...they're in pain. They think it's fun to punish others for the pain they believe the world is causing them.

Unfortunately too many never leave adolescence emotionally.

My friend who is being stalked by this guy because she broke up with him...for like a decade. He's emotionally ill, can't let go, and only wants to punish her now.

What someone is in RL usually manifests in SL, whether they consider it a game or not.

But we're going off-topic here.  I don't want to process the worlds of griefers and stalkers anymore.  As I said, I want to focus on the positive aspects of SL.

[Kathlen Onyx]

6 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Me....go off-topic?  Never!  I'm just adding greater detail and depth...lol.

Well you have fun Luna. I'm no longer engaging in your attention seeking behavior. I should have bowed out when love did. Have fun with your thread.

[Persephone Emerald]

21 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Things change over time. That's true. I tend to read studies -- studies that control for variables well so are more likely to be true.  To dismiss Science completely because it changes when new information comes out, or become some of it is false having not been done correctly, is short-sighted on your part.

You know darn well that I'm not dismissing Science. I'm simply pointing out that Science (including soft sciences such as psychology) is dynamic. There are very few absolutes in psychology. It's a relatively new science with constantly evolving theories. Trying to make sense of human behavior is also not as simple as proving the Earth is round(ish) or that light has properties of both a wave and particles. 

Edited April 19 by Persephone Emerald