Resiliency In Second Life

[Luna Bliss]

5 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

27 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Things change over time. That's true. I tend to read studies -- studies that control for variables well so are more likely to be true.  To dismiss Science completely because it changes when new information comes out, or become some of it is false having not been done correctly, is short-sighted on your part.

You know darn well that I'm not dismissing Science. I'm simply pointing out that Science (including soft the sciences such as psychology) is dynamic. There are very few absolutes in psychology. It's a relatively new science with constantly evolving theories. Trying to make sense of human behavior is also not as simple as proving the Earth is round(ish) or that light has properties of both a wave and particles. 

Every addict I have ever known has been miserable, felt out of control, and fervently wished they could have their life back again.   I don't even need Science to know addicts are not happy people. Why you are trying to change these facts because you don't totally trust soft Science is beyond the pale.

This is the last I'm speaking about addiction, griefers, and stalkers. If you really want to talk about addicts and other self-destructive people in SL so much it would be nice if you started your own thread. This thread was supposed to be about positive attributes of SL we engage in and want to share with others, and noting how we're better for it.

Edited April 19 by Luna Bliss

[Persephone Emerald]

1 minute ago, Luna Bliss said:

Every addict I have ever known has been miserable, felt out of control, and fervently wished that could have their life back again.   I don't even need Science to know addicts are not happy people. Why you are trying to change these facts because you don't totally trust soft Science is beyond the pale.

What facts am I changing, Luna? 

I said that dopamine makes people feel good and that a dopamine high can be addictive. My point was that just because an activity feels good, that doesn't necessarily mean that it's healthy or that it increases one's resilience to stress. 

I also get irritated by how you act like your views and practices are always right, always the best. No one is always right or always the best. That's narcissism. Even if you dress it up with pretty rainbows and new age psychobabble, it's still narcissism.

[Luna Bliss]

20 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

32 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Every addict I have ever known has been miserable, felt out of control, and fervently wished that could have their life back again.   I don't even need Science to know addicts are not happy people. Why you are trying to change these facts because you don't totally trust soft Science is beyond the pale.

What facts am I changing, Luna? 

I said that dopamine makes people feel good and that a dopamine high can be addictive. My point was that just because an activity feels good, that doesn't necessarily mean that it's healthy or that it increases one's resilience to stress. 

I also get irritated by how you act like your views and practices are always right, always the best. No one is always right or always the best. That's narcissism. Even if you dress it up with pretty rainbows and new age psychobabble, it's still narcissism.

You're taking what I said out of context and adding addiction psychobabble.

I was advocating that people do what feels good in SL in order to build resiliency. I think you're forgetting the "in order to build resiliency" part.
How could getting drunk or engaging in addictive behavior further resiliency?  It can't, because it's self-destructive behavior - it's escapism and takes people down a long, dark path -- totally opposite from resiliency.

Of course, yes, it's not good to run your life on dopamine highs. But again, this is not what I ever meant so there was no need to point that out!

It's not "narcissism" to point out that you misinterpreted me.

 

Edited April 19 by Luna Bliss

[Jordyn McGregor]

52 minutes ago, Kathlen Onyx said:

Well you have fun Luna. I'm no longer engaging in your attention seeking behavior. I should have bowed out when love did. Have fun with your thread.

You'll learn timing.  We all did.

[InnerCity Elf]

"If you can wait and not be tired by waiting"T

This line might be the major "coping mechanism" needed, as well as the explanation of SL's bounce/retention rate. People who can wait (not (just) literally wait around, but more hang around, try this, go there) long enough for whatever to happen that they are looking for in SL to actually happen, will probably stay, others not.

What do I do to cope,...

not really much, I guess,

just log back in another day,

what dies last, is hope.

 

[Luna Bliss]

6 minutes ago, InnerCity Elf said:

"If you can wait and not be tired by waiting"T

This line might be the major "coping mechanism" needed, as well as the explanation of SL's bounce/retention rate. People who can wait (not (just) literally wait around, but more hang around, try this, go there) long enough for whatever to happen that they are looking for in SL to actually happen, will probably stay, others not.

Yeah the good things don't come quickly here, that's for sure. You often have to wait to see results, unlike many other virtual reality environments.

[Garnet Psaltery]

6 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

Somebody suggested joining a group of people to increase resiliency, a group of people who are wiser because they're older.  Just no.  Always take a close look at the individual people and don't assume older is better:

What you're hinting at here is that Love suggested people might like to join the Tiny community because they don't seem stressful.  I agreed and said that it might be because we are generally older and wiser than the average SL resident.  Of course since you've blocked me, Luna, you're not supposed to have seen that, or this.

p.s. Hmm, the options for amending fonts and size have disappeared ... man this topic must be negative.

[Ceka Cianci]

8 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

Somebody suggested joining a group of people to increase resiliency, a group of people who are wiser because they're older.  Just no.  Always take a close look at the individual people and don't assume older is better:

I'll disagree with the last part of that meme, I do agree with the first part, age is just a number in that case..

For the second part of it, I'm sure it works for wine, but for people, wisdom comes from experience. for this topic, it's mostly from bad experiences and mistakes. Starting out good doesn't mean you will end up good.. Many that start out good and get corrupted and stay that way.

Just one off the top of my head, since it's early and my wheels aren't spinning just yet.. hehehe

Malcom X didn't become wise because he started out good. He started out bad and became wise because of learning from his experiences.

Also, not all wise people are good people. Just like with anything, wisdom doesn't land in one spot, there is a wide range of wise people..

Plus, who someone else may feel is wise, others may not see them that way and listen to another that contradicts them..

We all have some  wisdom that we picked up along the way, whether we started out good or bad.. If we didn't we probably would have fallen to a Darwin Award by now.. hehehehe

In my eyes, it's good to have a listen to as many as you can from all specrums and absorb what you can use for yourself after researching the hell out of it, not use it just because it sounds good..Sorting out the fluff takes experience itself..

But the best wisdom comes from paying attention to my own life's lessons and learning from those..

My resilience comes from learning from what hasn't killed me and I bounced back from..

As my Father say's, More times than I could ever count.. It's not about the fall, it's about the comeback.. hehehe

ETA: Just to add, I'm not referencing Second life in any of this. Because second life could do it's worst to me and not put a ding in the armor built from RL.. hehehe

 

Edited April 19 by Ceka Cianci

[Love Zhaoying]

1 hour ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

What you're hinting at here is that Love suggested people might like to join the Tiny community because they don't seem stressful.  I agreed and said that it might be because we are generally older and wiser than the average SL resident.  Of course since you've blocked me, Luna, you're not supposed to have seen that, or this.

p.s. Hmm, the options for amending fonts and size have disappeared ... man this topic must be negative.

I have to check in to defend myself, absolutely nothing I wrote in my post had anything to do with age. Luna is being ageist.

Here is a link to my post so everyone can see for themselves. And in the quote below, by "representation" I did not mean age; it was just referring to "individuals" who represent the Tiny community on the Forums. By "stable, low-stress", I also did not mean any reference to "age"; I could have just said "Tinies are chill".

I hope the thread is closed, rather than have continued insults and drama for attention.

 

[Love Zhaoying]

7 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

Every addict I have ever known has been miserable, felt out of control, and fervently wished they could have their life back again.   I don't even need Science to know addicts are not happy people. Why you are trying to change these facts because you don't totally trust soft Science is beyond the pale.

Again, I find myself having to check in. 

It is mind-boggling that you posted the above, insulting every person dealing with addiction: "every addict I have ever known has been miserable", etc. - showing both ignorance and a lack of compassion.

Bottom line: people dealing with addiction use the term "recovering addicts" even years after last having an actual problem related to their addiction. When you use the term "addicts", it also includes "recovering addicts".

You are doing harm by spreading misinformation. If a recovering addict reads what you posted, they are to conclude "Luna said all addicts are miserable so I have no hope".

I suppose that somehow, your hurtful and hateful statements relate to your topic and Second Life.

I will continue to try and stay out of this topic, so long as you are not "othering" groups such as Tinies, advocating ageism, and denigrating those who are recovering from addiction.

ETA: An expected response is, "I didn't mean it that way". Words are important. There is benefit in understanding how others view your words, and the effect your words have on others. 

Edited April 19 by Love Zhaoying

[Kalegthepsionicist]

11 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

Oh noes...this fellow @ the Fairre increased my stress levels considerably....I had to go float on a nearby pond to recover  ;0

hey this gorilla I saw him at siren blake sea.

 

[Ceka Cianci]

Edited out..

I haven't really read enough to be jumping in blindly.. hehehe

Edited April 19 by Ceka Cianci

[Luna Bliss]

31 minutes ago, Kalegthepsionicist said:

hey this gorilla I saw him at siren blake sea.

 

He was funny. I'm really getting a kick out of all the unique characters @ Fantasy Fairre.

[Luna Bliss]

2 hours ago, Ceka Cianci said:

But the best wisdom comes from paying attention to my own life's lessons and learning from those..

My resilience comes from learning from what hasn't killed me and I bounced back from..

As my Father say's, More times than I could ever count.. It's not about the fall, it's about the comeback.. hehehe

I think you're a perfect example of wisdom occurring @ a younger age, and proof that we should not automatically accept that older people are the wiser ones.  In other words, saying "hey join this community, it's better because we're older and wiser" just doesn't fly.

[Luna Bliss]

Second Life humor is the best medicine. I told a friend to check out the AO's with the Senra body if she needed a pick-up yesterday. She posted her findings and we had a good laugh:

[Luna Bliss]

2 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Again, I find myself having to check in. 

It is mind-boggling that you posted the above, insulting every person dealing with addiction: "every addict I have ever known has been miserable", etc. - showing both ignorance and a lack of compassion.

Bottom line: people dealing with addiction use the term "recovering addicts" even years after last having an actual problem related to their addiction. When you use the term "addicts", it also includes "recovering addicts".

It's fine if you want to believe a person is always an addict, and fine if others choose to view themselves in such a manner.  I don't subscribe to that particular model for addiction though, and many former addicts and therapists don't either.  Disease models for human behavior seem inaccurate and disrespectful.

In any case, I was referring to an individual in the active phase of addiction where their life is basically crumbling down around them -- hence, they feel miserable/are not happy with life.
Also, we shouldn't be labeling people as "addicted to SL" in such a flippant manner -- addiction is a serious matter and to refer to those who might be shopping a bit too much in SL as being an actual addict minimizes the seriousness and pain those undergoing true addiction experience.
Here's more info about whether one is ALWAYS an addict:

"Many people recognize the common saying of “once an addict, always an addict.” But what does this saying really mean? Are people addicts for life? If you become addicted to a particular substance, do you need to avoid all addictive substances after you start your path to recovery?

If you abstain from using your substance of choice, you may be worried that you will replace this addiction with another. Further, if you are married to someone who is or has been addicted to a substance, you may be wondering if your loved one will turn to their drug of choice whenever temptation arises. The truth is that addiction is more complex than this simple phrase.
Once an Addict, Always an Addict?

While “once an addict, always an addict” is a common claim, it is not necessarily true. This saying leads many to believe that addicts can never get better and are doomed to be addicted for life. Even if an individual stops using their drug of choice, this phrase can make them believe they will replace one addiction with another, such as alcohol, another drug, gambling or video games.

Part of the problem with this common saying may be rooted in the disease model of addiction.

          Models of Addiction

Many experts recognize two main models of addiction:

        Disease model of addiction: In the disease model of addiction, the belief is that a person’s addiction has a biological origin. As such, this model claims that addicts will always be at the same risk for relapse as when they entered addiction treatment.

    Attachment model of addiction: In the attachment model of addiction, a person’s relationships and how they are treated are considered the origin of the addiction. For example, a neglectful or abusive family may cause addictive tendencies. Through this model, it is believed addicts can create healthy relationships and learn tools that can greatly minimize the risk of relapse.

The reality is that a variety of factors can lead to this disorder. Understanding the reasons for your addiction is one of the most important steps in recovery".

Here's another article about this issue:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/all-about-addiction/202009/10-reasons-why-once-addict-always-addict-is-harmful

Edited April 19 by Luna Bliss

[Ceka Cianci]

36 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

I think you're a perfect example of wisdom occurring @ a younger age, and proof that we should not automatically accept that older people are the wiser ones.  In other words, saying "hey join this community, it's better because we're older and wiser" just doesn't fly.

I think I would give it a try though, if I was curious I mean, just to see what is going on in there.. It's a good chance you might find one or two or a few or who knows until you try, that you may get along with..

We can always call it quits.. hehehe

[Luna Bliss]

6 minutes ago, Ceka Cianci said:

46 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

I think you're a perfect example of wisdom occurring @ a younger age, and proof that we should not automatically accept that older people are the wiser ones.  In other words, saying "hey join this community, it's better because we're older and wiser" just doesn't fly.

I think I would give it a try though, if I was curious I mean, just to see what is going on in there.. It's a good chance you might find one or two or a few or who knows until you try, that you may get along with..

We can always call it quits.. hehehe

Very true...you never know until you try...and there are good (healthy) groups in SL. However, you do have to be careful with groups if you're hoping they might have a positive effect on your SL. There are usually power struggles in any group, and some individuals handle that fact better than others so that nobody gets hurt. But the drama I've seen in some SL groups, the hurt experienced by those treated unfairly when group dynamics go south, reads like a B-grade drama. So caution is needed -- best to test the waters slowly.

[Ceka Cianci]

9 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Very true...you never know until you try...and there are good (healthy) groups in SL. However, you do have to be careful with groups if you're hoping they might have a positive effect on your SL. There are usually power struggles in any group, and some individuals handle that fact better than others so that nobody gets hurt. But the drama I've seen in some SL groups, the hurt experienced by those treated unfairly when group dynamics go south, reads like a B-grade drama. So caution is needed -- best to test the waters slowly.

SL for me is all about relaxing.. I know it's probably getting old hearing me say it as many times as I have in the forums.. hehehe

But honestly, I love the risk of trying things out and even swimming in rough waters at time.. Sometimes it's to see how well I do or just for the experience..

I think I swim pretty good in the forums when things get hot.. But then again that could just be me telling myself that too.. LOL

That's one thing I can say about second life.. I can do that without real risk really while feeling a taste of it.. I always get butterflies from the excitement of trying some group that I thought I would never go into.. Most times the buildup to the excitement was all in my head..

But if it's bad enough in there, like really clique in a bad way.. I just leave.. I may try a few more that are sort of like it though, because first impressions might be misleading..

I just like being curious and seeing what the hub bub is all about most times in many things.. hehehe

SL is good for that. 

[Garnet Psaltery]

1 hour ago, Luna Bliss said:

I think you're a perfect example of wisdom occurring @ a younger age, and proof that we should not automatically accept that older people are the wiser ones.  In other words, saying "hey join this community, it's better because we're older and wiser" just doesn't fly.

Tsk,  misquoting me from a posting you're not supposed to be able to read?  Let me help you with a little truth here.  This is what I said 5 hours ago.  "What you're hinting at here is that Love suggested people might like to join the Tiny community because they don't seem stressful.  I agreed and said that it might be because we are generally older and wiser than the average SL resident".  Notice I didn't say we were 'better'  just that we aren't so stressful, and even then I just said 'might be'.

Of course even if you do read this I don't think for a moment that's going to stop you misquoting me, and Love, and anyone else you choose.

[Love Zhaoying]

Just now, Garnet Psaltery said:

Tsk,  misquoting me from a posting you're not supposed to be able to read?  Let me help you with a little truth here.  This is what I said 5 hours ago.  "What you're hinting at here is that Love suggested people might like to join the Tiny community because they don't seem stressful.  I agreed and said that it might be because we are generally older and wiser than the average SL resident".  Notice I didn't say we were 'better'  just that we aren't so stressful, and even then I just said 'might be'.

Of course even if you do read this I don't think for a moment that's going to stop you misquoting me, and Love, and anyone else you choose.

I am guessing you didn't mean in your original post to imply that Tinies ARE ALL "older and wiser", just "generally" - as in what you actually wrote.  Maybe she took what you wrote and "ran like heck with it"? 

Either way, it was clear ageism to me with absolutely no question. 

The current backpedaling is sad.  Very sad.

 

[Garnet Psaltery]

1 minute ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I am guessing you didn't mean in your original post to imply that Tinies ARE ALL "older and wiser", just "generally" - as in what you actually wrote.  Maybe she took what you wrote and "ran like heck with it"? 

Either way, it was clear ageism to me with absolutely no question. 

The current backpedaling is sad.  Very sad.

 

Indeed, that's why I said 'generally', and in my mind was the thought that we've generally experienced more, including more pain, more examples from life from which to learn, and more understanding of what makes people tick .. and what's not worth the effort.  I have to agree this is a bit sad.  I'll let it go once I'm sure we're not still being misrepresented.

[Love Zhaoying]

Just now, Garnet Psaltery said:

Indeed, that's why I said 'generally', and in my mind was the thought that we've generally experienced more, including more pain, more examples from life from which to learn, and more understanding of what makes people tick .. and what's not worth the effort.  I have to agree this is a bit sad.  I'll let it go once I'm sure we're not still being misrepresented.

Adding, in general, people with more "time behind them" CAN have more "compassion" and empathy (unless they have gone to the "conservative side" to "protect what they have").  More compassion can make anyone an invaluable friend to trust, learn from, look to, depend on, and model one's own self after. 

I think we need a "Find a Grandparent/Elder" service in Second Life. For "youngers" to have some intergenerational interaction with, and from whom to learn resiliency. I don't think anyone would want to learn "resiliency" from the judgmental crowd, unless one also only self-selects companions of their same politics, beliefs, etc.

[Luna Bliss]

Regarding having a less-stressful life in SL when participating in groups, from what I've experienced it's communities where sex is involved that cause the most trouble/drama. I don't think Tinies groups have that (I may be wrong here, not sure) so it could be one of the safer groups to experience.

But all groups I've seen have some sort of power structure, reminding me of a little Kingdom from times past. Conflicts center around power and control over the activities and aims of the group, and who has highest access (closeness) to the 'King"  (usually the founder of the group or region owner).

Nice representation of Tinies @ the Fantasy Fairre, btw.

[Luna Bliss]

34 minutes ago, Ceka Cianci said:

SL for me is all about relaxing.. I know it's probably getting old hearing me say it as many times as I have in the forums.. hehehe

But honestly, I love the risk of trying things out and even swimming in rough waters at time.. Sometimes it's to see how well I do or just for the experience..

I think I swim pretty good in the forums when things get hot.. But then again that could just be me telling myself that too.. LOL

That's one thing I can say about second life.. I can do that without real risk really while feeling a taste of it.. I always get butterflies from the excitement of trying some group that I thought I would never go into.. Most times the buildup to the excitement was all in my head..

But if it's bad enough in there, like really clique in a bad way.. I just leave.. I may try a few more that are sort of like it though, because first impressions might be misleading..

I just like being curious and seeing what the hub bub is all about most times in many things.. hehehe

SL is good for that. 

Sounds like you navigate SL well.

It's not easy to have a pleasant and relaxing experience (for some people anyway) yet have a little 'spice' thrown in there to make it interesting.