Women's expectations: Unrealistic

[Ceka Cianci]

1 minute ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Well . . . did you?

😀

MY experience -- and Cinn is right, everyone is going to have different stories -- is that women approach this very differently than men. Women who have been "interested" in me have almost always taken quite some time to get around to the point . . . sometimes, in fact, several meetings. Whereas men often (but not of course always) will launch into "A/S/L" or "Do you voice?" or "Are you married?" or even "Wanna check out my dungeon" within the first 5 to 10 minutes (or sooner) of opening a conversation.

The one exception was the woman I complimented in IM for her avi, who responded by sending me a cheesecake shot of herself.

Ack.

I look at it that way as well.. That's why I don't see a reason in propping one up higher than the other in this whole thing..

We see so much of society trying to fit people into so many different groups/tribes that before you know it, we are not who we are, but what we are in the eyes of many people..

I much rather see people for who they are than what they are.. Because I can't think of one group that doesn't have it's fair share of A-holes.. hehehe

[Scylla Rhiadra]

Just now, Love Zhaoying said:

Women, playing the "long game". Love it!!

Well . . . and there are, again, going to certainly be exceptions . . . I think that they do, generally.

I think generally that women are more likely to see sex as a component of a larger relationship, and less likely to be interested in one-offs. And that, again, is probably mostly due to social conditioning: women are still taught, to an astonishing degree, that they should seek out "stability" in RL relationships.

There are absolutely sure to be a ton of exceptions to that, particularly, maybe, in the world of kink, but it is, again, my experience and observation.

I suspect that the same reasoning may lie behind the general tendency (please note the qualification!) of women to be more apt to generate "drama." Drama is generally all about the stability, or instability, or relationships.

[Love Zhaoying]

3 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

 

9 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Women, playing the "long game". Love it!!

Well . . . and there are, again, going to certainly be exceptions . . . I think that they do, generally.

I think generally that women are more likely to see sex as a component of a larger relationship, and less likely to be interested in one-offs.

 

One of the things I have in common with women, "generally"!

[Rowan Amore]

15 minutes ago, Ceka Cianci said:

I look at it that way as well.. That's why I don't see a reason in propping one up higher than the other in this whole thing..

We see so much of society trying to fit people into so many different groups/tribes that before you know it, we are not who we are, but what we are in the eyes of many people..

I much rather see people for who they are than what they are.. Because I can't think of one group that doesn't have it's fair share of A-holes.. hehehe

As far as this thread goes, we're hearing more women responding with what they encounter.  2 of my friends have told me quite often about how women come on to them and in a very aggressive way often getting verbally abusive if they decline.  

High expectations are seen on both sides.  It all depends on the individual.  

[Luna Bliss]

1 hour ago, Ceka Cianci said:

1 hour ago, Luna Bliss said:

Agree, there are women who approach men in shallow ways.  But they don't generally go after men (or other women) in inappropriate places.  Maybe women are just more sensitive, have more empathy, have better social skills?   And so we don't see as many men offended by women going after them in odd places.

Like what inappropriate places?

I'm curious now..

Oh like at a meditation or chanting space, whether alone or in a group.  Or a self-help group even.  Or where I'm designing a space for someone, like a nature area where I'm flipping the prims around and it's very obvious I am creating.  Or, just hanging out in my private home.

[Ceka Cianci]

12 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

As far as this thread goes, we're hearing more women responding with what they encounter.  2 of my friends have told me quite often about how women come on to them and in a very aggressive way often getting verbally abusive if they decline.  

High expectations are seen on both sides.  It all depends on the individual.  

I think the reason more women are responding is,I think we have the men outnumbered..That's just my theory though..hehehe

[Luna Bliss]

Just now, Ceka Cianci said:

I think the reason more women are responding is,I think we have the men outnumbered..That's just my theory though..hehehe

Someone has their thinking cap on! 

[Ceka Cianci]

1 minute ago, Luna Bliss said:

Oh like at a meditation or chanting space, whether alone or in a group.  Or a self-help group even.  Or where I'm designing a space for someone, like a nature area where I'm flipping the prims around and it's very obvious I am creating.  Or, just hanging out in my private home.

Stop,You're turning meh on!!\o/

[Luna Bliss]

31 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

And that, again, is probably mostly due to social conditioning: women are still taught, to an astonishing degree, that they should seek out "stability" in RL relationships.

That, and I think women more often see the 'all' of something, rather than just a part.  Why, I don't know for sure.  Perhaps being more in touch with emotions does that.

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, Ceka Cianci said:

4 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Oh like at a meditation or chanting space, whether alone or in a group.  Or a self-help group even.  Or where I'm designing a space for someone, like a nature area where I'm flipping the prims around and it's very obvious I am creating.  Or, just hanging out in my private home.

Stop,You're turning meh on!!\o/

If I see you at my chanting space ima run!!!!

[Love Zhaoying]

4 minutes ago, Ceka Cianci said:

I think the reason more women are responding is,I think we have the men outnumbered..That's just my theory though..hehehe

Men are too smart to participate in this thread, generally.

[Ceka Cianci]

4 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

If I see you at my chanting space ima run!!!!

That would be a funny picture..

You in like a buddhist monk wear running from me in my fit Flo Jo running condition.. 

Fear mah built for speed Flo Jo! \o/

hehehe

 

[Ceka Cianci]

11 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Men are too smart to participate in this thread, generally.

Cause they know we got the numba's an  it's our turf! Culuz culuz!

hehehe

[Sid Nagy]

3 hours ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

Ok, fess up. How'd you do that?

🤣

🤔 First one has to get banned from Motown and then one has to laugh hard, real hard.

 

To be honest I have no clue, it just happened.

 

Added: okay, okay, the truth: I bribed Dyna and Quartz.   🪙

 

Edited September 16, 2023 by Sid Nagy

[Robberinthemuseum]

12 hours ago, Paul Hexem said:

Recently there was a thread about women experiencing creepy men, and it was rightly pointed out that the counterpoints, the issues men experience in the interactions, were a little off topic for it.

So in the context of dating and/or meeting other people, the question is, do men in SL experience the same issues as other online dating platforms?

We have stats that show that in other forms of online social interactions, women's expectations and standards are completely unrealistic. It makes the entire process of meeting women a totally skewed, uphill battle for most men. Does that carry over to SL or is it less prevalent here?

Well, my experience of women in sl is that you have to get to know them a bit before you get a sense of what their SL fantasy is all about. Men on the other hand leave it all hanging out there and it's obvious. But at the same time, if someone writes in their profile what they are about, believe them. They aren't going to change and contort their sl for me. In rl there has to be a lot more give and take because there's more at stake. I mean in rl there's illness, families, bills, who does what chores, habits, sharing etc. You can't tp away or block someone, you have to walk away angrily and put up with stalking on social media. You can't just make an alt and disappear or start again. So yeah rl and sl are completely different. In sl, exes don't break your windows when you break up, they can only talk crap about you and try to smear your reputation.

Edited September 16, 2023 by Robberinthemuseum

[Robberinthemuseum]

1 hour ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Men are too smart to participate in this thread, generally.

How dare you!

[Psyche Starling]

3 hours ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Funny, I don't remember saying that even once but even if I did, it would have been in an entirely different context then the one you are trying to imply here. I suspect you have me confused with someone else but are trying to gaslight here as a previous thread implied you have a predilection to do.

Where do you see this "constantly approached for sex" area in SL? Outside of couple of virtual meat markets, I don't get this in spite of having been complimented many times on having an attractive and sexy avatar. Now I do tend to dress more conservative when out shopping or doing other activities but still, I just don't experience this and it makes me wonder when certain people are always going on about it like it is a regular thing. Even when I am approached where slex is in mind, I am still approached like a person normally by well behaved and civil men and women. The only time I may get a bit of an objectification feel is from dom's and domme's but that is sort of expected and par for the course and to be expected to a degree.

I've been hit on at major, laggy shopping events, at which I was wearing a t-shirt and jeans, and it was so laggy they probably just saw a cloud or EvoX cyclops anyway. I'm just trying to get my stuff and get out and Ping! "Hi pretty lady!" followed by a guilt trip when I didn't go home with them. Just chill, people. Lol.

[Persephone Emerald]

12 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Well . . . and there are, again, going to certainly be exceptions . . . I think that they do, generally.

I think generally that women are more likely to see sex as a component of a larger relationship, and less likely to be interested in one-offs. And that, again, is probably mostly due to social conditioning: women are still taught, to an astonishing degree, that they should seek out "stability" in RL relationships.

There are absolutely sure to be a ton of exceptions to that, particularly, maybe, in the world of kink, but it is, again, my experience and observation.

I suspect that the same reasoning may lie behind the general tendency (please note the qualification!) of women to be more apt to generate "drama." Drama is generally all about the stability, or instability, or relationships.

We're still talking about Second Life here, right?

I for one do NOT want a romantic relationship based in SL. If I'm going to have a romantic relationship, I want it to be based in RL, though if we both play in SL, that can be fun.

My unrealistic expection is that nobody in SL (male, female, or otherwise) should approach any of my avatars hoping for a romantic relationship. This is unrealistic in part because I haven't stated this clearly in my primary avatar's profile. 

My realistic expectations are that if someone (generally a guy) wants to fool around in virtual sexy time with Persephone or Alycia, they should have a good-looking avatar, have at least a partially filled-out profile, be interesting to talk with, be respectful toward me as an intelligent and feeling person, and be able to text coherently in full words, if not always full sentences. I don't care how they look in RL or how much money they have. I care about how they act, how they think, and how their avatar looks. 

Edited September 16, 2023 by Persephone Emerald
Typo

[Persephone Emerald]

5 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I got "bit" by that same thing, someone went bugnutz about the post I made about a video where it was claimed "most" women want to find a man who makes more money than them.  I even used the word "most" in my post. 

Later, I googled other sources for the info and found it, but no sense in poking the bear.

If I were looking for a guy in RL, I'd like him to make more money than me, 'cuz I'm not making any right now and when I am working, I usually don't make that much. He wouldn't have to be more educated than me, but he would have to be fairly smart and interesting to talk with.

[Psyche Starling]

And apparently going "citation needed" is bugnutz now, lol. The "women all want the top few best looking and richest men" is not just an idle stereotype, but tends to be the stalking horse for some other really gross stuff, and the videos that "prove" it tend to be from that same world. 

More money than me is...not a lot of money, but the only partner of mine in RL who made more was a woman.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

6 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

We're still talking about Second Life here, right?

Well, I was, although I'd argue that my generalization applies to both RL and SL -- with the caveat that the pseudonymity and relative safety of SL means that women are likely somewhat more sexually adventurous here.

7 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

I for one do NOT want a romantic relationship based in SL. If I'm going to have a romantic relationship, I want it to be based in RL, though if we both play in SL, that can be fun.

And this is very much why I couched my language so carefully.

Sexual habits are changing. I have friends my own age and even a little older who use Tinder for one-time hookups. And younger women certainly do. So, generalized as it is, I suspect my characterization of this gendered difference is becoming less and less pronounced.

One minor point, maybe: "relationship" need not mean "romantic relationship." "Friends with Benefits" abound these days, and maybe especially in SL. The virtual booty call is definitely a thing. It is entirely possible, and indeed probably very common, to have sexual relations with someone with whom one has a "relationship" that is not recognizably romantic. Indeed, I have many friends in SL, men and women, who do this. My sense, with all of the usual qualifications, is that women probably value the other, non-sexual aspects of those relationships somewhat more than the men do. This at least is my impression garnered from my conversations with them.

13 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

My realistic expectations are that if someone (generally a guy) wants to fool around in virtual sexy time with Persephone or Alycia, they should have a good-looking avatar, have at least a partially filled-out profile, be interesting to talk with, be respectful toward me as an intelligent and feeling person, and be able to text coherently in full words, if not full always sentences. I don't care how they look in RL or how much money they have. I care about how they act, how they think, and how their avatar looks.

I get that.

I don't do the sexy time thing: my interactions are, at most, flirtatious, so I don't have those kinds of aesthetic standards, nor do I care so much about their language (because, after all, I'm not going to be emoting with them anyway).

Because of the limits that I place upon my own relationships, I value someone who is, well, "nice" -- kind, generous, empathetic, etc. -- far more than I do looks or eloquence.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

2 minutes ago, BookishMelinoe said:

The "women all want the top few best looking and richest men" is not just an idle stereotype, but tends to be the stalking horse for some other really gross stuff, and the videos that "prove" it tend to be from that same world. 

Yeah. This is a half-step away from Incel-type castigation of "Stacys."

[Ayashe Ninetails]

The only real way to settle this is for us womenz to post photos of what our ideal SL hotties would look like and let the menz judge how realistic/unrealistic our expectations really are. Put those alt-making skills to work, ladies!

Just kidding. 😄

[Robberinthemuseum]

I feel the earning more money in rl is very important because when I get married, I fully expect to have to support the entire family financially. Myself and my rl girlfriend have discussed this at length. It's unfortunate that society has decided to undervalue the role of a great mother. This, in my opinion is the backbone of society and I want the best for my future children, so yeah I earn more than most dudes in order to realize this goal. If we keep undervaluing motherhood and true femininity, our society is doomed imho. None of this has anything to do with sl. SL is a fantasy world. I get to explore my sexuality, meet people I would never get to meet in rl and experience art instalations in a way I can't in rl. I expect the women in sl are going around doing their own thing too 🤷‍♂️. What are we discussing again?

[Persephone Emerald]

6 hours ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Invented to keep the males from running off with the secretary?

6 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

Invented so that men could keep better control of 'their women'.

Marriage is a social contract invented for multiple reasons - to make sure the woman and her children were protected and cared for, to give the man some degree of confidence that her children were biologically his offspring, to cement family ties and obligations between families, and to more easily keep track of who was related to who. Marriage has never prevented men or women from having sexual relationships outside of their marriage, nor has it prevented abuse or abandonment.

6 hours ago, Sid Nagy said:

Marriages are invented to keep our only slowly maturing offspring safe.
Since we live in safer and more social environments with more prosperity,  marriages ain't that important anymore to stay secure and alive.
In SL even less, hence partnering and splitting up in our wonderful world happen as easy as changing outfits.

6 hours ago, Ceka Cianci said:

Marriage  came about to mainly bind families together.. Women became the mans property..

Men would usually have to give some sort of payment or something to offer to the father of the woman they wanted.

Women have been considered property only in strongly patriarchal societies. In matriarchal societies, women are not considered property. In societies in which men and woman are considered socially equal they are not automatically considered property either. A slave might be property, but a wife would not be. In Celtic and I think Viking society, a wife could sometimes divorce her husband. 

Edited September 16, 2023 by Persephone Emerald
Typo