I think it's funny. I've accused other people of being creepy (particularly in SL)....

[Gopi Passiflora]

...but now that I think about it, I've also been creepy in the past (particularly in real life).

If you know me in the forum, sometimes I complain about receiving a lot of IMs from strangers when I'm playing as a woman avatar. I've called the men who IMed me "creeps" even for something as basic as a "hi" and "hru".  But I think I've done a similar thing in real life. Back when I was in college I cold-called these women on the phone I didn't really know, just to get to know them. Needless to say, they either didn't answer or were peeved at the call. I also complimented a woman in a job fair about her beauty, and that didn't go well either. I probably did other creepy stuff that I can't remember or realize at the time.

But now I think I know better than to do those things. I particularly realized the error of my ways when going online and exploring places like Second Life - y'know, experiencing life as a woman avatar and all that. But even more recently I just realized I was one of those SL people I called "creeps", too. Lonely, single, loveless, or whatever.

What is the point of this post? I dunno. I just wanted to reflect on my "hypocrisy" of calling people "creeps" i guess. Or maybe illustrate how Second Life (and other virtual worlds) made me realize the errors of my ways and beliefs. Or something else.  

 

 

[Phil Deakins]

7 minutes ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

I also complimented a woman in a job fair about her beauty, and that didn't go well either.

It's sad that compliments can be taken badly. I'd guess that most aren't.

But you reminded me of of something that I was reminiscing about with a friend a few days ago. We were entertainers in a holdiay camp (Butlins for the Brits) and we were having lunch with some staff, including my girlfriend, when a lovely girl went by carrying her lunch. I told my girlfriend that she is lovely, so my girlfriend suggested that I tell her. She called her over and I told her that she is lovely. From that day on, the lovely girl became my girlfriend

[BillFletcher]

18 minutes ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

But now I think I know better than to do those things. I particularly realized the error of my ways when going online and exploring places like Second Life - y'know, experiencing life as a woman avatar and all that. But even more recently I just realized I was one of those SL people I called "creeps", too. Lonely, single, loveless, or whatever.

It can certainly be an education for a guy coming into SL as a woman. I know I have learned a lot and hopefully it has made me a better person.

[Arielle Popstar]

20 minutes ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

What is the point of this post? I dunno. I just wanted to reflect on my "hypocrisy" of calling people "creeps" i guess. Or maybe illustrate how Second Life (and other virtual worlds) made me realize the errors of my ways and beliefs. Or something else.  

I find the word creepy is an overused put down to refer to someone who might be better described as being socially awkward or inept.

[Luna Bliss]

1 hour ago, Arielle Popstar said:

I find the word creepy is an overused put down to refer to someone who might be better described as being socially awkward or inept.

Even if they are socially awkward or inept they need to learn how to behave so as not to bother others.   I reserve the right to label them as creepy if they push on my boundaries in unwelcome ways by assuming everyone exists in SL to have sex with them and so approach others to further their mistaken goals.

creep·y

causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease.

[diamond Marchant]

1 hour ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

I also complimented a woman in a job fair about her beauty, and that didn't go well either.

1 hour ago, Phil Deakins said:

It's sad that compliments can be taken badly. I'd guess that most aren't.

I suppose it's all about context. Complimenting someone in a social peer-to-peer context is different than a compliment in the workplace or a hiring situation, where the compliment may be perceived as communicating that workplace's culture (assuming we are talking about a workplace where the only appearance expectation is to appear professional).

[Rowan Amore]

1 hour ago, Arielle Popstar said:

I find the word creepy is an overused put down to refer to someone who might be better described as being socially awkward or inept.

I agree.  Even though they may seem creepy to others, it's probably not their intention in many cases.  Usually, I can tell the ijits who are being creepy on purpose.  Not always, but usually. 

[Luna Bliss]

7 minutes ago, diamond Marchant said:

I suppose it's all about context.

So true. A guy complimented my looks yesterday and it was very welcome. I know him somewhat, and I'd just bought an outfit.

Very different from these guys in 'boy next door' jeans from 2006 who approach me for the first time on a self-actualization/spiritual sim, looking for sex, saying "oh u r purty". 

Edited August 31, 2023 by Luna Bliss

[Luna Bliss]

1 hour ago, Arielle Popstar said:

creepy

What I find creepy is someone yesterday on this forum who said women who are bothered too much in SL must be asking for it somehow.

[Arielle Popstar]

40 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Even if they are socially awkward or inept they need to learn how to behave so as not to bother others.   I reserve the right to label them as creepy if they push on my boundaries in unwelcome ways by assuming everyone exists in SL to have sex with them and so approach others to further their mistaken goals.

creep·y

causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease.

If one is experiencing a feeling of unpleasantness or unease because of someone else's approach, I would say that maybe that person should learn to handle such situations with peace and acceptance. There is no way such a person is going teach everyone else how to behave towards them in the manner they would like. This is the sort of thing I would expect to learn if on a spiritual sim that focuses on self actualization. Being subject to one's own unpleasant feelings is the opposite of being self actualized as one is then a victim of the thoughts and opinions of another.

[Stephanie Misfit]

12 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

If one is experiencing a feeling of unpleasantness or unease because of someone else's approach, I would say that maybe that person should learn to handle such situations with peace and acceptance. There is no way such a person is going teach everyone else how to behave towards them in the manner they would like. This is the sort of thing I would expect to learn if on a spiritual sim that focuses on self actualization. Being subject to one's own unpleasant feelings is the opposite of being self actualized as one is then a victim of the thoughts and opinions of another.

No, hard disagree. We rely on past experiences and external cues to keep us safe. In the case of finding someone "creepy", it may well be our protective instincts kicking in and telling us that that person is not safe. Women in particular need to listen to this.

[BillFletcher]

1 hour ago, Rowan Amore said:

it's probably not their intention

and it isn't the intention of people who drive drunk to kill people.

[Rowan Amore]

5 minutes ago, BillFletcher said:

and it isn't the intention of people who drive drunk to kill people.

Apples and oranges.  

My nephew is on the spectrum.  He often says things in a different way.  His intention wasn't to be mean or uncaring.   I'm sure as he gets more into the dating scene, he may say something that comes off as creepy to some but again, not his intention.

Comparing it to drunk driving?  Really?

[Luna Bliss]

37 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

1 hour ago, Luna Bliss said:

Even if they are socially awkward or inept they need to learn how to behave so as not to bother others.   I reserve the right to label them as creepy if they push on my boundaries in unwelcome ways by assuming everyone exists in SL to have sex with them and so approach others to further their mistaken goals.

creep·y

causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease.

If one is experiencing a feeling of unpleasantness or unease because of someone else's approach, I would say that maybe that person should learn to handle such situations with peace and acceptance. There is no way such a person is going teach everyone else how to behave towards them in the manner they would like. This is the sort of thing I would expect to learn if on a spiritual sim that focuses on self actualization. Being subject to one's own unpleasant feelings is the opposite of being self actualized as one is then a victim of the thoughts and opinions of another.

Totally disagree, Arielle. My unease is my warning that abuse or a boundary infraction is more likely to happen.  It's self-protection, and has nothing to do with being self-actualized or not. People who are on a spiritual or self-actualization path do not become psychotic and see angels everywhere -- they accurately perceive the environment around them, and take appropriate action.

Appropriate action for me is right-click, eject in many cases -- that way me or my group can continue on in peace.

[Luna Bliss]

26 minutes ago, BillFletcher said:

1 hour ago, Rowan Amore said:

it's probably not their intention

and it isn't the intention of people who drive drunk to kill people.

So true, we can't excuse everything with "oh, but they didn't intend to do that".   Some things, yes, but to use "intend" as a blanket reason to excuse all behavior -- just no!

[Luna Bliss]

24 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

32 minutes ago, BillFletcher said:

and it isn't the intention of people who drive drunk to kill people.

Apples and oranges.  

It wasn't apples to oranges, it was hyperbole.

[Rat Luv]

30 minutes ago, Stephanie Misfit said:

No, hard disagree. We rely on past experiences and external cues to keep us safe. In the case of finding someone "creepy", it may well be our protective instincts kicking in and telling us that that person is not safe. Women in particular need to listen to this.

There is a great book about this called "The Gift of Fear"...the author points out that no other creature on Earth would step into a lift with someone or something that gave it a bad feeling, but humans do it all the time because they don't want to appear antisocial or rude...but it's best to go with your gut instinct, it's there for a reason! 

 

[Arielle Popstar]

8 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Totally disagree, Arielle. My unease is my warning that abuse or a boundary infraction is more likely to happen.  It's self-protection, and has nothing to do with being self-actualized or not. People who are on a spiritual or self-actualization path do not become psychotic and see angels everywhere -- they accurately perceive the environment around them, and take appropriate action.

Appropriate action for me is right-click, eject in many cases -- that way me or my group can continue on in peace.

So you only accept healthy functional people on your sim? Not those who are broken and looking maybe to get a little more spiritual and as a result become a little more socially aware? 

[BillFletcher]

26 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

Comparing it to drunk driving?  Really?

True being a creep in SL is in no way as serious as driving drunk, however I am far less charitable towards the guys who behave badly towards women here, or anyplace else. I am not willing to give them a pass and say oh they just don't know any better. 

[Luna Bliss]

Just now, Rat Luv said:

There is a great book about this called "The Gift of Fear"...the author points out that no other creature on Earth would step into a lift with someone or something that gave it a bad feeling, but humans do it all the time because they don't want to appear antisocial or rude...but it's best to go with your gut instinct, it's there for a reason! 

 

So true!  And women are trained to be kind and nurturing, and so less likely to go with this gut instinct that someone else might not be a good person to interact with. And they are also socialized to to make waves and stand up firmly for themselves.

I psychologize away bad behavior all too easily, make excuses for it due to knowing the boundary pusher's inner struggles.

[Luna Bliss]

3 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

13 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Totally disagree, Arielle. My unease is my warning that abuse or a boundary infraction is more likely to happen.  It's self-protection, and has nothing to do with being self-actualized or not. People who are on a spiritual or self-actualization path do not become psychotic and see angels everywhere -- they accurately perceive the environment around them, and take appropriate action.

Appropriate action for me is right-click, eject in many cases -- that way me or my group can continue on in peace.

So you only accept healthy functional people on your sim? Not those who are broken and looking maybe to get a little more spiritual and as a result become a little more socially aware? 

Sex-pests with hardons are seeking spiritual knowledge?  Who knew...

[Arielle Popstar]

42 minutes ago, Stephanie Misfit said:

No, hard disagree. We rely on past experiences and external cues to keep us safe. In the case of finding someone "creepy", it may well be our protective instincts kicking in and telling us that that person is not safe. Women in particular need to listen to this.

We can rely on past experience but at the same time start learning to respond to the situation, not react to the emotion that might have been triggered. Two different things.

[Arielle Popstar]

1 minute ago, Luna Bliss said:

Sex-pests with hardons are seeking spiritual knowledge?  Who knew...

They may not be thinking they are seeking it but they are not there by mistake. They just need to be shown that it is the spiritual solution they seek, not the quickie they think they need.

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, Arielle Popstar said:

44 minutes ago, Stephanie Misfit said:

No, hard disagree. We rely on past experiences and external cues to keep us safe. In the case of finding someone "creepy", it may well be our protective instincts kicking in and telling us that that person is not safe. Women in particular need to listen to this.

We can rely on past experience but at the same time start learning to respond to the situation, not react to the emotion that might have been triggered. Two different things.

Arielle, past experience enables us to see repeating signs that something is likely to occur when we see said signs in action.

This does not necessarily mean anyone was triggered -- rather it's a sign they have a brain.

And even if they were 'triggered' it doesn't mean they should not pay attention to reality unfolding as they saw it unfold in the past.

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, Arielle Popstar said:

4 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Sex-pests with hardons are seeking spiritual knowledge?  Who knew...

They may not be thinking they are seeking it but they are not there by mistake. They just need to be shown that it is the spiritual solution they seek, not the quickie they think they need.

Well I'm going to continue on helping others learn how to sing mantras or meditate, and right-click eject -- someone else can save them. LOL

Arielle, are you having fun yet?