Should I put my real-life gender in my woman avatars' profiles?

[Scylla Rhiadra]

3 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I agree with most of what you wrote, with the exception of the word "choices".

I said "choices" because there's no way to know what motivates someone -- unless, of course, they tell you.

It's wrong and stupid and simplistic to assume that someone who refuses to "verify" is catfishing you, and it's equally faulty logic to assume that everyone who wants verification is homophobic.

[Love Zhaoying]

2 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

8 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I agree with most of what you wrote, with the exception of the word "choices".

I said "choices" because there's no way to know what motivates someone -- unless, of course, they tell you.

It's wrong and stupid and simplistic to assume that someone who refuses to "verify" is catfishing you, and it's equally faulty logic to assume that everyone who wants verification is homophobic.

Sorry, my problem with "choices" is the more obvious one - "choice" is a word most often used to signal that someone's sexuality is a "choice". (I apologize if this was obvious and you didn't know that's what I meant.)

[Scylla Rhiadra]

Just now, Love Zhaoying said:

Sorry, my problem with "choices" is the more obvious one - "choice" is a word most often used to signal that someone's sexuality is a "choice". (I apologize if this was obvious and you didn't know that's what I meant.)

Ah, yes. Fair enough, but that's not really what I meant by the word: I was referring to the "choice" of wanting, or denying, verification. You'll note that I refer to my own heterosexual "wiring."

(A sidenote: I think it's most likely that sexual orientation is hard-wired, mostly, although I think that, like most things, there is always going to be a "nurturing" aspect to it. That said, I sometimes dislike the insistence upon this idea that gay people can't avoid being gay for the simple reason that it concedes too much to homophobes, by implying that homosexuality should be "permitted" because "they can't help it." A more compelling argument, for me (and I am very conscious of the fact that I am not gay, so I don't insist upon it by any means) is simply that there is nothing to apologize for, explain, justify, or excuse. Being gay is every bit as valid as being straight. Love is, as we say, love.)

[Scylla Rhiadra]

This isn't a conversation I've ever had, or ever will have, but I can imagine something like this, in the context of a relationship that is about to "up a level," if you like.

"I have come to care for you very deeply, and I am very interested in exploring the possibility of taking this to a new level. But I do need to tell you that, for me, this entails knowing more about you in RL. It's not that I 'distrust' you, but rather that that new level, for me, implies a much higher degree of trust and intimacy. I need to know much more about who you are before I can commit to a deeper relationship, because the depth and validity of our connection depends upon openness."

That, at least, is something like how I might handle it. Please note: no assumptions or judgments are being made or implied.

Edited August 17, 2023 by Scylla Rhiadra

[Persephone Emerald]

49 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

ahhh ok...so for you to evaluate this as denigration of women it needs to be done consciously, while for me even behaviors done subconsciously due to socialization can be classified as denigrating to females.

In RL, would you be offended if a man holds a door open for you? Would you be offended if you were expected to cover your head and shoulders and stay in the back of a mosque while men and women were praying in it?

In SL as in RL, I think we should take into account that other people may not mean to be jerks until it's clear that they do mean to be. I think some behaviors can be limiting or even offensive to women without them being intended to be denigrating.

This discussion is getting off-topic. Let's try to bring it back to how we do or don't reveal our RL gender on our SL profiles.

[Luna Bliss]

Just now, Persephone Emerald said:

1 hour ago, Luna Bliss said:

ahhh ok...so for you to evaluate this as denigration of women it needs to be done consciously, while for me even behaviors done subconsciously due to socialization can be classified as denigrating to females.

In RL, would you be offended if a man holds a door open for you? Would you be offended if you were expected to cover your head and shoulders and stay in the back of a mosque while men and women were praying in it?

In SL as in RL, I think we should take into account that other people may not mean to be jerks until it's clear that they do mean to be. I think some behaviors can be limiting or even offensive to women without them being intended to be denigrating.

Oh I very much take this into account. In fact, I've rolled my eyes at friends who seemed offended that a man held the door open for them. I just smile and say thank you because I know they mean well.

Just the same, stereotyped ways of relating to anybody (men, women, gays, straights...whatever) has a damaging effect to society overall because we're relating through roles or putting people into boxes as opposed to relating to others as they really are. So we're kind of dumping on them, really -- projecting or putting our own stuff onto them without their consent.

[Love Zhaoying]

If you "consciously" put in your profile that your RL gender is X, then others are still free to "subconsciously" believe your RL gender is Z. Because SL.

[Luna Bliss]

Well, @Gopi Passiflora, I can confirm that I do indeed feel differently as a male in SL (I remember another thread of yours where you said you felt more vulnerable as a female).

I feel more assertive (likely coming from my perception that men typically are, more so in group situations). I also feel safer -- I don't put my guard up when some strange guy approaches me.   Eager for more exploration with this.

[Ingrid Ingersoll]

10 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

"I have come to care for you very deeply, and I am very interested in exploring the possibility of taking this to a new level. But I do need to tell you that, for me, this entails knowing more about you in RL. It's not that I 'distrust' you, but rather that that new level, for me, implies a much higher degree of trust and intimacy. I need to know much more about who you are before I can commit to a deeper relationship, because the depth and validity of our connection depends upon openness."

"voice + discord or gtfo" for gen z.

[Ayashe Ninetails]

14 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

This isn't a conversation I've ever had, or ever will have, but I can imagine something like this, in the context of a relationship that is about to "up a level," if you like.

"I have come to care for you very deeply, and I am very interested in exploring the possibility of taking this to a new level. But I do need to tell you that, for me, this entails knowing more about you in RL. It's not that I 'distrust' you, but rather that that new level, for me, implies a much higher degree of trust and intimacy. I need to know much more about who you are before I can commit to a deeper relationship, because the depth and validity of our connection depends upon openness."

That, at least, is something like how I might handle it. Please note: no assumptions or judgments are being made or implied.

Now there's a conversation I'd never expect to see in SL.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

2 minutes ago, Ingrid Ingersoll said:

"voice + discord or gtfo" for gen z.

I am working hard in RL to inculcate a somewhat more subtle approach to communication!

But, yeah, probably. 😏

[Scylla Rhiadra]

2 minutes ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

Now there's a conversation I'd never expect to see in SL.

What if I put it on a notecard or script it into a HUD, and sell it on the MP?

"Need help with your relationship? Having difficulties finding the right words? Now, for only L$50 . . ."

Edited August 17, 2023 by Scylla Rhiadra

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

17 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

This isn't a conversation I've ever had, or ever will have, but I can imagine something like this, in the context of a relationship that is about to "up a level," if you like.

"I have come to care for you very deeply, and I am very interested in exploring the possibility of taking this to a new level. But I do need to tell you that, for me, this entails knowing more about you in RL. It's not that I 'distrust' you, but rather that that new level, for me, implies a much higher degree of trust and intimacy. I need to know much more about who you are before I can commit to a deeper relationship, because the depth and validity of our connection depends upon openness."

That, at least, is something like how I might handle it. Please note: no assumptions or judgments are being made or implied.

Now there's a conversation I'd never expect to see in SL.

For me and who I hang around with this doesn't seem unusual at all.

[Rowan Amore]

And who created this entire voice verification problem to begin with?  Men.  Who pays the price?  Women.  🤔

[Ingrid Ingersoll]

2 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

And who created this entire voice verification problem to begin with?  Men.  Who pays the price?  Women.  🤔

And men. 

I find it hilarious when i see "voice verrified". As if there's an organization that verifies that you're female irl. There's probbaly not one rl women who has that in their profile. 

It's all so stupid sometimes i wonder why i still log in.... Oh yeah the decorating. 

[Luna Bliss]

That caused me to realize...nobody has ever thought I was a man in SL.

[Ayashe Ninetails]

2 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

What if I put it on a notecard or script it into a HUD, and sell it on the MP?

"Need help with your relationship? Having difficulties finding the right words? Now, for only L$50 . . ."

I'm sure the "hi h r u" crowd will thank you. 🤣

Oh actually, a HUD to actually feed people bits of conversation and smooth lines would be pretty freaking hilarious. Call it Cyrano. 😏

 

6 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

For me and who I hang around with this doesn't seem unusual at all.

Yeah, can't say I've had the same experience. SLONLYSLONLYONOLYLNP0ONLHUIHGIHGIEWRHIF HOW DAAARE types are all I've ever found on this platform.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

Just now, Rowan Amore said:

And who created this entire voice verification problem to begin with?  Men.  Who pays the price?  Women.  🤔

There is a great deal of truth to this, definitely. We can speculate why it is really only men who seem to demand this, but, again, the reasoning and motivation are undoubtedly many and various.

At the same time . . . it's not actually much of a "price" that is exacted. At least, for me. A man who wants me to voice verify has pretty much flagged himself as someone I'm not likely to be very interested in . . . for the simple reason that their priorities are going to be very different from mine. So, in a sense, they are doing me a favour by "outing" themselves as someone who is likely to be incompatible with me.

(It also almost invariably signals that the man is interested in sex. And as I am not, this also alerts me to the fact that this relationship is probably not going to work.)

[Istelathis]

Before long, you will need two forms of identification, initialize multiple pages, digitally sign an agreement provide voice verification, video identification, blood tests to ensure your chromosomes are right.. all just you can sit on a piece of digital furniture and type oooooh, ahhhhh repeatedly.  🤣

*just as a side note, I'm just kidding around - I don't do the slex, but I'm sure it is more involved than that*

Edited August 17, 2023 by Istelathis

[Scylla Rhiadra]

Just now, Ayashe Ninetails said:

I'm sure the "hi h r u" crowd will thank you. 🤣

Oh actually, a HUD to actually feed people bits of conversation and smooth lines would be pretty freaking hilarious. Call it Cyrano. 😏

Back in the days when I was (somewhat) sexually active in SL, that thought actually did occur to me, in a half joking way.

But not for chat-up lines or deep conversations.

For sex emotes. THAT is where men really need assistance.

[Love Zhaoying]

10 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

"Need help with your relationship? Having difficulties finding the right words? Now, for only L$50 . . ."

How much for dateing help?

[Scylla Rhiadra]

Just now, Love Zhaoying said:

How much for dateing help?

Damn, you've outed me!

[Love Zhaoying]

4 minutes ago, Istelathis said:

I'm sure it is more involved than that

TBH, not much.

[Luna Bliss]

 

[Persephone Emerald]

6 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Back in the days when I was (somewhat) sexually active in SL, that thought actually did occur to me, in a half joking way.

But not for chat-up lines or deep conversations.

For sex emotes. THAT is where men really need assistance.

Not just men. I could use some good examples too. I've heard that reading erotica can help, but somehow that hasn't helped me. I seemed to hit a high point in my creative sexting when I was more interested in SL sex, and since then I just can't be bothered anymore with SL creative writing.