Coping with Second Death

[Sion Pearl]

We make these friends, right, and then one day they vanish. They're not there. They die in their virtual sleep and more often than not we have no way of knowing what happened where they went. The real person might have moved to a different town, entered a rl relationship, got a job, given it up or maybe even died. We don't know. But they're gone.

Very early on I remember having this amazing RP partner. One day she stopped logging on. Never saw her again. But she was brilliant and sometimes I check and see if she ever logged on after November 2009. She never did.

I am not sure what I was getting at with this thread. I thought it might be a good place to share experiences of this sort, I guess. Anyone want to chip in?

[George Orellana]

Been there, done that. They always turn up again years later on a different account.

[Venus Petrov]

You characterize this person in your example as an 'RP partner'.  I am not sure how close you were as friends but I know that if anything were to happen to me, I would want my closest friends in RL and SL to know.  I would not wish to leave them guessing as to my whereabouts.

It is unfortunate that they disappeared so suddenly.  Sometimes people feel like they want a change and just do it.  Your RP partner may have decided to go RL for awhile, take on a different avatar to do something new, who knows?   I have seen acquaintences on my friends list go months without logging on (at least when I am on at the same time), then, suddenly, one day they appear.

[Ishtara Rothschild]

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George Orellana wrote:

Been there, done that. They always turn up again years later on a different account.

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Yup. Even the ones who role play their own first or second grade relative when they inform all their SL friends, -spouses and -lovers that they were mauled by a grizzly or died in a car crash or whatever. They all come back eventually and seek out their old circle of friends and enemies under a new identity.

[Storm Clarence]

 

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Ishtara Rothschild wrote:

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George Orellana wrote:

Been there, done that. They always turn up again years later on a different account.

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Yup. Even the ones who role play their own first or second grade relative when they inform all their SL friends, -spouses and -lovers that they were mauled by a grizzly or died in a car crash or whatever. They all come back eventually and seek out their old circle of friends and enemies under a new identity.

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I think the OP was talking about in-world; not this forum. :smileyindifferent:

 

[George Orellana]

 

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Storm Clarence wrote:

 

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Ishtara Rothschild wrote:

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George Orellana wrote:

Been there, done that. They always turn up again years later on a different account.

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Yup. Even the ones who role play their own first or second grade relative when they inform all their SL friends, -spouses and -lovers that they were mauled by a grizzly or died in a car crash or whatever. They all come back eventually and seek out their old circle of friends and enemies under a new identity.

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I think the OP was talking about in-world; not this forum. :smileyindifferent:

 

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I was talking about in-world too, though I think it is also true for this forum.

 

[DQ Darwin]

I dig deep and still am not sure if you mean how one deals with the sudden loss?

There is no real canned answer every individual picks the method that suits them.

Just ensure that you have a strong circle of friends you can relay on to some extent during this period, if necessary.

But the bottom line is this is a journey you travel alone just like in RL. 

[MoiselleErin Teardrop]

It does suck when people just vanish.

You cannot really get mad at them cause yeah, you don't know what happened.

It would be nice if they could at least say, "I have something going on in RL so I may not be around for a while"

 

[Ishtara Rothschild]

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Storm Clarence wrote:

I think the OP was talking about in-world; not this forum. **Only uploaded images may be used in postings**://secondlife.i.lithium.com/i/smilies/16x16_smiley-indifferent.gif" border="0" alt=":smileyindifferent:" title="Smiley Indifferent" />

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That's what I was talking about too Why would people fake their death to establish a new forum account?

Inworld there are lots of reasons I guess. Such as getting out of a relationship, getting rid of a stalker, or making a new start after the old account has been "burned" (i.e. after the account holder has been outed as a fraud or as not having the expected gender or RL marital status or something). I've seen it all back in SWG days.

[Knowl Paine]

Now I wonder about a Resident I met.

 

 

 

[Jenni Darkwatch]

I'm too old to care anymore. So many times people vanished, sometimes with an explanation, sometimes without. It hurt the first time, hurt less the second time, nowadays it _may_ elicit an indifferent shrug. Online culture is largely transient, indifferent, apparently unwilling to see that there's a human being with feelings behind that avatar.

Myself, if I know someone well enough to care, I'll give them my RL contact information.

[Lia Abbot]

Due to move of house and subsequent change of lifestyle I'm hardly ever in-world or on these forums any more. However at least one person has IMed me and I was able to reassure them I'm fine and doing other things. I think it's only good manners to do so.

It is a bit worrying when someone 'disappears', but unfortunately it's going to happen.

[Cali Souther]

Sion,

I have been lucky enough that people I got very close to,  who decided to move on,  were friends enough to tell me so.  It's always a good idea to get a yahoo/skype/msn addy for someone you have grown close to - so if they decide to leave (in this case, SL),  you can at least keep in touch. 

Good luck to you.  It always hurts to lose a friend regardless of the circumstance.

[betty Ohmai]

I agreee with Cali and Jenny, if your sl friendship is real you are likely to have a rl contact. 

An sl friend died in rl recently, he went sl awol for only a few days - but it was very out of character, we used his rl contact only to find out he pased very suddenly and unexpectedly. 

I have given the numbers of 2 very close sl friends to a good rl friend and asked that they call both numbers should somehing happen to me.

Betty

[Sheyna Tigerpaw]

I suspect that a lot of people who feel they have become "too addicted" to SL (which varies for each of us) oftentimes will close down their accounts in the interest of saving their RL. 

[jennylongview Innovia]

I left SL almost a year ago for 6 months , RL work. I left a sl life partner that left me behind and moved on.. I felt bad about leaving with little notice.or affair. How strange it is to not to know how you were missedf and by how many.. The lives that are toached by one.

Again sorry baby, I left.

[majestic12]

I would not want to compare SL to a chatroom, but a chatroom with virtual sims is what SL is.

I used to be in the chatroom stuff before, people would come and go without any warning.

Maybe some would come back after a long period of time or under a different username.

SL offers a lot of visual representations + activities that does offer a lot more opportunities to be more attached to that certain person instead of just reading words going back and forth (I know merely exchanging words can make some people, not me, attached to that certain person)

 

 

 

 

 

 

[mustangbass]

Just found this thread.

My SL partner of 10 years has passed in RL. She wasn't able to log on in many years as her PC broke and couldn't afford a new one. We kept intouch through what's app.

I feel like part of me has been ripped away, and noone in RL gets it.   There are real persons behing the keyboard, our minds makes it real for us. When they are gone the pain is real.

I'm babbling, just don't know what to say. I know I will heal, but right now, my heart is ripped open

Thanks for listening.

[PheebyKatz]

My mother disappeared, our sim poofed, and I grieved for her. Her family apparently found her SL stuff and sent a death notice via email.

Not knowing if it was true or not, I waited. She was gone, and everything we had together disappeared.

I grieved for two years, then one day saw that she had left all of our mutual groups (dead people don't care if you can see when they were online last), and was unavailable in search.

I would have rather been told the truth, and I would have been okay with her moving on and doing something else. I still would love her no matter what, but she lied to me. I hope she reads this someday and realizes what a muddy poop of a thing she did to me and our whole family.

Jimmy Branagh, whom I greatly admire for a lot of reasons, disappeared a while back. He was very private about his RL, but was a loyal SL devotee (admin of New Babbage, even), and would not have simply poofed to go play on Social Island with an alt or something. Not to reveal anything about his RL, but from what I hear, he had a very good reason for disappearing someday. He is now considered missing, presumed lost. We're keeping his Colour Out Of Space build as a memorial. I was offline and missed the memorial service, and that makes me sad.

He and I only got to hang out a few times, but I loved him very much, and I still do. We miss you, Jimmy. You still inspire many of us.

Edited July 1, 2022 by PheebyKatz

[mustangbass]

On 7/1/2022 at 10:39 AM, PheebyKatz said:

My mother disappeared, our sim poofed, and I grieved for her. Her family apparently found her SL stuff and sent a death notice via email.

Not knowing if it was true or not, I waited. She was gone, and everything we had together disappeared.

I grieved for two years, then one day saw that she had left all of our mutual groups (dead people don't care if you can see when they were online last), and was unavailable in search.

I would have rather been told the truth, and I would have been okay with her moving on and doing something else. I still would love her no matter what, but she lied to me. I hope she reads this someday and realizes what a muddy poop of a thing she did to me and our whole family.

Jimmy Branagh, whom I greatly admire for a lot of reasons, disappeared a while back. He was very private about his RL, but was a loyal SL devotee (admin of New Babbage, even), and would not have simply poofed to go play on Social Island with an alt or something. Not to reveal anything about his RL, but from what I hear, he had a very good reason for disappearing someday. He is now considered missing, presumed lost. We're keeping his Colour Out Of Space build as a memorial. I was offline and missed the memorial service, and that makes me sad.

He and I only got to hang out a few times, but I loved him very much, and I still do. We miss you, Jimmy. You still inspire many of us.

That's a trully awful thing to do to someone. I hope you're okay now. I know my partner has really passed. We spoke on the phone often, I could tell she wasn't well, yet I chose to believe she would win the battle. Alas it was not to be.

[Syo Emerald]

On 7/1/2022 at 11:39 AM, PheebyKatz said:

My mother disappeared, our sim poofed, and I grieved for her. Her family apparently found her SL stuff and sent a death notice via email.

Not knowing if it was true or not, I waited. She was gone, and everything we had together disappeared.

I grieved for two years, then one day saw that she had left all of our mutual groups (dead people don't care if you can see when they were online last), and was unavailable in search.

I would have rather been told the truth, and I would have been okay with her moving on and doing something else. I still would love her no matter what, but she lied to me. I hope she reads this someday and realizes what a muddy poop of a thing she did to me and our whole family.

Jimmy Branagh, whom I greatly admire for a lot of reasons, disappeared a while back. He was very private about his RL, but was a loyal SL devotee (admin of New Babbage, even), and would not have simply poofed to go play on Social Island with an alt or something. Not to reveal anything about his RL, but from what I hear, he had a very good reason for disappearing someday. He is now considered missing, presumed lost. We're keeping his Colour Out Of Space build as a memorial. I was offline and missed the memorial service, and that makes me sad.

He and I only got to hang out a few times, but I loved him very much, and I still do. We miss you, Jimmy. You still inspire many of us.

Couldn't that just mean that someone just deleted her account for good? Maybe promted by seeing that her email account had filled with notifications from SL.

[Extrude Ragu]

Yep, I often think about some of the people that have just disappeared. I often wonder how they are doing, if they are doing at all... Some I've not seen in a couple years... some thirteen years....

[Maitimo]

23 hours ago, Syo Emerald said:

Couldn't that just mean that someone just deleted her account for good? Maybe promted by seeing that her email account had filled with notifications from SL.

This is correct. A very good friend of mine passed away in October last year (confirmed in RL by his next of kin). His acount has since been closed by Linden Lab (presumably for non-payment of fees) and he no longer shows in any groups.

[Madelaine McMasters]

I've had quite a few friends go missing over my 14 years here (and many more over my much longer life online), some via death, most for unknown reasons, some anticipated, some quite surprising. I know I'll survive the grieving process, so it's just a matter of waiting it out as I continue to plug along.

Some of those disappearances have been deceptions, but that doesn't negate what I got while they were with me. I remain eternally grateful for that, and wish them well. I can recreate anything I thought they took.

[LittleMe Jewell]

On 7/1/2022 at 3:39 AM, PheebyKatz said:

I grieved for two years, then one day saw that she had left all of our mutual groups (dead people don't care if you can see when they were online last), and was unavailable in search.

As others have mentioned, this is not evidence of any sort of deceit by someone.  My guess is she was Premium and one of the following happened:

1) The family finally noticed the annual fee charge and had the account deleted.  If paying annually, it can sometimes take a while for families to get all auto-charge things stopped.   When my father-in-law passed, we did not notice the first annual charge of a subscription he had.  There were just too many financial things we were still dealing with.

2) At some point the payment method failed, causing LL to lock the account and then, after 6-12 months, delete the account.

 

My recommendation is that you assume there really was no deceit by your inworld mother and simply cherish the good memories that you have.

 

Edited July 3, 2022 by LittleMe Jewell