Amina Sopwith

Yes, that's generally how it perpetuates and why people don't leave. I don't mean that unkindly. I'm saying this is textbook. And now I should probably say no more.

I'm sorry, Marut, but I have to say a few things. Please know that I mean them gently, with kindness, and when I speak to you, I'm thinking of that little boy who saw his mother covered in bruises and scraped food off the floor. A little boy like my own son. Those are not the signs of a great or loving man. It's violent and abusive and the fact that it was once more culturally/societally acceptable than it is now does not make it any less so. I understand the contradiction because I also had a father who was capable of being all hearts and flowers and loving gestures when things went his way, but the fists, and kitchen implements, and death threats, would fly when they didn't. Generally at me, but not solely. I also had a family that would explain it away and minimise it and castigate me for being damaged by it; don't know if that's been your experience too, but it's very very common. There is a reason they are called abusive relationships; there is a "relationship" in there, and it's complicated, and there's good stuff (cycle of abuse is pretty standard), and there are intense feelings, but it's still abusive. Women tend not to leave abusive relationships; the reasons for this are many and complex, but to a huge extent, a lot of it is bound up in the "when it's good, it's good". They think that if only they can do the right thing, they will be able to get back to the bliss they once had or can get on occasion. Abuse also has a way of contrasting the good stuff. If you're used to being punched in the face, a hug probably feels even better, plus you're probably high on gladness that you've got it right this time. If I pistol whip you for 20 hours a day, the four hours when I don't probably feel pretty damn good. Abusers don't start relationships off by being complete arseholes from the start; nobody would develop a bond and stick around if they did. Do you have kids, Marut? You don't have to answer that, it's just something to think about, because I did not realise just how bad and unacceptable my father's abuse was until I became a parent. What do you really think of a child being forced to witness his mother being beaten black and blue by his father? Having to clean up literal mess after his parents' fights? Having to witness his parents blind drunk when he wasn't old enough to look after himself? Don't think of it as you having to experience it, think of it as any little boy that you know, any small child. Just those little children. Your nieces/nephews, if you have them. What does that mean? If my son had to experience that, what sort of parent should I consider myself to be? I'm absolutely not attacking you for your perceptions and feelings; they are what they are, he was your dad, I understand he wasn't just one thing and he's the only father you've got. It's even harder when he's dead. But I'm sorry, violent and abusive men being narrated as flawed heroes is a hot button issue for me and that's why I'm responding ( @Rhonda Huntressand @BelindaN, I was thinking of IMing you; I didn't initially intend to participate on this thread at all).* I know I'm not supposed to be judgemental and people have different circumstances and all that, but I'm a parent and it really doesn't matter that my father took swings at me, threatened to kill me, or the best time of all when he ran at me screaming that he was going to f***ing murder me and my brother got between us and lamped him one. Wow, that was a day. None of that is my son's problem and he's never even going to know it happened, it's not his damn burden to bear. It's just NOT. My father was always going on about his own admittedly awful childhood, and why it gave him a right to treat the rest of us the way he did. It took having my own child to realise what utter crap that is. I am the grown up, I am the parent, and it's not my son's responsibility to manage my moods and make excuses for me. Have to stop here, sorry, because I'm actually shaking a bit at my keyboard, and when I get like this, it's definitely time to step away. Suffice to say, I understand what you feel and why, and it's real and valid, and you love your father, of course you do. But I really do mean it kindly when I say that is what abuse usually looks like, and that is why it is insidious, and that is why victims tend not to talk about it, or leave the relationship...and why it continues to happen. I will probably open an enormous can of worms with this. I hope people understand if I don't stick around to engage with it. Apologies to all if this is the wrong call. * Of course there are violent, abusive women too, but in my experience, they don't generally get this "humanly flawed heroine" narrative. In much the same way Gordon Ramsay can storm around a kitchen screaming and swearing at everyone and have it lauded as a sign of his genius and passion, but Nigella Lawson and Julia Child probably couldn't get away with it.

Granted, the best before date was in 1972. I wish I had a four poster bed.

Granted, both houses are dirty, smelly, cluttered hovels with no toilet paper. I wish I had some Easter eggs.

Granted, the person is Jacob Rees-Mogg and he wants to talk you through his top hat collection. I wish I had a stain remover that always works perfectly.

Yep, I've come across those people. The "I don't understand, when I went to the supermarket, other people were there too, why is that?" ones. None local, thank God, but they're all over the place. Plus pregnant women insisting on going shopping and taking husbands and toddlers with them because they apparently married morons who don't know how to buy nappies, people who have guests over daily but think they're self isolating and God knows what else. As I said in another topic, I actually started feeling sorry for Boris. It must be like trying to preside over a country of Goreans.

I wouldn't say that. Beyond the comments I've already made and the article I've linked, I haven't anything further to add, at least not yet. I'm finding the discussion interesting. But I don't believe it's possible to have an apolitical discussion about the coronavirus response. It's a massive health and economic crisis. How can any discussion of it not have socio-political elements?

Coronavirus is political. Or rather, understanding and handling its effects will inevitably be political.

Oh, and thank you, Emily.

I HOPE that it'll finally convince this government to start funding the NHS properly, including paying nurses more (we have had a serious shortage of nurses for years and stomping off out of the EU isn't going to help). I HOPE that it will encourage communities to continue to come together more to support each other and local businesses. I HOPE it will make us a kinder society in general and more understanding of the fact that ill health and bad fortune can knock any one of us off our feet at any moment. I HOPE that it will give us appreciation for both the incredible things we can do with the internet and technology, and also the incredible things that can't be replicated by them.

Perhaps she was, and that's what drove her utterly bonkers. Although I think the RL Mormon church was pretty gracious about it. I haven't seen it for years but I seem to recall the faith itself not really being the actual butt of the joke. Can see why it could be offensive, though.

I hope this person isn't familiar with The Book of Mormon musical that your friend was interested in. If they thought YOU were trolling.....

Bloody hell, I have way more posts than I expected. And I actually consider myself to be not very active on here. Bog knows how much I must have written on the other places, where I talk about my life and feelings in a lot more depth. I need to reassess but lockdown does not help...

I cannot for the life of me understand why so many countries, my own included, aren't aggressively testing testing testing, when it's so obvious from South Korea and Germany that that's what works. I understand that there's a certain type of politician who will always value profits over people, but a pandemic like this isn't good for the economy (only disaster capitalists). Dead and incapacitated people don't generate income. I do not understand the logic. Very happy to be educated on this because it really makes no sense to me. I can't understand what they're gaining from it.

I understand that a large number of people are asymptomatic too, though still infectious (Idris Elba was asymptomatic). It's so odd for it to range from lethal to nothing to everything in between.

From what I gather, burning lungs are a pretty solid symptom of it. It sounds absolutely horrific.

Oh, we have that, clapping for NHS and key workers at 8pm on Thursdays (was going to be a one off thing, now every week. Becoming a slightly controversial issue now.). But S Club 7 was just a community thing. I didn't fancy it but apparently neither did anyone else on the street. There's also been a drive to stand at the door at an appointed time and scream, "WANKERS!" for everyone who's been flouting the rules.

There's a drive for that as well. It started with children painting and drawing rainbows to put in the windows for kids to look out for on walks. Bear Hunt doesn't seem to have taken off so much but I'll put one in the window anyway. Obviously the worst thing that can happen is people dying and I wouldn't wish to detract from that. It's just that when you also have things like cancelled weddings and children's birthday parties, it just shows how very widely this sadness is casting its net. I know a couple of people who had to postpone their weddings. Obviously it's not as serious as being in hospital, but I was so happy on my wedding day and I'd have been very sad if, after all that planning and family and friends preparing to come from overseas, it hadn't been able to go ahead. However, there was also a drive to stand in our doorways last Sunday at 7pm and dance to Reach by S Club 7. I didn't do it...

Trump is worse. Joe Wicks has the best hair. Go on, non-Brits, look him up. You're welcome.

For when you're a what? Ok, you have the slave but as you exist as nothing but an aroma in the air, they can't understand anything you want and get everything wrong, and then you just diffuse across the grid and cease to exist in any meaningful sense anyway. I wish I had a better set of clothes for homeworking.

I think a few strategically placed pizza slices would be excellent adornments.

I had a clothing problem at one point after the shower curtain got a bit tight, but I managed to tip the old two-person Vango out of the loft and it does the trick just fine.

Oh, it's not so bad once you get used to it.

This would make more sense than the David Lynchian nightmare that is the real world right now. It would also piss off Goreans (albeit improve the look of their regions), and anything that annoys Goreans can't be all bad. I like pizza. Let's do it.

Here, Ian Dunt says it too so I know I'm right.