Ideas for Compliments in Second Life (Bonus if Back-handed!)

[Love Zhaoying]

5 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

And now I'm going to end with a back-handed compliment!

You're better than this Sid. You really are.

OMG when not one but TWO people said this to me about the thread, I missed that it's a back-handed compliment!!

Thanks for your careful and well thought-out response.

[Love Zhaoying]

10 minutes ago, Marigold Devin said:

LOL

_____

I think generally, Love, you are just mischievous, when others are deadly serious and have a stick up their arse about something. 

Yes ma'am!

The trouble comes, because some people read my posts and assume I'm never serious! I can only hope they learn patience.  I cannot be other than who or what I am.

[Aethelwine]

I just want to throw in Shakespeare's Sonnet 130. 

Backhanded compliments normally seem to just have the appearance of being compliments whilst insulting the person. 

Eg Groucho Marx " "I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll make an exception.""

With Sonnet 130 you have a compliment disguised as insult.

My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips’ red:
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask’d, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound:
I grant I never saw a goddess go,
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

Edited July 12, 2023 by Aethelwine

[Scylla Rhiadra]

25 minutes ago, Marigold Devin said:

But I am sure someone will explain the Women''s lib movement to all of us. Amazing how many women allegedly burned their bras and yet here we are, still buying and wearing 'em 😁

Sure, but the really important difference is that I can now buy mine with my own credit card. Before the mid-70s (1974 in the US, and 1975 in the UK), I wouldn't even have been allowed to own one!

Ain't progress grand?

[Sid Nagy]

9 minutes ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

Woman here. Never taught a single thing about compliments, dating, or relationships. I *was* taught to always be polite and respectful and say please and thank you. I also learned quite a bit about entertaining others (my family can be quite hilarious at times and I grew up in a household that adored comedy).

Most things in life are not taught trough textbooks or specific wording.
But boys and girls are raised differently. Even in 2023. Of course generally speaking.

It is not that girls are  from Venus and boys are from Mars at birth. It is the (mostly unintended) different upbringing that make them feel coming from Venus or from Mars IMHO.
It's all in the details. My father made for my sister a doll house. For me a medieval castle. Just a tiny example.
Girls get Barbies, boys get Lego or Playmobil. Of course all generally speaking, There are individual exceptions.
And somehow most boys and girls form different expectations about compliments too during that process IMHO.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

2 minutes ago, Aethelwine said:

I just want to throw in Shakespeare's Sonnet 130. 

Backhanded compliments normally seem to just have the appearance of being compliments whilst insulting the person. 

Eg Groucho Marx " "I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll make an exception.""

With Sonnet 130 you have a compliment disguised as insult.

My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips’ red:
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask’d, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound:
I grant I never saw a goddess go,
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

[Marigold Devin]

9 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Just making a joke. 🙂 

I know, Love.

The others aren't though, and when I came back into this thread it just looked like a load of hyenas circling Sid today, so your joke fell rather flat and was misplaced IMO. It was my turn one day last week and it's not nice to be bullied in what is supposed to be an adult environment. (And you get it sometimes from some people too I notice, but it seems to wash off you like water off a duck's back.)

Edited July 12, 2023 by Marigold Devin

[Sid Nagy]

16 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Critical. Thinking. I know you're capable of it: I've seen it from you before. Where'd it go?

I'm just critical thinking about a subject, that you seem to dislike thinking about. To be honest, more your problem than mine in the end IMHO.

That said: I wish y'all a very lovely summer afternoon and evening.
I have said enough about this subject, expressed my ideas and tiptoe out of this thread.
Sorry if someone got (unintentionally  from my side) offended.

💐

Edited July 12, 2023 by Sid Nagy

[Marigold Devin]

6 hours ago, Aethelwine said:

I just want to throw in Shakespeare's Sonnet 130. 

Backhanded compliments normally seem to just have the appearance of being compliments whilst insulting the person. 

Eg Groucho Marx " "I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll make an exception.""

With Sonnet 130 you have a compliment disguised as insult.

My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips’ red:
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.
I have seen roses damask’d, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know
That music hath a far more pleasing sound:
I grant I never saw a goddess go,
My mistress, when she walks, treads on the ground:
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

And I'd like to add a poem by John Cooper Clarke

 

VALLEY OF THE LOST WOMEN

The windows are frigidaire icebergs
Frozen in p r i ckly heat
The vanishing cream victims
Are drip-fed amnesia neat
Where the test card melodies warm you
In powder blue pseudo bel air
Germs and flies alarm you
They whisper the word expelair
The eyes of the night sub-zero
Peep through the windows of sleep
Everyone’s husband is a hero
And ghost insurance men creep
Through the valley of the long-lost women
Dreaming under the driers
Eating and sleeping and slimming
According to what is required
They walk through three-colour brochures
Depicting palms on aqua-marine
In the half-built hotels out of focus
They’re mending the vending machines
Where sixty italian love songs
Are sung to a million guitars
They lick their frozen drinks on sticks
Among the men with important cigars
Numb to the digital numbers
None two three
Four five six
Lost in a far away rhumba
Where the oil-drums are beaten with sticks
She left her heart in frisco
She left her room in a mess
She left her hat in the disco
She never left her address
The diving board springs to assistance
Throws you off from the shore
Telephones ring in the distance
There are lifts getting stuck between floors
A truck turns into a cul-de-sac
Springtime turns to ice
Rucksacks turn into hunchbacks
Musclemen turn into mice
In a painless panorama
With its perpendicular might
The women are going bananas
And disappearing from sight

…what do the girls say?

Edited July 12, 2023 by Marigold Devin
forum software censorship

[Arielle Popstar]

Women in general tend to be more complimentary and enjoy receiving them too and feel a little put out when they make an effort and no compliment is forthcoming. 

[Love Zhaoying]

How about an on-topic post about SL compliments?

Sincere compliment:  "Your hair and makeup are always so realistic!  Can you help me with my female Alt someday?"

[Scylla Rhiadra]

6 minutes ago, Sid Nagy said:

I'm just critical thinking about a subject, that you seem to dislike thinking about.

Oh, I think about it all the time, Sid. I'd have thought my rather overly-long responses might make that clear?

And I don't dislike "thinking about it" -- I dislike that it's an issue that I still, in 2023, have to wrestle with.

6 minutes ago, Sid Nagy said:

To be honest, more your problem than mine.

You're right. It kinda is . . . because I'm a woman, and being subjected to your generalization. Which is why I am arguing with you about it.

6 minutes ago, Sid Nagy said:

Sorry if someone got (unintentionally  from my side) offended.

Making a broad, sweeping, and negative generalization about 50% of the population, and then doubling down on it when called on it, offended people?!?!

No, really?

How can you not "intend" to offend people when you have consciously and deliberately insulted them, Sid. And then defended the insult?

Edited July 12, 2023 by Scylla Rhiadra

[Love Zhaoying]

3 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

How can you not "intend" to offend people when you have consciously and deliberately insulted them, Sid. And then defended the insult?

Interesting how someone can offend / be offended talking about "compliments"..

..and ironic that the sub-OP was about "backhanded compliments"..!!!

You two can always "agree to disagree", I do not think either of you will change the other's position!

 

[Cinnamon Mistwood]

1 hour ago, Sid Nagy said:

I don't believe in the concept that a woman deserves a compliment, just because she is a woman and is trained to expect those during their upbringing.

Yes, I am going to jump on the "pick on Sid" bandwagon.

What is this? Trained?  That's, of course, why many women are uncomfortable getting compliments.  We were trained to expect them because we happen to present as women.

If this was said as bait to encourage discussion,  it worked.

[Sid Nagy]

8 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

How can you not "intend" to offend people when you have consciously and deliberately insulted them, Sid. And then defended the insult?

 

One final one: You are not the world population Scylla. You don't know what everybody thinks or feels, you can't speak in behalf of them. Neither can I.
I spoke about my feelings about hollow empty (because expected) compliments that a lot of women expect, like "you look gorgeous tonight" 

The only thing you can say is that you oppose my views. 
That makes the score 1-1  not 1-80 or even 1-half the world population.

Edited July 12, 2023 by Sid Nagy

[Love Zhaoying]

5 minutes ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

Yes, I am going to jump on the "pick on Sid" bandwagon.

What is this? Trained?  That's, of course, why many women are uncomfortable getting compliments.  We were trained to expect them because we happen to present as women.

If this was said as bait to encourage discussion,  it worked.

At least he didn't say, "groomed"!

[Scylla Rhiadra]

5 minutes ago, Sid Nagy said:

You don't know what everybody thinks or feels, you can't speak in behalf of them. Neither can I.

You. Just. Did.

21 hours ago, Sid Nagy said:

It is all so complicated, women tend to read all kinds of everything out of what one says.

2 hours ago, Sid Nagy said:

I really think it is a pretty tricky business to give compliments to women, especially about looks.

Adding "I think" before an obnoxious generalization that you are applying wholesale to all women doesn't make it less obnoxious.

[Burper Tilling]

Quote - - - "I intended my avatar to be ugly. Did you?"

[Scylla Rhiadra]

13 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

You two can always "agree to disagree", I do not think either of you will change the other's position!

No, undoubtedly not. In fact, other than simply repeating his claim, Sid hasn't actually responded to anything I said anyway.

On the other hand, I have no intention of letting outright sexism go unchallenged. And I don't care if it is from Sid: my objections are not to him, but to the content of his posts.

However, I think, given the fact that Sid has retired from the fray, that we can probably move on. Sid has made his point, and I and others have made ours.

[Love Zhaoying]

5 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

No, undoubtedly not. In fact, other than simply repeating his claim, Sid hasn't actually responded to anything I said anyway.

On the other hand, I have no intention of letting outright sexism go unchallenged. And I don't care if it is from Sid: my objections are not to him, but to the content of his posts.

However, I think, given the fact that Sid has retired from the fray, that we can probably move on. Sid has made his point, and I and others have made ours.

Interesting how we get to know each other through these "edgy" discussions!

I suppose you all deserve a compliment for tolerating one another:  

"I like how you are tolerant of those with opposing views, but you also challenge those when a challenge is required!"

 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

46 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Interesting how we get to know each other through these "edgy" discussions!

I suppose you all deserve a compliment for tolerating one another:  

"I like how you are tolerant of those with opposing views, but you also challenge those when a challenge is required!"

 

Well, "toleration" is a tricky subject.

I generally try to be tolerant of people . . . because we are moving towards a scary place when you decide that this kind of person "doesn't belong" or "can't be tolerated." And I am certainly "tolerant" of Sid; in fact, I've gone out of my way in this discussion to underline that I like Sid. I still like Sid.

But there are some ideas that I frankly refuse to tolerate or, in some cases, even debate.

I am not tolerant of views such as "X ethnic group is inferior" or "gays are groomers" (an oldie, but a goody, newly resurfaced!), or "women are all like this," or "trans identities are nonsense." I make no apology for that kind of "intolerance."

I'm not going to "tolerate" intolerance, because it tends to work to rob those it attacks of a voice or legitimacy. I am not going to "debate" basic human rights, or the literal right of someone to exist as they know they are, because that just legitimates hate and intolerance.

Yeah, we're back again at Popper's Paradox of Tolerance.

So, I'm going to continue to like Sid. But I am not going to "tolerate" an attitude or belief that, applied with a broad and indiscriminate brush as his is, stereotypes and falsifies me as a woman.

Had Sid said "Most of the women I've known . . ." rather than "[all, implied] women tend . . .," we'd be having a different discussion, and I'd be urging Sid to broaden his set of acquaintances.

Edited July 12, 2023 by Scylla Rhiadra

[Love Zhaoying]

Just now, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Well, "toleration" is a tricky subject.

I generally try to be tolerant of people . . . because we are moving towards a scary place when you decide that this kind of person "doesn't belong" or "can't be tolerated." And I am certainly "tolerant" of Sid; in fact, I've gone out of my way in this discussion to underline that I like Sid. I still like Sid.

But there are some ideas that I frankly refuse to tolerate or, in some cases, even debate.

I am not tolerant of views such as "X ethnic group is inferior" or "gays are groomers" (an oldie, but a goody, newly resurfaced!), or "women are all like this," or "trans identities are nonsense." I make no apology for that kind of "intolerance."

I'm not going to "tolerate" intolerance, because it tends to work to rob those it attacks of a voice or legitimacy. I am not going to "debate" basic human rights, or the literal right of someone to exist as they know they are, because that just legitimates hate and intolerance.

Yeah, we're back again at Popper's Paradox of Tolerance.

So, I'm going to continue to like Sid. But I am not going to "tolerate" an attitude or belief that, applied with a broad and indiscriminate brush as his is, because it stereotypes and falsifies me as a woman.

Had Sid said "Most of the women I've known . . ." rather than "[all, implied] women tend . . .," we'd be having a different discussion, and I'd be urging Sid to broaden his set of acquaintances.

Unfortunately, it can be difficult for people to speak in generalities rather than in a context of their own experiences.

It can be even harder for people to admit to being "wrong", etc. 

Luckily, "we all good" as the saying goes.

"Oh, that's just Uncle Joe. Don't mind him, he's a racist / misogynist / 'phobic and quite unrepentant. He don't mean no harm!"

What compliment can we give "Uncle Joe"?  Perhaps that he is "authentic", even if he is anachronistic.

As for me, all my aunts, uncles, parents, grandparents are gone.  I don't have to worry about that BS except from strangers and the internet.

Thougtful Compliment:  "People seem so NICE until you get to know them!"

 

 

 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

Just now, Love Zhaoying said:

Thougtful Compliment:  "People seem so NICE until you get to know them!"

I think people are nice. I wouldn't be a bleeding heart leftie progressive if I didn't think we were capable of being better than we are, because we are essentially good, and recognize the benefits of caring about others, as well as possessing a moral compass. Dogs, as much as I love them, don't have a sense of "right" and "wrong." Only humans do. And that makes us incredibly special.

Uncle Joe probably is a very nice man. He has just inherited, and accepted without thinking, certain really toxic attitudes. And those are distorting who he is, and how he acts. They are making a naturally "nice" man be not-very-nice in certain contexts.

My baba -- my Ukrainian grandmother -- emigrated from the "old country" when she was in her early 20s; her attitudes were already pretty clearly formed when she arrived in Canada. And some of those attitudes were horrific and appalling. She once told my dad not to grow a beard because "it made him look like a Jew." Her ideas were racist AF.

But she was also a lovely and accepting woman. My father's best friend was of Chinese descent. My baba had all sorts of repellent ideas about the Chinese -- but she loved my dad's best friend, and would insist that he bring him over regularly so that she could make dinner for him and enjoy his company.

People, mostly, are good. They want to be nice. It's the ideas that we accept unthinkingly that generally make us otherwise.

[Krystina Ferraris]

4 hours ago, Sid Nagy said:

Guys don't expect compliments if they meet up with someone.
Women do.
Explain how come if not taught/learned somehow during growing up?

Hey Sid, I don’t know where you’re coming from with this one but I can assure you… in my male dominated profession (at least here it is) l don’t expect or want compliments. I just want respect. Sounds weird but I get anything short of a pat on the head when I’m working with farmers or stud folks.

Edited July 12, 2023 by Krystina Ferraris

[Scylla Rhiadra]

4 minutes ago, Krystina Ferraris said:

I just want respect.

YESSSSSS!!!!!

👏