Social anxiety...

[Love Zhaoying]

1 minute ago, Liaa Nova said:

If I get a 'Hi' IM from a random guy, it's never yet been anything but him wanting to take things further. Why not state what you want rather than put it on the other person to carry the conversation? Hi gets no response, Hi, I love your profile/dress or Hi, I'm new here and was wondering how x works does

This is why I often lead with something more like, "Hi, how are you today?" Because I'd rather talk than make them leery of my intent.

[Codex Alpha]

2 minutes ago, Liaa Nova said:

If I get a 'Hi' IM from a random guy, it's never yet been anything but him wanting to take things further. Why not state what you want rather than put it on the other person to carry the conversation? Hi gets no response, Hi, I love your profile/dress or Hi, I'm new here and was wondering how x works does

That's very sad. I guess I'm the exception after all.

Edited June 24, 2022 by Codex Alpha

[Persephone Emerald]

1 minute ago, Codex Alpha said:

That's very sad. I guess I'm the exception after all.

Try going around SL as an attractive female avatar and see what kind of attention you get.

 

[Rolig Loon]

5 minutes ago, Codex Alpha said:

That's very sad. I guess I'm the exception after all.

That's quite possible. If the other cars on the freeway seem to be headed the other direction, maybe they know something you don't.   

[Rowan Amore]

Just now, Persephone Emerald said:

Try going around SL as an attractive female avatar and see what kind of attention you get.

 

There in lies the difference although I'm sure some women behave the same way with just a Hi.  I can't say I've ever once received an IM from a random woman that was only a Hi.  They say Hi then launch right into the reason they messaged me.  On the other hand, I'd say 90% of the Hi messages from men are just that.  My hello back and then silence and the ubiquitous, "Oh, you must be busy"  since apparently I was supposed to carry the conversation that THEY initiated.  

[Love Zhaoying]

9 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

On the other hand, I'd say 90% of the Hi messages from men are just that.  My hello back and then silence and the ubiquitous, "Oh, you must be busy"  since apparently I was supposed to carry the conversation that THEY initiated.  

Now, I don't "think like a man" but, here's what may be happening.  1) Bored man wanting "attention" sends "hi" to a bunch of random women. 2) One or more women reply. 3) Bored man then ignores any later "new" responses.  What does he care? He found someone to talk with already.

[Persephone Emerald]

Here's another likely scenario. 

Bored man with feelings of inferiority goes onto an online forum where he can troll women to see how easy it is to upset them.

Edited June 25, 2022 by Persephone Emerald
spelling correction: Bored

[Ayashe Ninetails]

33 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

Maybe the difference in people's attitude toward random people saying Hi to them has in part to due with the kinds of neighborhoods we live in. 

If a random person out in RL says Hi, I'm gonna feel cautious toward them. I might say hello back, but I'm gonna be expecting them to want something from me. The same is true in SL.

I dunno. I'm rarely ever suspicious if approached in RL. I probably should be, considering the craziness that goes on in my area sometimes, but I've always been pretty comfortable with being social with complete strangers (pre-lockdown me, anyway - I'm still working on getting back to my old self). It's funny, because I was extremely extreeeemely shy as a kid. But then I shot off in the opposite direction by the time I was a teenager.

Years ago before the pandemic, omg, I used to start up conversations at bus stops, on trains/planes, in stores, waiting on long lines, with random people I didn't know at work, with restaurant servers. Stopping at the bank could turn into an hour-long trip because I found myself chatting with the teller. At one point in my 20s, I became friends with the guy who worked at the gas station I went to and we dated for a short bit, LOL. I just talk a lot, I guess.

SL is a bit different, though. Men in RL don't usually approach in ways that make me uncomfortable. Maybe a greeting. Maybe a compliment. No biggie. In SL, though, they uh...yeah, there have been some creative approaches over the years. 😂 

[Persephone Emerald]

13 minutes ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

I dunno. I'm rarely ever suspicious if approached in RL. I probably should be, considering the craziness that goes on in my area sometimes, but I've always been pretty comfortable with being social with complete strangers (pre-lockdown me, anyway - I'm still working on getting back to my old self). It's funny, because I was extremely extreeeemely shy as a kid. But then I shot off in the opposite direction by the time I was a teenager.

Years ago before the pandemic, omg, I used to start up conversations at bus stops, on trains/planes, in stores, waiting on long lines, with random people I didn't know at work, with restaurant servers. Stopping at the bank could turn into an hour-long trip because I found myself chatting with the teller. At one point in my 20s, I became friends with the guy who worked at the gas station I went to and we dated for a short bit, LOL. I just talk a lot, I guess.

SL is a bit different, though. Men in RL don't usually approach in ways that make me uncomfortable. Maybe a greeting. Maybe a compliment. No biggie. In SL, though, they uh...yeah, there have been some creative approaches over the years. 😂 

My friendly neighborhood corner gas station:

https://www.facebook.com/southsacnews916/posts/659070275194315

Drug dealers use the sidewalk in front like their own little patio. My housemate and I once saw a couple passed out (ODed) in the car next to us while she went inside to buy cigarettes at night. During the day, it's where homeless people ask for a handout. At night it's just the drug dealers and users there. 

[Ayashe Ninetails]

7 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

My friendly neighborhood corner gas station:

https://www.facebook.com/southsacnews916/posts/659070275194315

Drug dealers use the sidewalk in front like their own little patio. My housemate and I once saw a couple passed out (ODed) in the car next to us while she went inside to buy cigarettes at night. During the day, it's where homeless people ask for a handout. At night it's just the drug dealers and users there. 

Oh yeah. It can be pretty bad around here, too. I'm in gang territory (we've got a few), so it's not like I'm chatting with random people around the immediate neighborhood while wandering around at night noooo way. Where I live, though, everything is so close, you can drive a few minutes in another direction and find yourself in safer areas. A few of my old jobs were located in a much safer commercial area, for example. Plus, I do a ton of socializing when traveling and things like that.

[Codex Alpha]

1 hour ago, Rolig Loon said:

That's quite possible. If the other cars on the freeway seem to be headed the other direction, maybe they know something you don't.   

I guess.. Don't say "Hi" to women in Second Life. Got it.

59 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

Here's another likely scenario. 

Bore man with feelings of inferiority goes onto an online forum where he can troll women to see how easy it is to upset them.

That's not very nice.

[Rowan Amore]

Taking bets on what posts are deleted and when thread will be locked.  Seeing as how...yeah, that.

[Nalates Urriah]

16 minutes ago, Codex Alpha said:

I guess.. Don't say "Hi" to women in Second Life. Got it.

Not so easy. First you have to figure out what a woman is. Then figure out how to identify one. Then there is the dilemma of what is the RL person behind the avatar and how do they identify...

We are past the day when you can grab someone by the ankle,  turn them upside down and ID the sex.

[Codex Alpha]

6 minutes ago, Nalates Urriah said:

Not so easy. First you have to figure out what a woman is. Then figure out how to identify one. Then there is the dilemma of what is the RL person behind the avatar and how do they identify...

We are past the day when you can grab someone by the ankle,  turn them upside down and ID the sex.

Yeah. Check please. 😕

[Gabriele Graves]

2 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Now, I don't "think like a man" but, here's what may be happening.  1) Bored man wanting "attention" sends "hi" to a bunch of random women. 2) One or more women reply. 3) Bored man then ignores any later "new" responses.  What does he care? He found someone to talk with already.

I can't tell you how many times I've been to places with friends and got the random "Hi" along with every other woman I know.  First thing everyone in a group does when they get a "Hi" is ask everyone else, did XXXX just IM you?

If someone wants to say "Hi" to a group of people, say it in chat for goodness sake.

Edited June 24, 2022 by Gabriele Graves

[Ayashe Ninetails]

1 minute ago, Gabriele Graves said:

I can't tell you how many times I've been to places with friends and got the random "Hi" along with every other woman I know.  First thing everyone in a group does when they get a "Hi" is ask everyone else, did XXXX just IM you?

Lol truth. And the answer is always yes.

The sad part is a guy could just simply walk over and introduce himself to the group and chat with us that way. That used to happen at the beach my friends and I used to hang out at. Or, if only one got IM'd, she would invite him over to meet/hang out with the rest of us while they continued to chat in private.  Men were more bold in that sim I guess, but it often paid off. People were pretty friendly and I rarely ever saw anyone get pushed away unless they did something blatantly gross. 

[Love Zhaoying]

1 hour ago, Codex Alpha said:

2 hours ago, Persephone Emerald said:

Here's another likely scenario. 

Bore man with feelings of inferiority goes onto an online forum where he can troll women to see how easy it is to upset them.

That's not very nice.

What makes you think they're talking about you?

Oops, what makes ME think that you'd think they're talking about you?

Mea culpa.

Edited June 24, 2022 by Love Zhaoying

[Rowan Amore]

[Love Zhaoying]

53 minutes ago, Gabriele Graves said:

I can't tell you how many times I've been to places with friends and got the random "Hi" along with every other woman I know.  First thing everyone in a group does when they get a "Hi" is ask everyone else, did XXXX just IM you?

If someone wants to say "Hi" to a group of people, say it in chat for goodness sake.

I'm actually pretty proud I figured this out, never having done it, or had a guy admit to it!  Side note: I've gotten a few "hi's" because apparently, guys think "Love" is a "bird's" name. (I sheet you not, they used the word "bird".)

[Rat Luv]

13 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I'm actually pretty proud I figured this out, never having done it, or had a guy admit to it!  Side note: I've gotten a few "hi's" because apparently, guys think "Love" is a "bird's" name. (I sheet you not, they used the word "bird".)

I'm guessing they must have been from the UK?

[Gabriele Graves]

21 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I'm actually pretty proud I figured this out, never having done it, or had a guy admit to it!  Side note: I've gotten a few "hi's" because apparently, guys think "Love" is a "bird's" name. (I sheet you not, they used the word "bird".)

To be fair, Love is generally considered a gender neutral name.

[Love Zhaoying]

33 minutes ago, Rat Luv said:

I'm guessing they must have been from the UK?

Yep! Also had guys (probably 'Murcans) who simply would not use my name! I guess in their homes it was a 4-letter word. Or not to be used "in vain".

[Akane Nacht]

Ah yes, the Hi spammers... I had one guy flatly admit this, when I got round to replying to his Hi (I always do reply eventually, if only with a Yo) he said "NVM I already found someone else" 😆

Good intention or not, these sorts have spoiled the market for a simple Hi approach. 

[Polenth Yue]

I respond if I see someone say "hi" because half the time it's a customer who feels it'd be rude to tell me what's wrong immediately, so they say hi, ask how I am, comment on the weather and then explain that the mushrooms exploded and everything's on fire. A lot of the other "hi" are people who need help with something, because I do a lot of basic help on groups. The few remaining ones are spammers/scammers.

This does mean that if you just wanted a chat, you'll probably be confused about why I'm asking what you need help with and is anything on fire right now.

Always best to open with something after the "hi" if you can, to make it clear what you're about.

[purrrkitten]

I didn't read the whole thread but I'm going to give my opinion on "hi" messages. I don't reply to them if it's from a stranger and I don't send them. I usually get into the reason I'm messaging the person right away. While "hi" is polite, on SL it will be ignored most of the time.

It's usually guys with cheap and outdated avis that send out "hi" messages. Just lazy in every way.