Social anxiety...

[SatanTM]

I have been on SL for about three years now consistently, but I haven't been on much lately. I'm trying to get back into it but I'm horrible at making conversation. I don't even know where to start. Most cases people just don't reply to me. Anyone else having this issue?

[Akane Nacht]

It's tough to make friends just randomly talking to people. Most of the friends I've made were through roleplay or other activites. Find a hobby in SL to engage in and it might be easier to strike up conversations 🙂

[Jester Shenanigans]

I would agree with what Akane said, its always best to go to places and/or groups that involve your hobbies or interests, will be easier doing that than sending IM's to random people since like you said most don't reply. I do wish you good luck though

[Garnet Psaltery]

Perhaps you could put a bit more in your profile about things you like, such as music.  I have a number of YouTube music links in mine.  Mind you, no-one has yet asked me about them but that's probably because they're minority interest.   I hope you find some companions soon who share your interests.

[Alwin Alcott]

and i think your name might give some expectations about you, not everybody would like to friend satan   

[Orwar]

35 minutes ago, Alwin Alcott said:

not everybody would like to friend satan   

   Hums 'Satan is a friend of mine - Satan is my homie! Satan is a friend of mine - I have a friend in Satan!'. 

[SarahKB7 Koskinen]

Drop one of the "a"'s from your name and call yourself Stan.

[InnerCity Elf]

3 hours ago, Alwin Alcott said:

and i think your name might give some expectations about you, not everybody would like to friend satan   

 

4 hours ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

Perhaps you could put a bit more in your profile about things you like, such as music.  I have a number of YouTube music links in mine.  Mind you, no-one has yet asked me about them but that's probably because they're minority interest.   I hope you find some companions soon who share your interests.

The first quote was about one of my first thoughts, too, people might feel anxious about conversing with you due to your chosen name, and you probably could counter that at least somewhat by applying the suggestion from the second quote.

I'm a curious profile reader, and even if someone whose user name might make me uneasy, would message, I'd check out their profile and reply, in more or less depth, so they'd know I'm fine talking, or not, depending, so I'm guessing it's like that for many people.

And reading other people's profiles can give you an easy conversation topic and make your messages less random. I hardly ever initiate conversations myself (but will reply to pretty much anything that's not a super obvious go at SLex or something that turns me into a scaredy cat and makes me run away, like people asking if they can buy my name/account; I've had that happen repeatedly, even after you can legit buy a new name from LL, and it weirds me out so much that I'll just run), but if I wanted to, I'd feel much more comfortable referring to something in someone's profile, than just some more or less eloquent version of "Umm, hi".

Edited June 20, 2022 by Meccha Suki
typo queen

[victoravatar]

7 hours ago, SatanTM said:

I have been on SL for about three years now consistently, but I haven't been on much lately. I'm trying to get back into it but I'm horrible at making conversation. I don't even know where to start. Most cases people just don't reply to me. Anyone else having this issue?

We all have a certain ''me'' that's hiding in us. We are social creatures and we all at some point have some type of personality. It happens to a lot of us we IM people that we see on a certain sim but they don't reply to us. Some reply others don't. I mean my advice is to just keep trying i guess. If you really want to make friends well it will be hard at first because like you said and like i said a lot of people don't reply. Don't take it personal though. There are groups on SL now specifically for making new friends maybe try joining some of them. As of social anxiety if you feel too much pressure don't do this to yourself. Just back off. See what's best for you. You try to do it but see that it's too much? Well try again tomorrow. Don't ever make yourself feel uncomfortable. I also have social anxiety both in SL and RL but i try my best to push myself to make some good friends. At first it's hard but then once you see that it's working it makes your day. It makes you happy. Some people are just born with social anxiety and that's ok. We are not all the same. Just know that you are not alone because i also have social anxiety and many many other people around the world. There are literally 8 billion people in the world. Like wow. ❤️  Sending lots of positivity your way and hope you find your place in life, somewhere where you feel good, somewhere where you feel like you belong and somewhere where people and your friends accept you for who you are and understand you. After all you don't want a toxic friend that brings drama right?  I know i don't. Maybe it's also because like you mentioned you haven't been online very much lately so that also affects. Also as of how to start a conversation don't put pressure on you just follow your heart. I always start with ''Hello,how are you doing?''  

[Garnet Psaltery]

4 hours ago, Alwin Alcott said:

and i think your name might give some expectations about you, not everybody would like to friend satan   

This could be the case but inworld the OP has a different display name. I can't remember whether that means other people see the display name in an IM, so perhaps someone else can clarify.

[Alwin Alcott]

12 minutes ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

This could be the case but inworld the OP has a different display name. I can't remember whether that means other people see the display name in an IM, so perhaps someone else can clarify.

depends on the settings of the persons, mine are showing always both names, but it can be set to only display or only username too. ( and the system will only use the username)

Edited June 20, 2022 by Alwin Alcott

[SatanTM]

On 6/20/2022 at 5:05 AM, SarahKB7 Koskinen said:

Drop one of the "a"'s from your name and call yourself Stan.

Lol, honestly, that may help.

[SatanTM]

On 6/20/2022 at 7:27 AM, Garnet Psaltery said:

This could be the case but inworld the OP has a different display name. I can't remember whether that means other people see the display name in an IM, so perhaps someone else can clarify.

Well my name in world is Pharaoh Wingard, but I can see how the username may not help. I'll consider changing it because I never thought up until now, how my name could deflect others. Appreciate the advice.

[Rolig Loon]

Just shuffle the letters a bit, Santa.  🎅

[Bree Giffen]

You can start off with, "Please allow me to introduce myself I'm a man of wealth and taste"

[SatanTM]

20 minutes ago, Rolig Loon said:

Just shuffle the letters a bit, Santa.  🎅

That will definitely ensure my responses.

 

[Bridget Leavitt]

I agree with the mention of finding a role-play community. I've been in SL for 15 1/2 years and I still find very interesting people to talk to who are mostly role-players, and I've made a lot of friends at those communities. Places  where you can develop your character and backstory and interact with others without having to go through the typical every day ZzZzZzZz "small talk". Usually, role-players will engage with you right off the bat if you engage with them and you have an interesting story to tell.

After a while, you'll find a certain group of role-players that you mesh where you  begin to feed off each other's emotes and storylines. That can then soon blossom into great friendships outside of role-play.

[Silent Mistwalker]

47 minutes ago, Rolig Loon said:

Just shuffle the letters a bit, Santa.  🎅

SantaTM... Santa The Man... kinda has a ring to it.

Why not add one or three? Santana The Man... ☺️

Edited June 22, 2022 by Silent Mistwalker

[Myntz Mysterious]

idk, I would be more likely to talk to someone named Satan then say someone named... Jesus or Christ. JS.  😈 But thats just me.

[blissfulbreeze]

if you like table games like Greedy, Hand and Foot, Cheesy, etc. there are sims that are dedicated to those games. You can ask people if you can play a game with them. Most people at TnT games are friendly. If you become a regular at any place, some people may feel comfortable to talk to you since they have seen you around a lot. As other have said, go to places that have your hobbies or try a new hobby. It's best to become a regular at places instead of just being a infrequent drop in.

[Polenth Yue]

The problem when you try to start a conversation with a stranger is that you'll find most people are socially awkward in that situation. So you have two people who don't know what to say. Joining groups and going to events helps smooth that, because you don't have to carry the whole conversation. You can just add comments here and there.

[Rick Nightingale]

I'll let you all into a secret I've kept almost entirely in SL. Only one person in SL knows this... until now. I have high functioning autism, diagnosed when I was in my 40's after it (and me trying to figure life out without knowing I had ASD and constantly, utterly failing) had destroyed every aspect of my RL. I got to the point I can hardly cope with being in company at all, in RL or SL. Not because I don't want to, but because the stress if causes my trying to figure out all the social stuff that I just cannot comprehend or even see is too much. I'm absolutely not antisocial; I just cannot cope with being social. It sucks.

I'm saying this because I've seen a few posts like this here, and if someone like me can make friends, just about anyone can. And I did.

Polenth's suggestions are spot on. That's what I did. It doesn't even need to be something you are really into, just something you can join in with. I was never good at RP (see: ASD) but joined a pirate battle group that used to run in Blake. It took me weeks months to work up the ability to actually say hello and join in, but I watched the group chat and events for a while to get a feel for it and the people. They were good people and when I did finally take the plunge, I fit in well and we all got on. I would turn up to the battles and events and even ended up running them, although I could rarely join in with any of the more social stuff they put on. I hated that, but that's the way I am.

Another group that's really a good lot (and your name fits in quite well) is... I'm not sure I'm allowed to name it (would it be advertising?) but if you check my profile/picks, it's the only commercial pick in there. Or just IM me. We can all be gods

Hanging around that group, especially around special occasions, hunts and holiday seasons is a really easy way to get involved. Amazingly, I ended up dancing on stage in costume at one of the events (Edit: I just remembered I was even pole dancing at another there). I couldn't even imagine being able to do that. That's the power of that group, its owner and members. It's a special place in SL, it really is.

Hunts, while we're on that topic, is another good one for meeting people either just for a little while or longer, and since you're busy hunting you don't necessarily need to really talk much at first. Join the group, hang around, there's often someone at some point looking for a hunt partner. Or just shout out yourself for one. And there you go. I like the most twisted hunt in SL myself; more good people there.

Unfortunately for me, I'm not doing well right now and haven't been able to join in anything for a long time. I've tried but just can't cope right now, plus my RL is pretty hard and unreliable due to my issues and my wife's health. That's the other reason I don't try to make more friends - I don't think it's fair on them to have someone like me who's there one day but then has to go quiet for a month or six because I can't even cope with a simple chat. I care about people and don't like letting them down.

I'll probably regret posting this later...

Edited June 22, 2022 by Rick Daylight

[Katie Aurelia]

One thing to keep in mind that I think many on SL seem to overlook is the differences between SL and RL

If someone approaches you in RL and simply says "Well hello there....", you've an abundance of knowledge to draw from them. Their accent (or lack thereof), the tone and intonation of their words along with any particular emphasis placed and where, their scent, wrinkled clothes, how they walked, the speed they walked, a myriad of body language cues that help you gauge an opinion of them (consciously nor not) within moments

On SL, it's mostly: are they giants, able to dress themselves without glitching, blank profile or full, AO or not .... so a "well hello there" tends to come across as more bland than it would (or could) in RL. MANY in SL also tend to drop a "hi" and offer nothing when that's replied to often, which further stigmatizes a simple hello. "Hi" tends to mostly entail "hi .... this is me letting you know i find you cute but am either unwilling or unable to say more than hi, so now its up to you to carry this convo so dance for me, monkey!" 🤣

 

I'm one of the apparent few that leans a bit more toward the extrovert side, but if you're less than stellar in social situations or what have you, I imagine it would improve the same way most skills do, through practice. Go talk up some randos that you don't particularly care if they reply or not? Also, I've found that a VAST majority of SL are scared to initiate convos first and many seem to be surprised when I start one lol .... so I imagine just starting with something more than vanilla "hi" is half the battle 😛

Edited June 23, 2022 by Katie Aurelia
typo

[Persephone Emerald]

I'm an introvert and not looking to add more friends to my friends list, but I do like to tell random people when I think their avatar or pet looks nice. I think complimenting someone is a good way to start a conversation, whether it's their look or their profile. I'll IM someone in a store to tell them if a lucky chair has their name letter on it. I've messaged people to tell them their Linden Home looked good too. Last night I IMed 2 ladies to ask if they wanted gift cards I didn't want. One was AFK and didn't respond. The other continued the conversation and asked if I wanted to be friends.

This is the tricky part for me. I don't want to come across as rude, but I don't really need or want more friends, so most of the time I accept their friend request or send them one myself at this point. If the person has a male avatar and I've met them at an Adult sim, I assume they're looking for a potential virtual sex partner, so I generally try to unfriend them when they're not online. I accidentally unfriended a couple guys when they were online and then got back a surprised IM asking why I unfriended them. 

If the person has a female avatar, they're less likely to be interested in a virtual hook-up, so I just let them stay on my friends list. Most are male though. If they or their partner are a DJ, I'll likely start getting spammed for their events, at which time I'll unfriend them as well.

[Codex Alpha]

Only in 2022, is it such a chore and such a contested social action (as portrayed by online sources) about saying "Hi".

What it means is how it was meant for centuries. It's a greeting, and you're supposed to say "Hi" back. It's called courtesy.

"Hi" is not a threat.  "Hi" is not unwanted attention. "Hi" isn't meant to scare you away in a Premium sandbox. "Hi" doesn't mean someone is hitting on you. "Hi" doesn't mean someone has sexual interest in you.

I wouldn't say I suffer from social anxiety - but I am developing social anxiety only reading how others react to the most simplest of things - in RL a 'hi' can be met with a complete ignore, or 'taken aback' (how strange, do I look like a goblin, lol), or a pensive "hii? (Why are you speaking to me)" type reaction (strange), or any other number of strange encounters with reactions far out of the norm for what I would expect.

50 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

I'm an introvert and not looking to add more friends to my friends list, but I do like to tell random people when I think their avatar or pet looks nice. I think complimenting someone is a good way to start a conversation, whether it's their look or their profile. I'll IM someone in a store to tell them if a lucky chair has their name letter on it. I've messaged people to tell them their Linden Home looked good too. Last night I IMed 2 ladies to ask if they wanted gift cards I didn't want. One was AFK and didn't respond. The other continued the conversation and asked if I wanted to be friends.

This is the tricky part for me. I don't want to come across as rude, but I don't really need or want more friends, so most of the time I accept their friend request or send them one myself at this point. If the person has a male avatar and I've met them at an Adult sim, I assume they're looking for a potential virtual sex partner, so I generally try to unfriend them when they're not online. I accidentally unfriended a couple guys when they were online and then got back a surprised IM asking why I unfriended them. 

If the person has a female avatar, they're less likely to be interested in a virtual hook-up, so I just let them stay on my friends list. Most are male though. If they or their partner are a DJ, I'll likely start getting spammed for their events, at which time I'll unfriend them as well.

If I said "hello" to you, or complimented you on a product or build or something else you were working on, it would have no sexual intent at all. I'm sure others would agree that if saying 'hello' has become offensive, or giving someone a compliment, or even asking a question or engaging in any way is a 'threat', it can severely damage social interaction in SL.

I still say "hello" if I want or give compliments if I want, I'm not going to change - I'm just reporting the negative responses I get that are not warranted, and it is not me who needs to change but some people's response to an time-honored courtesy.