Men Not Liking Men: The Shocking Truth about Male-Pattern Loneliness in SL!

[LittleMe Jewell]

9 hours ago, BelindaN said:

 I just float along, shopping, and making outfits, chatting and dancing. I

Add "exploring" & "doing hunts" and this pretty much sums up my SL.  I have said from day one that I am primarily a consumer of goods here, helping to keep the SL economy afloat.  
I've had some creative moments, like modifying houses a bit to suit me better (well, back when things were made out of prims anyway), but I've no desire to actually work in SL.  I also do a bit of photo taking in SL, but there is seldom any real artistry in it.

 

 

7 hours ago, KanryDrago said:

Thank you for your misandry, until you posted this I had totally failed to understand that my female friends are no more than breeding partners and it couldn't possibly be just because I get on with them. Now that I realise this I will ensure I immediately go out and buy them all a mama allpa hud and impregnate them forthwith so I can fill the whole of SL with my darling little prim babies!!!!!

Sheesh if I wrote something like that about women I would rightly be slated for being a sexist pig.

Based on my personal experience only, you are not a normal SL male.  The vast majority that I run across don't necessarily want to breed - they don't want offspring - but they do want intimate encounters.  

Oh, and yes, if you said anything like that you would be called a sexist pig.......... because we all know that all men are truly just sexist pigs anyway. 

 

 

6 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

 I know gay people who have no straight friends. 

I find that incredibly sad - for the same reason that I would think it sad for a straight person to have no gay friends, if they have the opportunity for such.

 

6 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

  It’s natural for people to stick to their own tribe.

If I, as a straight person, said that I had no gay friends because "it is natural for me to stick to my own tribe", I would most definitely be called a homophobe.  Yet you seem to think it is okay to make that statement, apparently in regards to gay people having no straight friends.

 

 

6 hours ago, Sylvannas Zulaman said:

Most of my list is guys. I tend to have less awkward conversations with a guy than with a girl.

In RL, I have more guy friends than girl friends - primarily because I find most women to just be too much drama. 

Whereas, for me, SL is the opposite of RL.  I have more female friends in SL than male friends.  I know that for me this is because the vast amount of males that I encounter inworld are not interested in a totally platonic friendship - and I am not the slightest bit interested in any sort of SLexual encounters.

 

Edited November 30, 2018 by LittleMe Jewell

[KanryDrago]

29 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

Based on my personal experience only, you are not a normal SL male.  The vast majority that I run across don't necessarily want to breed - they don't want offspring - but they do want intimate encounters.  

Oh, and yes, if you said anything like that you would be called a sexist pig.......... because we all know that all men are truly just sexist pigs anyway. 

Yay I am not normal!!!!!.....stops and thinks about it for a moment....hang on what do you mean not normal

Edited November 30, 2018 by KanryDrago

[Callum Meriman]

You know... we effectively have 2 male bashing theads on the forums now, yey.

wtg girls.

[Love Zhaoying]

35 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

7 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

  It’s natural for people to stick to their own tribe.

If I, as a straight person, said that I had no gay friends because "it is natural for me to stick to my own tribe", I would most definitely be called a homophobe.  Yet you seem to think it is okay to make that statement, apparently in regards to gay people having no straight friends.

Don’t read into it. I was merely making an observation.

[Ivanova Shostakovich]

6 hours ago, Ethan Paslong said:

still empty...

those beams could be usefull in some way i think... 👀

   I'd hang paisley swags from them.

[KanryDrago]

1 minute ago, Callum Meriman said:

You know... we effectively have 2 male bashing theads on the forums now, yey.

wtg girls.

The thread was actually quite civil and dare I say even informative until some decided to use it as a platform for gender politics

[Bree Giffen]

Hey all, I just woke up from a really good nap. I had cold but I think it's passed. In response to Kanydrago, I was referring to the subconscious mind that is believed to drive humans in spite of their intelligence and reasoning. I actually find it distasteful as well to think that men and women could simply be a driven by animal instinct but I put it forth as a possible explanation to answer the question of why men behave as they do in SL and not in RL. I'm not a misandrist and I could probably say other things I believe that could label me as a misogynist. I think humanity is separated from the animals largely by our ability to go against our own base instincts.

TLDR. I'm putting forth ideas that I've read about that I'm not 100% invested in... to answer Scylla's college research.

[Callum Meriman]

13 minutes ago, KanryDrago said:

The thread was actually quite civil and dare I say even informative until some decided to use it as a platform for gender politics

The wide generalisations about male avatars were there from the (now very heavily edited) first post.

 

[KanryDrago]

Just now, Bree Giffen said:

Hey all, I just woke up from a really good nap. I had cold but I think it's passed. In response to Kanydrago, I was referring to the subconscious mind that is believed to drive humans in spite of their intelligence and reasoning. I actually find it distasteful as well to think that men and women could simply be a driven by animal instinct but I put it forth as a possible explanation to answer the question of why men behave as they do in SL and not in RL. I'm not a misandrist and I could probably say other things I believe that could label me as a misogynist. I think humanity is separated from the animals largely by our ability to go against our own base instincts.

TLDR. I'm putting forth ideas that I've read about that I'm not 100% invested in... to answer Scylla's college research.

I will accept that it is what you meant to say Bree however it came over a lot differently to me at least and I suspect others. What we have here is a text medium and often what we would understand by tone and body language in a spoken conversation is interpreted far differently in a text only conversation.

While I agree humanity is separated from animals by the fact we can override base instincts writing as you did to my mind implied that us mere males were not capable of doing so. Yes that is true for some of all genders but mostly we are on a continuum of ability to do so.

Please be more careful how you state things going forward maybe something to take away from this and yes I do exactly the same and am careless when I state things so I am aware of the beam in my own eye

Truce?

[Scylla Rhiadra]

47 minutes ago, Callum Meriman said:

The wide generalisations about male avatars were there from the (now very heavily edited) first post.

 

Callum, you seem to be implying here that I altered my original post, changing the words or something similar to make it seem less offensive.

This is simply false. I have not removed or changed a single word from the OP. What I did do (and your comment here underscores why this was necessary) is highlight certain passages in the existing OP (not adding them: they were already there) to demonstrate to those who read quickly or not carefully enough that I was not asserting that this generalization about men was true. Please go back and read the highlighted bits again: they make it clear that I am not simply accepting the "truth" of this generalization, but am asking men whether or not it is valid. On no less than three occasions in the OP, I explicitly ask this.

Secondly, I appended a note, which is clearly marked as such, to explain why I highlighted passages, and explaining also why I did not address differences in RL/SL gender, or the LGBTQ community as a separate issue.

The "generalizations" are indeed there. They are not presented as incontrovertible fact: I am explicitly asking for people's own input as to their validity.

[KanryDrago]

1 minute ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Callum, you seem to be implying here that I altered my original post, changing the words or something similar to make it seem less offensive.

This is simply false. I have not removed or changed a single word from the OP. What I did do (and your comment here underscores why this was necessary) is highlight certain passages in the existing OP (not adding them: they were already there) to demonstrate to those who read quickly or not carefully enough that I was not asserting that this generalization about men was true. Please go back and read the highlighted bits again: they make it clear that I am not simply accepting the "truth" of this generalization, but am asking men whether or not it is valid. On no less than three occasions in the OP, I explicitly ask this.

Secondly, I appended a note, which is clearly marked as such, to explain why I highlighted passages, and explaining also why I did not address differences in RL/SL gender, or the LGBTQ community as a separate issue.

The "generalizations" are indeed there. They are not presented as incontrovertible fact: I am explicitly asking for people's own input as to their validity.

For what its worth I didn't take your op as particularly anti men. More of a I have noticed this seems to be true. Is it true and why is it true if so.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 hour ago, KanryDrago said:

The thread was actually quite civil and dare I say even informative until some decided to use it as a platform for gender politics

Thank you, Kanry.

Far from representing an attempt to "bash" men, this thread was intended to ask their opinion about a stereotype that is often applied to them. The voices of the women who have posted here present legitimate and valid perspectives, but they are outside perspectives: it was the men I wanted to hear from. And I appreciate the perspectives of those, including yourself and Callum, who have contributed. It was your voices that were the point of this.

[Love Zhaoying]

Other stereotypes: women like shopping together, always go to the bathroom together, go out partying together. See? It works both ways. Why the OP had to pick a “sad”, almost “pathos-begging” stereotype of men? Think about it. Or at least try.

[KanryDrago]

Just now, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Thank you, Kanry.

Far from representing an attempt to "bash" men, this thread was intended to ask their opinion about a stereotype that is often applied to them. The voices of the women who have posted here present legitimate and valid perspectives, but they are outside perspectives: it was the men I wanted to hear from. And I appreciate the perspectives of those, including yourself and Callum, who have contributed. It was your voices that were the point of this.

One thing I will disagree with however in the op is the assertion that men are lonely because we dont have more men on our friends list. I interact with human beings, I don't interact with men  or women or gay people etc. (With the obvious exception of when I am dating at which time I definitely interact with female avi's )

[KanryDrago]

1 minute ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Other stereotypes: women like shopping together, always go to the bathroom together, go out partying together. See? It works both ways. Why the OP had to pick a “sad”, almost “pathos-begging” stereotype of men? Think about it. Or at least try.

See my last response to Scylla when I point out the lonely meme is the one thing I really do disagree with

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 minute ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Other stereotypes: women like shopping together, always go to the bathroom together, go out partying together. See? It works both ways. Why the OP had to pick a “sad”, almost “pathos-begging” stereotype of men? Think about it. Or at least try.

And those are entirely legitimate questions to ask (not assert) of women.

I'm going to say this again, Love: I am not asserting the truth of the stereotype. I'm asking for input about its validity.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

3 minutes ago, KanryDrago said:

One thing I will disagree with however in the op is the assertion that men are lonely because we dont have more men on our friends list. I interact with human beings, I don't interact with men  or women or gay people etc. (With the obvious exception of when I am dating at which time I definitely interact with female avi's )

That's entirely fair: it's exactly the kind of corrective insight that I was hoping for!

[KanryDrago]

1 minute ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

That's entirely fair: it's exactly the kind of corrective insight that I was hoping for!

As I gather this is a study project for you I will throw a question back at you

Given you admit to being a feminist, a fact that I believe you have posted here on several occasions. Further given that a researcher should be as much as possible a neutral observer approaching a question as much as humanly possible. Do you think that this is the right study project for you as I am sure that you come to it with certain preconceptions?

[Callum Meriman]

2 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

The "generalizations" are indeed there.

Yes, they are there. And they are repeated a number of times.

2 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I am not asserting the truth of the stereotype. I'm asking for input about its validity.

That suggests you actually want confirmation of your thoughts.

Scylla, by and large men are accepting, caring, loving, intelligent people who are let down by a number of high-profile arsehats. Don't paint us all with that feminist brush please.

 

[LittleMe Jewell]

We often tell folks in the forums to not take discussions too personally unless someone actually directed a post right at them.  I think this is good advice for all, old and new.  Sometimes it is easy to see an offense when there was none, especially during discussion of any topic that might seem sensitive to some for some reason

I don't see any attacking going on here and discussion of stereotypes and how valid they are or are not, should be a valid discussion topic.  Stereotypes pretty much came about by being based, at least in some small part, on a truth that existed at some point in time.  A stereotype **might** have been applicable to 90% of a group at the time it came about, even it if is applicable to less than 10% of said group now.  The fact that these things change over time actually can make for very good discussions about the validity of such.  In order to discuss the validity of a stereotype, the stereotype must be stated - and then people typically will give their view about how much it applies in different scenarios.  Stating the stereotype and asking for opinions is not the same as stating the stereotype and saying you believe it to be fully accurate.

 

Edited November 30, 2018 by LittleMe Jewell

[Love Zhaoying]

21 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

And those are entirely legitimate questions to ask (not assert) of women.

I'm going to say this again, Love: I am not asserting the truth of the stereotype. I'm asking for input about its validity.

I think, to get an honest / true answer, you’d have to get “actual men” to answer if they are lonely in SL, etc. Otherwise, any answers from others who “heard it from men” are hearsay. You need first-hand data. You know, for your sociology paper.

[Love Zhaoying]

1 minute ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

We often tell folks in the forums to not take discussions too personally unless someone actually directed a post right at them.  I think this is good advice for all, old and new.  Sometimes it is easy to see an offense when there was none, especially during discussion of any topic that might seem sensitive to some for some reason

I don't see any attacking going on here and discussion of stereotypes and how valid they are or are not, should be a valid discussion topic.  Stereotypes pretty much came about by being based, at least in some small part, on a truth that existed at some point in time.  A stereotype **might** have been applicable to 90% of a group at the time it came about, even it if is applicable to less than 10% of said group now.  The fact that these things change over time actually can make for very good discussions about the validity of such.  In order to discuss the validity of a stereotype, the stereotype must be stated - and then people typically will give their view about how much it applies in different scenarios.  Stating the stereotype and asking for opinions is not the same as stating the stereotype and saying you believe it to be fully accurate.

 

Yep, just as I felt about your response to my post about “tribes”.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

15 minutes ago, KanryDrago said:

As I gather this is a study project for you I will throw a question back at you

Given you admit to being a feminist, a fact that I believe you have posted here on several occasions. Further given that a researcher should be as much as possible a neutral observer approaching a question as much as humanly possible. Do you think that this is the right study project for you as I am sure that you come to it with certain preconceptions?

Oh dear. Thank you Bree.

Yes Kanry, I am a feminist. A proud one.

But no, this post is not part of a "research" project. I've been posting on issues like this, off and on (and mostly off, until recently) for nearly 10 years. Which would make it one heck of a long research project.

But if it were, this is actually how research is undertaken: with an initial question for which the researcher seeks answers. (It's actually called a "research question.") There is no such thing as an entirely "neutral" question in the sense that you seem to mean: one always, in any discipline, begins with a hypothesis that one seeks to explore and examine. And I don't believe that my OP implies a preconception: it articulates a stereotype, suggests that there may be a kernel of truth to it, and then seeks information from others that will either confirm or negate that thesis.

[KanryDrago]

1 minute ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I think, to get an honest / true answer, you’d have to get “actual men” to answer if they are lonely in SL, etc. Otherwise, any answers from others who “heard it from men” are hearsay. You need first-hand data. You know, for your sociology paper.

She needs a lot more than that for starters a statistically valid sample that conforms to the span of the demographic she wishes to assess which she is unlikely to get on the forum as we are self sampling.

[KanryDrago]

2 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Oh dear. Thank you Bree.

Yes Kanry, I am a feminist. A proud one.

But no, this post is not part of a "research" project. I've been posting on issues like this, off and on (and mostly off, until recently) for nearly 10 years. Which would make it one heck of a long research project.

But if it were, this is actually how research is undertaken: with an initial question for which the researcher seeks answers. (It's actually called a "research question.") There is no such thing as an entirely "neutral" question in the sense that you seem to mean: one always, in any discipline, begins with a hypothesis that one seeks to explore and examine. And I don't believe that my OP implies a preconception: it articulates a stereotype, suggests that there may be a kernel of truth to it, and then seeks information from others that will either confirm or negate that thesis.

I got the impression it was a research topic because someone else suggested it was and you did not refute it till now