Men Not Liking Men: The Shocking Truth about Male-Pattern Loneliness in SL!

[Cindy Evanier]

2 minutes ago, Ethan Paslong said:

no females on my list either

Now I have to stalk Callum AND Ethan inworld as well as here 

[Love Zhaoying]

3 minutes ago, Ethan Paslong said:

same here, no females on my list either, so makes Callum les unusual
The why... well several... mainly because i mostly hang out at men only locations so rarely meet women.

And of course, women are way to complicated:) males are from Mars, women from Venus...húge difference😎
 

I know gay people who have no straight friends. It’s natural for people to stick to their own tribe.

[KanryDrago]

What it boils down to is this

too many think

Men are my enemy/women are my enemy/gay people are my enemy/Religon of choice people are my enemy

instead of

some men are my enemy/some women are my enemy/some gay people are my enemy/some religion of choice people are my enemy

When we tar with a broadbrush we don't advance the conversation and we do the work of those that are really the enemy as it divides people into us and them when what we should be doing is identifying those that are the enemy regardless of gender/sexuality/race or creed. When we learn to do that then we can start dealing with things. As I said before the vast majority of people are just getting through life and aren't looking to oppress anyone.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

12 minutes ago, KanryDrago said:

If she didn't mean it to be about all men perhaps she should have said so. 

As to gaming culture I don't see why you bring this in SL and gaming have little in common. Some people who are on SL play games like call of duty. Chatting to people I get the impression however that most do not. I think while what you say about gaming culture may be correct I am unconvinced you can apply it to SL. Gaming culture is a totally different discussion. For information I am a games player but the only game I would call somewhat competitive I play is Eve online. The rest is more player versus enviornment. The section of gaming called player versus player is actually quite a small market segment overall and when you refer to toxic gaming culture that is the segment it usually applies to. Most gamers that don't play pvp would wonder what you are banging on about tbh

Well, I'll let Bree speak for herself. She seems very capable of doing so.

But . . . one of her points is precisely that SL is NOT like gaming, and that when male behaviours learned in the latter environment are applied to the very different context of SL, we end up with the situation she describes.

I am far from agreeing entirely with what Bree has said, and I would certainly couch it differently, and with a whole more in the way of qualifications (as I did in the post you quote), but I'm also interested in what "seeds" of truth might be discernible from the poor stereotype. And while it may be true that the Gamergate/pvp crowd represent a very small proportion of the population, they have been a particularly noisy and noxious segment. They need to be accounted for.

HOWEVER . . . this is in danger of becoming a derail. The OP isn't about gamers; it's about SL.

Edited November 29, 2018 by Scylla Rhiadra
Missed part of a sentence

[Ethan Paslong]

5 minutes ago, Cindy Evanier said:

Now I have to stalk Callum AND Ethan inworld as well as here 

... if you find out where i have my home you get hot chocolate with self made cookies

 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

13 minutes ago, Ethan Paslong said:

women are way to complicated

Not really. It's just a means of protective camouflage.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

14 minutes ago, Sylvannas Zulaman said:

Most of my list is guys. I tend to have less awkward conversations with a guy than with a girl.

That's kind of cool, but probably the opposite of my own experience. Although I don't think I have a particularly difficult time talking to men.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

4 minutes ago, Ethan Paslong said:

... if you find out where i have my home you get hot chocolate with self made cookies

 

Is that a challenge, Ethan????

[KanryDrago]

1 minute ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

That's kind of cool, but probably the opposite of my own experience. Although I don't think I have a particularly difficult time talking to men.

When I contacted you in game over something or other which I forget now you seemed relaxed enough chatting

[Ethan Paslong]

/me waits for @Cindy Evanier to arrive ...

Edited November 29, 2018 by Ethan Paslong

[KanryDrago]

1 minute ago, Ethan Paslong said:

/me waits for @Cindy Evanier to arrive ...

Really? Red walls in a kitchen....I don't even....

[Ethan Paslong]

2 minutes ago, KanryDrago said:

Really? Red walls in a kitchen....I don't even....

just the kitchen itself, not the walls

[KanryDrago]

Just now, Ethan Paslong said:

just the kitchen itself, not the walls

ah fair enough could only see a little through the doorway

[Scylla Rhiadra]

6 minutes ago, KanryDrago said:

When I contacted you in game over something or other which I forget now you seemed relaxed enough chatting

No, because you were easy to talk to.

And I am very glad you did: I enjoyed our conversation. One day, hopefully, THAT will become the most important criterion guiding our choice of whom to associate with.

[AyelaNewLife]

41 minutes ago, KanryDrago said:

If she didn't mean it to be about all men perhaps she should have said so.

In all honesty, I thought it was very clear that she was talking about how subconscious driving forces manifest across the relationships of roughly 200,000 men (my best guess at the portion of the playerbase that's male; others will say that this number is closer to 300,000). And it's not exactly controversial to point out that we are still base animals driven by base needs; even if we develop ways to control those needs.

The only way to talk about the behaviours of an entire demographic group of that size is with sweeping generalisations; which means there will be thousands and thousands of men that don't fit that pattern. That's how sweeping generalisations work; they are patterns of behaviour that only properly manifest when you average out huge samples.

Edited November 29, 2018 by AyelaNewLife
forgot a thing

[Selene Gregoire]

Barely made it through the first page and not going to read the other three because it seems to get a bit on the ugly side and I'm in no mood for that crap.

All I'm going to say is, in RL, most of my "friends" were male. Why? Because the vast majority of the women I knew were backstabbers. I get along with men far better than I do women. The same holds true in SL with one exception. Men are just as likely to be backstabbers as women. 

Yes, I have trust issues due to humans being human. I don't trust humans because they have taught me to not be so trusting. The anonymity of the internet makes it even worse.

This is what happens when there is a child who trusts others implicitly and then has that trust repeatedly betrayed.

 

Edited November 29, 2018 by Selene Gregoire

[Love Zhaoying]

1 hour ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I’m also asking if it's actually true that this is a demonstrable pattern in SL.

One can find patterns in anything if you look hard enough.

[Luna Bliss]

[Cindy Evanier]

45 minutes ago, Ethan Paslong said:

/me waits for @Cindy Evanier to arrive ...

Have you dusted?  I am sure I see a speck over there 

[Cindy Evanier]

44 minutes ago, KanryDrago said:

Really? Red walls in a kitchen....I don't even....

Wait until you see his true 50 Shades of Red Room

[Ethan Paslong]

11 minutes ago, Cindy Evanier said:

Wait until you see his true 50 Shades of Red Room

still empty...

those beams could be usefull in some way i think... 👀

Edited November 29, 2018 by Ethan Paslong

[KanryDrago]

33 minutes ago, AyelaNewLife said:

In all honesty, I thought it was very clear that she was talking about how subconscious driving forces manifest across the relationships of roughly 200,000 men (my best guess at the portion of the playerbase that's male; others will say that this number is closer to 300,000). And it's not exactly controversial to point out that we are still base animals driven by base needs; even if we develop ways to control those needs.

The only way to talk about the behaviours of an entire demographic group of that size is with sweeping generalisations; which means there will be thousands and thousands of men that don't fit that pattern. That's how sweeping generalisations work; they are patterns of behaviour that only properly manifest when you average out huge samples.

If I turned round and said women have male friends because they want a protector to nurture their children you would soon be up in arms. It wasnt just about animal instincts she blatantly said the only reason all men have female friends is because they are building a harem of breeding partners to stoke their alpha egos. It was nasty snide and misandrist. If any man came out with such drivel you would be on him like a dose of salts

[Scylla Rhiadra]

6 hours ago, Talligurl said:

I suspect that sexual tensions prevent many male/female friendships in RL. People worry about what others will think if they see a man and a woman together. I know if I went out for coffee with a male coworker, just as friends, and certain people saw me, they would start talking. I do not think SL friendships have that issue, so they are more likely to happen.

Weirdly(?), that in some ways is the opposite of my own perception, but much will depend on context, I guess. I don't think anyone I know in RL would be surprised to see me having a coffee with a male coworker, for instance. Whereas in SL, I would, for instance, hesitate to IM a male I didn't know, lest it be interpreted as a flirtation or come-on. And I know, from past experience, that if I go dancing with a man in SL, that people do make assumptions about our relationship.

Overall, though, yes, sexual tensions, in whatever way they are manifested, are surely an issue here.

6 hours ago, Talligurl said:

Also girls are more likely to hang out with a guy they don't really know. In RL there are safety concerns that don't exist in SL.

This is undoubtedly true, though.

[Bebe Bunny]

5 hours ago, KanryDrago said:

Just remember you are merely breeding stock to these men with the reptile brains, welcome to the harem. I know it must be true because Bree told us so

Actually only 2 of them doesn't seem to want to poke me, but they are not pushy or anything, at least the ones I still consider talking to. But it doesn't really bother me, they wouldn't chat with me it they didn't like it because girls you can find anywhere 😛

[KanryDrago]

8 minutes ago, Sylvannas Zulaman said:

Actually only 2 of them doesn't seem to want to poke me, but they are not pushy or anything, at least the ones I still consider talking to. But it doesn't really bother me, they wouldn't chat with me it they didn't like it because girls you can find anywhere 😛

I was joking  

Edited November 29, 2018 by KanryDrago