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Men Not Liking Men: The Shocking Truth about Male-Pattern Loneliness in SL!


Scylla Rhiadra
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1 hour ago, Callum Meriman said:

You know... we effectively have 2 male bashing theads on the forums now, yey.

wtg girls.

I must be looking at the threads from an entirely different viewpoint, or maybe I'm behind on reading other threads because I can't find another thread that is male bashing. 

As to this thread, if my previous post felt like male bashing, it was only sort-of that.  Giving my personal experience -- and I did specifically say that it was my personal experience - is not bashing all males in SL, just the majority of the ones that I've had contact with in SL.  I'll admit that I have not visited every location in SL and I'm very sure I've only come in contact with a very small percentage of the SL male population.

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30 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I'm going to say this again, Love: I am not asserting the truth of the stereotype. I'm asking for input about its validity.

Who is to say? Would you make a judgement based on how many agree with your statement on its “validity”? What would make a stereotype “valid”? None of that makes any sense. As I said..stereotypes..tribes..blah blah blah.

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4 minutes ago, KanryDrago said:

I got the impression it was a research topic because someone else suggested it was and you did not refute it till now

My guess is you are referring to the below, which was actually just Bree making a funny and Scylla going along with it.  Probably not obvious to those that don't know Bree and Scylla's posting styles & history very well.

 

9 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:
9 hours ago, Bree Giffen said:

 I also think Scylla might be a college student writing a paper for her cultural anthropology class.

But did you notice how cleverly I disguised my "I-have-to-write-a-stupid-research-paper-on-virtual-worlds-please-help-me-it's-due-tonight" forum post?

 

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4 minutes ago, KanryDrago said:

I got the impression it was a research topic because someone else suggested it was and you did not refute it till now

We often joke about “research topics” because there are so many posts about that. I don’t believe this was a real post about asking for research data, but I do believe that these types of discussions are misguided. In fact, guided by opinions that are not reinforced by knowledge, compassion, good judgement, positive intentions, etc. 

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3 hours ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

the vast amount of males that I encounter inworld are not interested in a totally platonic friendship - and I am not the slightest bit interested in any sort of SLexual encounters.

This is why my friends list has only 38 people on it and most of them don't log in any more. The handful that do never even noticed I was gone for 4 years. Not a single one noticed when I logged back in. Not a single "Hey welcome back. Glad to see you are ok. Where the hell have you been?" since I've been back either. :S

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50 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

We often joke about “research topics” because there are so many posts about that. I don’t believe this was a real post about asking for research data, but I do believe that these types of discussions are misguided. In fact, guided by opinions that are not reinforced by knowledge, compassion, good judgement, positive intentions, etc. 

I find Scylla to be knowledgable and compassionate, and to possess generally good judgement and intentions.

I also find her difficult to misguide, dammit.

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1 hour ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I do believe that these types of discussions are misguided. In fact, guided by opinions that are not reinforced by knowledge, compassion, good judgement, positive intentions, etc. 

Most discussions are guided by opinions, many of which are not necessarily reinforced by knowledge, often based totally on emotions -- and 'good judgement' or 'positive intention' are both totally subjective.  

Tis the nature of discussions and I would not want to shut them down just because some find things uncomfortable to discuss.  

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1 hour ago, Callum Meriman said:

That suggests you actually want confirmation of your thoughts.

I'm sorry, but it suggests nothing of the sort. The mere act of articulating an idea does not imply its endorsement, particularly when I very clearly express my uncertainty as to its validity, and ask for feedback and discussion about it.

 

1 hour ago, Callum Meriman said:

Scylla, by and large men are accepting, caring, loving, intelligent people who are let down by a number of high-profile arsehats.

Of course they are. I say as much myself in this very thread:

I also note, twice I think, that I am not opposed to men, but to patriarchy, which (I also say) victimizes men as much as it does women.

1 hour ago, Callum Meriman said:

Don't paint us all with that feminist brush please.

And speaking of broad generalizations, can we address this unsupportable stereotype about all feminists being "men-haters," please?

We aren't, by and large. Most feminists are "accepting, caring, loving, intelligent people who are let down by a number of high-profile arsehats."

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1 hour ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

In order to discuss the validity of a stereotype, the stereotype must be stated - and then people typically will give their view about how much it applies in different scenarios.  Stating the stereotype and asking for opinions is not the same as stating the stereotype and saying you believe it to be fully accurate.

QFT

Thank you, Lil.

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1 hour ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I think, to get an honest / true answer, you’d have to get “actual men” to answer if they are lonely in SL, etc. Otherwise, any answers from others who “heard it from men” are hearsay. You need first-hand data. You know, for your sociology paper.

This doesn't follow, Love. I'm interested in those who represent as men in SL. And they, even if the keyboardist is a biological "female" in RL are the ones to whom I am addressing the question.

Asking how biological men feel about their experience in SL only sounds like the same question because you are essentially dismissing the validity of how we represent ourselves here. I am not, in this instance anyway, interested in whether we have sad keyboardists. I am interested in what it is like to be a man in SL.

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1 hour ago, KanryDrago said:

She needs a lot more than that for starters a statistically valid sample that conforms to the span of the demographic she wishes to assess which she is unlikely to get on the forum as we are self sampling.

Absolutely. I would never pretend that the discussion here is adequate to come to some sort of proper conclusion.

It is a discussion, on a discussion forum, about an interesting topic.

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23 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

 

Is this so? I'm sure that many or most men do have some male friends, but is it true that this is much more uncommon in SL than in RL?

And if so, why????

Curious (female) minds want to know!

This is an interesting topic, and I'll add my 2 cents from conversations I have had with male friends, with a social psychologist I know in RL and from my own readings. 


Men tend to gravitate to doing activities together, like strategising, problem solving, building and making things, and achieving proficiency at something. Probably why they like gaming. Women, on the other hand, tend more towards socialising for its own sake, as chatting actually gives us an endorphin rush (actual speech, I am not sure if texting has the same effect). That's not to say in certain settings these tendencies for both sexes are much less prominent. 

In SL, objectives are self-driven, and it's much easier to chat and hang out than get something complex going like an involved game or roleplay or business enterprise. These take a lot of time and effort, and (anecdotally) most people are in SL to chill and relax (which also includes dating and hookups, for those so inclined). 
That's my roundabout hypothesis about why men apparently socialise less with other men in SL - they just don't bump into conducive bonding scenarios as often.

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17 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

Most discussions are guided by opinions, many of which are not necessarily reinforced by knowledge, often based totally on emotions -- and 'good judgement' or 'positive intention' are both totally subjective.  

Tis the nature of discussions and I would not want to shut them down just because some find things uncomfortable to discuss.  

I'm trying very hard -- very, very hard -- not to suggest that Love has the hurts over this post, and is behaving a bit like a Special Snowflake.



Oops.

Maybe not quite hard enough?

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4 minutes ago, Akane Nacht said:

they just don't bump into conducive bonding scenarios as often

This is a pretty interesting hypothesis -- with, of course, the qualification that not all men are motivated by the same drives, interested in the same kind of bonding, etc.

It is, of course, true that men in RL tend to bond most often in particular settings and contexts. But then, of course, so do women.

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57 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

This is why my friends list has only 38 people on it and most of them don't log in any more. The handful that do never even noticed I was gone for 4 years. Not a single one noticed when I logged back in. Not a single "Hey welcome back. Glad to see you are ok. Where the hell have you been?" since I've been back either. :S

When I first reappeared in-world -- about the same time you did, as you know! -- I noticed an old (male) friend in-world, so I sent him an IM saying hi. He didn't respond, but he was pretty often online when I logged in subsequently, so I took to sending him a ritual shower of affectionate abuse for about the next two weeks until he finally responded. Unsurprisingly, he was a bit grumpy about the whole thing. But we're the best of friends again!

Ok, maybe he's still ignoring me a lot. But at least I'm getting the opportunity to try out all sorts of new and innovative insults!

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