How has your SL experience changed over time, and has it impacted how you interact with friends?

[Sidnella Riler]

I would certainly like to have friends that I can put together in one room  or go somewhere all together, rather than having to divide my time in between, I never had a group of friends where they all know each other, I should try that

[Layla Wylie]

I joined Sl in 2007. At first I wondered around, didn't really have conversations, mostly shopped. I met a then nice lady in a shop who was a club owner. She said she liked my avatar and basically insisted I have the job. Should of been happy, right?  I worked in her club for about 3 months before I figured out she wasn't the person I thought she was, etc.   By that time, i had gained enough experience running a club. I bought a cookie cutter club building and began my own club. Over the year plus I had my club, I gained "friends". When I took a break for RL, I came back to a much shorter friends list. The ones who remained consisted of people who no longer logged in or actually were true and good friends. Those friends have since moved over to facebook, phone conversations and less dependant on SL time, as time to build and keep those friendships.

I've since went on to building, creating and having a little store, which I enjoy. I don't miss all the IM's. I don't miss all the drama. I like my seemingly small circle of friends. I know they are good people. They don't need to be in my IM's all the time. We know each other is there, if the need for conversation or help arrises.

Like Rl, Sl is always changing. As much as some don't want to mix RL and SL or scream that Sl is or is not a game. There are similarities. Make your Sl life what you want it to be. If you're happy with a busy and active social life, that's wonderful. If you're happy with something a little more quiet with alone time, that's wonderful. There's so much to see and enjoy in SL. It's always changing, just like life.

[Wildcat Furse]

I tend to be called a loner (guess this is typical for cats), I love to wander around the grid, explore amazing locations, doing photography, sailing, flying, racing, building, helping people out left and right, chit chat occasionally, sometimes going to a club. My friendship list is rather small after all those years, because I never do what I promise anyhow (that's what people or ex-friends say about me!) this because I am always busy with something that is more urgent than attending a party, event or meeting friends, even if it was planned days before. I have various partners in here, but reuler is my fix partner, she logs in here maybe 1-2 times per month, but 'steamy fun' when we meet :-)

I like second life and my experience has definitively improved, it is a crazy world where we residents make dreams come true everyday.......but when I log off, the dream ends and reality takes over again ... period.... *meows*

[Gaia Granada]

I have been in SL for 4 1/2 years. When I joined I was unemployed and isolated from people. Now, 4 1/2 years later I have a full time job and all the social interaction I need in RL. I realized most of my SL relationships were superficial and unsatisfying and am now content with my RL relationships. I use Sl as a way to relax after a busy day in RL. I do not want any 'friends' in SL, all they want to do is tell me their problems and take up my time. So I am very happy in my lone wanderings. I shop and explore alone and like it that way. That's how my SL experience has changed over 4 plus years.

[Bitsy Buccaneer]

It's gone from optimism to a bit of why bother? The few friends I have managed to make have all wandered off or started sleeping better. Not having much luck at making new ones either, so I'm essentially back to playing dress up with my doll, only with proper vintage instead of freebie ball gowns.

[Sylvia Tamalyn]

Great topic, Quinn!

I found myself nodding as I read your post, because your experiences and mine are very similar, and I guess part of that is that we travel in the same packs. :smileyvery-happy:  I spent a lot of time alone my first 9 months or so in SL, and that totally changed when I started coming to the Hangout...and I have made even more friends recently (/me waves to Ladies Who Lunch), so that I can barely remember those alone times now. 

It can be a bit overwhelming when we have a week like this one that just passed, with parties and gatherings every night, but I think that was kind of a fluke of scheduling and it won't always be that busy. Meanwhile, if you are feeling swamped by too many IMs, etc., just tell everyone! We all experience it, and your friends will respect the need for a little quiet now and then, and will still be your friends.

But if you figure out how to have it all, let me know! 

 

[kattatonia Wickentower]

 

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Quinn Morani wrote:

So my question here is, how has YOUR SL experience changed over time? And if, like me, your time in-world is limited, how do you balance having a broader social life and developing/nurturing individual friendships with the attention that you'd like to? I want it all! That's not asking for too much, is it?

---

Of course it isn't Quinn, I want it all too.  For me it's changed a lot and it still keeps changing.   In my early hours in sl, I found NCI, Kuula. And the people I met there changed my life.  They started teaching me how to play with prims.  In fact I spend the next three months at NCI almost non stop.  I learned so much there, and the people I met there became my first sl friends. One of them became my first sl romance.  When that ended, I had to leave kuula for a while.  Not permanently, I still go back to visit.  I just don't live there anymore.

So I moved to NCI Beach.  I had been there to take classes quite a few times and I just changed my home spot to there.  And there I met my partner.  And my whole SL world changed again.  Not long after I met him I moved in with him on his island, and spent  my time with him alone.  But he lives on the other side of the earth from me so our times together in SL are quite limited.  So I found myself spending time alone in SL, and did solitary things.  I shopped a lot, I built a little, took a class now and then. I'd still get together with a friend or two that I'd made from the early days but not very often.  A lot of those early friendships were based on hanging out at the same place at the same time and I was out of the loop now. 

The next phase of my SL life commenced when I started posting in the old GD forum.  There I found people like myself who wanted to reflect about what it all meant, living a second life. I started meeting some of the forum people in world and attending parties and concerts with them.  It's funny how in the forums all we did was talk but in world we don't say very much, just go, go, go.  I miss the talking.

Now the old forum is gone and the new forum just isn't the same.  Some people I really enjoyed reading are gone.  Others post so seldom and I often miss their posts because there are so many little categories and I never know where to look for the conversation.  That is what is missing I think.  Throughout the old forums there was a continuing conversation. It bounced from thread to thread,often derailing the topic, but it was alive.  The new forums are lifeless in comparison.  So I've been searching elsewhere for my connections.  I still have my partner, and our ongoing conversation hasn't paled.  And I still have my oldest friends from Kuula, and my newer friends from the old forum.  I just need to find the time and place to talk to them.

[Quinn Morani]

A couple of things are noteworthy to me about the responses here.

First, for some of you the SL experience has changed for the better, while for others it seems less enriching than it used to be. I hope as I continue to have fun in SL, that my experience will be more like the former than the latter!

Second, The breadth of experiences available in SL continues to stagger me. Some of your phases in SL include things I've yet to even touch on or have never considered at all. There truly is something for everyone here. I think the hardest part of getting acclimated to SL is discovering just what and where all those possibilities are.

 

@Lanas, I've only done a couple of hunts, but I can understand the addiction! I scored some great finds but even better, discovered new shops through hunts that I have come to love.

@Perrie, Your experience makes me wonder if its typical to become more conservative as one stays longer in SL. Does one become more jaded, more cynical, more weary, or is it just experience that teaches you to be able to better separate what or who interests you from that which doesn't?

@Gaia, I see it's your first post. Welcome to the forum!

@Bitsy, I like to dress my avi too, but haven't had any time at all lately to devote to window shopping for new clothes. I certainly need to carve out some time for a little shopping expedition soon!

@Sylvia, you're right, this past week was certainly a fluke with things going on nearly every night. And yet it's been an incredible amount of fun!

@Katt, I agree a million percent about the forum, and I really believe that's part of my frustration. It's where some of the meaningful conversation was taking place before, and I miss that a lot.

Guys, I'm still gonna figure out a way to have it all, just because I'm demanding like that. I only need about 10 more hours in each day. :-)

[jennylongview Innovia]

Could not have said that better.. just a month away from a real beach, with noisey and nosy people without pose balls..

[Cali Souther]

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Mix Frequency wrote:

In this 6 months of course it has changed! When I came here I was just exploring, shopping, doing jobs and letting myself getting used for 1 $ per 2,3 hours like poor kids in China! Eventually my friendlist started to grow too, so did my messages. I started to feel exhausted by those so called "friends" who were stealing my energy and time by complaning and sharing their RL or SL problems. This all was my fault for letting them do this to me because I like to listen to people and help them when they are feeling so low but by time passing by one day I cutted my list to only a few friends, left groups and so on.

Today I dont  wanna make anymore friends, maybe I am shallow now, but majority of people inworld are lonely, depressed, frustarated, OCD, addictive persons, so go away from making "true" friendships or letting them avaliable in you real lives too

. Remember second life is suposed to be fun, dont do mistakes I did, leave your SL friends to SL and dont take them to your real life. I had a friend who I gave my skype, facebook, mobile phone contacts, she seemed so nice and fun person, nowdays I just stopped repling to her because I've seen she contacts me only when she has problems, always complaning, never listening to me, bringing her drama to my RL, I cant be someone's replacement for RL friends, just because you dont have RL doesnt mean I need to be your BFF in RL  

---

I'm sorry to hear you have had such bad luck, but I have to disagree with your observation.  The friends I have made are intelligent, articulate, hard working, creative, upbeat, and a lot of fun! 

[Rhonda Huntress]

Rather than write it all down again, a good synopsis of my changes is in the old "Strengthening the SL Community" thread.

But to add something to that ... I love the changes in my shoes!

I know that sounds cliche, but you can see the quality of shoes over time and that same shift in quality is reflected in all other parts as well.  From simple prims that were huge to cover your feet, to slimed down, close fitting shoes with 12 or more invisiprims that cover your feet and nothing more, then open toed shoes, the Bling years (which should have been bling week but OMG some people still wear those things) followed by {cue angle choir} sculpty prim shoes.  And the "Franken-feet" of the first few pioneers of prim feet to the sleek and sexy shoes of  today.   I eagerly wait to see what the next generation of shoes will look like once mesh and shadows are fully implemented.  I'm sure all the guys just want to see big breasted hoes in skimpy clothes but it is women buying shoes that keeps the SL economy going

With the progress in quality shoes comes progress in other things as well.  What was good hair 4 years ago is generic freebie stuff today.  Mocap walks have replaced the dislocated hip swing.   It was not long ago the only good couples dances were from a few builders you could count on your hand.  Now there are more builders of 1st class dances than there were total dances of just two years ago.  

Other than the set backs from LL policy changes and WTF decisions ... the quality of the technology and tools and the things we have created with them has only improved.

[Quinn Morani]

Rhonda, since you mention "Strengthening the Community" I'm going to take this opportunity to plug the fact that a new version exists in this new forum to continue the great conversation, although by now it's probably too buried for anyone to find it. Here's the link: Strengthening the SL Community (revisted)

As for shoes, that's actually a great point. As our own experiences have been evolving, so too have the skills of creators and the technology available to them. I personally haven't been in SL long enough to witness dramatic changes in the quality of what's available, but I can definitely see it when people post older photos. Sometimes progress really is a good thing!

[Mix Frequency]

Hey, thanks for the respond and feeling cmpassion :smileyhappy: Dont worry I've met some great "friends" here too who are very wise, interesting, not shallow, helpfull. But as in real life, a true friend is hard to find, but I did it in SL. Others are just the ones I chat, explore or party with when I am bored.

Experience has made me rich while being here otherwise I'd never meet so strange people in RL or hear so "crazy" life stories. Maybe I've expressed myself to harsh with my post, but I am still under influence I had with my SL close friend who I brought to my RL, she stole so much of my energy with her "depression". Sometimes I feel like in SL is so easy to take then to give something to someone.

My whole point was to say that everybody should be carefull when it comes to SL friendships because I've seen that its easier to take advantage of others or bother them or make drama or be jelaous and show it directly to us when they are hiding under their pixels.

[Monica Querrien]

I think my SL experience has changed quite a bit, but at the same time, remains the same (at least at the core).

When I started, I loved the fact that I could shop to my heart's content for free, and trying to find the best bargains for free. Then I would take my cuter outfits and hit the club scene. I didn't have too many friends, and I remember at times looking at my friends list and seeing no one online I remember going to places and looking to see who was newer than me, so I could talk to them because new people are more open to meeting strangers than established residents. That's how I eventually met my SL sister actually (even though that didn't happen right away lol).

Then, one of my friends invited me to her friend's house, and I wasn't able to go because she was in the adult region (but wait! I'm an adult lol). So once I got verified, I soon found an adult beach resort where I met my 2 best friends. I went there every day, and it felt like my second home after my apartment complex at Noobia (at the time, it was a place where newbies could get free rentals for 2 weeks, and then pay 75L/week for 25 prims). A lot of the people from the beach resort soon got interested in making their own clubs, or DJing, and so the community broke apart. Eventually the sim owner lost interest and shut it down.

Today, I have taken my core interests and expanded on them. So now I am involved in the fashion, modeling, and nightlife industries. Now there can be like 10 people online and only one of them is a "friend", because the rest are business contacts or acquaintances. I can't afford to clean out my friends list just cause I haven't spoken to them in weeks like some people do I still enjoy making new friends and helping out newbies, and I still LOVE to shop!

I think the hardest thing is how quickly things change in SL. One day you are hanging with your friends at your favorite club, and next day the club closes...day after that your friend says he's leaving SL because of *insert reason here*. Or maybe it's you who can't spend that much time on SL, and you miss out because your friends are used to you doing certain things, and when you can't do them as much, they stop coming around as often.

What I try to do is have some sort of balance among all of my activities by writing down things that I need/want to do. I like seeing the items "crossed off". And I delegate tasks as often as I can, so I can spend more quality time with people, be it for work or pleasure.

[Monica Querrien]

I also wanted to add (but my last post was long hehe) that even though I can see the forums being a good way to make friends, in the old forum I felt people were borderline hostile, making it difficult to make friends (at least on my end).

I remember early on when I was looking for a personal assistant to help me with shopping because it was hard for me to see prices and merchandise in stores due to my poor graphics card, I got practically flamed and people were calling me lazy. I had mentioned the assistant may be able to get freebies cause when I shop there might be places that offer them, and I had someone advertise her freebie blog in the thread! How rude can you be

And recently,  I made a thread about why merchants make their stores inaccessible to people with no payment info on file. Some were friendly, others were not, and as a result I got banned from a store because I guess the merchant figured out what store I was talking about.

But so far these forums are great, and I am posting a lot more, both for advertising and commentary. So even though SL does change a lot, some change can be good (coming from a person who doesn't always like change )

[Willow Danube]

Has it changed? Buying lands and developing it certainly gives more sense of accomplishment in Second Life. I had risen from a 2 incarnations so I guess I have to use that to summarized my current one. My first one was a party goddess ... I spent hours at my favourite hangouts listening to DJs after Djs ... flooding the local chat with gestures and "oOOOOhhhh I love this song" responses. I've made friends and not only that I was a social 'butter-flirt' :smileytongue: as well. It was fun going out on dates each time a different one... but amidst of it all, I'm still searching for the real me and found that it wasn't the life I want to have in SL... so I ended my previous life and reborn into my second one.

My second life was more focused on an intimate relationship with a guy. I still frequented many clubs but I had less friends. To make that story short, and indeed it was a short story (I only lasted a few months with that account), it turned out that one particular guy with whom I decided to 'settle down' with wasn't that faithful at all. This was also about the same time I realized that Second Life had affected my Real Life in a negative way and was affecting my performance at work which ironically the one that introduces me to Second Life. I ended up this life too... only this time, I was less cruel to the people I came to know... I IM'd them all personally.. told them I'm living Second Life and if I ever come back, I will certainly go looking for them. I gave them my email so they can continue to reach me beyond SL if they want so. I went cold turkey for months after that and getting caught up with my Real Life and works which i had neglected before.

My third incarnation, which is the current one has more sense of accomplishment and direction of what I want to be in Second Life. I know I want to be more than just hopping from one party to another... I know that I don't want to have just another casual chat on local chat but a meaningful conversation of the person I am with at that time. I do not frequent clubs and hangouts like I used to but I am exploring the grid albeit alone most of the time. I have a real close friend that I wouldn't trade for anything just because he was there in my previous life and has been a loyal friend so far.

Apart from him, I've made some friends too... but they are not many. I've learned in the past... you can fill up your friends list and only a few of them are actually meant something to you. I have also become quite discerning as to what group I should be associated with. This gives me enough time to focus on something that I have always known I'm really good with... inter-personal relationship. I'm more at ease talking to the person at a person to person level than,say, saying something quirky and witty at a group conversation... This has made me somewhat aloof in the eyes of my peers but it doesn't really matter to me anymore because at this point of my life in SL, all that matters are the ones who values me enough to have his/her time spared to spend some time in getting to know the real me. For that, that person has my devoted attention and loyalty.

[Bitsy Buccaneer]

 

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Quinn Morani wrote:

@Bitsy, I like to dress my avi too, but haven't had any time at all lately to devote to window shopping for new clothes. I certainly need to carve out some time for a little shopping expedition soon!

---

How people who aren't creators manage to be so busy in SL is beyond me. Doll-dressing is something to do when I log in. That's all. I'd gladly trade that for friendships that weren't one-sided.

[Dillon Levenque]

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Bitsy Buccaneer wrote:

 How people who aren't creators manage to be so busy in SL is beyond me. Doll-dressing is something to do when I log in. That's all. I'd gladly trade that for friendships that weren't one-sided.

---

Bitsy, there are ways to have friends that aren't 'sided' at all. The SLadies Who Lunch (featured in this very subforum) are an example of that. Most of the ladies know each other, some are in each others friend's lists, some might even be very close friends. But really the group is just a bunch of people who have a good time together.

I have several friends who are DJ's and that schedules a lot of my time: going to their gigs. I am in some groups that tend to have a lot going on (as noted above). That's why my SL is busy. My time is limited and there are frequently more things to do than hours in which to do them. Quinn is clearly in the same situation.

One more thing: it takes me a really really long time to get dressed if I'm trying anything new. I've seen your looks; maybe part of the difference in our 'free time' is that you just have a much better idea of what to wear and how to wear it.

[Quinn Morani]

Monica, I just wanted to say that I'm glad you have found value in the new forums. It's unfortunate about your previous experiences here. Surprisingly, the vast majority of people on my friend list now are people I met in the forums. Despite the hostility that has seemed so rampant, there are many nice people here.

[Quinn Morani]

 

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Willow Danube wrote:

 

<snip>

I

know

that

I

don't

want

to

have

just

another

casual

chat

on

local

chat

but

a

meaningful

conversation

of

the

person

I

am

with

at

that

time

.

<snip>

 

I'm

more

at

ease

talking

to

the

person

at

a

person

to

person

level

than

,

say

,

saying

something

quirky

and

witty

at

a

group

conversation

... 

 

---

Willow, I could have written those statements. I feel exactly the same way. I've always felt more comfortable getting to know people individually than being witty in a group conversation. I like taking the time to interact with people one-on-one, and that sometimes feels impossible in a group setting.

 

[Quinn Morani]

 

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Dillon Levenque wrote:

---

Bitsy Buccaneer wrote:

 How people who aren't creators manage to be so busy in SL is beyond me. Doll-dressing is something to do when I log in. That's all. I'd gladly trade that for friendships that weren't one-sided.

---

Bitsy, there are ways to have friends that aren't 'sided' at all. The SLadies Who Lunch (featured in this very subforum) are an example of that. Most of the ladies know each other, some are in each others friend's lists, some might even be very close friends. But really the group is just a bunch of people who have a good time together.

I have several friends who are DJ's and that schedules a lot of my time: going to their gigs. I am in some groups that tend to have a lot going on (as noted above). That's why my SL is busy.

My time is limited and there are frequently more things to do than hours in which to do them.

Quinn is clearly in the same situation.

One more thing: it takes me a really really long time to get dressed if I'm trying anything new. I've seen your looks; maybe part of the difference in our 'free time' is that you just have a much better idea of what to wear and how to wear it.

---

Dillon's point that I highlighted in bold is exactly the case for me. It's not that I'm so busy in SL, it's that the time I have available in SL is limited due to RL job, family, friends, and other commitments. So the hour or two that I'm able to spend inworld a few nights a week have become more and more occupied as I've added friends and found events that I like to attend with those friends. Especially when those friends are the ones DJing or performing or hosting. That's hardly a complaint... I only wish I had more hours available for SL so I could spend more time developing individual friendships with people I've come to think very highly of, which for me is the biggest reason to keep coming back to SL.

 

I also echo what Dillon said about the SLadies Who Lunch group. They've been such a fun group to hang around with. It seems there is always something interesting going on when a few of those members are online. Individually some of the group members are good friends, but collectively it's a fun, lighthearted group.

[DQ Darwin]

Dang it Quinn you do come up with some thought provoking OP's.

I guess the simplest answer is, had the SL experience not changed and continued to do so I wouldn't be logging in. For some the evolution of the experience has been good, bad or ugly. I am fortunate that mine has been good, well actually GREAT.

I create clothing, mostly for myself and close friends and am tickled pink to see them worn, I would do more but I am awaiting the impact of “mesh” and the prospects it would or will bring. So this also is something that keeps me interested in SL and its future.

Now for friends, one of the riches SL provides a platform for. I came to SL in Jan 2008 met my partner in May and we have been together since. I have an inner circle of long time close friends that is slowly expanding and it pleases me to no end. With the time zone of SL and my friends I am able to end my day with a romp on the grid that has little effect on my RL life but a soothing impact on my RL av. As a result of this rarely is a day on SL missed.

I have never cleaned my friends list and don’t plan to I would imagine I have probably removed about 3 people in total. I don’t see the need as it doesn’t do any damage to me or SL.

My most recent additions to my friends have come from the old forums. They are a great group full of life and fun to which I count myself lucky to have met them. The fact I am only replying to this post now is an indication of how I have pulled back from the new forums, with time that may change.

I love to party in SL getting the gang together the banter the jokes the social aspect just the warmth of friends is something special. Oh and if you are near me expect an invite to my dance hud take it or leave it as you choose. I’m not sure why I do that but that’s me I guess.

So, SL has changed, I have changed and my friends count and to this date the changes have not been so negative that my experience has been hurt by it, therefore I continue.

Don’t forget *Set Busy* with a nice automated reply can provide alone time (or even an alt). IM’s will come through and then the choice is yours to respond. Just make sure you come out of set busy if you are purchasing items.

 

[Quinn Morani]

 

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DQ Darwin wrote:

My most recent additions to my friends have come from the old forums. They are a great group full of life and fun to which I count myself lucky to have met them.

 

---

 

I sure count myself lucky too, Dee. I surely do!

 

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DQ Darwin wrote:

Oh and if you are near me expect an invite to my dance hud take it or leave it as you choose. I’m not sure why I do that but that’s me I guess.

 

---

 

I love getting your dance invites. With all the events that have been taking place recently I keep thinking that I should get a dance hud of my own, but I keep justifying not doing because "I don't have to worry about it; Dee will have a dance ready."