How has your SL experience changed over time, and has it impacted how you interact with friends?

[Quinn Morani]

As I was visiting inworld with friends a few nights ago, I began to marvel at just how much my SL experience has evolved during the roughly year and half since I created my first account. I have somehow gone from being a wandering loner to having a thriving SL social life.

In my earliest months, when I knew no one, I roamed the grid alone, TPing at random to shops and events found in search or to locations listed in the Destination Guide. Very few of the conversations I struck up with those I encountered in my travels and shopping expeditions lasted beyond exchanging a few sentences. Rarely did I cross paths with someone more than once. I remained a mostly solo nomad, but I was content to explore and learn in peace.

Eventually, some friendships took root and I began to look forward to logging in and seeing them online, knowing that I could count on interesting and fun conversation. My friend list was small, and I was able to give those friends my undivided attention for lengthy chats. Again, I was happy.

More time passed, and I settled down with my own plot of land and a house, and my friend list continued to grow. These days, every time I log in, there are always friends online ready to greet me, parties and events to attend, and both planned and impromptu gatherings taking place. And I am happy still at these newer developments! I love the sense of camaraderie among this growing circle. I adore the fun times and the zany things that happen along the way. I treasure the shared stories and the limitless good humor.

And yet...

Sometimes (not always, just sometimes) in the frenetic pace of local chat, group chats, multiple IM windows, and taking photos all going on at once, I feel distracted. I find myself nostalgic for the simpler times when I could focus on a real one-on-one conversation in-world. I like connecting with people with individual attention, but I've fallen down on the job of reliably doing that lately as multi-tasking has taken over.

So my question here is, how has YOUR SL experience changed over time? And if, like me, your time in-world is limited, how do you balance having a broader social life and developing/nurturing individual friendships with the attention that you'd like to? I want it all! That's not asking for too much, is it?

[Ian Undercroft]

What good questions to ask. I look forward to seeing the answers you receive. 

 

When things get too much for me inworld, I've tended to withdraw and let others move forward without me. This is a less than satisfactory way of dealing with things and I hope others will suggest better coping strategies.

[Keli Kyrie]

 

---

Quinn Morani wrote:

So my question here is, how has YOUR SL experience changed over time? And if, like me, your time in-world is limited, how do you balance having a broader social life and developing/nurturing individual friendships with the attention that you'd like to? I want it all! That's not asking for too much, is it?

---

 

I am kind of like you in that my friends list and groups that I am a part of has grown over time. The way that I keep it all in balance is by having a schedule. For example Monday and Saturday nights my friend DJs so I go and visit her. Tuesday and Wednesday I visit with friends. Thursday I go out with The Ladies who Lunch. Friday I stay up late and go clubbing. If I make it on during the day on the weekend that is usually when I find I can get some private time. Sometimes I spend it with Kelinda or Live and help them fix up their avatars.

[Casandra Kumsung]

Interesting question, because my experience h changed.   I am been in SL since 2006.  Was a dancer for 6 months and made over $20,000 in tips, which I used to upload textures to make and sell stuff.  For a while I just explored and spend the money on clothes and avatars.  Then I got interested in building and was teaching myself GIMP.   Eventually I started selling stuff. 

Am making about on average about $200L a day.  

So now with time I have been making friends.  Usually I hang out with someone for a while and then never see them again.  Most people last a few weeks it seems.  We old timers seem to never get tired of SL!  I still keep SL and RL separate and will not talk about RL or answer any questions.  I do not want "relationships" in SL have enough problems with them in RL.!

I still explore, SL is never changing.  Am amazed on the improvements in skins and the "new" sculpted prims.  Cannot believe how real the ocean looks now!

Hope Linden does not screw up and loose it or sell to Microsoft.  If Microsoft gets SL they will trash it.  They hate any competition with their Internet Explorer and the millions it makes for them in advertising. 

SL has the potential to supplement or replace internet browsers if Linden can make it more compatible with video cards and faster on slow connections.

I work in a Community College and Linden is missing an opportunity.   We could have a campus teach courses, counselors can talk to students and show videos.  Many like me prefer the 3D experience over the flat internet browser. 

I sent my supervisor a letter about SL with a list of colleges and businesses in it, but never heard a word. No doubt thought I was a nut promoting a computer game for a college.

Linden needs to promote to colleges and schools.  Give big discounts for land and islands for public schools.  And helpt them get started maybe include  with land or island a building ready to go.

 

 

[Storm Clarence]

We are approximately the same age in SL.  I, over the past year I  have developed a few fine relationships (friends).  People I care for and trust; people behind the avatar.  

I spend more time on the forum than I do in-world, however, I do go in-world as often as possible.  I have a friend on the west coast - when they are in-world - I am not.  I miss our conversations, but they are still my friend, and we do keep in touch.  We or I didn't build these friendships as fleeting or transient.  I built them for life.  This may sound ignorant or foolish to some, but I build relationships with SL people in the same way I built them in RL.  

So, to try to answer your OP, yes, my SL experience has changed over time in how I interact with my friends - not that SL impacted or encroached  - it enabled me to have other friends - one I care for equally, whether i speak to them everyday or every month.  

[Cali Souther]

Quinn, 

You have explained it so perfectly!  It seems like yesterday,  I was trying to find someone to talk to and wishing I had a circle of friends to hang out with.  In truth,  it hasn't been very long at all...   and thanks to you,  and a few other very nice people - I have suddenly found it more of a challenge to keep up with things when I am in world.  It's a good challenge to have,  and I revel in the comaradarie - but worry too,  that I am not giving each new friendship the attention it deserves.

It does not help that it still takes me a long time to get dressed,  adjust my hair, shoes, etc ....   to go thru my inventory after a shopping spree and organize it so I can actually find things.  And then there are times when I am in the mood to simple explore and experiment with building something...  not especially social - ya know?

I believe all things in life are about balance,  and so I try to do it all - and like you,  I may worry sometimes that I am not being successful ....  but in the end,  I think our real friends understand and share the encumbrance that can accompany "multi tasking" and so,  do not feel slighted because of it.

Multi tasking = the ability to screw up several things at once"   ~wink~

 

 

 

 

[Venus Petrov]

I am glad that, overall, you sound like you enjoy your SL experience.  I have been in SL for just over four years.  I have done a number of things during that time, some as a way to earn a bit of cash on the side and some just 'because'.  I am an introvert by nature but I enjoy meeting people.  As in RL, I have a small number of very close friends in SL.  The rest of those on my contact list are friendly acquaintances or just contacts.  I do not mind doing things alone but, after several days or a week of that, I like to have some time with a close friend. 

The only time I can effectively manage multiple IMs coming at me is when I DJ.  Then, it is expected and the duration of those exchanges are relatively brief.  I prefer to focus on one conversation at a time.

I will suggest that, as your time in SL progresses, there will be busy times and less busy times.  Do not hesitate to tell a friend or two (or three?) that you wish to spend some time alone if you need to.  Real friends understand.

[Anita61 Anatine]

I'm in SL for almost 4 years now and my experience is just about the opposit...After the first few months of wandering around aimlesly and trying to get a grip on everything that was going on, I started to make some friends and became part of a small circle. We explored together, went shopping and just had fun.

Over time, one by one the either gave up SL or got other interests. Now I spend most of my time alone, I have a job that keeps me busy and I still like to explore, go to live music and shop. There are days that I don't talk to anyone besides the people that come to the store and need help.

So yes, my experience has changed a lot over time and I do miss the times when someone just imed me to share a wonderfull shop or a fun event.

 

[Dillon Levenque]

I know exactly what Quinn means. I imagine it must be a very typical story, at least for those of us who enjoy the social aspects of SL. My early solo explorations were of a slightly different nature than Quinn's, I believe, *cough* in that they did not really stay solo. They lacked much in the way of meaningful social interaction, so in that respect they were similar.

I think my approach is similar to Keli's. I also have a close friend who DJ's. In my case it's Wednesday and Saturday nights, but it's a given I'll be there if I'm able to be inworld. Lately my Thursdays have been scheduled as well. Same place Keli visits, oddly enough—was that a hoot last night or what?. I'm still not quite used to getting multiple IM's and anyone who communicates with me has seen the result: dead air until I finally notice I got a message.

I don't really know how I'll keep it all together. It's nice to have so many things to do, but it was nice to wander and wonder as well. Part of that memory is just nostalgia for the days of noob when almost everything I saw here amazed and amused me. That can't really be recreated. Perhaps the amazement and amusement of knowing my friends is just another variation on that experience. They are an amazing, amusing bunch.:smileyhappy:

ETA: a proper em dash in place of the original --

[Quinn Morani]

 

---

Ian Undercroft wrote:

When things get too much for me inworld, I've tended to withdraw and let others move forward without me. This is a less than satisfactory way of dealing with things and I hope others will suggest better coping strategies.

---

 

I'm having too much fun to withdraw! But it's reassuring to know I'm not the only one who has experienced the challenges of multitasking. However, I'm confident they are only challenges that can be overcome, rather than obstacles to building and maintaing real friendships.

[Quinn Morani]

 

---

Keli Kyrie wrote:

 

I am kind of like you in that my friends list and groups that I am a part of has grown over time. The way that I keep it all in balance is by having a schedule. For example Monday and Saturday nights my friend DJs so I go and visit her. Tuesday and Wednesday I visit with friends. Thursday I go out with 

The Ladies who Lunch

. Friday I stay up late and go clubbing. If I make it on during the day on the weekend that is usually when I find I can get some private time. Sometimes I spend it with Kelinda or Live and help them fix up their avatars.

---

I'm trying to wrap my arms around a schedule, too. Thursday nights have been so fun! And events at the hangout usually seem to take place on the weekends. Carving out a couple of weeknights that I can reserve for more individual time with friends or solo wandering (when I can be inworld) is probably a great idea!

[Quinn Morani]

 

---

Casandra Kumsung wrote:

Interesting question, because my experience h changed.   I am been in SL since 2006.  Was a dancer for 6 months and made over $20,000 in tips, which I used to upload textures to make and sell stuff.  For a while I just explored and spend the money on clothes and avatars.  Then I got interested in building and was teaching myself GIMP.   Eventually I started selling stuff. 

Am making about on average about $200L a day.  

---

Casandra, I'm impressed! My SL is entirely social. I've never made the time or effort to work on anything income-producing like creating or DJing or real estate or some other inworld job. I keep telling myself that I might take a stab at learning to really build/create, but I never have the time to even think about. Maybe one of these days!

 

[Shockwave Yareach]

When I entered SL 1/2  a decade ago, it was a wild and free world where you could do anything and be anything.  Freedom to be as silly and crazy as you wanted was the order of the day.

Then came some common sense rules.  I was good with that, since a small guiding touch wasn't out of line.  But then came the iron fist of the mighty armies of King M and the horrors he put into the world.  You were no longer allowed to have certain fun in your own homes -- you'd all have to move.  You were no longer owners of the land -- never mind that contract, reciept and years of advertisements.  Fun?  Not in Second Life!  They decided that it wasn't a game and they were going to turn the grid into ANYTHING that wasn't fun, just to prove to someone (who I wonder) that SL wasn't a game.  Thus, they squelched the fun and the only reason for SL's existance right out of it.

Mainland is now a desolate wasteland of empty parcels.  Beats me what that's costing them, but it has to be a lot.  Now when someone comes onto me in a club I have to worry if the person is underaged in RL and setting me up for a jail stay.  Now when I walk around I hit ban line after banline after banline because people are too afraid to leave their parcels open for anyone to wander into anymore.  And where used to be inventive and novel builds, now are nothing but storebought cookie cutter buildings, same as the ones in the next parcel. 

All that's left for me in SL is my group of friends in our private islands where we don't have to worry about the kiddies or Linden good-taste-cops.  But as they give up and quit, I have less and less reason to log in myself.  One day, there will be too few left for me to bother anymore.  And then I won't bother...

[Quinn Morani]

 

---

Storm Clarence wrote:

We are approximately the same age in SL.  I, over the past year I  have developed a few fine relationships (friends).  People I care for and trust; people behind the avatar.  

I spend more time on the forum than I do in-world, however, I do go in-world as often as possible.  I have a friend on the west coast - when they are in-world - I am not.  I miss our conversations, but they are still my friend, and we do keep in touch.  We or I didn't build these friendships as fleeting or transient.  I built them for life.  This may sound ignorant or foolish to some, but I build relationships with SL people in the same way I built them in RL.  

So, to try to answer your OP, yes, my SL experience has changed over time in how I interact with my friends - not that SL impacted or encroached  - it enabled me to have other friends - one I care for equally, whether i speak to them everyday or every month.  

---

 

Storm, making the time to cultivate real relationships with friends, getting to know the person behind the avatar, is exactly what I'm getting at. I think you're onto something about the forum. I was pondering this and a lot (most) of my friends now are from the forum. Until 6 weeks ago, some of that type of conversation that allowed me to feel I was really getting to know people took place in the old forum. The new forum just doesn’t have the same feel and some haven't returned here, so it's a net loss of the time I'm able to spend with those friends. On the bright side, PMs and in one case email have begun to replace that, and I very much like having those new ways of connecting.

 

[Quinn Morani]

 

---

Cali Souther wrote:

Multi tasking = the ability to screw up several things at once"   ~wink~

 

---

Okay, first of all, this totally made me laugh! :smileyvery-happy:

 

Also, you get it exactly. Each phase of my SL existence has had something different to offer: solitary time, individual time with friends, and social outings. I love all them and don't want any of these ways of spending my SL time to come at the expense of the others, but sometimes it happens anyway. But you're right, real friends understand.

[Quinn Morani]

 

---

Venus Petrov wrote:

I will suggest that, as your time in SL progresses, there will be busy times and less busy times.

---

Venus, this is a good point. This has been a particularly busy week inworld. But every week certainly isn't like this one. Probably by next week I'll suddenly be wondering why it's so quiet.

 

[Quinn Morani]

 

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Anita61 Anatine wrote:

So yes, my experience has changed a lot over time and I do miss the times when someone just imed me to share a wonderfull shop or a fun event.

 

---

Anita, when I am next inworld, I solmenly vow to IM you a LM to a cute shoe shop that someone just shared last night. :smileyhappy:

 

[Quinn Morani]

 

---

Dillon Levenque wrote:

Same place Keli visits, oddly enough--was that a hoot last night or what?

---

Ahem. *stern voice* Where is your em dash????

But yes, last night was a hoot. I wouldn't have missed it for the world! It was also a good example of what I mean, though. When you left to go get the dress, I was going to offer to go with you to help make sure you got it fitted okay since it was quirky. I had trouble with it myself and Maddy had come over to my place earlier to help me. I wanted to share the favor. But I got distracted. :smileysad:

 

---

Dillon Levenque wrote:

I'm still not quite used to getting multiple IM's and anyone who communicates with me has seen the result: dead air until I finally notice I got a message.

---

I forgive you! :smileywink:

 

---

Dillon Levenque wrote:

I don't really know how I'll keep it all together. It's nice to have so many things to do, but it was nice to wander and wonder as well. Part of that memory is just nostalgia for the days of noob when almost everything I saw here amazed and amused me. That can't really be recreated. Perhaps the amazement and amusement of knowing my friends is just another variation on that experience. They are an amazing, amusing bunch.:smileyhappy:

---

Yes, I agree the variation on the experience is amazing! I love the growing group of friends I've been spending time with, and all the fun experiences we've been sharing together. I just like devoting time to the individual connections, too.

[Quinn Morani]

 

---

Shockwave Yareach wrote:

All that's left for me in SL is my group of friends in our private islands where we don't have to worry about the kiddies or Linden good-taste-cops.  But as they give up and quit, I have less and less reason to log in myself.  One day, there will be too few left for me to bother anymore.  And then I won't bother...

---

The prospect of losing interest in SL because my friends have up and left makes me sad... :smileysad:

 

[Kascha Matova]

---

Shockwave Yareach wrote:

When I entered SL 1/2  a decade ago, it was a wild and free world where you could do anything and be anything.  Freedom to be as silly and crazy as you wanted was the order of the day.

Then came some common sense rules.  I was good with that, since a small guiding touch wasn't out of line.  But then came the iron fist of the mighty armies of King M and the horrors he put into the world.  You were no longer allowed to have certain fun in your own homes -- you'd all have to move.  You were no longer owners of the land -- never mind that contract, reciept and years of advertisements.  Fun?  Not in Second Life!  They decided that it wasn't a game and they were going to turn the grid into ANYTHING that wasn't fun, just to prove to someone (who I wonder) that SL wasn't a game.  Thus, they squelched the fun and the only reason for SL's existance right out of it.

Mainland is now a desolate wasteland of empty parcels.  Beats me what that's costing them, but it has to be a lot.  Now when someone comes onto me in a club I have to worry if the person is underaged in RL and setting me up for a jail stay.  Now when I walk around I hit ban line after banline after banline because people are too afraid to leave their parcels open for anyone to wander into anymore.  And where used to be inventive and novel builds, now are nothing but storebought cookie cutter buildings, same as the ones in the next parcel. 

All that's left for me in SL is my group of friends in our private islands where we don't have to worry about the kiddies or Linden good-taste-cops.  But as they give up and quit, I have less and less reason to log in myself.  One day, there will be too few left for me to bother anymore.  And then I won't bother...

---

So then SL has become simply another RL, complete with mistrust, deviousness, paranoia, conniving, mundane monotony, and strain, both emotional and mental.

Mission Accomplished. For someone.

[Dillon Levenque]

---

Quinn Morani wrote:

 

---

Dillon Levenque wrote:

Same place Keli visits, oddly enough--was that a hoot last night or what?

---

Ahem. *stern voice* Where is your em dash????

---

Oops. All better now.

[Mix Frequency]

In this 6 months of course it has changed! When I came here I was just exploring, shopping, doing jobs and letting myself getting used for 1 $ per 2,3 hours like poor kids in China! Eventually my friendlist started to grow too, so did my messages. I started to feel exhausted by those so called "friends" who were stealing my energy and time by complaning and sharing their RL or SL problems. This all was my fault for letting them do this to me because I like to listen to people and help them when they are feeling so low but by time passing by one day I cutted my list to only a few friends, left groups and so on. Today I dont  wanna make anymore friends, maybe I am shallow now, but majority of people inworld are lonely, depressed, frustarated, OCD, addictive persons, so go away from making "true" friendships or letting them avaliable in you real lives too. Remember second life is suposed to be fun, dont do mistakes I did, leave your SL friends to SL and dont take them to your real life. I had a friend who I gave my skype, facebook, mobile phone contacts, she seemed so nice and fun person, nowdays I just stopped repling to her because I've seen she contacts me only when she has problems, always complaning, never listening to me, bringing her drama to my RL, I cant be someone's replacement for RL friends, just because you dont have RL doesnt mean I need to be your BFF in RL  

[ion Python]

My experience has gotten worse. When I was a noobie I was kind of like you and would explore alone and go to different events. Eventually I met some nice friends and started getting more involved with SL. I had a home and a role to play in different groups. I was even a dancer for a while and made pretty good amount of lindens. I had a paid account and I looked forward to coming to SL.However as time as passed I noticed less originality and less security on the part of SL labs. I became the victim of  someone that I in fact introduced to the wonderful world of SL.This person used me to learn the ropes then after an argument or comment decided to start harassing me with alternate avatars .The person followed me to every place I would go , copied and stole from not only me but people around me. They were able to hack into my computer due to a faulty firewall and steal everything from my password to my inventory. They used grieving huds and combat huds on my av freezing me and making me move about without my even touching the keyboard. They would show up with alts at different clubs and enter contests with their alts in order to win the lindens. This person has used avatars parked on Sims to steal from others and written scripts in an attempt to hack peoples inventory by passing it off as a friendly giving gesture only later to show up wearing their outfits that they spent money on edited. Such incidents happened to me where I would buy an outfit and later the alternate used by the malicious person would be standing in the club next to me wearing the same outfit edited meaning they changed the color to where it was obvious because the color of my outfit was mixed into a color the creator did not sell. I stopped coming to SL for about a year after this and I even contacted linden labs about it and they did nothing so I eventually cancelled my paid account. As for now I come to SL knowing I am being stalked and my inventory stolen . I do not spend my money here anymore and I do not add friends and because of this one person I trust no one on SL and cannot take the world seriously as I used to . I know there are some good people in SL and I know that creators face the problem of copiers as well but I feel if we are to truly make this our secondlife then linden labs needs to make it a safe and secure environment without petty hand slaps for the people that actually torment others. There is a fine and a prison sentence in RL due to online stalking and harassing and at the moment a law suit between a creator and some other player in SL because of this lack of security and respect for the players of SL. I continue to play SL with this knowledge but my SL personality from now to when I first started is very different.

[Lanas Criss]

I've been so happy that SL continues to look better and better at all the places I wander around.  Things were quite scrappy when I first started peeking into this place.  The variety of Avi's and the personalities behind them have also kept me entertained in ways I hadn't expected.  There are some really clever and nice people hiding out there if you're lucky enough to wander across them.

The worst thing for me has been than fact that I enjoy 'Hunts' so much that my inventory is a complete useless mess so I've sworn off hunts until I can put some order back into my SL closet.  That's not so bad I suppose...  Although I doubt I have the will power to actually behave that long.  Fingers crossed!

[Perrie Juran]

Great topic. 

I am going on four years now in SL and I have to say it's been quite a ride.  I have done and experienced so many things during that time.  It has been as I've heard others say, I lived a month here last week in SL.

I joined SL during the population explosion of 2007.  Almost from the start I began asking people as I met them to take me to their favorite place in SL.  I think it helped me get rooted and grounded here quickly and helped me get comfortable with 'navigating' through SL.

I started making friends, many who were just as new as I was and we shared a lot of awe and wonder at what we had found.  We watched out for and helped each other freely and willingly.  I didn't sense the paranoia that I sometimes see here now from people who have been burned in relationships and other things.

Everything seemed wide open to explore.  Ideas, feelings, opinions, relationships, sexuality.  It was all available to do.  I don't know that there is much that I did not at least dabble in at some point.

So as to what has changed.  Well for one thing most of my original friends are no longer or very rarely on the grid.  They are still the people I knew most intimately and who knew me most intimately.  We both laughed and cried so much together as we explored this world.  I really miss some of them.

The second thing is while I still admire many of the things people build and create in SL, I don't always have the same new found awe and wonder.  Great admiration, yes.  But it's still not quite the same.

Thirdly, I have become a little bit relationship shy or reluctant.  It's funny to me that my original group of friends, we were very open and honest with each other and I never got burnt.  Now it's become a little harder to gain my trust. And I'm not so fast to hop on that pose ball as I used to be.

I do not mean the above to sound like I do not still enjoy SL.  I do very much.  Just that in some ways I am slightly more conservative than I used to be.

Thank you for asking Quinn.