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Kezio

Male or female?

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In my sluttirific heyday when I dressed to impress and gussied up my avatar to look hot and flirted outrageously, had an average of 3 and a half SL boyfriends at any one time,  visited sex clubs, etc (before embracing SLelibacy almost 4 years ago), very few would approach me unless I was sending out those COME AND GET IT VIBES. If someone is being hit on excessively, if men are misreading signals, it has more to do with the signals being sent. Dress modestly, don't go out of your way to look hot, stick to G rated places, hardly anyone is going to hit on you. Invite a guy to your place that has a sex bed, don't be surprised if he hops on and wants to fool around, signals are easily misread in IM, there's no body language, no facial expression, tone of voice. It's something best laughed off, miscommunications online abound.

As for switching genders to avoid being hit on, easier to just make a less attractive avatar and not  dress like a tramp.

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Syo Emerald wrote:

Why does this remind me of a thread we just had...?

 

A there it is:

 

Am I doing something wrong? Having two female avatars for nearly  3 years and never experianced what you described...at least not as it was pure hell and anytime I logged in.

I have been on SL for a little over five years and I have NEVER been hit on like the OP said she did, I either wasn't in the right Sims or didn't dress the part. I am always amazed when someone says they are constantly hit on. I also wonder what I was doing wrong. 

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Putting the question about being nice or not aside, what I wonder about is what the OP expected to hear and how she/he would validate our answers. Want an example?

1) I'm male

2) I'm female

3) I'm always totally honest

4) I'm a bullsh**ter

Now chose the 2 statements you prefer to hear and be happy.

Just FYI and to make  your decison easier you must know that SL is full of liars and bullsh**ters. At least 90% of us aren't exactly what they say they are. Did you know that I'm in fact Arnold Schwarzenegger's mother in law and once was married to Bruce Willis. Also I was the invisible guest on the chair when my old friend Clint Eastwood made a fool of himself and I constructed Michael Schumacher's Formula One car. That was after I had to retire from active duty in the US Air Force afer I was shut down in 'nam and spent 20 years in a Viet Cong torture camp. During all the time I'm still an operative with the CIA, and dance on the pole in Moscow's most expensive gentlemen's club.

Now, my friend, it's time to chose. What wil it be? Answer 1 and 3, 2 and 3, 1 and 4 or 2 and 4?

 No, rest assured, I'm female in both lifes. At least I was when I checked the last time.

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I didnt dress like a tramp, i dressed nicely i mostly wore long medieval style dresses, or jeans and jumpers, just everywhere i went i was hit on, even at stores choosing clothes i would get IMd by a guys talking dirty to me. I didnt have access to adult areas because i wasnt age verified. so i have no idea why i was particularly hit on, and my bed at my home had singles animations which was all i intended to use, it was a nice bed and had the option of sex animations if you wanted but i didnt use them. But i certainly didnt expect a man i thought i could trust as just a friend to turn up naked at my home then go straight to my bedroom trying out sex positions. It doesnt seem like it is only me however, this i found makes a whole lot of sense as to why some women would choose a male avatar as well, if only just for a peaceful life of no harrassing IMs from men. 

http://sl4nowt.wordpress.com/2009/01/30/30-things-every-newbie-should-know-before-starting-second-life/

7 – Ladies, be aware that choosing a female avatar will make many men gravitate toward you, even on Help Island just seconds after you first arrive in Second Life. It can be unnerving to try to learn a whole new online experience with some guy insistently chatting to you and asking you where you’re from, what your real name is, etc. Two ways to avoid this are: simply tell him to go away, and to pick a male avatar when you first register (you can always change this to a female one at any time later on, using the shapes in your Inventory’s Library folder). Most people don’t check the names above other’s heads when they first arrive, but they are drawn to a female shape. Having a male shape will enable you to get through those first few hours without feeling hassled.

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I've often frquented Help Island and apart from the guy who's delusional and maybe a little on the crazy side I rarely get weird IM's...so now I'm wondering, why not me????  ;)

I'm a pretty sarcastic witch (so I've been told) so maybe I scare guys :smileysad: Whatever the reason Summer has a pretty nice SL on the whole.

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We just notice that you seem to be the only one who expieranced this...or at least describe it like that. I can in fact run around like a tramp and there would be nearly nobody who starts to talk "dirty" in IM. I get compliments every once in a while and sure, on adult sims sometimes a direct question for sex...but thats it.

And I have never meet anynone who described it has bad as you did and not even once in all the years did I heard such things you say. So this doesn't speak for a general behavior at all. Do you know what I think? You are way to thin skinned and see every dumb flirt as asking for sex and harassment.

 There must be a reason why your experiances differ so much from anyone else. This screams for a fieldtest I would say.....

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Syo Emerald wrote:

We just notice that you seem to be the only one who expieranced this...or at least describe it like that. I can in fact run around like a tramp and there would be nearly nobody who starts to talk "dirty" in IM. I get compliments every once in a while and sure, on adult sims sometimes a direct question for sex...but thats it.

And I have never meet anynone who described it has bad as you did and not even once in all the years did I heard such things you say. So this doesn't speak for a general behavior at all. Do you know what I think? You are way to thin skinned and see every dumb flirt as asking for sex and harassment.

 There must be a reason why your experiances differ so much from anyone else. This screams for a fieldtest I would say.....

I wonder if things were different between the years 2007-2009 thats when i had my female avatar and all the unwanted attention.I dont know what its like now for female av users because ive been a guy since last year, things maybe have calmed down now, back between those years i think there were a lot more people inworld, many of places i used to hang out back then are now empty.

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I don't have any first-hand knowledge of the years before 2010 (thats the year I joined). But I try to pay a bit attention, maybe even making a bigger blogpost about when and how I got IMs that include flirting or sexual explicit offers, while documentating where I was and what I was dressed like.

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Kezio wrote:


Syo Emerald wrote:

We just notice that you seem to be the only one who expieranced this...or at least describe it like that. I can in fact run around like a tramp and there would be nearly nobody who starts to talk "dirty" in IM. I get compliments every once in a while and sure, on adult sims sometimes a direct question for sex...but thats it.

And I have never meet anynone who described it has bad as you did and not even once in all the years did I heard such things you say. So this doesn't speak for a general behavior at all. Do you know what I think? You are way to thin skinned and see every dumb flirt as asking for sex and harassment.

 There must be a reason why your experiances differ so much from anyone else. This screams for a fieldtest I would say.....

I wonder if things were different between the years 2007-2009 thats when i had my female avatar and all the unwanted attention.I dont know what its like now for female av users because ive been a guy since last year, things maybe have calmed down now, back between those years i think there were a lot more people inworld, many of places i used to hang out back then are now empty.

I arrived in SL in early 2008, with the hope of getting hit on. Although I'd yet to learn what a profile was and so had a blank one, by day two a companion had found me. Over the two and a half years we were together, she got hit on much more than I did. Even so, I don't think she ever got hit on as much as you recall. There was a time when it seemed like we were hit on every time we went shopping at naughty stores, so we switched to exploring other places.

There could be any number of reasons for these differences. I got hit on more when I was a noob, perhaps because I was a noob. That would have made me more attractive to amorous veterans looking for someone over whom they'd have an advantage. There were many more people entering SL back in 2008, so the noob population (which you might expect to be more gregarious) was probably larger. SL's aggregate retention rate is now negative and I'd not be surprised to see that the SL demographic, like the US RL demographic, is greying. We have our circles of friends and don't bed hop like we once might have.

The moment I leaned how to flesh out my profile, I did. I expect that reduced interest in me, as I claimed then, as now...

Born on a sultry summer's eve in 1970, I was home schooled in the 1940s. I have never owned a TV.

I love: 

Feynman, Twain, Earhart, J.S. and PDQ Bach, Frost, and Grappelli and Reinhardt 

"Scopes", including tele, micro, stetho and most of all... oscillo.

Yes, I look this good in RL. Don't we all?

In the five years since creating that profile, I've been hit on more by Feynman lovers than potential lovers. Don't underestimate the power of a profile.

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Kezio wrote:

In answer to my own question and one of the reasons why i originally asked, here is my reply..

This avatar, Kezio is male, and I'm female in RL, the reason i have chosen to do this is because when i first joined SL many years ago, i think it was 2007, i chose a female avatar,but i had so much unwanted attention from the guys hitting on me all of the time when i just wanted to go around exploring, shopping and dancing, making friends, and having a nice time, i didnt expect constant IMs asking me for sex, telling me they could see up my skirt or down my blouse or that they were undressing me, i mustve muted so many men i dont think there were many i knew that werent muted, bar one or two, and he was a genuine male friend that didnt try and jump into bed with my avatar at the very first opportunity. But i had one another male friend i would love to go to dances with, i so looked forward to our dances and nice chats each day, and thats all i was looking for a nice friend, but one day when i was alone at my home, he IMed me, and said he wanted to come and chat with me, so i thought great, why not, when he arrived he was naked, he went upstairs and layed on my bed, and then started trying out the different poseballs.i was so shocked and disappointed that he turned out to be just the same as all the other men i had known, i was so upset by all of this that, i closed my account, and didnt go inworld for a long long time. when i decided to try SL again i created a man this time, I just wrote in my profile i was looking for friends only as i had before when i was a female (which hadnt made any difference back then), but i was now finally free of the constant IMs from guys wanting to  find the nearest sex bed, and since being a man in SL its been a much better experience for me, im mostly into building and photography, although finding friends still hasnt been at all easy. And I like to make female friends mostly but some think me odd being a guy when im really a girl, and some i dont hear from again when i tell them who i am in real life.

I am a female in both lives. I do however have a male alt, and I gotta say that imo, girls are by far the bigger perverts :o I usually don't have trouble with unwanted advances, or they're easily turned with some gentle teasing into fun (non sexual) conversations.  My male avie had a different experience o.O I hadn't even finished putting him together before women started hitting on him! I was a little shocked lol. 

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wow, i dont know where im going wrong then, hehe, no one wants to know me :smileysad: guess im too ugly or boring,lol

saying about the getting hit on though, i know a girl who has even changed her profile and her alts to add that no shes not here for sex in capital letters, haha so im thinking she cant have a peaceful life either, mind you i think her very attractive but im shy and never hit on anyone :smileyembarrassed:

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I think for my alt, it might have been because it was obviously an alt. No new person has a nice skinned/shaped/dressed avie and is out ao shopping all by himself on his first day.. maybe those girls were hoping they'd get a two-fer lol. 

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Kezio wrote:

I didnt dress like a tramp, i dressed nicely i mostly wore long medieval style dresses, or jeans and jumpers, just
everywhere i went i was hit on, even at stores choosing clothes i would get IMd by a guys talking dirty to me.
I didnt have access to adult areas because i wasnt age verified. so i have no idea why i was particularly hit on, and my bed at my home had singles animations which was all i intended to use, it was a nice bed and had the option of sex animations if you wanted but i didnt use them. But i certainly didnt expect a man i thought i could trust as just a friend to turn up naked at my home then go straight to my bedroom trying out sex positions. It doesnt seem like it is only me however, this i found makes a whole lot of sense as to why some women would choose a male avatar as well, if only just for a peaceful life of no harrassing IMs from men. 

 

This just happened day in and day out, not even a moments peace did you find?  Maybe you could post a pic of the female avatar you used so we can all see what a man magnet looks like in the pixel.

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Kezio wrote:


Syo Emerald wrote:

We just notice that you seem to be the only one who expieranced this...or at least describe it like that. I can in fact run around like a tramp and there would be nearly nobody who starts to talk "dirty" in IM. I get compliments every once in a while and sure, on adult sims sometimes a direct question for sex...but thats it.

And I have never meet anynone who described it has bad as you did and not even once in all the years did I heard such things you say. So this doesn't speak for a general behavior at all. Do you know what I think? You are way to thin skinned and see every dumb flirt as asking for sex and harassment.

 There must be a reason why your experiances differ so much from anyone else. This screams for a fieldtest I would say.....

I wonder if things were different between the years 2007-2009 thats when i had my female avatar and all the unwanted attention.I dont know what its like now for female av users because ive been a guy since last year, things maybe have calmed down now, back between those years i think there were a lot more people inworld, many of places i used to hang out back then are now empty.

I started back in 2007 and will admit that I was a "hitter"  back then.  I didn't hit on every Female Ava I saw but I did hit on a lot.  I really did not like the orgy rooms but I quickly learned that there were some places that a lot of girls (for the sake of this post we will assume RL gender matched SL gender) went looking for hook ups.  There were a lot of SIMs such as Secret Reflections (so sad it is gone) that although they were not "sex themed" they did have sex spots scattered about.

I didn't spend all my time doing this and I also was developing platonic relationships.  But sometimes when sex was what I wanted those are the places I went to and I could be very forward with my request although I was never pushy about it.

I had started dating a girl pretty steady (and yes she was really female)  but were not exclusive.  She was Bisexual and had some Female lovers also.  One day she told me that one of her female lovers was actually a guy.  This was about a year and a half after I had started SL.  In the course of talking to her I asked her if she would like to make love to me as a female and she said yes.  So I started making a Female Ava.  I simply thought it would be an interesting experience.

While doing this I got the idea that it would be interesting to see for myself how women actually were treated by guys in SL.  I had heard all these stories about how rude and pushy many men could be.  Even though I could be a little forward I was never pushy or rude in my request.  I told a few of my female friends what I was wanting to do and they loved the idea.  They helped me put together a female account.  Shapes, skins, clothes, hair.  They did a good job.  :)

So I set about wandering SL going to many of the places I normally went as well as exploring new places and clubs.  I went out clubbing with my Female friends.  While there were some clubs that the men were more aggressive it was obvious from the theme of these clubs they were more conducive to sexual solicitations.  At some clubs I never got hit on.

I actually wound up disappointed.  I did not encounter all the rudeness I had read about.  I would pick up on the fact that a lot of men were feeling out what my interest was....if I was open to sex.  But I could also see that they were trying to not be rude about it. 

It could be that some RL women are more sensitive about this "feeling out."  That they feel like they are being objectified by it.  The right or wrong of it would be a separate discussion.  But my overall experience was that most of the guys were pretty decent.

As a final general observation after almost six years in SL, while there is still a lot of sex in SL, my general impression is that it is not the same free for all today as it was back in 2007 when I started.  It could be that my preferred hang outs are more socially oriented than sexually themed and that is why I think this.  But that is my overall impression.

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Madelaine McMasters wrote:


Ima Rang wrote:

Maybe you could post a pic of the female avatar you used so we can all see what a man magnet looks like in the pixel.


The Doctor Is In.jpg


Is this a pictorial commentary of what you think about the OP or the male gender, or both?

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Ima Rang wrote:


Madelaine McMasters wrote:


Ima Rang wrote:

Maybe you could post a pic of the female avatar you used so we can all see what a man magnet looks like in the pixel.


The Doctor Is In.jpg


Is this a pictorial commentary of what you think about the OP or the male gender, or both?


It's self referential. Do you see anything magnetically attracted to me?

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Ima Rang wrote:


Kezio wrote:

I didn't dress like a tramp, I dressed nicely I mostly wore long medieval style dresses, or jeans and jumpers, just
everywhere I went I was hit on, even at stores choosing clothes I would get IMd by a guys talking dirty to me.
I didn't have access to adult areas because I wasn't age verified. So I have no idea why I was particularly hit on, and my bed at my home had singles animations which was all I intended to use, it was a nice bed and had the option of sex animations if you wanted but I didn't use them. But I certainly didn't expect a man I thought I could trust as just a friend to turn up naked at my home then go straight to my bedroom trying out sex positions. It doesn't seem like it is only me however, this I found makes a whole lot of sense as to why some women would choose a male avatar as well, if only just for a peaceful life of no harassing IMs from men. 

 

This just happened day in and day out, not even a moments peace did you find?  Maybe you could post a pic of the female avatar you used so we can all see what a man magnet looks like in the pixel.

I don't think it was as frequent as she says it is but maybe she felt like that. There are days where I get bombarded with IMs however being hit on is maybe 60 percent. The other half just want to talk and get to know me. Most days however I can hear crickets. Still she is entitled to feel or perceive however she does. I don't know why people bash her. I don't think she is saying it as Im so pretty look at me. If she was she would have stayed a female. I think she is just saying how she felt to which I say lucky her LOL. 

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I'm female in both lives and don't get 'hit on' anywhere near as much as I did when I first joined in early 2008, despite my belief that my avatar has become more attractive over time as creators have had the tools and skills to produce more realistic accessories. I do receive an occasional compliment and that sometimes leads to a conversation, occasionally a friendship, but nothing amorous. I am happy with that, but do wonder now if perceptions are changing and new residents for the most part are not looking to SL to provide a romantic connection?

 

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Same, I know some users can be really obnoxius, but a joke is a joke and to be fully honest this thread wasn't that serious and necessary as the OP might have thought it was since there will always be females and males on secondlife which could answer his/her's queston easily.

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Sephina Frostbite wrote:


Ima Rang wrote:


Kezio wrote:

I didn't dress like a tramp, I dressed nicely I mostly wore long medieval style dresses, or jeans and jumpers, just
everywhere I went I was hit on, even at stores choosing clothes I would get IMd by a guys talking dirty to me.
I didn't have access to adult areas because I wasn't age verified. So I have no idea why I was particularly hit on, and my bed at my home had singles animations which was all I intended to use, it was a nice bed and had the option of sex animations if you wanted but I didn't use them. But I certainly didn't expect a man I thought I could trust as just a friend to turn up naked at my home then go straight to my bedroom trying out sex positions. It doesn't seem like it is only me however, this I found makes a whole lot of sense as to why some women would choose a male avatar as well, if only just for a peaceful life of no harassing IMs from men. 

 

This just happened day in and day out, not even a moments peace did you find?  Maybe you could post a pic of the female avatar you used so we can all see what a man magnet looks like in the pixel.

I don't think it was as frequent as she says it is but maybe she felt like that. There are days where I get bombarded with IMs however being hit on is maybe 60 percent. The other half just want to talk and get to know me. Most days however I can hear crickets. Still she is entitled to feel or perceive however she does. I don't know why people bash her. I don't think she is saying it as Im so pretty look at me. If she was she would have stayed a female. I think she is just saying how she felt to which I say lucky her LOL. 

My perception is that this was just a troll post.  I look at the other thread she/he started and I think someone is just have a bit of fun.  Generally, the male playing a female or vice versa posts would start forum wars as people divided into the it is dishonest and it is SL be whatever you want to be groups.  Her/His other post which is also typically a war starter "alts, why have them,"  leads me to believe that someone is trying to light the drama fuse.  At any rate, however, I don't think anything I posted was of a "bashing" nature. 

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Syo Emerald wrote:

Or someone who takes "hey you look pretty/beautiful/sexy" as more than it is.

Yesterday Kezio had posted a picture of her Avatar.  It was only up for a few minutes and I don't know why she took it down.  I was commenting on it and by the time I finished writing the post was deleted.

Her Avatar was at least in my opinion beautiful.  One of the prettiest faces I have ever seen in SL.  At least for me so pleasant to look at.  If I had run into her in SL I would have been drawn to her simple beauty.  She was not slutty looking nor wearing tons of make up.  Just simply beautiful.  I don't know that everyone would agree with my opinion.  But that's how I felt looking at her.  I would have had a hard time averting my eyes.  (can you tell i was impressed?)

But that said, physical beauty aside, what still would matter to me most would have been what came out of her mouth.   If it had been clueless dribble I would have been instantly turned off.  Not every girl I have dated in SL has had the Avatar of an Angel.  It is not the only thing I consider important.

Physical beauty might get a man's attention and I feel sorry for a woman for whom this is enough and don't think highly of men who that is all they care about.  Keeping my attention takes more than that and I hope the women who date me see more than just a sexy martian.  ;)

If all a guy is interested in is bedding Bo Derek, they are going to wind up disappointed like Dudley did.

 

 

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Perrie Juran wrote:


Syo Emerald wrote:

Or someone who takes "hey you look pretty/beautiful/sexy" as more than it is.

Yesterday Kezio had posted a picture of her Avatar.  It was only up for a few minutes and I don't know why she took it down.  I was commenting on it and by the time I finished writing the post was deleted.

Her Avatar was at least in my opinion beautiful.  One of the prettiest faces I have ever seen in SL.  At least for me so pleasant to look at.  If I had run into her in SL I would have been drawn to her simple beauty.  She was not slutty looking nor wearing tons of make up.  Just simply beautiful.  I don't know that everyone would agree with my opinion.  But that's how I felt looking at her.  I would have had a hard time averting my eyes.  (can you tell i was impressed?)

But that said, physical beauty aside, what still would matter to me most would have been what came out of her mouth.   If it had been clueless dribble I would have been instantly turned off.  Not every girl I have dated in SL has had the Avatar of an Angel.  It is not the only thing I consider important.

Physical beauty might get a man's attention and I feel sorry for a woman for whom this is enough and don't think highly of men who that is all they care about.  Keeping my attention takes more than that and I hope the women who date me see more than just a sexy martian. 
;)

If all a guy is interested in is bedding Bo Derek, they are going to wind up disappointed like Dudley did.

 

 

I have postings updates from this thread in my email,  yet those posts are not here now.  I don't have any posting updates from Kezio posting though. 
o.O
  

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