brodiac90 Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 42 minutes ago, Extrude Ragu said: I love Annie Lennox, that is such a powerful song. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coffee Pancake Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 2 minutes ago, Codex Alpha said: I'm not attracted to sloots, so dress like one, you've been discounted 0.0001 seconds ago. Time to get the girls out ! I dress for me. if someone judges me a sloot and walks away, that's dodging a bullet. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BilliJo Aldrin Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 16 minutes ago, Henri Beauchamp said: No, I am telling you how a role-player (like I am) plays and how persona-players (like you apparently are) play. For a role-player, it also may involve asking for OOC consent to IC non-consensual actions, when they are unsure how their partner would OOCly react to the IC non-consensual action. Some persona-players do not get it, because for them, the OOC/IC distinction does not make sense. I just wish some persona players would be more open-minded when they play with role-players: each one got their limits and expectations about how their consent is to be asked or not, depending on those limits (for example, as a role-player, I won't ask consent if you clearly list in your profile or linked kinks list that what I am about to start in a RP is OK with you, but I will ask you, OOCly, before doing anything not listed or not in theme for the sim/place we RP in). This is just about mutual respect, you know, and there is nothing to get angry about if someone asks you if something is OK with you or not, much to the contrary ! lol i dunno about your different rp types and i dont really care, im just me being me. Make an advance on me sexually when im not “advertising” an interest in that, i’ll most likely tell you to get lost 😁 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Codex Alpha Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 3 minutes ago, Coffee Pancake said: Time to get the girls out ! I dress for me. if someone judges me a sloot and walks away, that's dodging a bullet. That's fine, you can do what you like. Just because I have opinions and preferences, doesn't mean I'm not into letting people do their own thing too. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arielle Popstar Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 21 minutes ago, Kathlen Onyx said: Are you seriously insinuating that women are attracted to abusive relationships and would be lost without them? Are you saying that this is a good thing or through virtual play she can realize that and get out of the relationship in real life...because you know that's what she should do. Are attracted to an assertive man and wind up with an aggressive one. Some just fail to realize that the man they just met is on his best behaviour for a few months but after while his level of "assertiveness" increases as his concern for being rejected and abandoned drops. At the end of the "honeymoon" period his aggressiveness and controlling attitude is in full view but the woman hangs on hoping it is just a phase and that he will again show that level of assertiveness that he did at the start of the relationship. There is more complications then that but that is how some women are attracted to the same sort over and over again. This was explained to me by a therapist and I have read more on this since and seen the tendency in others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rowan Amore Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 11 minutes ago, Codex Alpha said: This is a constant claim by some posters on these forums, and I've addressed it many times before. Making claims of widespread abuse by those identifying as male avatars, yet it's not seen by many people at all. It's a form of misandry, and looking at other users in bad faith and with ill assumptions. Almost without exclusion, whenever I was chatting with a male and he asked me to dance, the results were the same. I don't make comments that might be interpreted as a come on. I don't do anything aside from chat about this or that. What happened time and again was the male would switch dances to something more intimate, usually that icky grinding one then emote something sexual. Or he wanted to go somewhere else for some privacy. Once he got himself to that point, he often was verbally abusive when I declined or simply poofed. Very adult. I'm certainly not alone in this. It hasn't happened in the last 5 yrs or so because I refuse ALL couple's dance requests or request to 'sit' with someone and chat. And again, in case you missed it, I don't dress provocatively and I've hardly constantly complained about it. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Bliss Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 12 minutes ago, Coffee Pancake said: 19 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said: How do you know that Bill doesn't care about all women, and why are you accusing him of only caring about the subset he can take home? That's a damning accusation. And are you inside his mind and so can accurately diagnose him? Missing the point Luna .. actual domestic abuse is not limited to women. A woman who only cares about the fate of other women likely has a projected bias (victims help self similar victims). A man who only cares about the fate of women .. that's something else. I'm not missing any point. I know all too well that men can be victims of abuse -- my own brother was bludgeoned severely by his partner who was over a foot shorter than himself, unable to strike back lest he be accused of abuse. Again, you are diagnosing Bill without any proof -- does he only care about abused women and care nothing about men? You seem to think that because he's bringing up women who are abused in this thread that this is proof, but it's not. As was said earlier, he's simply, currently, speaking to this side of the issue. You're going to have to find some other excuse to accuse him of "white-knighting" it seems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arielle Popstar Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 19 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said: My comments didn't have to do with "personal experience" - just with others policing when we can and cannot provide feedback ("judge"). Thanks for asking! I have an AMAZING amount of personal experience. People would be horrified at my stories, and laugh at me, more than laugh with me. Most of it is "same-sex", with the exact same dynamics we discuss here for SL. And also for SL, I HIGHLY suspect that it's the same (men presenting as women, etc.). But, it's off-topic. Sorry! Although, I find it endearing that you took interest in my personal experience. For that, I thank you. Could others learn from your experiences? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Henri Beauchamp Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 (edited) 14 minutes ago, BilliJo Aldrin said: Make an advance on me sexually when im not “advertising” an interest in that, Well, then no worry, since I never ever did that in a RP (i.e. ICly)... But if I feel like (for example, because of the theme of the place where our avatars presently stand) some kind of RP might interest you, but nothing gives me a clue about your feelings regarding it, then I might OOCly (and politely) ask you if you would be interested into this kind of RP. This definitely won't be a ”sexual advance”, but just a question about your interest in some kink, for example... That's what RPers do, and why I find your example (”Wrong way: Excuse me Miss would you mind if we do a rp where I objectify you”) totally wrong.. There is no damn reason to get angry about such a question ! Edited May 13 by Henri Beauchamp 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brodiac90 Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 (edited) 19 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said: Here's news for you -- it's actually a person's emotional development that determines whether they are a child or not. Sadly, there are children in SL legally (children on an emotional level). Of course we have to, as a society, draw these lines around who we say is an adult, based on which developmental milestones they should have achieved by any given age, so that appropriate decisions can be made as to how we govern these people and who relates to them. But the fact remains, many are not actually adults, emotionally, in SL. I actually think this is true to be fair. I have a full time job and a home etc in RL but I'm not 'all put together.' Some people say I have an extreme eye for detail and that I don't miss things others do, or that I'm a perfectionist. They say these things and intend them as compliments, but really it's rooted in feelings of inadequecy - be told you're not good enough for years and you will believe it, even as an adult, even if logically you know you are good enough. Similarly, the attention to detail comes from being trained to notice things other people wouldn't. When you experience repeated traumas your fight, flight or freeze response never turns off. You're always on red alert. Edited May 13 by brodiac90 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Extrude Ragu Posted May 13 Author Share Posted May 13 I think where a lot of the desire for abuse comes from is the simple fact that an abuser tends to be authorative. They speak in instructions. Without a guide in the world, they feel lost. Its possible to love someone who desires abuse, without actually abusing them. But the trick is to understand why they want abuse. We have to be careful when navigating these things though. Not everyone wants someone to guide them. Speaking in simple instructions one can find out if a person desires to be controlled and needs that security of someone else taking care of them. Like for example, you can start to get a feel for a potential mate by trying speaking in instructions to them - "Come here" - do they respond positively to that? do they obey? eagerly? fearfully? Do they question it? Do they refuse? From there you can start to tell if your partners needs and what they feel comfortable with. Then of course, if they are that way instead of abusing them, like the sadist you are you tell them to settle settle and give them a cuddle. Thats how I see it anyway. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Bliss Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 (edited) 10 minutes ago, brodiac90 said: When you experience repeated traumas your fight, flight or freeze response never turns off. You're always on red alert. Yes, it's that "fight, flight or freeze response" induced by trauma that has been ingrained into an abused child, actually changing the structure of the brain, that keeps them from accessing the more logical, adult part of themselves. It takes a hell of a lot of inner work to overcome it. I'm so glad Psychology is getting this now, though research on trauma, and we're shifting to new models regarding how we treat trauma survivors. Trauma-informed therapy. Edited May 13 by Luna Bliss 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BilliJo Aldrin Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 (edited) 25 minutes ago, Henri Beauchamp said: Well, then no worry, since I never ever did that in a RP (i.e. ICly)... But if I feel like (for example, because of the theme of the place where our avatars presently stand) some kind of RP might interest you, but nothing gives me a clue about your feelings regarding it, then I might OOCly (and politely) ask you if you would be interested into this kind of RP. This definitely won't be a ”sexual advance”, but just a question about your interest in some kink, for example... That's what RPers do, and why I find your example (”Wrong way: Excuse me Miss would you mind if we do a rp where I objectify you”) totally wrong.. There is no damn reason to get angry about such a question ! if you imed me and said “hey can we do a rp where i objectify you” I be like sorry , i don’t rp. If i’m in “one of those places” just dive right in. “dive right in” could be as simple as saying, “you are so hot, i’ve love take you outside and bend you over the hood of my car”, THAT is how to determine my interest, not by saying excuse me, i’d like to do a rp with you Sweetie, im not angry, just amused 😁 Edited May 13 by BilliJo Aldrin added stuff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chery Amore Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 I thought I'd respond to the OP before getting into the convo about why adult activity is good and your experience. I play a kind of a "bimbo" in world. Not the typical one you'd run into though in sl because they are by and large playing it out very differently than I would. Most that embrace the term in sl are playing it out as being promiscuous among other things. I base mine off of the old school types. Think Marilyn in her movies up to Elle in Legally Blonde .. a few others too there's a character in The Help , Miss Celia that I adore. There's others too. I'm the loyal bimbo and in sl that's not the common outlook for that word here. I do this because it's fun.. and I come to second life and if I can fall into the mindset it's carefree and I don't have to overthink anything... or think at all for that matter. And that is freeing to me. There is an element of objectification that I am attracted to also.. that word has been mentioned in other threads. Why do we like these things? Sometimes we just do. If someone wants to preach to me about what I like and why it is wrong for women in general. I will tell them in no uncertain terms to stuff it. Second life is an outlet for all sorts... I'm happy to have found my happy place. Going to add because it's timely... except if you are playing underage. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rowan Amore Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 6 minutes ago, Chery Amore said: I thought I'd respond to the OP before getting into the convo about why adult activity is good and your experience. I play a kind of a "bimbo" in world. Not the typical one you'd run into though in sl because they are by and large playing it out very differently than I would. Most that embrace the term in sl are playing it out as being promiscuous among other things. I base mine off of the old school types. Think Marilyn in her movies up to Elle in Legally Blonde .. a few others too there's a character in The Help , Miss Celia that I adore. There's others too. I'm the loyal bimbo and in sl that's not the common outlook for that word here. I do this because it's fun.. and I come to second life and if I can fall into the mindset it's carefree and I don't have to overthink anything... or think at all for that matter. And that is freeing to me. There is an element of objectification that I am attracted to also.. that word has been mentioned in other threads. Why do we like these things? Sometimes we just do. If someone wants to preach to me about what I like and why it is wrong for women in general. I will tell them in no uncertain terms to stuff it. Second life is an outlet for all sorts... I'm happy to have found my happy place. Going to add because it's timely... except if you are playing underage. So how would you respond to the message BJ posted that was "right" if it were from a total stranger? "Get over here s*** and **** my ****? I just see a big difference between being promiscuous (which is perfectly fine) and just humping anyone because they ordered you to. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chery Amore Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 4 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said: So how would you respond to the message BJ posted that was "right" if it were from a total stranger? "Get over here s*** and **** my ****? I just see a big difference between being promiscuous (which is perfectly fine) and just humping anyone because they ordered you to. It's her kink and part of how she responds to the roleplay. Me, I had to talk it out and vet someone for a long time before I'd fall into my character here. Now it's just the way I am. Not really big on D/s although I won't deny there are some elements of that for me. We're all different.. what we want is all different. I don't respond to someone saying "come here.. ****... and do this." But that's me. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Zhaoying Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 6 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said: So how would you respond to the message BJ posted that was "right" if it were from a total stranger? "Get over here s*** and **** my ****? I just see a big difference between being promiscuous (which is perfectly fine) and just humping anyone because they ordered you to. Different shows, for different ho's? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coffee Pancake Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 (edited) 29 minutes ago, BilliJo Aldrin said: if you imed me and said “hey can we do a rp where i objectify you” I be like sorry , i don’t rp. If i’m in “one of those places” just dive right in. “dive right in” could be as simple as saying, “you are so hot, i’ve love take you outside and bend you over the hood of my car”, THAT is how to determine my interest, not by saying excuse me, i’d like to do a rp with you Sweetie, im not angry, just amused 😁 See, for me, implicit consent (such as might be inferred from a CNC location) without understanding or an established relationship isn't, but it also deprives me of a huge part of the dance, also .. as things tend to involve locking and RLV, it's very easy to misread where the line is. I thoroughly enjoy themes of (and surrounding) objectification (bonus points for abstraction and trans humanist themes), from both sides, but I really like having someone ask for it far too much to just cut to the chase. Edited May 13 by Coffee Pancake 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BilliJo Aldrin Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 15 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said: So how would you respond to the message BJ posted that was "right" if it were from a total stranger? "Get over here s*** and **** my ****? I just see a big difference between being promiscuous (which is perfectly fine) and just humping anyone because they ordered you to. I don’t just go with guys all the time because they ordered me to, i go with them only when im in the mood to be ordered to. If im not in the mood, just laugh at them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blush Bravin Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 From time to time, I've thought seriously about trying to RP here in SL. I have in other games, but for some reason I just never got into it here. Perhaps because the other games was the basis for the RP, it wasn't just something made up by those "playing". After reading this thread it makes me glad I didn't venture into it here, and certainly makes me think it's not something I'll ever try in this climate. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rowan Amore Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 5 minutes ago, Chery Amore said: It's her kink and part of how she responds to the roleplay Of course. Everyone is entitled to RP however they choose. However, she's said repeatedly she doesn't RP. What I fear is that those noobs who encounter someone like that then ASSUME women are like that in SL when in fact, it's probably a fraction of them or that some of those might actually be RL men, playing females, who enjoy that particular kink. Whenever I've been hit with one of those sexual DEMANDS, after I've said no and they continue, I just LOL and mute. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chery Amore Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said: Of course. Everyone is entitled to RP however they choose. However, she's said repeatedly she doesn't RP. What I fear is that those noobs who encounter someone like that then ASSUME women are like that in SL when in fact, it's probably a fraction of them or that some of those might actually be RL men, playing females, who enjoy that particular kink. Whenever I've been hit with one of those sexual DEMANDS, after I've said no and they continue, I just LOL and mute. I get you. I do think it's not a majority of women that would respond this way. I've gotten a few IM's from men that assume that. I've gotten very direct demands and usually just say.. oh sorry I have a boyfriend and don't do that.. cause I don't have to break my own mindset by calling him a jerk. Most take the rejection in good grace in my experience. For me it's always better to respond nicely and assume it's their roleplay. If they badger or persist then I can get ugly. adding or just mute and move on.. Edited May 13 by Chery Amore 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chery Amore Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 I wanted to add I don't think I roleplay either in the accepted sense. I don't do the /me and describe everything I do. I just log in sl and .. I'm Chery .. lol. So it is a roleplay to me if that makes any sense at all. Maybe it's the same for BJ. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillFletcher Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 1 hour ago, Codex Alpha said: White knighting is a reproductive strategy, as the WK thinks that if he rushes in to rescue the woman Ok so I am speaking here in general terms, not rushing in to "save" any specific woman. so how does that fit your definition of White Knighting? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Codex Alpha Posted May 13 Share Posted May 13 2 minutes ago, BillFletcher said: Ok so I am speaking here in general terms, not rushing in to "save" any specific woman. so how does that fit your definition of White Knighting? I was clarifying a definition, I had not included you in any way in that, and I am not one of those who labeled you as such. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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