Love Zhaoying Posted May 2 Author Share Posted May 2 I fixed one of the first sentences in the OP - which actually "trailed off" and I did not realize it! Now that I have had plenty of time to get things straightened out, that reads: Related to this idea [what was written above], I would like to discuss ideas and suggestions on "How" to respond in general - in such a way that [ETA: Oops! I trailed off here- added the rest] we don't "escalate" things, make them worse, react to negative posts with anger, respond with something we may regret later, be misunderstood due to not choosing words carefully, not be taken seriously, etc. *Phew* That's a long list! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Zhaoying Posted May 2 Author Share Posted May 2 I missed this in your post, sorry: 12 minutes ago, Kathlen Onyx said: it's also hard to ignore someone who has a monopoly of one liners on every single thread for no other reason than to bring attention to themselves. I'm sorry you feel that way. At this point, all I can do is to say that no, the reason I post a lot is not because I want to draw attention to myself. It is because I enjoy engaging the Forum Community. 13 minutes ago, Kathlen Onyx said: I suppose he simply could be just bored. This sounds like a joke but it's not: I am not bored, I enjoy spending my time on the Forums. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathlen Onyx Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 3 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said: I fixed one of the first sentences in the OP - which actually "trailed off" and I did not realize it! Now that I have had plenty of time to get things straightened out, that reads: Related to this idea [what was written above], I would like to discuss ideas and suggestions on "How" to respond in general - in such a way that [ETA: Oops! I trailed off here- added the rest] we don't "escalate" things, make them worse, react to negative posts with anger, respond with something we may regret later, be misunderstood due to not choosing words carefully, not be taken seriously, etc. *Phew* That's a long list! Oh ok, that makes it more clear and not a topic I'm interested in exploring as I am very happy with the way I act and react in-world and on the forums. I will depart from the thread now. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Zhaoying Posted May 2 Author Share Posted May 2 44 minutes ago, Kathlen Onyx said: Are you aware that you are just making yourself look ridiculous right now? You are being rude, dismissive and most of all VERY UNkind. What a crock. I could try to give everyone a different response, if that is the source of your concern. If on the other hand, you thought my replies (which you quoted) are not sincere, there is nothing I can do. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kathlen Onyx Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 1 minute ago, Love Zhaoying said: I could try to give everyone a different response, if that is the source of your concern. If on the other hand, you thought my replies (which you quoted) are not sincere, there is nothing I can do. OK, one more.....saying "thanks for your feeback" is simply a nice way to say F&&k Off. 5 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arielle Popstar Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 6 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said: The premise is a good one and came about from Gopi's thread. The people Gopi finds to be unkind or disagreeable are not the same people I find to be unkind or disagreeable. I probably have different criteria for that. Some people respond more harshly than other, sure. We all have our own style. Love has his, I have mine, you have yours. It's what makes a well-rounded forum, IMO. As long as others can accept that someone is being kind when pointing out issues and contradictions that are relevant. Some of my best friends in RL would be seen as toxic by some forum members yet they were a godsend to me because if woke me up to realize I had some self defeating behaviours that were not serving me well. The trick is being kind in how something is communicated, not necessarily what. Sharing something like, "this what i used to do but found it hurtful" Ps- Not directed at you specifically Rowan, just used your post to launch from. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Zhaoying Posted May 2 Author Share Posted May 2 1 minute ago, Arielle Popstar said: As long as others can accept that someone is being kind when pointing out issues and contradictions that are relevant. Honestly, the point for me isn't to "be kind" in general, it's more to measure one's RESPONSE so that one isn't being unkind in response to someone else. 🙂 So in general, whether or not someone ELSE is kind to me, isn't my problem; it's only important that I try to be kind in my own response. I can complain all day about someone's behavior, but how I respond is the important part. Kind of hard to explain! So in the context of what you wrote (the quote above), it is just fine if people complain all day about me and my past behavior; what would NOT be cool, is if in response I were to go off on a rant, throw a fit, deny everything, try to gaslight everyone, etc. Instead of, just looking what was said, asking "is this true?" and responding accordingly. If it's true - acknowledge it, work on it, etc. If it's not true, then it shouldn't bother me! I don't HAVE to reply in that case, but it doesn't hurt so long as I am not overreacting, getting mad about it.. I hope that makes sense. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Codex Alpha Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 13 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said: ...be misunderstood due to not choosing words carefully.. One can win writing contests and speech contests, and still be 'misunderstood'. It's the listener's ability at times to not only 1) read the content but to 2) Comprehend the content and then 3) formulate a rational response which can come into question. This is why vocabulary is so important for all of us. They are the colors we use to paint imagery in each other's minds,to communicate ideas and opinions. If someone doesn't know what a word is, or has limited vocabulary - they'll 'misunderstand' all day. This means 'being understood' isn't necessarily on one side or the other, it's probably more important how the receiver processes it 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garnet Psaltery Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 35 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said: It's kind of ironic that the most posts in this thread, aside from Love's, are from people who have already said they don't pay much attention to what he posts. As most of those posts are somewhat unkind, what does that tell ya? Are they posting simply to be unkind? I like Love. He's fun and after spending a few hours with him inworld one day, I'd consider him a friend. Do I read every single post he makes? Nope, but then I don't read every single post from anyone really. I skip over a lot. Quite easy to do. It's also helpful to just ignore those whose opinion or posting style you dislike. Sometimes, Rowan, you seem older than I am. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Zhaoying Posted May 2 Author Share Posted May 2 10 minutes ago, Codex Alpha said: One can win writing contests and speech contests, and still be 'misunderstood'. It's the listener's ability at times to not only 1) read the content but to 2) Comprehend the content and then 3) formulate a rational response which can come into question. This is why vocabulary is so important for all of us. They are the colors we use to paint imagery in each other's minds,to communicate ideas and opinions. If someone doesn't know what a word is, or has limited vocabulary - they'll 'misunderstand' all day. This means 'being understood' isn't necessarily on one side or the other, it's probably more important how the receiver processes it Well, yes. In fact, the general guidance I TRY to follow is, "seek first to understand others, THEN seek to be understood". Being "understood" is not something that we can always control, but we can sure try. But similarly, we can only "understand others" so far as is possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Codex Alpha Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 Just now, Love Zhaoying said: Well, yes. In fact, the general guidance I TRY to follow is, "seek first to understand others, THEN seek to be understood". Being "understood" is not something that we can always control, but we can sure try. But similarly, we can only "understand others" so far as is possible. And I stand by... We don't have to agree, but at least understand where each other is coming from. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Zhaoying Posted May 2 Author Share Posted May 2 1 minute ago, Codex Alpha said: And I stand by... We don't have to agree, but at least understand where each other is coming from. On this I agree! At least, I "hope" the other person tries to understand where I am coming from! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arielle Popstar Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 8 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said: So in general, whether or not someone ELSE is kind to me, isn't my problem; it's only important that I try to be kind in my own response. I can complain all day about someone's behavior, but how I respond is the important part. Yes, without becoming a doormat. Some one wants to keep harping on a behaviour that I have but not rid of yet but trying, one that i have but am ok with or have made amends for, then I can remind another I am in the process but not yet a completed project. Quote So in the context of what you wrote (the quote above), it is just fine if people complain all day about me and my past behavior; what would NOT be cool, is if in response I were to go off on a rant, throw a fit, deny everything, try to gaslight everyone, etc. Yes If I get too defensive about a behaviour, others will assume guilt or justification of it. That saying comes to mind, let one yay's be yay and nay's be nay. Quote Instead of, just looking what was said, asking "is this true?" and responding accordingly. If it's true - acknowledge it, work on it, etc. If it's not true, then it shouldn't bother me! I don't HAVE to reply in that case, but it doesn't hurt so long as I am not overreacting, getting mad about it.. I hope that makes sense. Makes sense to me. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Zhaoying Posted May 2 Author Share Posted May 2 (edited) 21 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said: Yes, without becoming a doormat. Some one wants to keep harping on a behaviour that I have but not rid of yet but trying, one that i have but am ok with or have made amends for, then I can remind another I am in the process but not yet a completed project. Yes If I get too defensive about a behaviour, others will assume guilt or justification of it. That saying comes to mind, let one yay's be yay and nay's be nay. Makes sense to me. I cannot tell you how pleased I am at your response. Thank you very much! Edited May 2 by Love Zhaoying "pleased" not "please" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Zhaoying Posted May 2 Author Share Posted May 2 Based on multiple feedback, I moved the "examples" from the OP into my first post after that. As a result, the OP is much shorter and hopefully more readable. Thanks for all your feedback! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleMe Jewell Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 (edited) I'll preface this with "I did not read the other thread and barely read the OP of this thread, nor have I read much more than the first page of this thread............ cuz all too long and I don't have that kind of time or inclination". That being said, I honestly think that the vast majority of folks here in the forums respond appropriately most of the time. I will give a snarky reply to a snarky comment/question - or if the person asking the question does not seem to really want honest replies, but only replies that agree with their view. Additionally, if someone asks for info and a link is given, but then the person wants details from the link, rather than doing their own reading, again I can get snarky. In those cases, I truly believe that the snarky is justified and I have no intention of changing my behavior. Everyone on these forums should be an adult and it is not my job to babysit their feelings. Edited May 2 by LittleMe Jewell 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleMe Jewell Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 2 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said: As a result, the OP is much shorter and hopefully more readable. Nope 1 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Zhaoying Posted May 2 Author Share Posted May 2 4 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said: 2 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said: As a result, the OP is much shorter and hopefully more readable. Nope Thanks, at least I tried! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Zhaoying Posted May 2 Author Share Posted May 2 7 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said: I'll preface this with "I did not read the other thread and barely read the OP of this thread, nor have I read must more than the first page of this thread............ cuz all too long and I don't have that kind of time or inclination". That being said, I honestly think that the vast majority of folks here in the forums respond appropriately most of the time. I will give a snarky reply to a snarky comment/question - or if the person asking the question does not seem to really want honest replies, but only replies that agree with their view. Additionally, if someone asks for info and a link is given, but then the person wants details from the link, rather than doing their own reading, again I can get snarky. In those cases, I truly believe that the snarky is justified and I have no intention of changing my behavior. Everyone on these forums should be an adult and it is not my job to babysit their feelings. I appreciate this. In my own experience, if I respond "in kind" to some people, things just escalate and spin out of control. So, I'm working on being nicer when I respond to "snark" (and much worse). In some cases, my reply may just be along the lines of, "I do not understand", and even then it can be met with nastiness. So, I'm working on that "balance" - "catching flies with honey instead of vinegar". (Note: I toned down this response drastically.) ETA: I'm ok if "not everyone likes me", that's not really an issue with me (despite some claiming I post for attention, etc.). Thanks again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JUSTUS Palianta Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 There are a lot of people on this forum that could use a lesson or two on being kind. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sid Nagy Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 2 hours ago, Garnet Psaltery said: Sometimes, Rowan, you seem older than I am. There is more to wisdom than age alone. O boy, would I be wise by now. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ceka Cianci Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 I think I do pretty good how I am.. Myself, I look more for honesty and truth more than kind. Kindness is good though. I try to be kind or funny or go from what I know, and if I'm wrong or think I'm wrong, I'll admit it or ask questions about whatever it is. I really don't have time to be starting arguments all that much..I don't like arguing anyways. hehehe 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rowan Amore Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 4 hours ago, Garnet Psaltery said: Sometimes, Rowan, you seem older than I am. Maybe I am? 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Bliss Posted May 2 Share Posted May 2 (edited) 29 minutes ago, Ceka Cianci said: I think I do pretty good how I am.. Myself, I look more for honesty and truth more than kind. Kindness is good though. I try to be kind or funny or go from what I know, and if I'm wrong or think I'm wrong, I'll admit it or ask questions about whatever it is. I really don't have time to be starting arguments all that much..I don't like arguing anyways. hehehe I've never seen you be part of the clique that joins together to trash an individual, and I really respect that about you. I have to wonder why some exhibit that behavior while others don't. Maybe it's just as you say -- you don't like arguing. Or maybe you're more mature and don't need to resort to 3rd grade antics to feel empowered. In any case, it's certainly not a kind thing to do (the cliquish pile-on) and should be included in the OP's outline. Edited May 2 by Luna Bliss 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Love Zhaoying Posted May 2 Author Share Posted May 2 (edited) 23 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said: In any case, it's certainly not a kind thing to do (the cliquish pile-on) and should be included in the OP's outline. Interesting Idea, but the point of my thread is for an individual replying to another individual. ETA: On the subject of "pile-ons", irony eh? (This thread really started to feel like one!) Edited May 2 by Love Zhaoying 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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