How to be a good friend?

[MishaMilan]

After spending about 2 months in SL, I thought about how to make friends here at all? How to be a good friend? What does a good friend mean to you? It's very interesting to hear your opinion!

[Orwar]

   It's a bit difficult to answer, as all people are different and have different expectations.

   Personally, I think that being communicative (not starting every conversation with 'hi, hru' and expecting the other person to do all the heavy lifting in carrying a conversation), having integrity (I don't demand everyone around me share everything, but if all you can offer is a vague illusion of a person, I'll very quickly lose interest), and having a good sense of humour (one mustn't take oneself too seriously!) makes for a good foundation.

   Then there's the whole 'be interesting' one, but it's highly subjective. Seeing as how many people seem to fail to muster anything to make them appear as an individual rather than being little more than part of the scenery, but with an annoying disposition; one would have to hope that somewhere out there, there are people who think such people make good friends, too. Or at least 'bearable'. 'Good' might be hoping for a bit too much.

[Istelathis]

Just have someone that enjoys being around you, if you enjoy being around with them then you have found yourself a friend   Being a good friend is often the result of making sacrifices on your part, for the other person.  That is, at times, you put their needs in front of your own.  Ideally, they do the same thing, therefore no one ends up getting used.  I think that can be said for all kinds of relationships though, it always comes down to sacrifice, that is what makes for a good friend. 

But then, I am a bit of a recluse and stick to myself.. I'm speaking mostly from memory😜  If unlike myself, you are social and chat a lot you will probably start finding friends fairly easily.

[Nick0678]

1 hour ago, MishaMilan said:

After spending about 2 months in SL, I thought about how to make friends here at all? How to be a good friend? What does a good friend mean to you? It's very interesting to hear your opinion!

2 months? I have spent 12 years and still haven't figured that out. Just make sure you have fun, anything else leads to boredom and you don't need that.

[colleen Criss]

Second Life is full of transients.  Know this.  People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. Enjoy the time you have/had and build good memories.

[ValKalAstra]

It ain't easy making friends, is it? When we were wee lads and lasses, all it took was a spark of shared imagination. We offered a hand to strangers, reached out with curiosity, shared something of our own and then had a good time. It's only when we got older that we forgot how to do these things. Yet I feel like the recipe to make a friend is the same now as it was in someone's childhood.

Reach out to someone, be interested and curious, be willing to share of your own and maybe you'll have a good time. Easier said than done and... truth be told, Second Life often can feel very standoffish. It has got it's own social norms and expectations that can be a bit hard to navigate. More than ever, using a shared interest feels like a real-life cheat code there. I've met lovely people just by seeing an amazing outfit and inquiring about it. I've found intriguing folks by finding random flickr links in profiles and connections were made when I saw someone mention something I could absolutely nerd out over (don't start me on writing or books, just don't or at least bring hours of time :P).

Now the distinguishing quality of a good friend is in essence everyone that has stuck around through crisis. We all have got moments in life where things don't go well. Good friends are those that can tell you to stuff it, if your head is on wrong. Good friends can see your inner demons and instead of running, sit down, grab a tea and then tell it to get stuffed. Good friends are those that will fight you on an issue if needed and then ask if you want to watch that movie later. In short, they're not just there for the sunny days but the rainy days too - and the important part is that you are there for them as well. That you too can tell their demons off, that you can stay when they suffer, that you can tell them they're boneheaded about an issue. That's good friends to me.

I'm a bit of a social butterfly, I've made hundreds of friends but in all my life, I've made about four good friends and one of which I have lost through my own mistakes years ago.

[MishaMilan]

1 hour ago, Orwar said:

   It's a bit difficult to answer, as all people are different and have different expectations.

   Personally, I think that being communicative (not starting every conversation with 'hi, hru' and expecting the other person to do all the heavy lifting in carrying a conversation), having integrity (I don't demand everyone around me share everything, but if all you can offer is a vague illusion of a person, I'll very quickly lose interest), and having a good sense of humour (one mustn't take oneself too seriously!) makes for a good foundation.

   Then there's the whole 'be interesting' one, but it's highly subjective. Seeing as how many people seem to fail to muster anything to make them appear as an individual rather than being little more than part of the scenery, but with an annoying disposition; one would have to hope that somewhere out there, there are people who think such people make good friends, too. Or at least 'bearable'. 'Good' might be hoping for a bit too much.

Thank you very much for such a detailed answer!

[MishaMilan]

49 minutes ago, Istelathis said:

Just have someone that enjoys being around you, if you enjoy being around with them then you have found yourself a friend   Being a good friend is often the result of making sacrifices on your part, for the other person.  That is, at times, you put their needs in front of your own.  Ideally, they do the same thing, therefore no one ends up getting used.  I think that can be said for all kinds of relationships though, it always comes down to sacrifice, that is what makes for a good friend. 

But then, I am a bit of a recluse and stick to myself.. I'm speaking mostly from memory😜  If unlike myself, you are social and chat a lot you will probably start finding friends fairly easily.

Thanks! Yes, I am also an introvert :)))

[MishaMilan]

41 minutes ago, Nick0678 said:

2 months? I have spent 12 years and still haven't figured that out. Just make sure you have fun, anything else leads to boredom and you don't need that.

😂😂😂 Its so sad i can't give 2 likes to your comment!))

[Orwar]

16 minutes ago, ValKalAstra said:

(don't start me on writing or books, just don't or at least bring hours of time :P)

   .. What about binding books? 

[ValKalAstra]

4 minutes ago, Orwar said:

   .. What about binding books? 

Are we talking Shibari or glue? - It's not a topic I'm versed in but it's one I wouldn't mind listening to for a few hours.

[Orwar]

1 minute ago, ValKalAstra said:

Are we talking Shibari or glue?

   A bit of both! Tie first, then slather with sticky stuff.

   .. Ahem, well that's the way I usually go about it. And I like 'em wrapped in leather. 

   Totally talking about books still. I think.

   Nod-nods.

[Rowan Amore]

I have no trouble making friends in SL.  I love talking to all kinds of people.  I like when they have something in their profiles that catches my attention and gives me an opening to message them.  Those conversations usually go far better than just 'Hi, How are you?"  With that said, I may like talking to you but I'll rarely add you to my list.  You'll be an acquaintance as most people are to others.  Friendship, to me, takes time.  Lots and lots of time.  Mine isn't an acquaintance list.

 

[MishaMilan]

3 hours ago, colleen Criss said:

Second Life is full of transients.  Know this.  People always come into your life for a reason, a season and a lifetime. When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do. When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. Enjoy the time you have/had and build good memories.

Wise words!

[MishaMilan]

3 hours ago, ValKalAstra said:

It ain't easy making friends, is it? When we were wee lads and lasses, all it took was a spark of shared imagination. We offered a hand to strangers, reached out with curiosity, shared something of our own and then had a good time. It's only when we got older that we forgot how to do these things. Yet I feel like the recipe to make a friend is the same now as it was in someone's childhood.

Reach out to someone, be interested and curious, be willing to share of your own and maybe you'll have a good time. Easier said than done and... truth be told, Second Life often can feel very standoffish. It has got it's own social norms and expectations that can be a bit hard to navigate. More than ever, using a shared interest feels like a real-life cheat code there. I've met lovely people just by seeing an amazing outfit and inquiring about it. I've found intriguing folks by finding random flickr links in profiles and connections were made when I saw someone mention something I could absolutely nerd out over (don't start me on writing or books, just don't or at least bring hours of time :P).

Now the distinguishing quality of a good friend is in essence everyone that has stuck around through crisis. We all have got moments in life where things don't go well. Good friends are those that can tell you to stuff it, if your head is on wrong. Good friends can see your inner demons and instead of running, sit down, grab a tea and then tell it to get stuffed. Good friends are those that will fight you on an issue if needed and then ask if you want to watch that movie later. In short, they're not just there for the sunny days but the rainy days too - and the important part is that you are there for them as well. That you too can tell their demons off, that you can stay when they suffer, that you can tell them they're boneheaded about an issue. That's good friends to me.

I'm a bit of a social butterfly, I've made hundreds of friends but in all my life, I've made about four good friends and one of which I have lost through my own mistakes years ago.

Thank you for such a heartfelt comment!

[MishaMilan]

1 hour ago, Rowan Amore said:

I have no trouble making friends in SL.  I love talking to all kinds of people.  I like when they have something in their profiles that catches my attention and gives me an opening to message them.  Those conversations usually go far better than just 'Hi, How are you?"  With that said, I may like talking to you but I'll rarely add you to my list.  You'll be an acquaintance as most people are to others.  Friendship, to me, takes time.  Lots and lots of time.  Mine isn't an acquaintance list.

 

Thanks! I respect that!

[Jordyn McGregor]

6 hours ago, Orwar said:

...not starting every conversation with 'hi, hru'...

but but but....you ALWAYS start IMs to me like that!!

[Orwar]

29 minutes ago, Jordan Whitt said:

but but but....you ALWAYS start IMs to me like that!!

   Do you ever wonder why I keep throwing clowns at you?

[Jordyn McGregor]

2 minutes ago, Orwar said:

   Do you ever wonder why I keep throwing clowns at you?

Cos you're a butt?

[Ren Toxx]

How to make friends, and how to keep them... two entirely different questions.

 

There’s a lot of threads about how to make them and, as Orwar said, they cover many different expectations. Me, I’m all about natural friendship, which means letting things happen at their own rhythm, never forcing, pushing or rushing for anything—which means NO friendship requests... if you start with that and then obsess with that, to the point of not wanting to interact with me unless I accept the request first, then we’re most likely never going to be friends, mostly because you’re worrying more about the ‘badge’ of friendship than the friendship itself.

It’s about what happens while each do our own thing: if we keep meeting, talking often and even doing things together, spontaneously and for the pleasure of it, then a friendship is developing. And since it’s an organic, natural thing, it needn’t be declared, formalized, sealed, etc. It doesn’t mean I’m against ever adding to each other’s list... it only means not to lose sight of what actually matters.

 

Keeping a friendship, though, is more about what good friendship means. For me, it’s caring about each other, which means that if your friend honestly needs your help, you give it. I talk to my friends most days, and if they ever need an ear, a hug and some company, I give it.

[karenx0]

20 hours ago, MishaMilan said:

After spending about 2 months in SL, I thought about how to make friends here at all? How to be a good friend? What does a good friend mean to you? It's very interesting to hear your opinion!

If I share something with you, and you don't go blabbin my business outside, you be a good friend. If I'm friending you and you be unfriending me or using my friendship for granted well then you aint no good friend. If you keep people business at the bay not bring it between us, you a good friend  also ion like liars and fakers, so it means you got something to tell me, you tell me straight and we good.

[karenx0]

18 hours ago, Nick0678 said:

2 months? I have spent 12 years and still haven't figured that out

is that why you never got no sex? and only had 30 secs cause you been too busy, boo?  

[Mr Amore]

Just don't become that person who's waiting alone for years, for some chance meeting that blossoms into a lifelong friendship. There are people like this, in life and in SL, some day they will be older, and wiser, and looking back on all those years wasted in waiting.

Find your niche in SL, occupy those places and get to know people. Friendships are easily made on roleplaying sims, those are people you'll continue communicating with years after the sim has closed. Outside of roleplaying sims it can be difficult to make connections, I only see a couple of non-roleplayers on my FL.

[MishaMilan]

1 hour ago, Ren Toxx said:

How to make friends, and how to keep them... two entirely different questions.

 

There’s a lot of threads about how to make them and, as Orwar said, they cover many different expectations. Me, I’m all about natural friendship, which means letting things happen at their own rhythm, never forcing, pushing or rushing for anything—which means NO friendship requests... if you start with that and then obsess with that, to the point of not wanting to interact with me unless I accept the request first, then we’re most likely never going to be friends, mostly because you’re worrying more about the ‘badge’ of friendship than the friendship itself.

It’s about what happens while each do our own thing: if we keep meeting, talking often and even doing things together, spontaneously and for the pleasure of it, then a friendship is developing. And since it’s an organic, natural thing, it needn’t be declared, formalized, sealed, etc. It doesn’t mean I’m against ever adding to each other’s list... it only means not to lose sight of what actually matters.

 

Keeping a friendship, though, is more about what good friendship means. For me, it’s caring about each other, which means that if your friend honestly needs your help, you give it. I talk to my friends most days, and if they ever need an ear, a hug and some company, I give it.

Really liked your thought! Thanks a lot!

[Orwar]

1 hour ago, Ren Toxx said:

Me, I’m all about natural friendship, which means letting things happen at their own rhythm, never forcing, pushing or rushing for anything—which means NO friendship requests... if you start with that and then obsess with that, to the point of not wanting to interact with me unless I accept the request first, then we’re most likely never going to be friends, mostly because you’re worrying more about the ‘badge’ of friendship than the friendship itself.

   I think that this in particular is a very interesting point - SL has a bit of a social convention which might seem pretty backward to new people who are used with other communities on the Internet. People also have very different perspectives on what the 'friend list' means. Personally I don't view it as a 'friend list' at all - it's not even called that, it's called 'contacts' - I'm also one of those people who don't have my online status hidden anyway, so if a person has any reason I deem valid to need to be able to contact me easily (or vice versa), I don't mind them putting me on their contact list, as I figure that it's easier to just go with it than to explain to them how and why they ought to just have my calling card and find me in their inventory instead. Besides, there are at least two (to my knowledge) 'online status boards' out on the grid with my name, picture, and online status on it (and really, anyone can set that up by just getting one of those boards and copy-pasting the key from the profile of whoever they'd like and put them up in their own homes).

   In my personal opinion, online status isn't something that should (or can) be anonymous (unless you go out of your way to un-list yourself from search, which is a completely valid thing to do when grieved or stalked) - and that's also the primary function of the contact list; ease of access to people with whom you interact, whether as friends, business partners, or anything else. 

   I also have one personal pet peeve on that very subject though; people who add me to their contact list, and then revoke my ability to see their online status through it. That just completely ruins the purpose of that list, and if I notice anyone doing it, they're off my contact list without any questions asked. It has happened that people have said that they do that because they want to be left alone - but we already have a feature for that in changing your online status to busy or away. The counter argument that 'oh but people still want your attention even if you're set to busy', is easily shot down by how such people shouldn't be on your contact list to begin with.