SURVIVORS OF NARCISSISTIC MOTHERS new group

[Elyse Gaspara]

I am starting a group for SURVIVORS OF NARCISSISTIC MOTHERS  specifically

I have a small piece of land, and a small allowance I am willing to donate to this cause

 

 

I want to have rules that keep the space safe.. I will try to model after support groups I am already in...

 

I also need help, I am open to discussion, I am here after all...

So, if you know this topic, if you feel alone, if you want to vent, or support or whatever, this is the beginning.

please join this discussion and lets not be alone anymore...

 

we can do all the things there are to do ... shop  talk  fly build and whatever

I played SL when it began for 3 years straight... then ...not so much

A close friend of mine was actually a beta tester, I bult sims and saw them fall, I own collections of super vintage clothing and furniture and ...

last time I built was 2007...but I was GOOD!!!

 

I am looking for people who are sick and tired of being sick and tired, punks, introverts and extroverts, classic cases and the bizzare...

YOU ALL BELONG HERE

I want to type more but I am hungry....

Talk to me

 

Edited February 4, 2021 by Elyse Gaspara
changed mind on a thing

[Elyse Gaspara]

It labeled me newbie but... im like, 15

[MoiraKathleen]

9 minutes ago, Elyse Gaspara said:

It labeled me newbie but... im like, 15

It has nothing to do with your avatar's age - it is solely based on your post count here in the forums. 

[Orwar]

44 minutes ago, Elyse Gaspara said:

I dont want to exclude people, so maybe this is wrong

44 minutes ago, Elyse Gaspara said:

I would prefer that members are or identify as Female

   That is, as it seems you're aware, a contradiction.

   From my point of view, that comes off as rather disingenuous. Whether your consideration for exclusion is based on fear or dislike, it's a form of prejudice that isn't exactly attractive in anyone who's supposed to be offering help or support, as the cause of the group is equally applicable to both genders. You are, of course, entitled to stipulating whatever rules and requirements you like - but don't be surprised if that's something that's going to upset and distance people.

[Elyse Gaspara]

okay, I did say discuss... and I appreciate the suggestion but disingenuous is harsh and preemptive, considering the discussion still has to be had...

 

this is coming about because I am in some support groups in other areas, one is for general, and two are females only, I wanted to make a sort of extension, and the Female led ones are SO MUCH more helpful to me personally

there are many reasons for this...

I feel like I just need to meet a few women who get it and then maybe together it would be less intimidating

 

and youre right too, one of the first things SL is about is anonymity

and freedom

( currently editing)

 

 

 

[Luna Bliss]

2 hours ago, Orwar said:

   From my point of view, that comes off as rather disingenuous. Whether your consideration for exclusion is based on fear or dislike, it's a form of prejudice that isn't exactly attractive in anyone who's supposed to be offering help or support, as the cause of the group is equally applicable to both genders. You are, of course, entitled to stipulating whatever rules and requirements you like - but don't be surprised if that's something that's going to upset and distance people.

Women are still raised to be submissive to men to a greater or lesser degree, and depending largely on the country or area of the country one grows up in. We have so many evangelical sects in the U.S. that place men at the head of the household, and women are instructed to submit to their husbands. Plus men are still socialized to dominate in many cases.
Couple this with the fact that a narcissistic mother is so selfish and dominating that a child has trouble learning the skills to defend themselves against others or set appropriate boundaries easily.
So yes, I can see how women would feel safer with other women as they process this trauma. It has zero to do with prejudice.

NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER (NPD)
Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding. 

Edited February 4, 2021 by Luna Bliss

[Luna Bliss]

1 hour ago, Elyse Gaspara said:

I feel like I just need to meet a few women who get it and then maybe together it would be less intimidating

Yeah go with your gut. For so many reasons when processing trauma people often feel safer with their own sex. It has nothing to do with prejudice.

[Elyse Gaspara]

The last thing I want to do is trigger others, but I mean, this is life, its hard. lol... we just do what we can right?

 

in any case, I am trying to collect people, I edited the original post, to include everyone. I feel it will evolve as it is supposed to.

I also feel I am supposed to be doing this, my experience, hard work, and people skills... I think it can be better than an online support group because in SL, you can stay as anonymous as you like, and there are things to do besides type your feelings all day, which eventually passes the point  of cathartic or helpful... it can become another crutch...

I think if we include activities, or projects, learning, broaden the horizon of possibility, maybe it could be even more beneficial...

I feel the possibilities are endless in SL....

[Elyse Gaspara]

NOTE: If you don't want to post here, people are WELCOME to message me in game.

[Luna Bliss]

@Elyse Gaspara

A suggestion...perhaps you could include in your messaging that people are welcome who had a cruel mother and not only a mother who had a diagnosis of NPD.  Not everyone would know their cruel mother likely had such a diagnosis...perhaps the  mother was never formally diagnosed.

[Orwar]

11 hours ago, Elyse Gaspara said:

okay, I did say discuss... and I appreciate the suggestion but disingenuous is harsh and preemptive

   Sexism is harsh and preemptive. 

[Garnet Psaltery]

@Elyse GasparaI wish you well in this endeavour, and it's insightful of you to be thinking about a range of activities, not just talking.  I am not in the category that will make use of your group but I wanted to encourage you to follow your own instincts on what you and others in your situation need.  Ignore the negativity.   

[Luna Bliss]

45 minutes ago, Orwar said:

12 hours ago, Elyse Gaspara said:

okay, I did say discuss... and I appreciate the suggestion but disingenuous is harsh and preemptive

   Sexism is harsh and preemptive. 

Orwar, just stop it.  It is not evidence of sexism to form a group for healing among those you feel safest with. Safety is a prime consideration for these types of groups to work.

If anyone has been sexist on this forum it's you. Not in an outward type of way, but in your lack of knowledge and empathy. You're displaying it here by accusing someone of being sexist when they have a right to choose how they feel safe when attempting to heal, you displayed it when you said women earn the same as men for the same type of job (there's ample proof they do not), and when you said feminists can't read graphs.

Edited February 4, 2021 by Luna Bliss

[Luna Bliss]

Unfortunately Elyse can't speak anymore today. Apparently there's a limit on how many posts a new person can make (2 per day for X amount of days), I guess to minimize the griefing problem.

[Orwar]

3 hours ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

Ignore the negativity.

   Yes, because being concerned about sexism is 'negativity'. 

[Talligurl]

18 hours ago, Elyse Gaspara said:

I am looking for people who are sick and tired of being sick and tired,

Well this is certianly me, though it has nothing to do with my Mother

[Talligurl]

Also to defend Orwar, the title of the thread is Survivors of Narcissistic Mothers, are those who object to his objection trying to suggest that such Mothers never do damage to thier sons? I know for a fact this isn't true. I knew a man who ended up killing himself, and the major factor comtributing to this fact was his relationship with his narcissistic mother. Why can't this group reach out to all victims regardless of gender

 

[Rowan Amore]

If it were a predominantly female issue, I could see only allowing females but this issue does effect both genders.  Perhaps in different ways but it seems those exact differences would be more helpful than hurtful.  If it were an issue predominantly effecting women with men as the root cause (even if those also effect men) then of course, females only would be preferable.

[Garnet Psaltery]

3 minutes ago, Talligurl said:

Also to defend Orwar, the title of the thread is Survivors of Narcissistic Mothers, are those who object to his objection trying to suggest that such Mothers never do damage to thier sons? I know for a fact this isn't true. I knew a man who ended up killing himself, and the major factor comtributing to this fact was his relationship with his narcissistic mother. Why can't this group reach out to all victims regardless of gender

 

If you're including me amongst the objectors, then you're casting about wildly, for a reason unknown to me.  I've said nothing about narcissistic mothers never doing damage to their sons nor was such a thing even in my mind. 

My view is that the OP feels happier in a group of females, and was hoping to start such a group.  She had every right to do so, and she stated her preference, but then felt obliged to suppress her wish.  I'd rather she speak for herself but, as has been stated, she is limited in her postings as a new poster.  You know, it would have been more palatable to hear complaints of sexism if there had been any sort of acknowledgement of the OP's needs.

I don't want to post further here as I've already stated I'm not part of the target group.  I do think that we who are not involved could now perhaps leave room for those who are.

[LittleMe Jewell]

12 minutes ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

If you're including me amongst the objectors, then you're casting about wildly, for a reason unknown to me. 

Paranoid much? 

The OP was the original one to respond to Orwar about the 'female only' thing.

[Elyse Gaspara]

On 2/4/2021 at 10:00 AM, Luna Bliss said:

A suggestion...perhaps you could include in your messaging that people are welcome who had a cruel mother and not only a mother who had a diagnosis of NPD.  Not everyone would know their cruel mother likely had such a diagnosis...perhaps the  mother was never formally diagnosed.

As far as I know, the majority of Narcissists cannot be diagnosed, because a Narc wont seek help, or they manipulates the help, and diagnosis is impossible.

Only the children or spouse or whatever VICTIM of the narcissist that exists, gets help or discovers the trait on their own, and puts it together...

 

 

I am dissappointed this thread is so slow to catch...

[Luna Bliss]

3 hours ago, Elyse Gaspara said:

On 2/4/2021 at 9:00 AM, Luna Bliss said:

A suggestion...perhaps you could include in your messaging that people are welcome who had a cruel mother and not only a mother who had a diagnosis of NPD.  Not everyone would know their cruel mother likely had such a diagnosis...perhaps the  mother was never formally diagnosed.

As far as I know, the majority of Narcissists cannot be diagnosed, because a Narc wont seek help, or they manipulates the help, and diagnosis is impossible.

Only the children or spouse or whatever VICTIM of the narcissist that exists, gets help or discovers the trait on their own, and puts it together...

I'm trying to convey that perhaps some women who could benefit from your group might not know what NPD is, so it would be good to always describe the patterns when advertising along with the formal name of the condition -- they might recognize the patterns but not know the problem by its name.

Anyway, I hope you are finding some people for your group..

Edited February 7, 2021 by Luna Bliss

[Elyse Gaspara]

So I can finally respond to this post well!

I feel I should respond for ORWAR first, who has not graced us with a response, because

 Orwar is a person who responds to respond, not to discuss. These types should be ignored until something useful comes out of them. This is not to say he is useless in general, he has many posts and he is even funny. He has a good sense of humor, and is intelligent enough. All this being said, I wrote him personally, to be kind, and explain that I changed my mind because of him, harsh or not... but he did not even have the tact to answer me at all... Let us just be at peace with this for now. Perhaps he will show up at a later date....

 

I decided to change the original post from Females only to Everyone for a few reasons, and some other edits/ additions

1. being that one of my Fave things about SL, is the fact that you can BE ANYTHING, not just anyone, but ANYTHING. requiring knowledge of Gender would ruin this, for me and others.

2. New and beautiful gender discoveries are happening every day, and I would not want any hesitation pertaining to this subject, to stand in the way of someone finding a place to feel safe and talk. That is not who I want to be, so you be who you want to be. Relationships will evolve as they should, and naturally. Gender will not even be questioned.

3. I will also be editing the post to be PARENTAL ABUSE for now. There were suggestions that Narcissism is not widely diagnosed/ many don't know this is what is happening, so in order to be even more inclusive, I will be making this edit.

4. I will edit to include the kinds of activities I hope to lead/teach, and a few types of leaders/teachers we might have use for as well.

 

I thank all of you for your input, tolerations, and interest. Many of you made suggestions I hope it is clear I was listening, if not, write me or post again. Sorry

I am not a born leader or anything, I love to teach and share but I have never run a group or implemented something people might rely in the way this might go.

I am nervous, and I am excited, and I just want to help, and in the process, help  myself too...

As I said I edited a bunch so , re-read, and criticize away! I can take it. I need it.

 

[Elyse Gaspara]

Aaaaand, I cant figure out how to edit....

[Garnet Psaltery]

10 minutes ago, Elyse Gaspara said:

Aaaaand, I cant figure out how to edit....

Posts can only be edited within 24 hours - after that you've only the option to report the post and ask a moderator to delete it.  You could perhaps ask for this topic to be locked and start afresh with a new title - the one you want - and with the new topic explained.