SURVIVORS OF NARCISSISTIC MOTHERS new group

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, Love Zhaoying said:

My mother said "You will only ever have one mother", despite knowing I had a stepmother, and am a mother worshipper (Hindu). Does that count as narcissistic?

Kitties aren't narcissistic....kitties are simply the King (or Queen).  My kitties tell me this every day.

[Luna Bliss]

8 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

1 hour ago, Luna Bliss said:

I have attempted to defend an abused person

LOL - that is completely ludicrous.    It is nothing more than your normal White Knighting for some perceived injustice.

Perceived injustice?  You don't believe we have more power as regular forum members, due to us knowing the rules and being greater in number, compared to a new forum member who is only one person and doesn't know the ropes here?

[Talligurl]

8 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Orwar accused her of being a sexist when she simply wanted to create the group in a way she had found beneficial in past therapy groups -- women only. I

Actuality in his initial sugestion he said no such thing. He only ised that word after he was attacked. If there had been no attack, there would have been no accudations of sexism

[LittleMe Jewell]

3 minutes ago, Talligurl said:

Actuality in his initial sugestion he said no such thing. He only ised that word after he was attacked. If there had been no attack, there would have been no accudations of sexism

You are fighting a losing battle with that one.  Unless you are really in the mood for sparring, it is usually best to simply ignore 99.99% of her posts.

[Luna Bliss]

9 minutes ago, Talligurl said:

19 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Orwar accused her of being a sexist when she simply wanted to create the group in a way she had found beneficial in past therapy groups -- women only. I

Actuality in his initial sugestion he said no such thing. He only ised that word after he was attacked. If there had been no attack, there would have been no accudations of sexism

He said "prejudiced"....but now it's me who is responsible for him changing the word from 'prejudiced' to 'sexist'.    I see...

And you label my following words, which were instructional in an attempt to demonstrate why women might want a 'women only group', used to counter his accusation of "prejudice", as an attack??

"Women are still raised to be submissive to men to a greater or lesser degree, and depending largely on the country or area of the country one grows up in. We have so many evangelical sects in the U.S. that place men at the head of the household, and women are instructed to submit to their husbands. Plus men are still socialized to dominate in many cases.
Couple this with the fact that a narcissistic mother is so selfish and dominating that a child has trouble learning the skills to defend themselves against others or set appropriate boundaries easily.
So yes, I can see how women would feel safer with other women as they process this trauma. It has zero to do with prejudice."

Edited February 10, 2021 by Luna Bliss

[Luna Bliss]

9 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

You are fighting a losing battle with that one.  Unless you are really in the mood for sparring, it is usually best to simply ignore 99.99% of her posts.

It seems that Talligurl likes to debate and learn, as do I.

[Rabid Cheetah]

YATD -- Yet Another Tragic Derailment

Millions were shocked today by the infamous YATD:  Yet Another Tragic Derailment.  Sources close to the Linden Department of Public Forum Works would not confirm whether or not the derailment was sabotage, or worse.  They did, however, say that they were certain it was the work of "one of the usual suspects."

[LittleMe Jewell]

1 minute ago, Rabid Cheetah said:

YATD -- Yet Another Tragic Derailment

Millions were shocked today by the infamous YATD:  Yet Another Tragic Derailment.  Sources close to the Linden Department of Public Forum Works would not confirm whether or not the derailment was sabotage, or worse.  They did, however, say that they were certain it was the work of "one of the usual suspects."

 

Are any of us surprised?  Once a certain someone starts posting in a thread, it always goes there.

[Rabid Cheetah]

Just now, LittleMe Jewell said:

 

Are any of us surprised?  Once a certain someone starts posting in a thread, it always goes there.

Not talking about who you think I am.

[LittleMe Jewell]

23 minutes ago, Rabid Cheetah said:

Not talking about who you think I am.

Very likely not, but I still stand by my statement

[Rowan Amore]

1 hour ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

You are fighting a losing battle with that one.  Unless you are really in the mood for sparring, it is usually best to simply ignore 99.99% of her posts.

That's what I do until people start quoting her.  so stop it!  Seriously, if most of us put her on block, who would she have to abuse?

Edited February 10, 2021 by RowanMinx

[Rabid Cheetah]

2 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

Very likely not, but I still stand by my statement

And I should also be clear that I also wasn't talking about you, if it seemed that way.

Edited February 10, 2021 by Rabid Cheetah

[LittleMe Jewell]

2 minutes ago, RowanMinx said:

That's what I do until people start quoting her.  so stop it!  Seriously, if most of us put her on block, who would she have to abuse?

l usually only quote her when someone else quotes something that makes me curious enough to read further.  Then, unfortunately, once I read, I usually cannot help but respond...... I sometimes have no self-control.

 

[Talligurl]

3 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

Orwar accused her of being sexist

His initial post didn't come of as accusing at all. He did suggest some people might take offense to it, but he was offering his opinion and advice. All that was needed was a simple, "I appreciate you thoughts, but I would like to do it this way "

[LittleMe Jewell]

1 hour ago, Rabid Cheetah said:

And I should also be clear that I also wasn't talking about you, if it seemed that way.

Yeah, I figured you weren't since I wasn't really a major part of the back & forth that was going on.

[Luna Bliss]

1 hour ago, Talligurl said:

4 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

Orwar accused her of being sexist

His initial post didn't come of as accusing at all. He did suggest some people might take offense to it, but he was offering his opinion and advice. All that was needed was a simple, "I appreciate you thoughts, but I would like to do it this way "

To accuse someone of something is to say they did something wrong. Orwar said the OP was being disingenuous and prejudiced.
It's true we can accuse another of a wrongdoing in a more forceful way than Orwar did, coming off as accusatory, as you say, and he was pretty mellow. But still, he was saying she was doing a couple things wrong.
She particularly didn't like being labeled as disingenuous -- that's telling someone they are being insincere or dishonest and on a far different level from "offering his opinion and advice".

I would prefer that when a new forum member appears, stating a need in the polite way the OP did, and especially identifying themselves as someone who went through serious abuse, that we did not immediately start telling them they are doing something wrong via being prejudiced and disingenuous right off the bat, but instead ask questions about their project, keeping in mind we may not know everything from the get-go. Let them talk and see what they want, and save the criticism for later if needed.

I really wouldn't have minded if at some later point someone said "well what about men...they need help too after growing up with an NPD mother", or even "are you sure you want this group do be only for women"?  This is far different from telling them they are being prejudiced and disingenuous without knowing why women-only groups are sometimes necessary for healing. I'm not sure Orwar would even concede that it's okay if the needs of someone else differs from the needs he would have -- not without assigning a pejorative label to their choice, even now.

 

Edited February 10, 2021 by Luna Bliss

[Rowan Amore]

3 hours ago, Talligurl said:

His initial post didn't come of as accusing at all. He did suggest some people might take offense to it, but he was offering his opinion and advice. All that was needed was a simple, "I appreciate you thoughts, but I would like to do it this way "

Some people, I've noticed, use rhetorical questions to keep people on the defensive. Preemptive strikes to assert control over conversations and I don't mean Orwar.  We've all seen it on countless threads and why many just roll their eyes.

Edited February 11, 2021 by Rowan Amore

[Orwar]

1 hour ago, Rowan Amore said:

Onwar.

   . . . Okay, now I'm sad and offended. 

[Talligurl]

On 2/3/2021 at 9:50 PM, Orwar said:

From my point of view, that comes off as rather disingenuous.

There is a world of difference between saying that something comes off as disingenuous from one's personal point of view, and outright coming out and telling someone they are disingenuous. Orwar deserves credit for the tactful way he worded his post. This is an internet forum, the whole point is for people to express what they think. That is what he did and there wasn't a thing wrong with what he said. 

Edited February 11, 2021 by Talligurl

[Rowan Amore]

7 minutes ago, Orwar said:

   . . . Okay, now I'm sad and offended. 

Omg, I did it again!  I'll understand if you never forgive me.  

[Luna Bliss]

40 minutes ago, Talligurl said:

There is a world of difference between saying that something comes off as disingenuous from one's personal point of view, and outright coming out and telling someone they are disingenuous. Orwar deserves credit for the tactful way he worded his post. This is an internet forum, the whole point is for people to express what they think. That is what he did and there wasn't a thing wrong with what he said. 

If you give Orwar a good spanking I will forget everything....    

[LittleMe Jewell]

1 hour ago, Orwar said:

   . . . Okay, now I'm sad and offended. 

I accidentally did that the other day, but caught it before actually posting.  

[Jordyn McGregor]

On 2/11/2021 at 1:53 PM, Rowan Amore said:

Omg, I did it again!  I'll understand if you never forgive me.  

I'm hoping the name change doesn't take the "minx" out of you!  I do enjoy that side of you very much!!

[Laurel Aurelia]

Sorry for the incoming wall of text.

I was reluctant to post anything here because I usually like to stay out of drama for my own sake, but I thought I would share my own experience with group therapy and various ways I've seen it utilized. When I was in group therapy there were mixed groups and also groups that were just women and just men.  There are important reasons for this, and its not meant to imply that others that do not meet group's criteria are not suffering and undeserving of help. Its about creating trust and safe spaces for sharing.  While two people might share the experience of having a narcissist parent, the dynamics of those relationships can be very different depending on the gender dynamics of the relationships. For example, a man with a narcissist mother relates to his mother in a different way than woman who also has narcissist mother. This is not to say a woman cannot learn from a man's experience or vice versa, but it can become very complicated in a group of troubled, emotionally vulnerable people. If you are curious, Origins a US based company that specializes in multiple tracks of recovery has a very concise article on when and why same gender group therapy is appropriate here.

With that said, I would be very careful forming support groups in SL. While I can see where they may be some benefit to people suffering in these isolating times, well-meaning misinformation can occur that can be harmful to people's recovery.

 

 

[Ceka Cianci]

You could have scheduled days for certain group meetings while having the same group.. Women on this day, Men on this day, Mixed or Combined on this day or whatever..

Just a suggestion that might open up more perspective..

 

 

Edited February 16, 2021 by Ceka Cianci
T.m.i.