Luna Bliss Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 4 hours ago, Sukubia Scarmon said: I had people........question the love I have for my pets. Ok this is just totally Satanic, they need an exorcism... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Bliss Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 (edited) Interesting reading about affirmations & the like....ways people try to tamp down their ego self a bit. I find the affirmations useful and can put myself in a reaaaaly good mood by thinking of all the positives I have in my life. Even better is just working on removing the strength of that ego self that caused me to have barriers to gratitude in the first place! Yep, must not forget my Zoom meditation class today... Edited September 7, 2020 by Luna Bliss Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sukubia Scarmon Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 Is affirmation one of those things where people go in and clobber you with "NO U SHOULD NOT DEPEND ON THAT!!!" when you want/need a liiiiittle bit? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madelaine McMasters Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 8 hours ago, Akane Nacht said: Maybe "receiving gifts" isn't your love language... https://www.5lovelanguages.com/ this is actually a really useful (and free) tool That website seems to ignore the difference between givers and takers. Most of the either/or choices in the test had me choosing the lesser of two evils. I don't much care to receive gifts, compliments, physical touch, or help. I'm happy to give all of those. I didn't have to take the test to know that "Quality time" is the only language that would work for me, it's the only one that's reciprocal. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arielle Popstar Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 11 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said: That website seems to ignore the difference between givers and takers. Most of the either/or choices in the test had me choosing the lesser of two evils. The idea is that a particular love language is relevant for both giving and taking. So in my case I tend to "feel the love" when someone spends quality time with me as I feel it when I spend it with them. Gifts on the other hand I don't feel the love on an emotional level but through this site have come to realize that for those to whom it is their predominant language, their gifts are a sign of their feelings for me and I can now accept it at least on an intellectual level. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akane Nacht Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 14 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said: Most of the either/or choices in the test had me choosing the lesser of two evils. Yes, it reflects what you lean towards, but isn't a precise measurement. The most useful part, I think, is being aware of these differences in inclination when interacting with other people. We don't necessarily need a test to know not everyone is a hugger, or responds to praise the same way. This is just a handy way to remember 5 broad common categories. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madelaine McMasters Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 3 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said: Gifts on the other hand I don't feel the love on an emotional level but through this site have come to realize that for those to whom it is their predominant language, their gifts are a sign of their feelings for me and I can now accept it at least on an intellectual level. It's been a lifelong challenge for me to graciously accept gifts, compliments, affirmation or help. I understand the inequity in my handling of these things, as I'm happy to give all of them. This is, I think, at least partly due to my situation. I'm financially independent, have more than enough self esteem, and I'm highly capable. I have everything I need and most of what I want. That establishes a tangible imbalance in four of the five languages, leaving only quality time. 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silent Mistwalker Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 9 hours ago, Akane Nacht said: Maybe "receiving gifts" isn't your love language... https://www.5lovelanguages.com/ this is actually a really useful (and free) tool Taking these "tests" isn't working out so well for me with the either/or answers when, for me, both answers are correct. I shouldn't have to choose between one or the other. I should be able to choose both. 😞 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madelaine McMasters Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 3 minutes ago, Silent Mistwalker said: I should be able to choose both. 😞 Or neither! ;-). 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arielle Popstar Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 Just now, Silent Mistwalker said: Taking these "tests" isn't working out so well for me with the either/or answers when, for me, both answers are correct. I shouldn't have to choose between one or the other. I should be able to choose both. 😞 I was finding that too with the particular quiz I was taking today but in past I remember reading on the site that most people have a predominant language and a secondary one and between those languages, the questions are more difficult to answer as they are also between ones that have little effect on me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silent Mistwalker Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 Just now, Madelaine McMasters said: Or neither! ;-). That too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silent Mistwalker Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 1 minute ago, Arielle Popstar said: I was finding that too with the particular quiz I was taking today but in past I remember reading on the site that most people have a predominant language and a secondary one and between those languages, the questions are more difficult to answer as they are also between ones that have little effect on me. That's the problem I've always had. I'm not like "most people". 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Akane Nacht Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 Here's an even funner one.. Apology Language https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/apology-quiz/ 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arielle Popstar Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 Just now, Silent Mistwalker said: That's the problem I've always had. I'm not like "most people". Did you have a predominant language and a close secondary one or were they the same value across the categories? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arielle Popstar Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 8 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said: It's been a lifelong challenge for me to graciously accept gifts, compliments, affirmation or help. I understand the inequity in my handling of these things, as I'm happy to give all of them. Very similar for me as I have for much of my life been suspicious of people complimenting me, found their gifts to be of little value and their help to cost me more in fixing up what they helped me with then if I had just done it myself. But....today at least I understand that the greatest gift they were giving me was their love and it was just unfortunate that for so long I didn't acknowledge or benefit from that. That really in all honesty was due to my own lack of self esteem in that I didn't feel I was worthy of any of that. Today I am but it did take some work on my part and help from a trusted other to accept gifts and compliments with a simple thank you and without feeling an obligation to repay in kind. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madelaine McMasters Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 17 minutes ago, Akane Nacht said: Here's an even funner one.. Apology Language https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/apology-quiz/ I score as "Expressing Regret". Curiously, they say this... "The "Expressing Regret" Apology Language speaks most clearly when the person offering the apology reflects sincerity not only verbally, but also through body language. Unflinching eye contact and a gentle, but firm touch are two ways that body language can underscore sincerity." Don't express your regret by touching meeeeeee! You'll regret it. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arielle Popstar Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 22 minutes ago, Akane Nacht said: Here's an even funner one.. Apology Language https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/apology-quiz/ Heh I want an apology from the site for putting out such a long quiz!! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silent Mistwalker Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 27 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said: Did you have a predominant language and a close secondary one or were they the same value across the categories? I have no idea. There is no point in completing the thing if you can't give accurate answers. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Bliss Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 1 hour ago, Luna Bliss said: Interesting reading about affirmations & the like....ways people try to tamp down their ego self a bit. I find the affirmations useful and can put myself in a reaaaaly good mood by thinking of all the positives I have in my life. Even better is just working on removing the strength of that ego self that caused me to have barriers to gratitude in the first place! Yep, must not forget my Zoom meditation class today... 1 hour ago, Sukubia Scarmon said: Is affirmation one of those things where people go in and clobber you with "NO U SHOULD NOT DEPEND ON THAT!!!" when you want/need a liiiiittle bit? Affirmations are often a sentence or phrase we choose for ourselves and repeat to increase the quality of our life. For example, if one received negative messages in childhood that their opinions didn't matter, or that they were dumb, one might choose to repeat the affirmations "my opinion matters" or "I am a smart person". These affirmations are best repeated with a focused mind so they affect us deeply when reaching the unconscious part of our brain. The gratitude journal mentioned is a way to affirm the quality of gratitude in order to manifest it in one's life. I think the following, which I copied from an article, describes well what affirmations are: "Affirmations help purify our thoughts and restructure the dynamic of our brains. The word affirmation comes from the Latin affirmare, originally meaning "to make steady, strengthen." Affirmations do indeed strengthen us by helping us believe in the potential of an action we desire to manifest. When we verbally affirm our dreams and ambitions, we are instantly empowered with a deep sense of reassurance that our wishful words will become reality. Affirmations are proven methods of self-improvement because of their ability to rewire our brains. Much like exercise, they raise the level of feel-good hormones and push our brains to form new clusters of “positive thought” neurons(http://www.arlenetaylor.org/brain-care/953-affirmation). In the sequence of thought-speech-action, affirmations play an integral role by breaking patterns of negative thoughts, negative speech, and, in turn, negative actions". 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Bliss Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Bliss Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 1 hour ago, Sukubia Scarmon said: Is affirmation one of those things where people go in and clobber you with "NO U SHOULD NOT DEPEND ON THAT!!!" when you want/need a liiiiittle bit? Maybe you were confused by my use of the word "ego"? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Madelaine McMasters Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 3 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said: Affirmations are often a sentence or phrase we choose for ourselves and repeat to increase the quality of our life. I should surprise no one who knows me to hear that affirmations in the McMasters family were almost always delivered with the left hand. In the following list "Universal" means you'd be equally likely to hear that affirmation coming any of us three. Approximate examples: That the hell is wrong with you? (Universal) People actually pay you to do that? (Me, asking Dad. Dad, asking Mom (who was his gal Friday, paid by him to keep him out of trouble) Did you do this? Why? (Universal) I told you so! (Usually spoken to me.) This will not end well. (Often a response to Mom saying "I'll make dinner"). Come over here and help me screw this up. (Universal) Who thought this was a good idea? (Universal) I don't know what I see in you, do you? (Universal, and an invitation to self deprecate, possibly in the form of "I lower the bar so you can get over it.") It is any wonder that I have difficulty with the "Love Language" questions? 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Bliss Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 1 minute ago, Madelaine McMasters said: 18 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said: Affirmations are often a sentence or phrase we choose for ourselves and repeat to increase the quality of our life. I should surprise no one who knows me to hear that affirmations in the McMasters family were almost always delivered with the left hand. In the following list "Universal" means you'd be equally likely to hear that affirmation coming any of us three. Approximate examples: That the hell is wrong with you? (Universal) People actually pay you to do that? (Me, asking Dad. Dad, asking Mom (who was his gal Friday, paid by him to keep him out of trouble) Did you do this? Why? (Universal) I told you so! (Usually spoken to me.) This will not end well. (Often a response to Mom saying "I'll make dinner"). Come over here and help me screw this up. (Universal) Who thought this was a good idea? (Universal) I don't know what I see in you, do you? (Universal, and an invitation to self deprecate, possibly in the form of "I lower the bar so you can get over it.") It is any wonder that I have difficulty with the "Love Language" questions? I honestly don't know what to make of that, Maddy. At first glance it appears cruel. But maybe it would be okay or at least not be damaging if a child knew they were truly loved along with this harsh criticism? I hope they didn't treat you that way when you were a baby! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scylla Rhiadra Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 2 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said: I honestly don't know what to make of that, Maddy. At first glance it appears cruel. But maybe it would be okay or at least not be damaging if a child knew they were truly loved along with this harsh criticism? I hope they didn't treat you that way when you were a baby! It's banter, Luna. A kind of private language that uses irony and humour to communicate love, and create a bond. I get this entirely. And I'm absolutely certain that no one in Maddy's family was under any misapprehension about what it meant. It meant they belonged. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Bliss Posted September 7, 2020 Share Posted September 7, 2020 3 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said: 7 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said: I honestly don't know what to make of that, Maddy. At first glance it appears cruel. But maybe it would be okay or at least not be damaging if a child knew they were truly loved along with this harsh criticism? I hope they didn't treat you that way when you were a baby! It's banter, Luna. A kind of private language that uses irony and humour to communicate love, and create a bond. I get this entirely. And I'm absolutely certain that no one in Maddy's family was under any misapprehension about what it meant. It meant they belonged. Oh okay, kind of like when my brother greets me and pretends to throw a punch to my arm...lol. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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