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Chewy, meaty & philosophical... Here?


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7 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

I honestly don't know what to make of that, Maddy.  At first glance it appears cruel. But maybe it would be okay or at least not be damaging if a child knew they were truly loved along with this harsh criticism?  I hope they didn't treat you that way when you were a baby!

I think the mock sarcasm started when Dad made a puppet theater and we all started "playing" roles together. I was maybe four years old at the time. Our puppets were perpetually getting into absurd arguments. When I'd bring new friends home, they were sometimes mortified by our banter. Eventually, they'd grow to love it and jump right in with the mock insults.

My last conversation with Mom before she died was via FaceTime. She was in hospice and too tired to hold up her iPad, so a nurse held it for her and I could see them both. I had just learned from the staff that she was doing well enough to return home the following morning. I informed her by saying "Hey Mom, good news! You can go home tomorrow to die in your own bed, not there in the hospital!" The nurse cringed and groaned. Mom immediately, and with considerable gusto, replied "You just want to come over to help!" At that point the nurse broke out in laughter, and then explained that this was exactly the kind of humor her family used, but that she had to be very careful to suppress it at work because it was so easily misunderstood. She felt as if we'd lifted a great burden off her shoulders. She then expressed her own joy over the prospect of "getting rid of the old lady" in the morning.

Mom didn't make it  to morning. The nurse called me to inform me that Mom had slipped out in the night and said that she was heartbroken to see such a loving relationship come to an end.

It's all good, Luna.

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1 minute ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

I think the mock sarcasm started when Dad made a puppet theater and we all started "playing" roles together. I was maybe four years old at the time. Our puppets were perpetually getting into absurd arguments. When I'd bring new friends home, they were sometimes mortified by our banter. Eventually, they'd grow to love it and jump right in with the mock insults.

My last conversation with Mom before she died was via FaceTime. She was in hospice and too tired to hold up her iPad, so a nurse held it for her and I could see them both. I had just learned from the staff that she was doing well enough to return home the following morning. I informed her by saying "Hey Mom, good news! You can go home tomorrow to die in your own bed, not there in the hospital!" The nurse cringed and groaned. Mom immediately, and with considerable gusto, replied "You just want to come over to help!" At that point the nurse broke out in laughter, and then explained that this was exactly the kind of humor her family used, but that she had to be very careful to suppress it at work because it was so easily misunderstood. She felt as if we'd lifted a great burden off her shoulders. She then expressed her own joy over the prospect of "getting rid of the old lady" in the morning.

Mom didn't make it  to morning. The nurse called me to inform me that Mom had slipped out in the night and said that she was heartbroken to see such a loving relationship come to an end.

It's all good, Luna.

God I love this story.

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Yep.

I must say though that being genuinely repentant is a huge plus. There really isn't any "making things up to you". What was done was done. Just be more aware going forward. It's ok to say "I hope you can forgive" but never flat out ask for forgiveness. Personally, I'm of the opinion that expressing regret falls in with genuinely repent. If you are genuinely regretful for what you did then you are genuinely repentant and vice versa. They go hand in hand.

image.thumb.png.bf762c46134f968e6b47b11a4ad68393.png

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9 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:
28 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Oh okay, kind of like when my brother greets me and pretends to throw a punch to my arm...lol.

Yep, you got it.

I like your brother more than I like you.

Well I've teasingly called my daughter 'Hitler" when she got a bit too forceful and controlling   :)  I look at her with a smile and say "ok, Hitler". She's done the same with me.    Then we stop and give the Hitler salute to each other and laugh hysterically.   

However, I teasingly did this on the forum once and was suspended from the forum for a day even though the recipient was pretending to control us and took the Hitler reference as a joke!    :(    

One has to be careful on the forum, and this is one of the most annoying aspects of forum life -- not being able to be playful in many instances. 

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1 hour ago, Luna Bliss said:

However, I teasingly did this on the forum once and was suspended from the forum for a day even though the recipient was pretending to control us and took the Hitler reference as a joke!    :(    

Well, clearly someone else didn't. 

Conversations on here aren't private between two people. Unless you take it to PM, you're involving everyone and inviting responses. That's the nature of an open forum.

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2 hours ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

I think the mock sarcasm started when Dad made a puppet theater and we all started "playing" roles together. I was maybe four years old at the time. Our puppets were perpetually getting into absurd arguments. When I'd bring new friends home, they were sometimes mortified by our banter. Eventually, they'd grow to love it and jump right in with the mock insults.

Yah, that'd be me after reading your dialogue post. That sort of banter most certainly would not have been tolerated in my family and still to this day would not be seen as banter but rather a throwing down of the gauntlet and the start of a war.

One line that has me puzzled from the outset is where you say:

Quote

I should surprise no one who knows me to hear that affirmations in the McMasters family were almost always delivered with the left hand.

My father was right handed and his delivery of "affirmations" may have been ironic but certainly not bantering unless you actually meant "battering". Am I misunderstanding that?

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2 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

My father was right handed and his delivery of "affirmations" may have been ironic but certainly not bantering unless you actually meant "battering". Am I misunderstanding that?

Have you heard of left-handed compliments? They sound like compliments, but aren't.
The McMasters family specialized in left-handed insults. They sound like insults, but aren't.

There is often an element of truth in my mock insults, but those truths are reflections of the messy nature of being human and say nothing about my affection for my target. I also love when people come after me in that way, and sometimes use Snugs to take shots at Maddy when nobody else will.

When Don Rickles died, quite a few people were heartbroken to know they would never, or never again, be "insulted" by him. Bob Newhart was Don's best friend and had this to say about his passing: "He was called 'The Merchant of Venom,' but in truth, he was one of the kindest, caring and most sensitive human beings we have ever known."

I won't pretend to be as talented or as kind, caring, and sensitive as Mr. Rickles, but I will quote something Rolig recently said, that makes me feel good about what I do here:

"Maddy , who might set you on fire -- if you are lucky."

There are times I set someone or something on fire with a lob from my right hand, but I think it's pretty easy for people to read that from the context.

And I do give straight-up, right-handed displays of affirmation and affection. Though I prefer my left hand, I am ambidextrous.

 

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42 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

Have you heard of left-handed compliments? They sound like compliments, but aren't.
The McMasters family specialized in left-handed insults. They sound like insults, but aren't.

Most people know it as backhanded compliments. The ones that sound like but aren't. Kind of like the backhanded slap to the face that is supposed to be far more disdainful than an opened handed slap to the face.

 

*slap, slap, tosses gauntlet then sets you on fire

Like that. 😜

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Ratbert once told Dogbert not to insult his intelligence. Dogbert replied that he could never insult Ratbert's intelligence and Ratbert decided to leave it "while there's still some ambiguity". 

I've stolen that from Dogbert a few times in RL when I get the feed line.

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On 9/5/2020 at 3:08 PM, Gatogateau said:

find love in doing the dishes or trying to locate the missing sock from the laundry? Do you feel the love when cleaning the bathroom? Running your kids to soccer? Scooping the kitten's litter box? Pulling weeds from the garden? Answering the phone at work?

Is this all just pie in the sky uber hippy liberalism?

An essential part of true love is putting others before oneself, so as the dishes are done, the socks located, the bathroom cleaned, and on and on, this is indeed true love when it is being done for others. There is nothing hippy or liberal about it.

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I took the love language thingie, twice, and both times it came up as this (below). So yup, if you want me to purr, scritch my head and tell me I'm a good girl kitty. Receiving gifts only 13%??? Not hardly. Gimme gimme gimme! (But only if it has meaning for you. :) )

image.thumb.png.795073a90b751d77a544b4510cff1931.png

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13 hours ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

There are times I set someone or something on fire with a lob from my right hand, but I think it's pretty easy for people to read that from the context.

And I do give straight-up, right-handed displays of affirmation and affection. Though I prefer my left hand, I am ambidextrous.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Right-hand_rule
 

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I have heard there are three types of love.  Agape (which Scylla touches upon on the first page), which is a divine love, a spiritual love.  Then there is philia, which is our brotherly and sisterly love for one another; and then there is eros, which is romantic love.  These can be easily looked up on the internet if anyone is interested.

I had such a splitting headache last night I could hardly type.  But, I do believe love is not a feeling it is an action.  Love exists through our caring.  

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17 hours ago, Sukubia Scarmon said:
23 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

Maybe you were confused by my use of the word "ego"?

I was confused because I misstranslated it in my head!

The word 'ego' is such a 'loaded' word, subject to different interpretations!  Perhaps I shouldn't use it...

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