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How to make lasting friends in SL?


lizbeth2u
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Hello,

 I find myself wandering around SL totally ignored. My avi is attractive, as I've been given compliments on her.

I did remove many of my first friends when I found out they were just after sex. I'm looking for spiritual places

To meditate, meet like minded friends, explore the worlds with friends that share common values.

 

Anyone interested in getting to know me better, please send me an IM in world as I do not always check this site

 

 

Thank you,

 

Elizabeth ( Bella)

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lizbeth2u wrote:

Hello,

 I find myself wandering around SL totally ignored. My avi is attractive, as I've been given compliments on her.

I did remove many of my first friends when I found out they were just after sex. I'm looking for spiritual places

To meditate, meet like minded friends, explore the worlds with friends that share common values.

 

Anyone interested in getting to know me better, please send me an IM in world as I do not always check this site

 

 

Thank you,

 

Elizabeth ( Bella)

I hear ya!  If you would like to meets some good people at my spaceport contact me in world if you wish.

 

 

Peace!

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You've only been here a month and you are disgruntled already? You need to explore the destinations page a bit. Go sim hopping. Don't friend everyone that says "HI." What are your interests? Put a few things in your PIcks. Perhaps and "about me" tab.

 ETA: if you don't want all of the sexual friendship offers, you might want to ditch the collar and silks.

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Drake1 Nightfire wrote:

 

 ETA: if you don't want all of the sexual friendship offers, you might want to ditch the collar and silks.

Doesn't really matter what you wear drake as long as it looks like you put effort into your avie or your female in shape. I rarely wear a obvious collar (in fact mine is just a hud now so no collor seen) and I get those advances all the time just because my avie is a girl. Doesn't take much trust me....

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Elizabeth,

Depending upon your beliefs, you might want to join a church or religious group. I am often go to the Anglican (Episcopal in US) church in Epiphany Island (Epiphany (103, 153, 49)). We have a number of services so people around the world can take part, both on Sundays and other days of the week. You do not have to join a group, just show up and meet people. See http://slangcath.wordpress.com/. I am sure that other churches and "faith communities" are also on Second Life.

Aside from that, there are other groups on SL where you can meet people. Just spend some time looking.

Marybeth

FLICKR

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Marybeth Cooperstone wrote:

Elizabeth,

Depending upon your beliefs, you might want to join a church or religious group. I am often go to the Anglican (Episcopal in US) church in Epiphany Island (Epiphany (103, 153, 49)). We have a number of services so people around the world can take part, both on Sundays and other days of the week. You do not have to join a group, just show up and meet people. See 
I am sure that other churches and "faith communities" are also on Second Life.

Aside from that, there are other groups on SL where you can meet people. Just spend some time looking.

Marybeth


This is good advice.

Remember that to older users, walking up to them while they're trying to shop, dance with their partner or otherwise get on with their Second Lives can be seen as annoying and unwanted. Joining an interest group for something that you're interested in, can contribute to, and learn other peoples' views (religion is ideal for this, but so are movies, books, philosophy, science, sailing, animals, vampires/horror and just about anything else that you can think of) can be the best way to introduce yourself to people while utilising your strengths (your hobbies/interests) instead of your weaknesses (navigating SL, roleplay, finding clothes or locations).

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I hadmy friend join with me, she quit and complained it was too complicated so i'm usually on here alone with my mesh cat.Point is if you want long lasting friendships you can't just find anybody and be all ''lets be friends''. Thoose never work. You have to meet people unexpectantly. Thats how I met all of my friends, at least my long lasting ones anyway.

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This is anecdotal, but have spoke with many GF's about it.

As your Ava gets older, the unsolicited sexual advances will get fewer, unless you are specifically frequenting sexually themed locations.

 

ETA, have you ever considered doing it with a Martian.  We can be very gentle. And once you've gone green.......................

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I'm not into superficial friendships either, nor am I much for small talk but it IS a necessity with forming new friendships... thatsaid, you're welcome to contact me or hunt me down. I'm a Taoist, a blogger of personal life experiences, and a noob Linden Home owner. You're welcome to visit my SL home any time (no need to wait for me to be online), if you need a place away from some of the chaos/craziness. LoL

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Go to places and events, and join groups, which interest you; other people with similar interests shall also be there. At sims you like, become a regular; you will begin to get to know other regulars there over time, and friendships are often made that way. In groups (I recommend groups that focus on your talents, or interests, or something important to you), start up conversations in them or join conversations...but don't do it rarely; do it a lot. People will get to know you through that method, too. I am not saying friends will begin falling out of the sky as you start doing these two things, but over time you shall make friends...after all, the best friendships are forged over time.

 

If it is not already in your profile, put in either your 1st Life tab (oddly enough, many people who look in profiles automatically go there) or your 2nd Life tab (the first you automatically see when you open a profile up) -- or put in both -- that you are not looking for sex...no Ifs, Ands, or Buts. Anyone who still pursues you for sex after that either did not bother to read your profile, or has little respect for you.

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Thank your for your reply and I will take your advise and make sure my profile states I'm not in SL for sex

 

I've recently changed my profile picture to mostly show the sunset with only my avis back showing in an effort

To refrain from any sense of sexuality.

 

 

Again thank you

 

Elizabeth

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Hello

 

  thank you for your reply, If u find me inworld please say "hello" and that you replied to my post in community. I would never

Go to someone's private home unless invited. I just don't' do such. I feel it would be an invasion of their privacy

 

 

Elizabeth

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Madeline Blackbart wrote:

I could see that. But older in what way? My avie is like 3 years old and I still get them. Unless you mean older in looks then I could see that.

Older as in time in SL.

This is just a general observation based on conversations I've had and comments I've read in the Forums.

The 'charmers' know the longer someones time in SL, the more aware and cautious they will be.

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Perrie Juran wrote:

This is anecdotal, but have spoke with many GF's about it.

As your Ava gets older, the unsolicited sexual advances will get fewer, unless you are specifically frequenting sexually themed locations.

 

ETA, have you ever considered doing it with a Martian.  We can be very gentle.
And once you've gone green.......................

You are never seen?

You lose your spleen?

You hate machines?

You are fed to the queen?

You are no longer clean?

You ride on a baleen?

You need less caffeine?

You jump in a ravine?

Your favorite holiday becomes Halloween?

You order a small boy from the Philippines?

ok that last one was a bit of a stretch.

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lizbeth2u wrote:

 I find myself wandering around SL totally ignored. My avi is attractive, as I've been given compliments on her.

I did remove many of my first friends when I found out they were just after sex. I'm looking for spiritual places

To meditate, meet like minded friends, explore the worlds with friends that share common values.


Why don't you try Inspire Space Park? It's a spirtual place with a high traffic count, so you would probably meet some people there with interests similar to yours.

 
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There are a few problems with making friends in sl.  I've experienced some of these and I've seen them happen to others.  One of them is that you may become really close to someone and believe you are tight friends when one day they just disappear from sl never to return, or in a slightly different scenario, they come down with some supposed fatal disease and "die" never to return.  Yes, I've read of this happening to a very beloved member of a group and later it came out that the person was never ill, they just wanted to be free of commitments in sl.  This can be quite disturbing when it happens and I believe it happens more than many would assume.

Another issue is the problem with other friends entering the picture connected to either side of the friendship.  Sometimes it can enlarge the group of friends and everyone benefits but sometimes it can lead to jealousy.  Jealousy is an ugly thing.  I've heard about people doing immature things due to jealousy.  The things you have told others in confidence will suddenly become weapons used against you and may threaten your feelings of security and certainly ruin your experience of sl.  I personally know people who have quit after having had friendships fall apart over jealousies.

We all picture how great having friends would be, but quite a few in sl have been through the above experiences in one form or another so they are cautious about jumping into friendships so it's not likely you at all.  Don't let that discourage you.  If you really want to find friends, you still can.  I've met some really nice folk on sims I moved to where there was a community spirit.  I met another by pure accident when I tped to a non english speaking sim and she was the only one speaking english there.  You never know when or where. 

Another place I've found friendly people are at live music performances.  I've found about 4 or 5 performers I like to hear perform live in sl.  These are popular people (you can tell by looking on the map where they are performing and seeing how many green dots are piled into the sim during their performance), so they always have a lot of the same folk coming to their shows and after a few shows, since you already have one thing in common (namely being a fan) it's pretty easy to get to know the regulars.  Use the search function under "events" tab for live music to find live performances. And apropos the live music performances, for a while I belonged to a group of performance supporters who would gather to give support to various musical performers.  They sent out notices as to where they would be next and you'd just show up and join in the group.  They were super friendly and welcoming, lots of friendly chat amongst them and easy to fit into.  You could participate as much and as often as you wished.  I dropped out tho due to getting too many notices and I can't remember the name, but I remember they invited me when I was at a live event at Key West or Sherrie's where they often attend.

Hope some of this information helps.

 

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Thank you for the wise advice. I will look up live performers when I return to SL

 

So far I have 2 very nice friends that I enjoy exchanging views on many subjects with

 

 

I have found some lovely spiritual sites, so far no one is there when I am.

 

 

Again thank you

 

Elizabeth

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Most of my friendships that have lasted, are with people I met from the beginning and within a few months. One reason my good friendships have lasted is that we are "real" with each other. I mean we are not role playing, but being pretty much who we are. That doesn't mean sharing real life info. Though I do share a lot about myself, I have been and always will be guarded about the type of info I share. Like someone else said, there are people that will try to use things against you and from personal experience, sharing too much RL info leaves you wide open to RL stalking. You never know who these type of people will turn out to be, so it is best to remain cautious with everyone until you have known them a longggggg time in SL at the very least.

There are a lot of good people in SL and many of the recommendations stated here are good ones. Just be cautious...and yet try to remain open...kinda like walking a tightrope and remaining in balance. Some people are just rotten. I have come across plenty of those and luckily they are easier to deal with in SL than they are in RL. Just mute. And for me, as a business owner...BAN! ;-)

I get sexual advances all the time. If it is a tenant, I can refer them to their rental agreement which prohibits it, if they are a potential tenant, I can politely decline and refer them to the rules posted in each rental office, or just tell them myself, and if it is some random person being an idiot out in the world somewhere, I am pretty good at insulting them and their pixeled pride and joy. I usually get appologies after that (I think a lot of people are basically good, just something about being in SL and behind a computer screen messes with their good judgement).

In any case, don't ever be so desperate for friends that you friend just anyone...have some good conversation first. I am sure you will find the friendships that will be enriching to your SL experience. Good Luck!

Melody Star

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