Resiliency In Second Life

[BilliJo Aldrin]

6 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

That's like saying those needing help, don't need it in virtual. Do we magically become gods in sl? Be a good marketing angle.

Become a god in Secondlife!

A lot of guys in sl think they are gods gift to women 😂

[Persephone Emerald]

29 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

That's an unfair statement.  If you utilize SL to expand yourself in major ways, to grow, it can be quite stressful.  It's what I've chosen to do here and I love it.  Not saying everybody should do that. But all stress requires coping mechanisms, whether in RL or SL.

Also, judging from all the chaos in the relationship area of the forum I'd say there's lots of miserable people in SL who could learn some resiliency techniques to make their SL a happier one.

 

14 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

That is absolutely WEIRD!

Now that (assuming) I understand, if these are being used to mitigate stress WITHIN SL caused BY SL, just..wow!

I'm with Rolig on this one.  The day I have to "pray in SL" to "deal with SL", I've gone beyond the pale.

Ok, I'm going to walk back and qualify my previous statement a bit.

What we feel is within us, whether the stimulus for that feeling comes from an interaction in real life, in SL, or from something we watch on TV or read in a book. Any coping mechanisms we use to control our emotions are valid as long ad they work for us and don't hurt others.

Prayer, in my opinion, is a type of communication between a person's consciousness and a perceived or imagined entity they may define as a diety. If one prays in SL, one is also praying in RL - unless they're only putting their avatar through an animation and typing text they don't really believe or feel. In RL, pretending to pray so that others will think they are praying, would also not really be praying.

If we feel upset or stressed by something we read, we can close that book. If we feel upset by something we see on TV or experience in SL, we can turn off the TV or log out of SL. However, the feelings we felt will likely remain with us, so dealing with them is not as simple as closing the book, turning off the TV, teleporting away or logging out of SL. I think removing the stressor/ trigger first, then analyzing one's emotions would help. I think listening to soothing music, prayer or meditation, or switching to a different activity that focuses one's mind in a different direction could help.

If the stressor comes from within SL and it was relatively minor, then moving to a different virtual location and doing something that feels soothing may be enough. If one frequently feels stressed by interactions in SL or problems with the SL interface, however, then taking a break from SL may help more, in my opinion.

[Love Zhaoying]

4 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

Prayer, in my opinion, is a type of communication between a person's consciousness and a perceived or imagined entity they may define as a diety.

I have also known people, including my own RL father (a Christian AFAIK), who for them "prayer" meant "meditation".  So, it's one of those things that seems "solid" until you look too close or ask too many people.

5 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

If one prays in SL, one is also praying in RL - unless they're only putting their avatar through an animation and typing text they don't really believe or feel.

YES!

6 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

If we feel upset or stressed by something we read, we can close that book. If we feel upset by something we see on TV or experience in SL, we can turn off the TV or log out of SL. However, the feelings we felt will likely remain with us, so dealing with them is not as simple as closing the book, turning off the TV, teleporting away or logging out of SL. I think removing the stressor/ trigger first, then analyzing one's emotions would help. I think listening to soothing music, prayer or meditation, or switching to a different activity that focuses one's mind in a different direction could help.

If the stressor comes from within SL and it was relatively minor, then moving to a different virtual location and doing something that feels soothing may be enough. If one frequently feels stressed by interactions in SL or problems with the SL interface, however, then taking a break from SL may help more, in my opinion.

Agreed, "staying in SL" to deal with some SL stress doesn't - on the surface - make much sense.

 

[Kyrie Deka]

9 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

What we feel is within us, whether the stimulus for that feeling comes from an interaction in real life, in SL, or from something we watch on TV or read in a book. Any coping mechanisms we use to control our emotions are valid as long ad they work for us and don't hurt others.

I haven't finished reading your commentary, but this is gold. 

[Rolig Loon]

8 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

If the stressor comes from within SL and it was relatively minor, then moving to a different virtual location and doing something that feels soothing may be enough. If one frequently feels stressed by interactions in SL or problems with the SL interface, however, then taking a break from SL may help more, in my opinion.

Thank you. That's a more eloquent version of my post a half hour ago. I come to SL to relax, be creative, talk with friends, and explore. I rarely get stressed out by odd things that happen here. If I do, I leave. There's no problem so great in SL that I can't just teleport away from or leave behind as I log out.  I've been here a very long time, but I never lose sight of the fact that this is not RL. If it ever loses its joy, I know where the door is.

[Love Zhaoying]

* falls off soapbox into angry crowd *

 

[Kyrie Deka]

1 minute ago, Rolig Loon said:

If I do, I leave. There's no problem so great in SL that I can't just teleport away from or leave behind as I log out.  I've been here a very long time, but I never lose sight of the fact that this is not RL. If it ever loses its joy, I know where the door is.

Amen.  Not sellin my religion with that.  

9 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

t's one of those things that seems "solid" until you look too close or ask too many people.

And prayer to some is a reminder they are not alone.  In the most silent, still, horrifying moments of their day.  And its intimately personal.  A resource one really defines in themselves.  Anyone who has ever worked a suicide hotline understands.  It ain't about advertising the best religion.  Its sometimes identifying how to get one to the next day.  

[Love Zhaoying]

1 minute ago, Kyrie Deka said:

And prayer to some is a reminder they are not alone.  In the most silent, still, horrifying moments of their day. 

I am reminded of The Kinks song, "Destroyer":

… There's a red under my bed
And there's a little green man in my head
And he said, "You're not going crazy, you're just a bit sad
'Cause there's a man in ya, gnawing ya, tearing ya into two"

… Silly boy, ya self-destroyer
Paranoia, the destroyer

[Kyrie Deka]

9 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

* falls off soapbox into angry crowd *

And on resiliency too, it helps to have those around us whose language reminds us to not take ourselves (in SL) too seriously.  So we don't get too immersed in the latest trigger, for too long.  I bet that's appreciated by lots of folks here and appreciation for it not expressed nearly enough.  

[Love Zhaoying]

Just now, Kyrie Deka said:

13 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

* falls off soapbox into angry crowd *

And on resiliency too, it helps to have those around us whose language reminds us to not take ourselves (in SL) too seriously.  So we don't get too immersed in the latest trigger, for too long.  I bet that's appreciated by lots of folks here and appreciation for it not expressed nearly enough.  

* shakes fist *

I didn't fall off, someone bloody pushed me!

* curses at clouds *

 

[Persephone Emerald]

1 minute ago, Love Zhaoying said:

* shakes fist *

I didn't fall off, someone bloody pushed me!

* curses at clouds *

Maintaining a sense of humor is also a good coping mechanism for resiliency against life's stressors. 

[Ayashe Ninetails]

18 minutes ago, Rolig Loon said:

Thank you. That's a more eloquent version of my post a half hour ago. I come to SL to relax, be creative, talk with friends, and explore. I rarely get stressed out by odd things that happen here. If I do, I leave. There's no problem so great in SL that I can't just teleport away from or leave behind as I log out.  I've been here a very long time, but I never lose sight of the fact that this is not RL. If it ever loses its joy, I know where the door is.

My feelings exactly.

SL has never been a source of real stress for me. Quite the opposite, in fact. It's where I go to escape from it.

[Love Zhaoying]

21 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

Maintaining a sense of humor is also a good coping mechanism for resiliency against life's stressors. 

Especially, the ability to laugh at one's self, and not take yourself too seriously!!

[Cinnamon Mistwood]

Okay, after reading all this, I admit that I have no idea what the intention of the post is or how it relates to SL.

I am trying to think of times that emotional resiliency in SL would be needed.

The only thing I can think of is a breakup of partners or friends.  There have been so many broken-heart posts in the relationship subforum, that all the advice for that has already been given.

Can someone give me other examples of when a person might need emotional resiliency in SL?  Most of the issues I've read in this thread are when people bring real life issues into SL,  not ones that actually happen in SL.

Luna, without naming people you know or telling stories that are private to them, what issues are you asking for coping mechanisms for?  What SL related issues are you seeing?  Just generally.  Maybe your subject is just too broad to get suggestions.

How do you cope with stress in SL?  That depends on a lot of things like what the actual SL related issue is.

Otherwise, I've heard: music, prayer, and logging out as coping mechanisms, but none of those are specific to SL problems.

[Rolig Loon]

14 minutes ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

Otherwise, I've heard: music, prayer, and logging out as coping mechanisms, but none of those are specific to SL problems.

If you mean that none of those suggestions is unique to SL, that's true.  Any of them might be used to relieve stress that someone felt because of something in SL, though.  Stressed out over losing stuff in your inventory? Close your eyes and meditate... OMmmm.  Really annoyed at a neighbor's billboard?  Put on a smooth jazz album and zone out for a bit.  Having a panic attack because of the crowd at a sales event?   TP home and take a deep breath.  I agree that there's nothing new and magical in any of that, which also means I agree that this is sort of a ho-hum topic for a thread, but they are perfectly good ways to chill out in SL.

[Love Zhaoying]

54 minutes ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

Okay, after reading all this

Wow! You must own stock in Dramamine!

54 minutes ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

I admit that I have no idea what the intention of the post is or how it relates to SL.

Thank you.  Somewhere in between the lines, not long ago, Luna repeated that she was attending a (Wisdom?) group or something in-world and being inspired by it. How that relates to the Kipling poem..and how the Kipling poem relates to Resiliency in Second life..?!?

54 minutes ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

The only thing I can think of is a breakup of partners or friends.  There have been so many broken-heart posts in the relationship subforum, that all the advice for that has already been given.

Can someone give me other examples of when a person might need emotional resiliency in SL?  Most of the issues I've read in this thread are when people bring real life issues into SL,  not ones that actually happen in SL.

I think you nailed it with the partners/friends examples. 

Another general. theoretical example could be something like: A person "feels rooted in" / "is dependant on" SL due to RL issues. Then something in SL (drama, LL issues, recent events, being griefed / stalked) shakes their faith that SL can continue to be that thing they need, so they consider leaving. In that situation, I can see where a person could be devastated at the possibility of "leaving" / "losing" SL.  But since they have that dependence on SL - there is really no choice and they they have to find reasons to stay regardless of whatever the trauma / drama is..

54 minutes ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

Luna, without naming people you know or telling stories that are private to them, what issues are you asking for coping mechanisms for?  What SL related issues are you seeing?  Just generally. 

I also questioned whether there was actually an "issue in Second Life". It's a stretch..unless someone has that "I gotta get OUTTA HERE (SL)" experience but has nowhere else to go.

54 minutes ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

How do you cope with stress in SL?  That depends on a lot of things like what the actual SL related issue is.

Otherwise, I've heard: music, prayer, and logging out as coping mechanisms, but none of those are specific to SL problems.

My own suggestions would be to "explore safe spaces with a friend", for example. Work on an Alt. (But, a lot of people may be so firmly rooted in "their SL" that the concept of an Alt is foreign, not helpful.)

 

Edited April 17 by Love Zhaoying
Proofread

[Luna Bliss]

5 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Agreed, "staying in SL" to deal with some SL stress doesn't - on the surface - make much sense.

You seem to consider Second Life as just "one thing" instead of as a platform where many activities are occurring simultaneously. I wouldn't just log off from SL if I encountered a stressful experience anymore than I log off of RL when encountering a stressful event. As I do in RL I do in SL -- I simply change my experience to a more pleasant one.
Wow...I just really don't get how you consider SL as 'just one thing' and are unable to make distinctions.

For example, say I attend a therapy group in SL where people are fighting or some blowhard is dominating the group with a destructive philosophy (has happened). I don't just LEAVE SL then...I go to a forest in SL, or sit by the SL ocean, or work on my park -- I deliberately choose to have a better experience (the awareness that one can often choose a better experience at any time is a major facet in resiliency).

Another example...creating things in SL is often quite pleasant and fun, but in the creation process there are times when I just want to pull my freakin hair out due to not being able to figure something out, or due to not seeing it turn out as I'd hoped. When this happens I can, again, go to a nature area and recuperate, or perhaps go dancing, or talk to a friend. These are all tools that enhance resiliency in SL, and changing experiences in and of itself when needed is a valuable coping skill.

I do just log of sometimes if having a difficult experience in SL, as many do. But this really depends on what what activity I want to encounter next, be it in SL or RL.

 

[Luna Bliss]

1 hour ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

Okay, after reading all this, I admit that I have no idea what the intention of the post is or how it relates to SL.

I am trying to think of times that emotional resiliency in SL would be needed.

The only thing I can think of is a breakup of partners or friends.  There have been so many broken-heart posts in the relationship subforum, that all the advice for that has already been given.

Can someone give me other examples of when a person might need emotional resiliency in SL?  Most of the issues I've read in this thread are when people bring real life issues into SL,  not ones that actually happen in SL.

Luna, without naming people you know or telling stories that are private to them, what issues are you asking for coping mechanisms for?  What SL related issues are you seeing?  Just generally.  Maybe your subject is just too broad to get suggestions.

How do you cope with stress in SL?  That depends on a lot of things like what the actual SL related issue is.

Otherwise, I've heard: music, prayer, and logging out as coping mechanisms, but none of those are specific to SL problems.

I think it's great that you use SL to enhance your life (that signifies resiliency). Sounds like you have a stressful job and want to kick back and have fun, afterward... take photos,  meet some friends, whatever.
There are so many ways we can utilize SL to enhance our lives -- social experiences like friendships, dancing, romantic partners...or a place to unleash our creative spirit via creating content or decorating our home... or learning more about our worlds @ Whole Brain Health and other places...or forming a spiritual connection @ Kirtan, my chanting group, or at any of the numerous meditation venues throughout SL.
Yes SL is a great place to increase resiliency, to cope with our sometimes difficult RL via having some fun, taking in some entertainment, or exploring new "elements" (hehe SL birthday focus) in our world.

You asked about dealing with stressors in SL utilizing SL to do so -- you can view what I just posted to Love about using SL to deal with stress caused by various activities within SL itself for those details. I doubt you'd experience these stressors though if you aren't deliberately participating in groups where some sort of growth is the goal, because the change required for growing into new ways of being is not always easy (for example, like in spiritual or therapy groups, or activities where major creativity is a focus). Likely you would not experience stress if you're not forming especially close bonds with others too (in closer relationships with others there likely will be friction at some point).

Edited April 17 by Luna Bliss

[Love Zhaoying]

2 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

You seem to consider Second Life as just "one thing" instead of as a platform where many activities are occurring simultaneously. I wouldn't just log off from SL if I encountered a stressful experience anymore than I log off of RL when encountering a stressful event. As I do in RL I do in SL -- I simply change my experience to a more pleasant one.
Wow...I just really don't get how you consider SL as 'just one thing' and are unable to make distinctions.

Putting words in my mouth. I didn't say that I consider SL "just 1 thing"; you did, twice!

To clarify: if anyone is experiencing stress, and wants to get away from that stress, then common sense is to remove themselves from the source of stress. 

This doesn't mean SL is "one thing". It is, however, a "fantasy world", which many people "step away from" on occasion to get away from it. I've done it. Haven't you?

6 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

When this happens I can, again, go to a nature area and recuperate, or perhaps go dancing, or talk to a friend. These are all tools that enhance resiliency in SL, and changing experiences in and of itself when needed is a valuable coping skill.

I guess you ignored or didn't read my previous post, where I suggested:

29 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

be to "explore safe spaces with a friend",

So, I didn't suggest walking away from SL; I suggested an activity just like you did.

8 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

I do just log of sometimes if having a difficult experience in SL, as many do. But this really depends on what what activity I want to encounter next, be it in SL or RL.

 

Ok..so if I understand, then logging out when needed, can add to the resilience you need in order to continue.

Not sure what your issue is, except overreacting to my post. 👍🏾

[Luna Bliss]

36 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Putting words in my mouth. I didn't say that I consider SL "just 1 thing"; you did, twice!

To clarify: if anyone is experiencing stress, and wants to get away from that stress, then common sense is to remove themselves from the source of stress. 

This doesn't mean SL is "one thing". It is, however, a "fantasy world", which many people "step away from" on occasion to get away from it. I've done it. Haven't you?

It's not a fantasy world unless you make it so.  I choose not to. Please respect my reality as well as your own.

You said it was weird to use SL to cope with something caused by SL -- one could only make that statement if they don't view SL as having many variables within it  a person could switch activities to, and instead see SL as just one thing to log off from if stress occurs.  Otherwise, why would utilizing one aspect of SL to deal with another different facet be weird? It seems practical to me if you are able to see the other varied experiences available in SL.

Edited April 17 by Luna Bliss

[Luna Bliss]

5 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

37 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

be to "explore safe spaces with a friend",

So, I didn't suggest walking away from SL; I suggested an activity just like you did.

You did add that... later...yes.

[Luna Bliss]

39 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

1 hour ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

I admit that I have no idea what the intention of the post is or how it relates to SL.

Thank you.  Somewhere in between the lines, not long ago, Luna repeated that she was attending a (Wisdom?) group or something in-world and being inspired by it. How that relates to the Kipling poem..and how the Kipling poem relates to Resiliency in Second life..?!?

The Kipling poem cites ways we are or can be resilient in our lives. As I said, you can utilize some of those points in that poem or cite your own coping mechanisms that you utilize in SL to deal with stress (whether the stress you want to deal with occurs in SL or RL, this is a discussion about how SL can help us cope).

Your posts mainly serve to confuse people and distract...I wish you'd stop.

I'd prefer that you simply cite if anything helps you deal with stress in SL.  If nothing does, fine, but no need to keep challenging what I'm asking for here.

[Persephone Emerald]

5 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

The Kipling poem cites ways we are or can be resilient in our lives. As I said, you can utilize some of those points in that poem or cite your own coping mechanisms that you utilize in SL to deal with stress (whether the stress you want to deal with occurs in SL or RL, this is a discussion about how SL can help us cope).

Your posts mainly serve to confuse people and distract...I wish you'd stop.

I'd prefer that you simply cite if anything helps you deal with stress in SL.  If nothing does, fine, but no need to keep challenging what I'm asking for here.

I don't think @Love Zhaoying is confusing people.

I think you might be invested in viewing SL as having more importance in your life than many other people feel it has in theirs. I love having SL as part of my life, but I think being in RL nature is more grounding and healing for me than being in a virtual recreation of nature. Focusing enough on RL is also necessary for being able to pay one's RL expenses, let alone for getting along amicably with other people in RL.

If one can't get to the coast in RL, a virtual beach with surf sounds might be sufficient, but it's not really as good as the real thing. I love my little house in SL, but it's not a substitute for a RL home where I can feel safe and comfortable. 

Of course SL isn't just one thing. Of course the people behind the avatars are real people with RL experiences, thoughts and emotions - but this doesn't mean that an experience in SL is equal to an equivalent experience in RL. I'm not being flippant, but one needs to touch real grass, not just virtual or plastic grass.

When I feel either frustrated or unsatisfied by my experience of SL, I log out and think about what it is that's bothering me and what do I actually enjoy doing in SL. I think it's necessary to have this distance, this separation from the medium, in order to think clearly about it. 

For example, I was feeling frustrated by not being able to fit my existing clothing nicely onto a new mesh body. I had to decide which is more important to me for each of my avatars, having a body shape I like better or having a large, existing "closet" of clothing. Struggling with my clothing inventory and feeling frustrated by it, isn't a good use of my time spent in SL. I decided that my alts don't need to wear the new body, then I won't have that frustration with them. Deciding to limit myself to my 4 current accounts, and these each being limited in what they wear and do, also limits my potential for feeling overwhelmed or frustrated in SL.

[Kathlen Onyx]

When I am feeling stressed  in SL I play other games such as this one. It really helps with some of the people on SL that frustrate me.

 

[Love Zhaoying]

5 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

but one needs to touch real grass, not just virtual or plastic grass.

I was just thinking, possibly some of the emphasis on "nature" / sacred spaces in SL would make more sense if those didn't still exist in RL. So one day in a dystopian future, without the RL resources for reflection and escape - the arguments will make more sense.

And of course, many probably don't have access to RL sacred spaces / "escapes" even today, for various reasons.

If I think really really hard, I start to see it, but then I've had to fill in the gaps of someone else's examples with my own reasoning. 👍🏾😺