Not sure how he finds me every time

[Myrthe Mysterious]

Hello,
My 1st post on the forum, I have been thinking about it for some time. But didn't dare well, now I am so done with it.
I have someone who has been "stalking" me for 3 years I am getting sick of it, I have already read here on the forum. And most things I have already done, I have already deleted my account once and made new ones (I think about 10 times) really every time he finds me again and at first I didn't understand how, now that I found out who it is (my 1st sl partner) I did understand, I was just new here and he wanted to help me set up my macbook, so via teamviewer he could get into my laptop. I gave him my password back then. Very stupid of course, but well I was new, naive and still trusted people. He uses multiple accounts himself to fool me again, I still fell for it then. Now I have been here a bit longer and don't let myself be fooled anymore, only now I don't trust anyone at all, I often  go online to shop, do inventory or change avi, because he wont leave me alone. At first I went to the same places, but now I dont even go to the same places. And yes I am sure of most of them it is him (way of typing, his behaviour, saying things he cannot know, using familiar personal things against me. I used an online tracker ( stupid I know and not 100% sure, but yes in desperation you do something anyway) I got rid of my macbook afterwards and bought another laptop, I have a vpn by now, and changed internet provider, and still he finds my newest account and bothers me there. I know for sure it is him, He made the mistake to anwser something with the wrong account.( Ask A and anwsered with B ) Sometimes he knew my RL name, or that I have a son. And I did not told him on that account he is as a new friend. again the same typing, same things he knows but cant know, using stuff I told him once on one of my other accounts. And first It made me mad and I reacted or put stuff in my profile, only I realize that that is something that is giving him more fuell. So I dont do that anymore, but every time I meet a new person, at first I don't know if it is him, after some talks I realize, and then he already got a reaction.Or he was my best bff in a female avi, and it turned out it was him. And I really doubted myself if i was seeing things that were not there, but after some time just observing, I know he is using mutiple accounts, and he is partnered. So why not leave me alone. I hope someone knows how I can stop this. I already filed an AR for a few, but he is smart and he uses many different accounts. He doesn't say things where they can do anything about. But it is very annoying and at first I felt hurt because of the things he said. I am not letting him effect me anymore by what he says, but it is really annoying and SL is no fun like this, I cant make any friends like this anymore. Someone knows what I can do so he wont find me again, or leave me alone?

I hope you understand my typing, because english is not my mother language.

[ValKalAstra]

Okay this is complicated and not because of your english, mine is worse and people generally make sense of it or attribute it to "nina be a weird bunny".

No what's weird is how he keeps finding you. VPN, new computer, new account, new social circles - he shouldn't be able to link things that easily. One thing did set off serious warning signals and that's giving him Teamviewer remote privileges because at that point, he could have done just about anything to your computer.

I am sure you have revoked those permissions since then, right? Better yet, you didn't also install it on your new computer? When you switched machines, did you pay special attention to what you migrated? I don't own a Mac so I'm not that proficient in it but did you check which apps got privacy permissions?

Internet search says to: Choose Apple menu > System Settings, then click Privacy & Security in the sidebar. Check if there's any app in there having access it shouldn't have.

Does Apple have got a service point nearby or so? Maybe you can bring it there with the suspicion that someone got access to it and what you can do? Just spitballing but giving some remote access is... not just naive. It's dangerous.

[InnerCity Elf]

That sounds really annoying indeed. I don't know about the technical ways that person might have to find you "technically" despite ditching that Macbook and using a VPN, but some non-technical thoughts.

Maybe your "different social circles" aren't as different as you think? Probably pretty much we all tend to go to maybe not the same - if we want to avoid someone - but still similar places, quite obviously, as usually, we won't suddenly completely change our interests and personality. If they are an actual stalker type, and with that behaviour, even pretending to be your bff, and all, not much doubt there, they might be fine with investing the time to stalk profiles in "likely places", and even if you don't deliberately let him know it's you any more in your profiles, there might be enough "tells" for them in those, or even in how your avi is set up, to know or guess, or strike up enough conversations with enough people at such places to guess or know it's you from conversation, they might also know your likely online-times, ...

Things you could try might be being online when they probably aren't if possible, being very careful with your profiles, go to REALLY "out-of-character places", think about things you could say in conversations with new or "new" people that would either make them think "oh, that can't be her, next!", or might reveal their identity to you early on, before you've invested time in your new "bff".

All that won't help if they really have a way to technically identify you despite your technical measures, though. In which case, I'd be extra hyper careful with giving out personal RL info than you should be anyway.

[Miranda Tretiak]

Block and report is your best friend. Never ever feed them with attention because then you're just going around that vicious circle again. Don't go the places you used to go to with them, don't socialize with people who socialize with them. 

I know all the above seems harsh and difficult. However, if you're seriously over it. You'll do whatever it is that you have to do to not allow them any space in your head, time in SL and/or out of SL.

[Robberinthemuseum]

This is my worst nightmare. I don't know how he is finding you. I would have freaked out and left SL altogether in your shoes. Creepy af!

[xViXeNx71]

First of all, I'm very sorry to hear what is happening to you. I have been in a very similar situation many years ago (not in SL, but an online game I was playing at the time).

After an initial close friendship, my bff started to get obsessed with me and started to stalk, harass and eventually threaten me. I've made numerous alts to get away from them, but every single time they found me. It turned out that they had hacked my computer and put spyware on it, so they knew everything I did, from what time I started my laptop to what my location was. I eventually got rid of it by running every malware scanner I could find, till one caught the spyware and deleted it. Anyway, I will save you the full story, as they took it to RL and has been going on for years. It got pretty nasty, to the point where I had to call the police.

The police has given me the best advice though. They said:  this person is obsessed with you, and they want your attention. If it can't be in a nice way, then it will be in a bad/mean way, as long as they get you to respond to them. So the only thing that might help, is totally ignoring them. Don't respond in any way, no matter what they say or do. Even a simple "leave me alone" will be enough for them to continue, because you're giving them attention. So only once they realise that whatever effort they make to make you respond is useless, they might eventually get tired of it and stop.

And that's exactly what happened. At first it got worse because they freaked out and panicked, because I wouldn't respond to their threats, But eventually I got a message from them, saying "this is the last time you're gonna hear from me" , and that was it. Never heard from them again.

So good luck, I hope this helps you to deal with this.

[Myrthe Mysterious]

1 hour ago, ValKalAstra said:

Okay this is complicated and not because of your english, mine is worse and people generally make sense of it or attribute it to "nina be a weird bunny".

No what's weird is how he keeps finding you. VPN, new computer, new account, new social circles - he shouldn't be able to link things that easily. One thing did set off serious warning signals and that's giving him Teamviewer remote privileges because at that point, he could have done just about anything to your computer.

I am sure you have revoked those permissions since then, right? Better yet, you didn't also install it on your new computer? When you switched machines, did you pay special attention to what you migrated? I don't own a Mac so I'm not that proficient in it but did you check which apps got privacy permissions?

Internet search says to: Choose Apple menu > System Settings, then click Privacy & Security in the sidebar. Check if there's any app in there having access it shouldn't have.

Does Apple have got a service point nearby or so? Maybe you can bring it there with the suspicion that someone got access to it and what you can do? Just spitballing but giving some remote access is... not just naive. It's dangerous.

It really is weird, but he told me at the beginning that he could use something that showed every account that would login with the same IP, only I changed mine and use VPN now.

Yes, I set my mac back to the Factory settings, and I dont use that anymore, and the one I use now is not a mac at all

and no teamviewer on my new one either, but thank you for your reaction. 

[Myrthe Mysterious]

1 hour ago, InnerCity Elf said:

That sounds really annoying indeed. I don't know about the technical ways that person might have to find you "technically" despite ditching that Macbook and using a VPN, but some non-technical thoughts.

Maybe your "different social circles" aren't as different as you think? Probably pretty much we all tend to go to maybe not the same - if we want to avoid someone - but still similar places, quite obviously, as usually, we won't suddenly completely change our interests and personality. If they are an actual stalker type, and with that behaviour, even pretending to be your bff, and all, not much doubt there, they might be fine with investing the time to stalk profiles in "likely places", and even if you don't deliberately let him know it's you any more in your profiles, there might be enough "tells" for them in those, or even in how your avi is set up, to know or guess, or strike up enough conversations with enough people at such places to guess or know it's you from conversation, they might also know your likely online-times, ...

Things you could try might be being online when they probably aren't if possible, being very careful with your profiles, go to REALLY "out-of-character places", think about things you could say in conversations with new or "new" people that would either make them think "oh, that can't be her, next!", or might reveal their identity to you early on, before you've invested time in your new "bff".

All that won't help if they really have a way to technically identify you despite your technical measures, though. In which case, I'd be extra hyper careful with giving out personal RL info than you should be anyway.

My social circle is very small, I removed all my friends. And on my new accounts I dont "allow" new friends, because I do no trust people anymore. He used everything, every avi..I mean difference in all of them.

And maybe you are right about that, I do go to the same stores, or buy hair from the same store.

But I don't go to any place I went before, I mostly just hang out at my home, so he wont find me, and when I stay there I am fine and only when I have a Linden home.

I should work in my typing for sure, he once said he would always reconize my typing

No I dont share any RL info anymore, I am really careful and I don't even listen to music inworld anymore.

Thank you for your reaction 

[Myrthe Mysterious]

1 hour ago, Miranda Tretiak said:

Block and report is your best friend. Never ever feed them with attention because then you're just going around that vicious circle again. Don't go the places you used to go to with them, don't socialize with people who socialize with them. 

I know all the above seems harsh and difficult. However, if you're seriously over it. You'll do whatever it is that you have to do to not allow them any space in your head, time in SL and/or out of SL.

You are right, I never was a person who blocked others. But now I do.

Only before I realize it is him again, we already talked. And believe me I will do anything so he leaves me alone.

I changed account a few times, I removed all my friends which means I have no friends, I dont trust people anymore

 

Thank you

[Myrthe Mysterious]

8 minutes ago, Robberinthemuseum said:

This is my worst nightmare. I don't know how he is finding you. I would have freaked out and left SL altogether in your shoes. Creepy af!

I did leave, but came back. I really like to be in SL and for me it really is distracting me sometimes from some RL stuff

[Qie Niangao]

1 hour ago, ValKalAstra said:

No what's weird is how he keeps finding you. VPN, new computer, new account, new social circles - he shouldn't be able to link things that easily. One thing did set off serious warning signals and that's giving him Teamviewer remote privileges because at that point, he could have done just about anything to your computer.

Yeah, Teamviewer can be safe or very dangerous. If he was given control (not only viewing) he could have "diagnosed the network" to download and install a backdoor quickly enough it wouldn't be obvious what he was doing, then used it later to install something more permanent and cover his tracks. Could he get something into a web app or some program that would follow you onto a new machine? I guess, theoretically, but it seems a stretch. The only reason to consider anything like this is the extent of steps already taken to defeat more typical stalker behavior.

57 minutes ago, InnerCity Elf said:

Things you could try might be being online when they probably aren't if possible, being very careful with your profiles, go to REALLY "out-of-character places", think about things you could say in conversations with new or "new" people that would either make them think "oh, that can't be her, next!", or might reveal their identity to you early on, before you've invested time in your new "bff".

All that won't help if they really have a way to technically identify you despite your technical measures, though.

That suggests a test for whether the technical threat is real here: Continue to use an already stalked account as close to "normally" as possible, despite being stalked, but also create a completely out-of-character alt. Make them something totally unlike your past accounts and explore like a newbie role-playing an opposite sex furry or whatever it takes to be utterly unlike anything you've been before. Tell yourself you're taking a "holiday" on a completely different game for a while. Gradually stop using the stalked character (you'll need to replace it eventually anyway, right?) to see if the stalker follows you to the new account. If so, it's a pretty big clue that some tech tracking is going on—and that this stalker is obsessing over RL, not any SL feature absent from this new account.

2 hours ago, Myrthe Mysterious said:

 SL is no fun like this

Indeed, and it's a miracle you've stuck with it through all this, so it would be too sad not to find a way to fix it.

Responses to these situations usually focus on how to just ignore the annoying parts, but I wonder if anybody knows the kind of specific records that could be used in Abuse Reports to actually get him (and future alts) banned.

[Myrthe Mysterious]

11 minutes ago, xViXeNx71 said:

First of all, I'm very sorry to hear what is happening to you. I have been in a very similar situation many years ago (not in SL, but an online game I was playing at the time).

After an initial close friendship, my bff started to get obsessed with me and started to stalk, harass and eventually threaten me. I've made numerous alts to get away from them, but every single time they found me. It turned out that they had hacked my computer and put spyware on it, so they knew everything I did, from what time I started my laptop to what my location was. I eventually got rid of it by running every malware scanner I could find, till one caught the spyware and deleted it. Anyway, I will save you the full story, as they took it to RL and has been going on for years. It got pretty nasty, to the point where I had to call the police.

The police has given me the best advice though. They said:  this person is obsessed with you, and they want your attention. If it can't be in a nice way, then it will be in a bad/mean way, as long as they get you to respond to them. So the only thing that might help, is totally ignoring them. Don't respond in any way, no matter what they say or do. Even a simple "leave me alone" will be enough for them to continue, because you're giving them attention. So only once they realise that whatever effort they make to make you respond is useless, they might eventually get tired of it and stop.

And that's exactly what happened. At first it got worse because they freaked out and panicked, because I wouldn't respond to their threats, But eventually I got a message from them, saying "this is the last time you're gonna hear from me" , and that was it. Never heard from them again.

So good luck, I hope this helps you to deal with this.

Sounds alot like what is happening to me. I once told him he was an obsessed psycho, and he told me that he was obsessed for some time. But that he got over it and moved on and thats what I should do...uhm I am trying you wont stop.

And I am really trying to ignore him the moment I know it is him again I ignore him and let him go.

I have put my new laptop back to factory settings a few times, I put antivirus on it, I did used malware scanner also, but nothing. Maybe I need to try another one.

I only realized it was him recently. He came back after 2,5 years with his account I knew him from, and we talked and he suddenly asked me if I changed laptop, if I was still using my mac. Then I woke up and realized it was him.

And you know Im not afraid at all, but someone who is behind a screen bothering and attacking you you cant fight against that. playing mindgames.

But sorry to hear this happend to you, and very happy to hear that it is over and that this person leaves you alone

[Myrthe Mysterious]

45 minutes ago, Qie Niangao said:

Yeah, Teamviewer can be safe or very dangerous. If he was given control (not only viewing) he could have "diagnosed the network" to download and install a backdoor quickly enough it wouldn't be obvious what he was doing, then used it later to install something more permanent and cover his tracks. Could he get something into a web app or some program that would follow you onto a new machine? I guess, theoretically, but it seems a stretch. The only reason to consider anything like this is the extent of steps already taken to defeat more typical stalker behavior.

That suggests a test for whether the technical threat is real here: Continue to use an already stalked account as close to "normally" as possible, despite being stalked, but also create a completely out-of-character alt. Make them something totally unlike your past accounts and explore like a newbie role-playing an opposite sex furry or whatever it takes to be utterly unlike anything you've been before. Tell yourself you're taking a "holiday" on a completely different game for a while. Gradually stop using the stalked character (you'll need to replace it eventually anyway, right?) to see if the stalker follows you to the new account. If so, it's a pretty big clue that some tech tracking is going on—and that this stalker is obsessing over RL, not any SL feature absent from this new account.

Indeed, and it's a miracle you've stuck with it through all this, so it would be too sad not to find a way to fix it.

Responses to these situations usually focus on how to just ignore the annoying parts, but I wonder if anybody knows the kind of specific records that could be used in Abuse Reports to actually get him (and future alts) banned.

Well he had control over it, and he did install a program to help make mac easier. And He did told me on one of his accounts that he would always find me. 

Only he came back a few weeks ago with the account I knew him from all of a sudden after being gone for 2,5 years. I did not knew it was him at that time.

But he asked me all of a sudden on what kinda laptop I was using the mac or another one, after giving it some thought I realized it was him, and that I gave him permission on my mac back then.

And he knew I thought It was someone else who did it ( I talked with him out of sl for a few weeks after he left) , he said "oh is that guy still bothering you, when will he stop"

I told him I did not wanted to talk with him anymore and I knew it was him, he got so mad and starting saying that I was crazy and that I was so smart and I figured everything out.Bravo you are the best, something like that. Then I knew it for sure.

I already did that, I deleted myrthe for almost 2 months. And I used a total new account, after I changed my internet provider and after using vpn. And still he found me.

So I dont know for sure what he is using, but I do know he is very good with the internet techniques 

Oh I can tell you that It drove me crazy at times, and I really wanted to leave, but Im a stubborn person and I thought why would I let him make me leave something I like so much.

But to be honest I dont really enjoy it at the moment anymore

Thank you for your anwser

 

Edited April 11 by Myrthe Mysterious

[Miranda Tretiak]

Don't make alts. Don't change accounts. Just do you. Do the block and report. The reports that help are the ones where there is any form of physical threat especially when they know your RL address. Also if the person is harassing you outside of SL via phone. Keep copies of every single form of contact. Record all of it. But never add fuel to the fire. 

If you keep changing accounts, it's a sign to them that they've "won" (warped way of looking at things, but when you're dealing with this, you're dealing with warped mindsets). 

Keep yourself to those that you trust. It may only be one person, but over time that one person will become someone else and so on. You will soon take control back, which is what they're trying to do with you. If you let them, they've won. If you log in and do your own thing and just quietly do what you need to do for proof, they'll be none the wiser.

Thinking of you. 

[WereBeast Alpha]

Make sure the router and modem you have are not tampered with who knows what this person did to know what you are doing online. The internet can be scary I understand with this situation had my fair share of stalkers online. 

[Myrthe Mysterious]

2 minutes ago, Miranda Tretiak said:

Don't make alts. Don't change accounts. Just do you. Do the block and report. The reports that help are the ones where there is any form of physical threat especially when they know your RL address. Also if the person is harassing you outside of SL via phone. Keep copies of every single form of contact. Record all of it. But never add fuel to the fire. 

If you keep changing accounts, it's a sign to them that they've "won" (warped way of looking at things, but when you're dealing with this, you're dealing with warped mindsets). 

Keep yourself to those that you trust. It may only be one person, but over time that one person will become someone else and so on. You will soon take control back, which is what they're trying to do with you. If you let them, they've won. If you log in and do your own thing and just quietly do what you need to do for proof, they'll be none the wiser.

Thinking of you. 

I know you are right, I made like 10 new accounts in the last 3 years. And I left them all again, for 3 weeks ago I thought  I need to stop doing this and just use my main.

He even put in one of his profiles, it is all about the hunt, it gives me a thrill. So I know he is enjoying this.

I have no friends anymore I removed them all, I found out that from the 20 friends I had 5 were atleast him. So much happend, with friends. I really thought I was going crazy and seeing things that were not there. When I told some friends, they said I was paranoia or I should not overthink, or it is just a game. him talking

Well when someone uses your moms dead to gain friendship with you, or coming at you with an alt and saying "oh I finally found a woman who likes to get forced into sex" and so many more stuff. I am getting emotional

But you know I am a person who always sees the good in others, I really never ever would believe anyone who would tell me that there are people out there who have this behavior

 

[Myrthe Mysterious]

7 minutes ago, WereBeast Alpha said:

Make sure the router and modem you have are not tampered with who knows what this person did to know what you are doing online. The internet can be scary I understand with this situation had my fair share of stalkers online. 

He was in my modem/router online at first, he needed to change stuff for my mac. I was so silly and naieve back then

But I changed internet provider and got a new modem and router, you think he still can access that?

[Arielle Popstar]

I've disappeared a few times over the years by taking a sabbatical from SL and going to Opensim or IMVU for 6 months or longer and when I returned found the ones I used to know where gone or had moved on to others. In my case it wasn't that I was actively trying to avoid someone but just a case i needed a break from this place. It did work for clearing out those who were a bit of a pain though.

[Love Zhaoying]

He's probably one of your friends (one of his Alts is a friend of yours in SL).

Easy peasy!

 

[Myrthe Mysterious]

10 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

He's probably one of your friends (one of his Alts is a friend of yours in SL).

Easy peasy!

 

He was for sure, but I removed all my friends. I have no friends anymore, so it is not this

but thanx

[Luna Bliss]

5 hours ago, Myrthe Mysterious said:

Someone knows what I can do so he wont find me again, or leave me alone?

I wish I knew something that could help you.  I have a friend being stalked like that -- he shows up where she is just to bug her, tp-ing in onto her head.  He even harasses me as her friend, taking movies of me and sending them to me, and messaging me asking bizarre questions when he knows I'm leading groups.  Like you, some friends told her she was paranoid or even causing the problem herself. Too many don't understand these stalker people exist. I hope you keep in mind that many do understand and wish you well.

[Myrthe Mysterious]

Just now, Luna Bliss said:

I wish I knew something that could help you.  I have a friend being stalked like that -- he shows up where she is just to bug her, tp-ing in onto her head.  He even harasses me as her friend, taking movies of me and sending them to me, and messaging me asking bizarre questions when he knows I'm leading groups.  Like you, some friends told her she was paranoid or even causing the problem herself. Too many don't understand these stalker people exist. I hope you keep in mind that many do understand and wish you well.

Thank you, I thought about if before to ask on the forum, but I was afraid some would say the same. But Im so tired of this, I cant enjoy or go anywhere, because like with your friend. He is where I am. I removed my whole inventory, to make sure I do not have any gift he gave me. It really is annoying and I hope the one who is bothering your friend is leaving her alone soon

[Hymn Celestia]

I hope you live in a place where you have choices and options for internet service providers.  One time, I switched EVERYTHING -- service provider, modem, router, computer, cables, EVERYTHING.  I fixed the problem that I was having and it was very good after.  Maybe that is an option for you, sometime? 

I hope you find a good solution and you are able to enjoy your first and second lives again.

[Bree Giffen]

I don't know the specifics of what is happening but perhaps you can create a poison pill by uploading unattractive pictures of someone else to your profile and pass  it off as yourself. Not wildly unattractive but just enough to make the stalker think it's no longer worth it.  Another method would be to create a honeypot avatar that gets all of the attention from your stalker while you have a second true avatar that exists separately. Then keep both logged in at the same time. 

These suggestions may be extreme but it seems you have tried everything else.

[WereBeast Alpha]

On 4/11/2024 at 6:08 AM, Myrthe Mysterious said:

He was in my modem/router online at first, he needed to change stuff for my mac. I was so silly and naieve back then

But I changed internet provider and got a new modem and router, you think he still can access that?

if the modem id and password is the same probably.