How do I question an unexplained ban?

[Madelaine McMasters]

3 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

But very uncomfortable.

Precisely, and why I recommend doing it.

[Canoro Philipp]

21 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Yep. Of course, it's not just this particular version of the forum that does that, or even just SL forums. It's a pretty common thing, I think. Communities are happy to absorb people who "they" judge not to represent a threat to an established social order, but not so good at accepting people who are obviously different, because such people can change the entire dynamic.

And, too, one way to define a "community" is by exclusion. Being ultra-judgemental about someone is one way of drawing the line between who's in, and who's out.

It's sad and unfortunate, because all communities need new blood, and new perspectives, or they become echo chambers. At various different times that I've been around, the forums have devolved into that: self-obsessed, cliquey, and unwelcoming.

I think it has to do with human instinct, we have a tribal tendency, we tend to form groups of people with similar interests to have more comfortable interactions with them.

people that are very different from each other may not be very welcomed in certain groups, and the elitism forms.

i think is unavoidable that groups are formed, its human instinct.

Edited March 26, 2017 by Canoro Philipp

[Madelaine McMasters]

4 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

An interesting perspective, which seems to me to sort of straddle the augmentationist / immersionist line . . . or maybe complicate it, which is probably a good thing.

I take your point about SL functioning as a mirror, but with this caveat: I don't think I possess a single identity. I think I am different -- sometimes very different -- in different contexts, and Second Life is no exception to that. Indeed, I'd say I have multiple Second Life identities, or even multiple forum identities, not just in the obvious "OMG SHE HAS ALTS" kind of way, but in the sense that I take on different voices here according to context. I've actually really noticed this about myself on occasion: sometimes, for instance, I'm really earnest and serious and . . . prolix and boring? And sometimes I'm playful and a bit idiotic. That's just two; there are variations. It's not, obviously, that those different identities are not all recognizably "me," because I think they are. But they constitute not just different ways of writing, but different ways of responding and, often, actually thinking about stuff.

Sexuality in SL is a particularly intriguing subject because I think it's such an important part of why many people are here, and it often becomes a really important element of self-expression and identity-creation. A really large percentage of residents, I suspect, are sexually quite different here than they are in RL, sometimes subtly (as in your own case as you describe it), but, obviously, sometimes very radically. Gender-bending, experimentation, and so forth are the obvious things. I've known so many people who were "gay" only in Second Life. And a lot of it is about fantasy, obviously. But that all varies from person to person.

In any case, I think it's more complicated than "I can do stuff here I wouldn't do in RL." I think, more fundamentally, "I can BE a different self here than I am in RL." So, if you are more open about sexuality, talking sex, and so on here, it's not so much because you are "hidden" here: you have become someone different, by the very process of acting differently. You are performing a new self.

(The above is probably an example of me in full-flight "Earnest and Boring" mode, btw.)

I certainly have multiple personas here. You've seen some, but not all. I suspect you'd recognize me even in those personas that surprise you.

We are the stories we tell about (and to) ourselves. The anonymity and invisibility of SL afford greater latitude in that storytelling. Coming here is like moving to a new town, where nobody knows you were a hussy or a gunslinger... or that you weren't. We can reinvent ourselves anew and see how it goes. And we're freer to do that because everybody else is doing the same thing, and is accepting of it. Our individual anonymity is only part of the equation. This is Storytelling Central.

As for SL acting like a mirror, I think of that differently than Perrie does. Maybe I do see more of myself reflected here than in RL, but I'm surer that I see more of what I want to see in others. I think that's unavoidable. I want to think everybody appreciates me. Why would I imagine they're chatting with others rather than giving me their undivided attention? And this is, I think, why SL is so chock full of rabbit holes with corpses at the bottom.

[Perrie Juran]

10 hours ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

Aliens?  Where?

But yes, this is quite the thread jack.

[Perrie Juran]

6 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

An interesting perspective, which seems to me to sort of straddle the augmentationist / immersionist line . . . or maybe complicate it, which is probably a good thing.

I take your point about SL functioning as a mirror, but with this caveat: I don't think I possess a single identity. I think I am different -- sometimes very different -- in different contexts, and Second Life is no exception to that. Indeed, I'd say I have multiple Second Life identities, or even multiple forum identities, not just in the obvious "OMG SHE HAS ALTS" kind of way, but in the sense that I take on different voices here according to context. I've actually really noticed this about myself on occasion: sometimes, for instance, I'm really earnest and serious and . . . prolix and boring? And sometimes I'm playful and a bit idiotic. That's just two; there are variations. It's not, obviously, that those different identities are not all recognizably "me," because I think they are. But they constitute not just different ways of writing, but different ways of responding and, often, actually thinking about stuff.

Sexuality in SL is a particularly intriguing subject because I think it's such an important part of why many people are here, and it often becomes a really important element of self-expression and identity-creation. A really large percentage of residents, I suspect, are sexually quite different here than they are in RL, sometimes subtly (as in your own case as you describe it), but, obviously, sometimes very radically. Gender-bending, experimentation, and so forth are the obvious things. I've known so many people who were "gay" only in Second Life. And a lot of it is about fantasy, obviously. But that all varies from person to person.

In any case, I think it's more complicated than "I can do stuff here I wouldn't do in RL." I think, more fundamentally, "I can BE a different self here than I am in RL." So, if you are more open about sexuality, talking sex, and so on here, it's not so much because you are "hidden" here: you have become someone different, by the very process of acting differently. You are performing a new self.

(The above is probably an example of me in full-flight "Earnest and Boring" mode, btw.)

I almost posted this quote from Torley earlier.  I think very appropriate now.

"In my head, I've long heard varied voices that inform my life choices. They span a rich spectrum of genders, races, etc. It was only natural that I express them as avatars — earlier, I used the term "Torley Council", or there's that joke from some Resis, that when they see me, they go "It's a Torley!" Hahahaha.

I have a very strong female voice that emerges here. She encourages me to be more sensible and explanatory (I used to be terse and not all that social), and it feels 1000% natural to me. Not having that would feel strongly repressive, and so with SL as an outlet — or whatever you want to call it — I've been able to unify my personality and feel a lot healthier in both lives as a result.

It is a difficult thing that, while life in general appeals to a diversity of people, many people's interests are in conflict. This is also true in Second Life, and I continue to be a proponent of responsible disclosure in relationships that matter to you. On top of that, there's insecurity that people keep hidden, not to mention jealousy and other "demons" that drag someone down from acknowledging and living the life THEY really want... in the process they become control freaks trying to prevent OTHERS from feeling fulfilled, as Darrius initially mentioned.

The psychology of it intrigues me deeply. I just hope more people can come inworld and use Second Life as a tool of confronting hangups and dealing with their baggage, so they have healthier relationships with others. Not growing means not really living."

 

[Madelaine McMasters]

8 minutes ago, Perrie Juran said:

I almost posted this quote from Torley earlier.  I think very appropriate now.

"In my head, I've long heard varied voices that inform my life choices. They span a rich spectrum of genders, races, etc. It was only natural that I express them as avatars — earlier, I used the term "Torley Council", or there's that joke from some Resis, that when they see me, they go "It's a Torley!" Hahahaha.

I have a very strong female voice that emerges here. She encourages me to be more sensible and explanatory (I used to be terse and not all that social), and it feels 1000% natural to me. Not having that would feel strongly repressive, and so with SL as an outlet — or whatever you want to call it — I've been able to unify my personality and feel a lot healthier in both lives as a result.

It is a difficult thing that, while life in general appeals to a diversity of people, many people's interests are in conflict. This is also true in Second Life, and I continue to be a proponent of responsible disclosure in relationships that matter to you. On top of that, there's insecurity that people keep hidden, not to mention jealousy and other "demons" that drag someone down from acknowledging and living the life THEY really want... in the process they become control freaks trying to prevent OTHERS from feeling fulfilled, as Darrius initially mentioned.

The psychology of it intrigues me deeply. I just hope more people can come inworld and use Second Life as a tool of confronting hangups and dealing with their baggage, so they have healthier relationships with others. Not growing means not really living."

 

It is very appropriate, Perrie.

I have a Maddy Council, though perhaps the only other (half?) member known to you is Snugs. And not all of my council members made it to SL. Some, born long ago, were only memories by the time I arrived here. I wonder if our virtual selves just allow us to run, in parallel, growth processes that are forced to be serial in RL (unless you're one of those people with enough stamina to lead double RL lives).

Perrie, do you participate in any other anonymous online social settings? I belong to several technical forums. Though my participation has waned since retirement, I found myself adopting personas there there were not exactly what you see here, and not exactly what my professional colleagues saw in RL. I have met people who I'd first got to know in those online technical forums. Meeting them was a bit like seeing a radio personality for the first time. We'd filled in the empty spaces with our imaginations... and goodness were we wrong.

;-).

[Nalytha]

15 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

An interesting perspective, which seems to me to sort of straddle the augmentationist / immersionist line . . . or maybe complicate it, which is probably a good thing.

I take your point about SL functioning as a mirror, but with this caveat: I don't think I possess a single identity. I think I am different -- sometimes very different -- in different contexts, and Second Life is no exception to that. Indeed, I'd say I have multiple Second Life identities, or even multiple forum identities, not just in the obvious "OMG SHE HAS ALTS" kind of way, but in the sense that I take on different voices here according to context. I've actually really noticed this about myself on occasion: sometimes, for instance, I'm really earnest and serious and . . . prolix and boring? And sometimes I'm playful and a bit idiotic. That's just two; there are variations. It's not, obviously, that those different identities are not all recognizably "me," because I think they are. But they constitute not just different ways of writing, but different ways of responding and, often, actually thinking about stuff.

Sexuality in SL is a particularly intriguing subject because I think it's such an important part of why many people are here, and it often becomes a really important element of self-expression and identity-creation. A really large percentage of residents, I suspect, are sexually quite different here than they are in RL, sometimes subtly (as in your own case as you describe it), but, obviously, sometimes very radically. Gender-bending, experimentation, and so forth are the obvious things. I've known so many people who were "gay" only in Second Life. And a lot of it is about fantasy, obviously. But that all varies from person to person.

In any case, I think it's more complicated than "I can do stuff here I wouldn't do in RL." I think, more fundamentally, "I can BE a different self here than I am in RL." So, if you are more open about sexuality, talking sex, and so on here, it's not so much because you are "hidden" here: you have become someone different, by the very process of acting differently. You are performing a new self.

(The above is probably an example of me in full-flight "Earnest and Boring" mode, btw.)
 

Sometimes I think I'm doing/playing Second Life wrong. My avatar is pretty much a reflection of the real-world me except I can play dress up. In the real world, I'm pretty open and honest and willing to talk about just about anything. Same with Second Life. Interestingly, I'm kind of conservative in what I wear in the real world, and my Second Life avatar is also very conservative in her attire. I would describe myself as asexual or greysexual in the real world, and that is also true for Second Life. I don't roleplay. I view Second Life as a fancy chat platform when it comes to conversation.

Maybe I just lack imagination. 

Edited March 27, 2017 by Nalytha

[Phil Deakins]

Nalytha. You're not using SL wrongly at all. From the point of view of appearnace and nature, It is intended to be used in any way that the user fancies. You are just like me, and a great many others, in that my avatar is the RL me - except that he is younger than me. I don't role play and I don't pretend anything. The only differences between my avatar and me are (1) he is pixels, I am flesh and blood, (2) he's a lot better looking that I am , and (3) he looks younger than I am.

So just use SL as you see fit, and, hopefully, enjoy doing it.

Edited March 27, 2017 by Phil Deakins

[Madelaine McMasters]

1 hour ago, Nalytha said:

Sometimes I think I'm doing/playing Second Life wrong. My avatar is pretty much a reflection of the real-world me except I can play dress up. In the real world, I'm pretty open and honest and willing to talk about just about anything. Same with Second Life. Interestingly, I'm kind of conservative in what I wear in the real world, and my Second Life avatar is also very conservative in her attire. I would describe myself as asexual or greysexual in the real world, and that is also true for Second Life. I don't roleplay. I view Second Life as a fancy chat platform when it comes to conversation.

Maybe I just lack imagination. 

Phil's right. You can't possibly be doing it wrongly, unless it's making you unhappy. And if that's so... stop it!
That said, your presence here in the forums makes me happy, so... don't stop!

Most of the time my avatar is fairly close to my RL look. I don't think it's possible to make SL avatars as homely as the thing I see in the mirror every morning. I can paint myself up to compete, but it's too damn much effort. But there are important differences between the SL and RL Maddy. The SL Maddy is a hell of a lot more patient and understanding, and not nearly as stupid.

[Phil Deakins]

Nalytha. Just one point, now that Maddy has seen your post. Beware of accepting inworld invitations from her. She has a taste for roast avatar

[Treasure Ballinger]

17 hours ago, Canoro Philipp said:

I think it has to do with human instinct, we have a tribal tendency, we tend to form groups of people with similar interests to have more comfortable interactions with them.

people that are very different from each other may not be very welcomed in certain groups, and the elitism forms.

i think is unavoidable that groups are formed, its human instinct.

It's mean, and non-inclusive.  I'm not saying you have to be best friends with everyone in the world (any world) but this tendency we have to isolate 'some' is just plain mean.  In the case of this group, why is it like that?  Because a bunch of us know each other from 'back in the day'.  From the old-old SL forums and inworld.  Is there any other reason?  

[Madelaine McMasters]

23 minutes ago, Treasure Ballinger said:

It's mean, and non-inclusive.  I'm not saying you have to be best friends with everyone in the world (any world) but this tendency we have to isolate 'some' is just plain mean.  In the case of this group, why is it like that?  Because a bunch of us know each other from 'back in the day'.  From the old-old SL forums and inworld.  Is there any other reason?  

It's mean, it's non inclusive, and, as Canoro notes, it's natural. Modern civilization hasn't had enough time to exert selection pressure sufficient to evolve a change in us. It never will. (And what evolution does occur can't be presumed to be an "improvement".) We're changing culture far faster than we evolve. So, we're must deal with the constant dissonance between what we're wired to do and what we collectively strive to do through rational discourse. It's pretty neat that we're intelligent enough to have that dissonance in the first place, and even more neat that we can do something about it (or at least believe we can ;-).

And that's the point of my recommending everyone put themselves in the position of being an outsider now and then. We aren't naturally going to grow beyond our nature. We're only going to do so through education, the sharing of ideas.

[Perrie Juran]

2 hours ago, Phil Deakins said:

Nalytha. Just one point, now that Maddy has seen your post. Beware of accepting inworld invitations from her. She has a taste for roast avatar

Indubitably. 

She even tried to toast the Martian.  See this Thread for a picture. 

Interestingly there was another Avatar present not visible in the picture,  a singularity named Void Singer.

I think what Maddy was really after was trying to birth a black hole.

[Madelaine McMasters]

10 minutes ago, Perrie Juran said:

Indubitably. 

She even tried to toast the Martian.  See this Thread for a picture. 

Interestingly there was another Avatar present not visible in the picture,  a singularity named Void Singer.

I think what Maddy was really after was trying to birth a black hole.

Void's avatar remains one of my favorites...

I really should establish a new home base and resume my attempts to incinerate each and every one of you.

[Cinnamon Mistwood]

1 hour ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

Void's avatar remains one of my favorites...

 

I really should establish a new home base and resume my attempts to incinerate each and every one of you.

You already roasted me, but it took 2 times to finish the job.  There are plenty of new victims friends to keep the home fires burning now.

You are welcome to set up a skybox on my land (General rating because I am a prude).  I have more prims than I know what to do with.

[Madelaine McMasters]

1 minute ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

You already roasted me, but it took 2 times to finish the job.

With you, the job is never done.

[Axtrius]

You live and learn from your mistakes, just like I did tonight by spending 900 L on someone calling themselves an so called  " escort" <NAME REDACTED>
Be carefull out there
 

Edited May 11, 2017 by Dakota Linden
Naming Names is not appropriate on the forums

[Rhonda Huntress]

OMG, that's funny, Axtrius.

 

And welcome to the forums.

[LittleMe Jewell]

13 hours ago, Axtrius said:

You live and learn from your mistakes, just like I did tonight by spending 900 L on someone calling themselves an so called  " escort"  <REDACTED>

Be carefull out there
 

Yes, welcome aboard, but you should edit your post and remove the names because it is against the forum guidelines.

Edited May 11, 2017 by Dakota Linden
Naming Names is not appropriate on the forums