physiological assistance in second life

[ziicutie]

Are there any kind of services or assistance for people with social problems or phycological that can follow you around on second life and baby sit you to help keep me out of trouble? I am an extremely social person and really outgoing, but I have recently been running into some issues where I am saying things that are upsetting others and causing issues that I am not even realizing.

[AssaholicDirector]

To my knowledge, no this doesn't exist. However, you can try finding a friend to help you around Second Life, or you can probably find someone who you can pay to do this.

[wherorangi]

am not sure that having a companion/minder all by itself, will help you with this in the end. The person will end up having to correct you a lot if you continue with your exhibited behaviour. If/when so I am not sure how well that will end up for either of you

i only say this bc if you do change the behaviour then the need for a companion becomes a bit moot. However, if out of this you do get a companion and you do change then it will most likely turn out good for you both

ps. I know what you mean about getting a bit over-excited sometimes, I do myself as well sometimes

[Alwin Alcott]

such help in SL ??... where everybody can be what he wants?...

if you really want to derail do that... go for REAL help, verifiable educated and professional.

Hope it's not that difficult to see that reality and SL are not the same.

[Drake1 Nightfire]

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ziicutie wrote:

Are there any kind of services or assistance for people with social problems or phycological that can follow you around on second life and baby sit you to help keep me out of trouble? I am an extremely social person and really outgoing, but I have recently been running into some issues where I am saying things that are upsetting others and causing issues that I am not even realizing.

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saying things like what? 

[Amethyst Jetaime]

Someone following you around isn't going to help because no one is a mind reader and therefore no one can tell what you'll blurt out next.  Once you blurt it out, it's too late.

You need to think before you say something.  In fact I recommend you use text only NOT voice, so you can review what you typed before you hit enter.

If you can't do train yourself to do this, and do this in RL probably RL professional help is needed.

[Syo Emerald]

Honestly, if someone approached me and then started to be rude or in other ways unpleasent during the conversation, no babysitter in the world could change the impression you would have made by that. I would probably even feel trolled by you and them. And even if your babysitter managed to convinced me, that you really can't help it...I wouldn't want to deal with you any further, because what you describe just sound stressful for everyone around you.

[KonishiPolis]

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ziicutie wrote:

Are there any kind of services or assistance for people with social problems or phycological that can follow you around on second life and baby sit you to help keep me out of trouble?

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I thought second life WAS a service for people with social or psychological problems?

[Freya Mokusei]

Can appreciate this difficulty. Speaking personally, I've dealt with interpersonal problems for my entire life. Since I enjoy alone-time and rarely like to hold myself to other peoples' expectations it's not a huge issue, although one that has limited me in some ways.

I agree with the more helpful posters in this thread - the best solution is to develop methods for your own day-to-day use, rather than rely on someone else to police your behaviour for you.

So when I'm around new people or anonymous audiences (those who might not 'get it'), or in professional contexts, I tend to use a few small tricks:-

• Organise my thoughts - type things out first, without hitting return. Edit, delete until you're happy that you can't be misconstrued or misread. Find your position BEFORE engaging in a converrsation, and make sure you keep sight of it.
• Use mediums that normalise time-delays - When things are tough, avoid 'instant' communication styles (like local chat or voice) and instead use those that are accepting of asynchronous communication (like forums, SMS, email).
• Explain to friends how they can help you - Tell your friends/family (the people in your life who will listen to everything you have to say without freaking out) what's been happening, and explain that you don't like your own behaviour and would like their help. Ask them (nicely) to point out to you when they see you crossing lines. Use a safeword if that helps.
• Use patterns to make things easier - Find out what works. Typically, people like easy, almost pre-programmed conversation (e.g. conversation about the weather). When you find an awkward silence, rather than filling it with the contents of your thoughtstream - go to something easy and predictable for the other party.
• Disengage as necessary - Don't push yourself. If things are hard and getting harder, ask for a bit of time to think and come back to the issue. If people don't understand the need for this, disengage from them permanently; it's no fun walking into traps all the time.
• Self-interrogate - Most important! Find out what's in your brain, and what you're feeling. Try and figure out your motives for choosing the words you first chose (before editting) and spot patterns or risks before they become public.

There are lots of other tricks, but I feel like finding your own style is important. So this is just a few.

Good luck, and take things slow.

[Madelaine McMasters]

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Freya Mokusei wrote:

Good luck, and take things slow.

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You're going to need good luck if you do that.

I prefer to take things quickly and quietly. Less chance of getting caught, ya know.

[Kelli May]

Some good advice along the way here, but also accept that some people will take offence however careful you are. Sometimes it's something you've said, but often people misinterpret what is said due to differing social conventions or difficulties with language. A small but nastily vocal minority seem to be intent on finding offence in whatever is said or written (often these are the NO DRAMA people).

Maybe you do have a problem and manage to upset people by mistake; I think we all do now and then. But bear in mind that there are people out there who are out for drama by any means necessary, and you might just have run into a few of those.

[Pamela Galli]

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Freya Mokusei wrote:

Can appreciate this difficulty. Speaking personally, I've dealt with interpersonal problems for my entire life. Since I enjoy alone-time and rarely like to hold myself to other peoples' expectations it's not a huge issue, although one that has limited me in some ways.

I agree with the more helpful posters in this thread - the best solution is to develop methods for your own day-to-day use, rather than rely on someone else to police your behaviour for you.

So when I'm around new people or anonymous audiences (those who might not 'get it'), or in professional contexts, I tend to use a few small tricks:-

• Organise my thoughts
  - type things out first, without hitting return. Edit, delete until you're happy that you can't be misconstrued or misread. Find your position BEFORE engaging in a converrsation, and make sure you keep sight of it.
• Use mediums that normalise time-delays
  - When things are tough, avoid 'instant' communication styles (like local chat or voice) and instead use those that are accepting of asynchronous communication (like forums, SMS, email).
• Explain to friends how they can help you
  - Tell your friends/family (the people in your life who will listen to everything you have to say without freaking out) what's been happening, and explain that you don't like your own behaviour and would like their help. Ask them (nicely) to point out to you when they see you crossing lines. Use a safeword if that helps.
• Use patterns to make things easier
  - Find out what works. Typically, people like easy, almost pre-programmed conversation (e.g. conversation about the weather). When you find an awkward silence, rather than filling it with the contents of your thoughtstream - go to something easy and predictable for the other party.
• Disengage as necessary
  - Don't push yourself. If things are hard and getting harder, ask for a bit of time to think and come back to the issue. If people don't understand the need for this, disengage from them permanently; it's no fun walking into traps all the time.
• Self-interrogate
  - Most important! Find out what's in your brain, and what you're feeling. Try and figure out your motives for choosing the words you first chose (before editting) and spot patterns or risks before they become public.

There are lots of other tricks, but I feel like finding your own style is important. So this is just a few.

Good luck, and take things slow.

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Seems to be working well for you, Freya. I don't notice you saying inappropriate things.

And by that I mean you don't seem to think you deserve special treatment,mwhich is I think at the core of dysfunctional personalities  in any context. For example, the OP thinks someone would volunteer to follow her around and be some kind of combo life coach/ mentor / apologist. One would have to be pretty special to warrant that kind of attention from anyone unless he was being paid a very good RL salary. 

We see it all the time in this forum, maybe it is more prevalent among SLers. 

[Freya Mokusei]

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Pamela Galli wrote:

Seems to be working well for you, Freya. I don't notice you saying inappropriate things.

And by that I mean you don't seem to think you deserve special treatment...

We see it all the time in this forum, maybe it is more prevalent among SLers. 

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Thanks for the kind words. I have grown better at it, there's some regretful stuff in my posting history. One quick trick is to try and figure out how long I spend re-editing and rereading my posts. Every post. All the time. But I grow better at it, and I'm accustomed to passing it off as individual flare.

You're right that I'm careful about the things that I deserve. While some of that links back to the interpersonal issues it's also because I've (for better or worse) found that even with the best intentions, patience and sympathy seem to be limited resources. I could probably write an essay or two on this, but to shorten - I think that given the prevailence of psychological difficulty present in our society (a quick statistic is that 1-in-4 suffer with mental illness at one point in their life), it's rational to accept that on some level, everyone will need to draw on this pool of 'special treatment' at one time or another. The trick, for me, is making sure I'm there for those who treat me specially and try and treat them with the same when they need it - and spread any surplus around. To some extent it's as much my responsibility to be understood, as it is for the other person to listen - there is usually some way I can work to make things easier. But it is work, and you have to be motivated and thorough and prepared to fail.

I've seen this trend or trope ('more prevalent') applied to SLers, and while I don't fully disagree... I'm inclined to think that this is very normal across online spheres as a whole. When you're interacting face-to-face, one makes judgements on their face; brain-to-brain, one makes judgements on their brain. This forum is privileged (or cursed) with seeing a lot of the emotional sides of people, and people are often pretty screwy. Probably even more essays on that.

Personally, I find most of you good company. :D

(Just to add (perhaps for the OP, or others who struggle) that all of the above is my personal experience when choosing to make the decisions I've made in my life - it's my perspective, from how I feel today. Some will find more obstacles, some will find fewer.)

[moonlight1135]

Ha ha  that ia  EXCELLENT  REPLY  

[Madelaine McMasters]

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Freya Mokusei wrote:

Personally, I find most of you good company.

:D

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You should get out more... and you're not so bad yerself.