3 years and no friends to show.

[Studio09]

Hello Moz,

I'm new here (about a week) and have spent more time on the forums than in world so don't have any friends but my RL sister.  We went shopping for free stuff one day, very tedious and time consuming process IMO.  In RL I buy stuff off the internet cause I hate shopping.  I don't know why anyone would want to spend time shopping in a virtual world. (Sorry about the rant.)

Anyway I'll be your friend and would love to hang or IM with you and others who responded to your thread.  Maybe we can form an informal group and pick a spot to hang when we are not busy doing other stuff.  

 

[Scarlet Quercus]

While I know lots of people and hang out a lot, I'm not actually "friends" with anyone.   I get wanting to log in and have someone enthusiasticly IM you because they're happy to see you.  Most just friend me and never contact me again.  It's kind of like being lonely but surrounded by people, if you get my drift.  I guess SL is like RL in that way.  Doesn't really help that I'm on at crummy hours either.  Anyone feel free to shoot me an PM if you're feeling bummed out.  I can't guarantee we'll click, but we can give it a whirl.

[Czari Zenovka]

---

Studio09 wrote:

Hello Moz,

I'm new here (about a week) and have spent more time on the forums than in world so don't have any friends but my RL sister.  We went shopping for free stuff one day, very tedious and time consuming process IMO.  In RL I buy stuff off the internet cause I hate shopping.  I don't know why anyone would want to spend time shopping in a virtual world. (Sorry about the rant.)

 

---

I detest shopping RL & SL as well (and I'm a female *grins*).  Presenting the SL Marketplace.  You can use the search term "free" or "freebie" (I would put it in quotation marks or else you'll get a lot of other items besides free items) in the Marketplace as well.

[Poenald Palen]

I saw people mention the phrase "ghost town" and not only that, but I remember ghost groups as well. It is hard to tell but I imagine SL as working for many people as a place they hang with friends and maybe those who make friends have to tailor thier log in time to meet up with whoever they can and that means you mis events and some hangout places active times become your new log in time etc. Some places where buzzing for a while, then just left there and so many time people really mean to log in and finish it or hook up with old friends. Alas, to many other things to do

The one thing that is mentioned over and over is TIME. Time is the big issue. Not enough time, and SL takes longer to get some of the basic stuff done and some people where anamored with it and then got the punishment for spending to much time and are now not so deeply emersing is my theory.

So, scheduling, efficient use (only hanging with old friends and restricting time use, using marketplace to shop), and being busy with other things after a very active time (and leaving builds, locations built but now empty) all are based around time!

[Studio09]

---

Czari Zenovka wrote:

 

I detest shopping RL & SL as well (and I'm a female *grins*).  Presenting the

SL Marketplace

.  You can use the search term "free" or "freebie" (I would put it in quotation marks or else you'll get a lot of other items besides free items) in the Marketplace as well.

---

Thanks.  I discovered the sl marketplace a couple of days ago and it will probably be my method of choice for SL shopping.  Now that I have my account funded I can buy stuff that actually costs $Ls.  I'm female too so don't fit the mold either.  My sister likes shopping more than I but she hasn't been back on SL.

I was thinking the other day that what SL needs is a kind of match.com but for all kinds of relationships - friends, romantic interests,  role playing "households", etc.  I bet if someone developed that they could make some money.

 

[Raven1 Short]

Anyway I'll be your friend and would love to hang or IM with you and others who responded to your thread.  Maybe we can form an informal group and pick a spot to hang when we are not busy doing other stuff.  

 

I like the idea of a group. That way when people are around they can message the group and see

who is around. A common meeting place could be chosen as well. Like IM the group and say "Hi, I'm hanging at such and such place today"  Whatever place everyone decides on.

Then whoever wants to chat or hangout can show up there or place of choice. Some common ground where people won't feel pressured to invite someone they don't know yet to their homes.

[Czari Zenovka]

---

Studio09 wrote:

 

I was thinking the other day that what SL needs is a kind of match.com but for all kinds of relationships - friends, romantic interests,  role playing "households", etc.  I bet if someone developed that they could make some money.

 

---

That's available as well - AvMatch.

[Amethyst Jetaime]

I've been in SL almost 7 years now and am fortunate to have friends I've known for about that long as well as some newer friends.  After reading this thread here are some thoughts to consider

Second Life is a community of people from all over the world living in all time zones.  Unless a venue is very popular and draws people from all over the world to it 24/7, it will be empty during parts of the day and very well may seem to be a ghost town to you if you are only on SL when it is empty. 

The key to finding real friends in SL is not only to find people with some shared interests, but people who are logged in around the same times you are.  You can meet someone who could be your best friend but if you can't spend quality time with them in the early stages of your relationship due to schedule differences then they'll never be more than a passing acquaintance to you.  Once you have a good friendship the relationship can survive longer periods of time when you don't see or talk to them.  So if you do meet someone who you really like, it would be to your advantage for each of you to make some schedule adjustments and a real effort to get ot know each other.

Taking classes and / or joining discussion groups that actually meet in world are great alternatives to the usual places that appear in the destination guide.  They have the advantage that people there share at least one of your interests and the talking is guided by the subject at hand, so if you are shy you don't have as much pressure to think up small talk to make.  After the time period is over, its natural to continue conversations that can easily segue to different subjects or even to say let's go to X place together.  There are classes and groups that meet on an ongoing basis as well as just for one time and if nothing else you'll learn something.

Be adventurous too.  Be the first to IM someone with an interesting profile.  What is the worse that can happen?  You are ignored, so big deal.  Just try someone else.  You are going to find that there are people who really want to get your IM and they were just too shy or intimidated to take the initiative.  You are always safe asking about something in their profile because people have it there for a reason and most people like talking about themselves.

While it is true you probably have more in common, or at least a similar frame of reference, with people around your own age, don't limit yourself to just your age group.  Keep an open mind and you can meet many interesting people in other age brackets you can be friends with.  And BTW Moz, there many people in SL around your age, so that's not going to be an issue. 

[Drake1 Nightfire]

---

Czari Zenovka wrote:

There was a study done some years ago on the average demographics of people who play MMORPGs.  Since SL isn't an MMORPG, the results may be a bit different, but I would think skewed even more toward the older age since not everyone likes to kill things but enjoy the other pursuits in SL.  I posted part of those findings

here

. (My name there is Azalysa - 8th post down.

You'll receive many answers on the average age of SL residents, primarily because many people tend to stay within their own age groups; thus you'll have 20-somethings saying they make up the majority of the population, but others who are involved in other aspects of SL who have a different experience.   The oldest person I have personally met in SL (at least who offered his age) was 80.  He was a patron at the small vintage 1940's dance club with a WWII theme where I worked when I first joined SL.

I would say a great many of the "regulars" on the forums, many of whom have been in SL since 2005+, are 40ish.  I was never a "hippy" but I clearly remember the 60's. *Grins*  There's a lot more of us "mature" residents than you might think.  It's just a matter of finding them.  At one point when I went to dance venues (ballroom & jazz) more than I do now, I had a line in my profile that indicated my preference for a dance partner was 45+ RL.  I had a lot of dance offers from men who ranged from 45-70ish.  We're here.

ETA: Misspelling

 

 

---

45+? no more dancing with me then.

[Tex Monday]

---

Moz Artful wrote:

Does anyone know what the average age is of people in SL?

  

---

There was a forum post a while ago (can't find it..something about looking the same age as your Avatar) and my unofficial survey of those who responded was that a majority of us were in our 40's. (9 out of 15 or something like that. I apologize that I don't have the results in front of me).

[Studio09]

---

Amethyst Jetaime wrote:

...

Second Life is a community of people from all over the world living in all time zones.  Unless a venue is very popular and draws people from all over the world to it 24/7, it will be empty during parts of the day and very well may seem to be a ghost town to you if you are only on SL when it is empty. 

The key to finding real friends in SL is not only to find people with some shared interests, but people who are logged in around the same times you are. ...

Taking classes and / or joining discussion groups that actually meet in world are great alternatives to the usual places that appear in the destination guide.  ...

Be adventurous too.  Be the first to IM someone with an interesting profile

. 

...

---

Amethyst, Thanks so much for these great suggerstions.  I'll be trying them out, eventually.

 

[Raven1 Short]

I'm still for the idea of a group.

[Raven Quine]

Moz, if our times overlap feel free to IM me, that goes for anyone who may be looking for someone to chat with.  I'm always open to talking to new people. Usually on in and around 7slt-10slt (been on longer as of late)

I've never been great at meeting new people, I seem to Im the ones that talk for a couple of minutes and then either forget you're there or don't care, buggers.

Even in finding people with similar interests it's hard, sometimes opposites attract and sometimes those are the best friendships. There is always something you can agree upon, but it's not always in your profile.

If I don't hear from you, Good luck

[Czari Zenovka]

---

Drake1 Nightfire wrote:

---

Czari Zenovka wrote:

There was a study done some years ago on the average demographics of people who play MMORPGs.  Since SL isn't an MMORPG, the results may be a bit different, but I would think skewed even more toward the older age since not everyone likes to kill things but enjoy the other pursuits in SL.  I posted part of those findings

here

. (My name there is Azalysa - 8th post down.

You'll receive many answers on the average age of SL residents, primarily because many people tend to stay within their own age groups; thus you'll have 20-somethings saying they make up the majority of the population, but others who are involved in other aspects of SL who have a different experience.   The oldest person I have personally met in SL (at least who offered his age) was 80.  He was a patron at the small vintage 1940's dance club with a WWII theme where I worked when I first joined SL.

I would say a great many of the "regulars" on the forums, many of whom have been in SL since 2005+, are 40ish.  I was never a "hippy" but I clearly remember the 60's. *Grins*  There's a lot more of us "mature" residents than you might think.  It's just a matter of finding them.  At one point when I went to dance venues (ballroom & jazz) more than I do now, I had a line in my profile that indicated my preference for a dance partner was 45+ RL.  I had a lot of dance offers from men who ranged from 45-70ish.  We're here.

ETA: Misspelling

 

 

---

45+? no more dancing with me then.

---

I said "at one time in my profile" - it was during a period that I was getting asked to dance by a lot of 20-somethings and, since for me dancing is a lot about great conversation, was not finding much commonality.

I hope you weren't serious, Drake.  :matte-motes-frown:

[Perrie Juran]

---

Czari Zenovka wrote:

---

Drake1 Nightfire wrote:

---

Czari Zenovka wrote:

There was a study done some years ago on the average demographics of people who play MMORPGs.  Since SL isn't an MMORPG, the results may be a bit different, but I would think skewed even more toward the older age since not everyone likes to kill things but enjoy the other pursuits in SL.  I posted part of those findings

here

. (My name there is Azalysa - 8th post down.

You'll receive many answers on the average age of SL residents, primarily because many people tend to stay within their own age groups; thus you'll have 20-somethings saying they make up the majority of the population, but others who are involved in other aspects of SL who have a different experience.   The oldest person I have personally met in SL (at least who offered his age) was 80.  He was a patron at the small vintage 1940's dance club with a WWII theme where I worked when I first joined SL.

I would say a great many of the "regulars" on the forums, many of whom have been in SL since 2005+, are 40ish.  I was never a "hippy" but I clearly remember the 60's. *Grins*  There's a lot more of us "mature" residents than you might think.  It's just a matter of finding them.  At one point when I went to dance venues (ballroom & jazz) more than I do now, I had a line in my profile that indicated my preference for a dance partner was 45+ RL.  I had a lot of dance offers from men who ranged from 45-70ish.  We're here.

ETA: Misspelling

 

 

---

45+? no more dancing with me then.

---

I said "at one time in my profile" - it was during a period that I was getting asked to dance by a lot of 20-somethings and, since for me dancing is a lot about great conversation, was not finding much commonality.

I hope you weren't serious, Drake.  :matte-motes-crying:

---

Which age group groped more?

[Madelaine McMasters]

---

Czari Zenovka wrote:

for me dancing is a lot about great conversation

---

Back in my IRC days, the best conversationalist I knew (call him my dance partner) was 93 years old. I was 28 or so at the time. One might be too young for a great conversation (though I've known some four year olds that could give me a run for my money), but I don't think you can be too old.

[Czari Zenovka]

---

Madelaine McMasters wrote:

---

Czari Zenovka wrote:

for me dancing is a lot about great conversation

---

Back in my IRC days, the best conversationalist I knew (call him my dance partner) was 93 years old. I was 28 or so at the time. One might be too young for a great conversation (though I've known some four year olds that could give me a run for my money), but I don't think you can be too old.

---

*Sighs*  I'm really wishing I hadn't posted that.

Explanation:  I totally agree with you on age "in general."  The "in general" part is due to why I put the 40+ RL in my profile. (I checked my profile notes for that time - I keep all former profiles notecarded) and it was 40+ not 45+.  I have ammended that on my original post.

I have been in a number of SL *and* RL relationships where the man was significantly *older younger so that in and of itself is not an issue with me.  After my divorce, the man I dated off and on for six years was 15 years younger than I.   My SL partner of 3 years was almost 20 years younger.  We didn't speak of age until we became more serious.  I thought he was closer to my age based on the way he spoke and comported himself; he was surprised at my age, saying that he thought I was probably around mid-20's...lol.  Longevity runs in our family and the women tend to look at least 10 years younger than their chronological ages.  As I was a "late-bloomer," I tend to be younger thinking in many ways.  I agree with the adage "You're only as old as you feel."  My partner had a variation on this: "You're only as old as who you feel." :matte-motes-wink-tongue:

The main reason I finally put that line into my profile years ago was that my partner and I had just split and, although really enjoying dancing in SL, I dreaded the thought of going alone and feeling like I did at Jr. High school dances.  Because it was a known place to meet new people, I went to the old Sweethearts, rather than to a place that mostly couples frequent.  Sweethearts was also a magnet for newbies, especially newbie young guys.  I was asked to dance a lot, but many of the IMs began, "Hi, how r u?" and/or "Hi, I'm 22, how old r u?"  I did accept dances from them, but generally the l33t speak continued or the question about 1 min. after beginning to dance was: "Let's go have the sexx0rs." (Phrased in various ways.)

I finally put the 40+ RL in my profile hoping to cut through all that and save everyone time.  It did work.  Not that some men in this age group eventually wanted the "sexx0rs" but at least they asked after perhaps several separate meetings and were a bit more creative in their "proposal."

Ok, hope that clears that up...lol.

ETA: *Gah - I meant significantly younger

[Czari Zenovka]

---

Perrie Juran wrote:

---

Czari Zenovka wrote:

---

Drake1 Nightfire wrote:

---

Czari Zenovka wrote:

There was a study done some years ago on the average demographics of people who play MMORPGs.  Since SL isn't an MMORPG, the results may be a bit different, but I would think skewed even more toward the older age since not everyone likes to kill things but enjoy the other pursuits in SL.  I posted part of those findings

here

. (My name there is Azalysa - 8th post down.

You'll receive many answers on the average age of SL residents, primarily because many people tend to stay within their own age groups; thus you'll have 20-somethings saying they make up the majority of the population, but others who are involved in other aspects of SL who have a different experience.   The oldest person I have personally met in SL (at least who offered his age) was 80.  He was a patron at the small vintage 1940's dance club with a WWII theme where I worked when I first joined SL.

I would say a great many of the "regulars" on the forums, many of whom have been in SL since 2005+, are 40ish.  I was never a "hippy" but I clearly remember the 60's. *Grins*  There's a lot more of us "mature" residents than you might think.  It's just a matter of finding them.  At one point when I went to dance venues (ballroom & jazz) more than I do now, I had a line in my profile that indicated my preference for a dance partner was 45+ RL.  I had a lot of dance offers from men who ranged from 45-70ish.  We're here.

ETA: Misspelling

 

 

---

45+? no more dancing with me then.

---

I said "at one time in my profile" - it was during a period that I was getting asked to dance by a lot of 20-somethings and, since for me dancing is a lot about great conversation, was not finding much commonality.

I hope you weren't serious, Drake.  :matte-motes-crying:

---

Which age group groped more?

---

That's an interesting question, Perrie.  I've been speaking in generalities and, as Maddy pointed out, there are certainly 20-somethings who are as or more mature than older folks  My non-scientific, anecdotal-only, experience was that "in general" (my new disclaimer) the younger guys made no secret that their primary "goal" was sex, and often within the first few minutes after I accepted their dance offers. 

Older men, I'm talking 30+ here, were generally good conversationalists and many asked to friend me and subsequently contacted me again to ask me to join them for a dance.  A smaller number began quasi-relationships with me; a few of those were later found to be mere pretenses for sex, but they took more time getting to that point.

I have nothing against sex, this is not what my post is about, it's the ole "time and place for everything" issue and I did not find it complimentary to accept a dance and then the guy wanted to "go elsewhere" *wink*wink*

And then there was the time I was shopping at The Free Dove and received an IM saying, "Hi! I'm 21, how old r u?"   I responded, "Old enough to be your mother," figuring that would send him running.  It backfired.  He began following me around saying, "Oooo, an experimented woman; I like experimented women; you teach me many things," etc. Oy.  I think he was an ESLer who meant "experienced."  I've never used that line again.  :matte-motes-whistle:

Edit: Spelling and grammar

 

[Madelaine McMasters]

---

Czari Zenovka wrote:

---

Madelaine McMasters wrote:

---

Czari Zenovka wrote:

for me dancing is a lot about great conversation

---

Back in my IRC days, the best conversationalist I knew (call him my dance partner) was 93 years old. I was 28 or so at the time. One might be too young for a great conversation (though I've known some four year olds that could give me a run for my money), but I don't think you can be too old.

---

*Sighs*  I'm really wishing I hadn't posted that.

Explanation:  I totally agree with you on age "in general."  The "in general" part is due to why I put the 40+ RL in my profile. (I checked my profile notes for that time - I keep all former profiles notecarded) and it was 40+ not 45+.  I have ammended that on my original post.

I have been in a number of SL *and* RL relationships where the man was significantly older so that in and of itself is not an issue with me.  After my divorce, the man I dated off and on for six years was 15 years younger than I.   My SL partner of 3 years was almost 20 years younger.  We didn't speak of age until we became more serious.  I thought he was closer to my age based on the way he spoke and comported himself; he was surprised at my age, saying that he thought I was probably around mid-20's...lol.  Longevity runs in our family and the women tend to look at least 10 years younger than their chronological ages.  As I was a "late-bloomer," I tend to be younger thinking in many ways.  I agree with the adage "You're only as old as you feel."  My partner had a variation on this: "You're only as old as who you feel." :matte-motes-wink-tongue:

The main reason I finally put that line into my profile years ago was that my partner and I had just split and, although really enjoying dancing in SL, I dreaded the thought of going alone and feeling like I did at Jr. High school dances.  Because it was a known place to meet new people, I went to the old Sweethearts, rather than to a place that mostly couples frequent.  Sweethearts was also a magnet for newbies, especially newbie young guys.  I was asked to dance a lot, but many of the IMs began, "Hi, how r u?" and/or "Hi, I'm 22, how old r u?"  I did accept dances from them, but generally the l33t speak continued or the question about 1 min. after beginning to dance was: "Let's go have the sexx0rs." (Phrased in various ways.)

I finally put the 40+ RL in my profile hoping to cut through all that and save everyone time.  It did work.  Not that some men in this age group eventually wanted the "sexx0rs" but at least they asked after perhaps several separate meetings and were a bit more creative in their "proposal."

Ok, hope that clears that up...lol.

---

Golly, I hope you didn't think I was finding fault in your logic. I have "Feynman, Earhart, JS and PDQ Bach...) listed in my profile in the hopes that people who read it will understand that my favorite organ is the brain (though I can also swoon over

).

I've not had a relationship since incinerating my first SL self nearly three years ago. Most of the couples dancing I've done since then has been by my invitation, using the swing dance "Over and Out, in which the lead tosses the other in the air at some point. Whether I lead is a decision I don't make lightly. If I see a wall flower at a place where I can rez the dance balls, I'm likely to lure them into the lead, then chastize them for trying to kill me.

My parents were much older than typical (Dad 50, Mom 43 at my birth), and I was home schooled. I don't have a lot in common with my own generation and maybe not even the one before mine. So it's difficult for me to use age as a guide, either for others or myself. I use interests instead, but with the same goal as you... great conversaton (at least to start ;-)

[Czari Zenovka]

Oh no, it wasn't your post, Maddy; just a couple others prior to yours and then yours so I realized I wasn't getting the intent of my post across.

[Madelaine McMasters]

---

Czari Zenovka wrote:

I realized I wasn't getting the intent of my post across.

---

That happens to me all the time, and can take a week and 10,000 additional words to... well hell, even that doesn't seem to get my intent across.

[Czari Zenovka]

---

Madelaine McMasters wrote:

---

Czari Zenovka wrote:

I realized I wasn't getting the intent of my post across.

---

That happens to me all the time, and can take a week and 10,000 additional words to... well hell, even that doesn't seem to get my intent across.

---

Definitely can relate.  I think our only option would be to not post/talk at all and well, at least for me, that's not going to happen. :matte-motes-wink:

[Siofra Highmist]

Don't worry, you're definitely not alone. :-) 

 

I have also been in SL for three years. I do in fact have friends, (yes, actual ones) but all except one have moved on from SL entirely... I still talk with them via Skype and other venues, but pretty much I am alone now. It's not that I really have any issues with connecting with people, it's that I can't seem to find people that actually want to build any kind of friendships online. Most of them would rather just IM me when they want some L$. :-/

 

Although I agree with the other sentiments that we should have a group of people who can't find people, and a place to meet up! It may sound kind of cheesy but it's always easier to connect with others that also want to connect. :-) 

 

Anyhow, you're free to IM me at any time, (I promise I'm not someone annoying who's going to IM your socks off every second you're online) and I wish you luck in finding some friends! It's definitely an enhancement to your SL to be able to share it with others. :-)

[caliella]

I'm new to the forum, although not new to SL, having been around for a few years on and off. I never even knew this forum existed, the whole time!

Anyway, I feel a lot like you, Moz. I haven't had friends the whole time I've been on here. I suppose I never really tried that hard, being quite introverted, and I guess I was waiting for possible friends to stumble across me. Basically, I'm pretty sure I was doing it all wrong I'm also the kind of person who values deep, meaningful friendships, so if I don't click with someone, I can kind of predict the outcome of the friendship (Just another name sitting there on my list). I'm initially quite shy but when I feel close to someone I can talk for England There was one girl on another grid who I suppose was like my best virtual friend really, we had stores and we shared a sim together, but she had a baby and then disappeared. I will always think fondly of her and miss her. But you've gotta move on, so here I am, hoping to make some friends. IM me inworld if you like, I would be happy to chat! (Also, my partner likes skateboarding in SL but equally has no-one to do it with, so I can point you in his direction too. )

Also if someone makes that group, Count me in!

 

And whoever mentioned that story about the tables at a camp (can't see the posts now as I'm typing on the message page) I think that's so sweet, and it brings back some similar memories for me

[Raven1 Short]

---

caliella wrote:

I'm new to the forum, although not new to SL, having been around for a few years on and off. I never even knew this forum existed, the whole time!

Anyway, I feel a lot like you, Moz. I haven't had friends the whole time I've been on here. I suppose I never really tried that hard, being quite introverted, and I guess I was waiting for possible friends to stumble across me. Basically, I'm pretty sure I was doing it all wrong

I'm also the kind of person who values deep, meaningful friendships, so if I don't click with someone, I can kind of predict the outcome of the friendship (Just another name sitting there on my list). I'm initially quite shy but when I feel close to someone I can talk for England

There was one girl on another grid who I suppose was like my best virtual friend really, we had stores and we shared a sim together, but she had a baby and then disappeared. I will always think fondly of her and miss her.

But you've gotta move on, so here I am, hoping to make some friends. IM me inworld if you like, I would be happy to chat! (Also, my partner likes skateboarding in SL but equally has no-one to do it with, so I can point you in his direction too.

)

 

Also if someone makes that group, Count me in!

 

And whoever mentioned that story about the tables at a camp (can't see the posts now as I'm typing on the message page) I think that's so sweet, and it brings back some similar memories for me

---

Everyone seems to be waiting for someone else to make this group.