Best Way To Help A Teen?

[Honeysuckle Humby]

I came across a very new avatar to SL late last night.  She was wanting help how to play the game (her words).  We chatted in IM for a few minutes and then she offered me friendship.  I accepted because she had no-one else to help her and tell her how we do stuff here etc..

I tried to TP her to my sim but she could not come.  So she sent me a TP to her.  We met and she asked what to do first!!  She asked how old I was in rl and I replied that I was not so young.  I asked how old she was if she didn't mind telling me and she told me she was 16 in rl.  The next thing she asked me was is it right that you can have sex in sl and how do you do it!!!

I told her that as she was 16 she would not really be able to access things to do with having sex in sl and she can find out about all that in a couple of years or so.  She wanted to know if I had a boyfriend here but I did not say whether I did or not as I felt she might want to know more details of how to have sex here.

I gave her some clothes and she promptly wore a box on her before I could tell her how to rez etc.  I told her there were all sorts of things she can do and learn in sl before she even thinks about sex or babies (as she asked aboout having babies in sl too).

I suggested to her that perhaps it would be wiser to get to know someone a little before offering or accepting friendship.  And I suggested that perhaps it would be wiser to not ask people she has only just met about their rl.  People will let her know what they want her to know about their rl if they want.

Because she wanted to get out there and find places to dance (and meet boys to get sex) because she was bored, I told her to be careful where she went and what she did.

I haven't really had anything to do with teens in sl (not knowing they were a teen in rl) so don't know places to suggest she can explore and learn where she will be safe so to speak.  I told her I would try to find her a place where she could use it as a base and where she could go back to if she needed to escape from anywhere or anyone.

Anyone know of a place she could have as her home in sl?  She has no linden dollars and doesn't have rl money to buy linden dollars.  I gave her a little money just to start her off.  (This is not something I would normally do, but I thought it might help her get started here).

I am concerned about her as when I told her that she would be limited where she can go as she is only 16 in rl, she then asked me how she could change the details she registered with so she could say an older age!!  This makes me think that she will now tell people she meets that she is older than she is, especially as she wants to meet boys and have sex, so this could maybe get someone in trouble as she is really underage in sl.

So, should I stay friends with her and offer guidance and help while she learns things in sl?  Is there anything else I could/should do to help her?

Many thanks.

Honeysuckle Humby

[Rival Destiny]

IMO sl has always been seen from the outside in, as a sex deprived environment. I have met many people who came here with that mindset.

Skip ahead a few years and we now have Zindra - playground for the Adult masses in sl.

Then, the inevitable merging of the teen grid as the goal has always been to include a family environment.

The problem is, SL is not the type of environment for any of the teens of the rl Ozzie and Harriett types. So what do you end up with?  Just another place on the internet to warn your children about and a free for all for those teens that have little or no supervision.  Age verification?  All you have to do now is click a box swearing that you are 18 years of age.

Teens, IMO, do NOT belong in sl period. 

[JonathonAnthony]

Colour me jaded, but how do we know she was 16 and not just some perv looking to PLAY a 16 year old.. I am just a little suspicious about the constant "I WANT SEX" mindset. Sure, teens are amourous to be sure, big ball of hormones that they are. But she seemed a little... eager.

Now if she was seriously 16, and seriously wants to cyber.. she will. Nothing you will do will prevent that. If you do not provide the info, some guy will. You can tell her to wait, but she won't unless she decides not to.

[LittleMe Jewell]

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JonathonAnthony wrote:

Colour me jaded, but how do we know she was 16 and not just some perv looking to PLAY a 16 year old.. I am just a little suspicious about the constant "I WANT SEX" mindset. Sure, teens are amourous to be sure, big ball of hormones that they are. But she seemed a little... eager.

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That part actually made me think she was really a teen boy.

[Honeysuckle Humby]

Well, she really seemed to enjoy dressing up in the female clothes I sent her and she was interested in babies, makes me think she is a girl really.

I realise that people aren't always who they say they are, but I think she is a young girl nonetheless.

So, should I still be there to help her, or unfriend her and leave her to her own devices?  I know she isn't my responsibility, but if she is just too naive, maybe she needs some guidance/help?

 

[LittleMe Jewell]

I was being a bit facetious in my comment.

 

I would keep her as a friend and be there to answer questions for her, but don't try to parent her.  If she asks your opinion, give it honestly, but otherwise simply give light guidance.

[JonathonAnthony]

Oh Honey it's not hard to behave a certain way in text. You can go for the whole "mentor" thing, but just keep your distance from doing anything like giving away large amounts of L or gifting items that cost you. They could be playing you for free stuff. It could be a16 year old playing on your need to protect her, or could be some 40 something playing you.. or some guy.. or... You get my meaning.

If she really is what she says she is, she does need a friend when she realizes that SL can mess with your head at times.

[Honeysuckle Humby]

I'm not so sure I want to do the whole "mentoring" thing or being a parent with this girl.  I just remember that it was difficult to know what to do, where to go, etc., when I started here a few years ago, so I am just trying to be kind to help someone as they try to learn it all.

Don't worry, I don't make a habit of giving money away or stuff that has cost me money to people I don't know and don't intend to give more to this young lady (if indeed she is a young lady)!!  I gave her some freebie clothes and a small amount of linden dollars just to help her.  There won't be any more of that, apart from hopefully some helpful advice should she need it.

I'm fully aware that she might not be who she says she is.  In my second life I take people as I find them but always bear in mind they may not be the person they say they are.  I am here in sl as I am in rl but of course, I realise that others might think I am not quite what I say I am - it cuts both ways!!

It's quite obvious that she cannot come to my sim because of her age, so should the "friendship" not go well for any reason, she can't cause any problems for me that way, should she turn out to be a griefer.

We'll see how it pans out I suppose.  She might not even come back to sl and might not contact me if she does come back!!

[Qie Niangao]

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Colour me jaded...

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Colour me paranoid, then.  Whenever I see stories like this, I have a nagging suspicion that the self-proclaimed "minor" is actually either a cop or an extortionist, hoping to catch a pixel-pedophile or to snare a mark in a compromising situation.

Because, yeah, youthful libido notwithstanding, it all sounds more what every teen would ridicule than what any teen would do.

[Perrie Juran]

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Qie Niangao wrote:

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Colour me jaded...

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Colour me paranoid, then.  Whenever I see stories like this, I have a nagging suspicion that the self-proclaimed "minor" is actually either a cop or an extortionist, hoping to catch a pixel-pedophile or to snare a mark in a compromising situation.

Because, yeah, youthful libido notwithstanding, it all sounds more what every teen would ridicule than what any teen would do.

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What a teen might do and what they might admit publicly to doing can be two very different things.

For instance, depending on their peer group, they might not admit to masturbating even if they were doing it several times a day lest their friends tease them about it.  But they still do it.

[Rival Destiny]

^^ This.  My first instict after reading the OP was how good deeds can easily go sideways in sl. 

IMO, be polite but don't encourage any friendship.  And most importantly, keep away from any help in any sensative area's such as sex.   There are people in sl whose motives are not always true.

I see so many kind people being drawn into unnecessary drama with good intentions, only to end up with the poopy end of the stick.

Are we allowed to say 'poopy' in here??

...shrugs & toddles off

[DixonHill Hawker]

What happened to the OP is a good example of the, in my opinion, fundamental problem with new residents and SL. They just dont "get" what SL is, at the beginning.

I assume many people come here with false expectations, but you cant really blame them, and LL only a bit. They hear about SL, it is online, often branded as a game, you have an Avatar. Sounds familiar so far. Plus you *can* have sex, you *can* have babies, you *can* be like superman with red lasers shooting out of your eyes. Yes, yes, yes, you *can* do all that.

So people come here and of course ask, where to do that, what button to click, what ...questgiver to talk to.

I believe, PR wise LL has to make it more clear what SL is (about) from the beginning, tell people, they actually have to *do* stuff, like build or script.

 

[LittleMe Jewell]

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DixonHill Hawker wrote:

I believe, PR wise LL has to make it more clear what SL is (about) from the beginning, tell people, they actually have to *do* stuff, like build or script.

 

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Not totally true though.  For the most part, I am completely a consumer. I buy, buy, buy, buy and the only way I contribute is via my L$ and my charming personality.  :womanwink:

However, too many people come here for either sex, thinking they'll make a million, or wanting to "be entertained".  For some, the sex they find is good nuf, but often if those are the only reasons for being here, they'll ultimately be disappointed.

[Amethyst Jetaime]

As others have said, I would be extremely cautious about this situation.  It really doesn't matter if she's not a kid in RL or just a kid with raging hormones,  I wouldn't even be shocked to learn she was younger than 16 and had lied about that since she now wants to know how to lie about being a minor at all.  Either way, with her preoccupation with sex it sounds like bad news to me all the way around. 

What if she is a kid and sneaking into SL against her parents wishes?  You could be helping her one day, and RL mom or dad walks into the room sees her inappropriately dressed and portraying her appearance as an adult and freak out.  Kids have been known to lie about adults when caught with their hand in the cookie jar and who knows what the parents would believe or do then. Maybe I'm being cynical here but my RL sister is a social worker in child protective services and runs into this kind of thing all the time.  I am not saying that all kids lie or shouldn't be taken seriously, but she has been involved in a number of cases where the kids finally admit the truth and recant what they originally claimed but the adults reputation always suffers and of course it cost them a lot to retain legal counsel.

If I were you I'd find and recommend a place where teens can get help safely from other teens or recognized educators that know how to handle this then back off entirely.  But if you feel you can't, limit yourself to only be with her in public areas in entirely innocent situations, and always communicate in public chat with a witnesses present.

Its a shame that society is the way it is now days, but reality is reality and all adults should be cautious when dealing with minors in situations like this. Aside from kids being exposed to inappropriate things in SL, I don't think its fair to the adults here and am against minors being allowed in SL at all, (except on sponsored sims where they are restricted), because of this.   

[Moose Gant]

Even though i don't understand why sex has to be this huge thing to everybody, i guess it's whatever to just let them do it, id just warn them not to give out personal info about where they live and real names and such like that. Hell tbh i'd rather them be having sex in SL instead of having them have children before they're ready IRL and getting possible STD's by having sex with random people.

[Polenth Yue]

Your post comes across as though you didn't like her very much, but you feel you ought to help because she's new and young. It's only going to go badly if that's the case. You'll end up resenting the time she takes up and she'll end up hurt because the person she thought was a friend turned out not to be. It's better to end it before it starts.

What you might want to give her is the parting advice of not giving out real life information and a link to the newbie section of the destination guide (with the comment that she needs the G rated locations). It's found here:

http://secondlife.com/destinations/howto/newbie

[madman626 Fall]

Here a other  though what she not even 16 what if she really 13 or 14 .  huh you just don't know teens do lie so do 40`s something prevs .

[161488303349]

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Honeysuckle Humby wrote:

I tried to TP her to my sim but she could not come.

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if she couldnt come then she put in her real age when she create the account. so at least she is a basically honest person

 have ran into some newbie under 18s who have done that and still wants to chat about sexxors and stuff like that. they mostly just being nosey. just like they are in reals. is a big topic for them is sexxors. just like it is for older people. in any environment

to them i just say SL sexxors is boring and is really only for creepy old guys who cant get a gf in reals. they usual go ewwwww!!!! hahahahha !!!  (yes i know. but we dealing with a under 18 teenager here)

then i start chat to them about making avatars and outfits. them that wants to do that stay. them that dont pretty much leave and not come back

if they dont seem interested in outfits and clothes then it kinda gives me a guide to who they mostly likely are in reals. is very rare to find a teenage girl (or boy even) not interested in making over their avatar. so when they not then i am pretty reserved with them. i not make a fuss. just refuse to chat about stuff that is not G-rated

if they say they are under 18 and they are on a M or A sim then i refuse to have anything to do with them at all. to be on those sims then they lied about their age on the signup. so they can stay right away from me. real under 18 or fake

 

 

 

[Innula Zenovka]

Back in the old Resident Answers, where manners were less refined than are they nowadays, we had, as I recall (and who could forget them?) at least two people who claimed to operate dozens of alts whose only purpose was to entrap internet paedophiles and report them to LL, the FBI and anyone else they could think of.

I know one of them is still around, at least in SLU.  I wonder if they could be getting up to their tricks again.

 

[Clarissa Lowell]

You want to find her a place she can be safe? She doesn't want to be safe. 

At 16 I think she is supposed to be limited to G regions and no one is supposed to do adult things there. So she is here to break TOS. 

Why would you risk your own account and maybe more by hanging out with her a second longer.

[Honeysuckle Humby]

You say that my post comes across as if I didn't like this girl, which surprises me.  I have only known her briefly, spoken to her a couple of times so as yet do not have an opinion as to whether I like her or not!  She is polite, just wants to know everything immediately and because of the questions about sex after she told me how young she was I am just a little concerned for her because of what she might find herself caught up in here in SL.

I am only trying to be kind to a newbie (whatever their real life age) and have suggested she learn to make things and told her about the education sessions she could attend to learn more about SL.

I have tried to look for places to suggest for her to go to to make friends of her own age but as I haven't had any experience with anyone so young in the time I have been in SL before, I don't know what is available out there for youngsters.

As I am only talking to her, showing her how to rezz, explaining how to use Search, the Map, her Inventory and so on I'm pretty sure I am not going to be found in a compromising situation with her. And as I am not trying to entice her into naughty things or getting her involved in something that might not be right for her age, then my account should be safe don't you think.

It's such a shame that to be kind to someone just to help them means that I might even get into trouble myself.  I would help anyone new, (or anyone experienced in SL) whatever their real life age and whether they were male or female.

I know because of the anonymity within SL we really don't know who we are speaking to in rl we have to be careful, which is part of the reason I am trying to help this girl if she really us 16 or even younger, because she does not know yet all that goes on here.

I'm not really wanting to hang out with a 16 year old anyway, so don't intend travelling about with her on her adventures.  I have told her that if she has any questions etc., then I will help her that way.  I just thought it might be nice for her to have someone to turn to if she needs to know about anything.

I'm beginning to think that maybe I should be less kind in SL!!

[Honeysuckle Humby]

I think I answered posts from others in my post in reply to Polenth.  Sorry about that.  I am new to writing in the Forums and wasn't entirely sure how to make the reply to a particular post!!  But I'm learning!!  :-)

[161488303349]

was assume that when honeysuckle sent the girl a teleport request, the girl wasnt able to take it bc if you put in a under 18 birthdate on the signup page then the system automatic register you as G only. and you cant go to any M or A sims even if you wanted to

if you want to change your birthdate on an account then you have to file a ticket and explain why

so based on that then i said that girl was at least honest about that much

+

i tend to give G only accounts the benefit of the doubt to start with. if they keep going on and on about sexxors then i say they actual cant do it anyways on SL bc of their G rating so might as well stop wondering about it

most genuine G only accounts, like actual real teenagers, dont need to be told to stfu after the first time

if they not shut up then is all bad news for everyone after that. they either a actual real teenager with some kinda rl problem which they cant or wont let go of. or they a faker

[JeanneAnne]

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Honeysuckle Humby wrote:

Well, she really seemed to enjoy dressing up in the female clothes I sent her and she was interested in babies, makes me think she is a girl really.

I realise that people aren't always who they say they are, but I think she is a young girl nonetheless.

So, should I still be there to help her, or unfriend her and leave her to her own devices?  I know she isn't my responsibility, but if she is just too naive, maybe she needs some guidance/help?

 

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I think that it is really nice of you to help a newbie the way you described Honey. My sisters helped me when I was new & I try to help newbies in return altho I'm usually not all that much help to them.

Seems to me that this girl was honest with you about her age. You never know tho. Taking her at face value, I'd go ahead & befriend her & try to help her. Maybe she will stick around & play SL the way a teen is "supposed" to. Chances are tho, if she's so interested in slex & virtual babies, she will make a new account & lie about her age, if she hasn't already. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. Isn't it better that she be roleplaying a **bleep** in SL & having virtual babies than running the risk of rape & STDs & unwanted pregnancy in RL? I'd say that whatever you can do for her is of benefit to her, to yourself, to SL & to us all. Thanks!

Jeanne

[Honeysuckle Humby]

Thank you Jeanne for saying that it is nice of me to help her.  That's all I wanted to do but I became worried about the sex questions and her rl age as she stated it to be because she maybe could get herself into some unwanted dramas!! 

I met her again last night because she wanted me to see her new home that she had found, so I went to see it and found that it wasn't a house she could rent at all!!  She found it empty and thought it ok to just go in and use.  This is where she and other newbies need help because she had no idea you rented or bought houses and so on. 

I contacted the owner to see if he was renting, after I looked around for a rental box and there wasn't one.  It is in a PG parcel and nice stuff around.  I explained to him that she is a newbie and thought she could just move in.  He has kindly said that she can stay there til she gets herself properly sorted and gets used to things a bit more, which I thought was very kind of him.

He does not live there, I hasten to add, and was just being like me, helpful to her as she is a newbie.

She hasn't asked any more about sl sex or babies so maybe she was just being inquisitive because of what she had heard outside of SL.  She was happily trying on new clothes in her new home when we parted company and I am pleased that she now has a base of some sort in PG land and seems happy enough with her lot as it is in SL at the moment.