Arielle Popstar

I don't really see that inworld where I am treated like an object. How does being treated as an object differ from being treated as a person in your mind?

Yes I was reading an article about that not long ago and certainly surprised me. Takes the wind right out of the whole dating scene and its expectations in some ways.

Though I realize it is common recovery sort of wisdom, I think too many use it as an excuse to justify a breakup. I'll leave it at that as that would divert from the unrealistic expectations topic.

There are also those cultures where the woman and her family had to offer a dowry for a man to take a woman off their hands.

If a couple has fallen "out of love" then one or both stopped working on loving their partner. Expecting love is going to continue without work is a fallacy.

Isn't it the males that are more prone to run off?

I was thinking that after I posted the 50% r/l figure. With 15 years for my virtual partner and I, I have only met a 2-3 other couples who had a similar amount of time and hadn't hooked up in RL.

Invented to keep the males from running off with the secretary?

Considering a divorce rate of close to 50% in the West, might that be a reflection of how well that social conditioning/unrealistic expectations is working for us?

Or evolutionary conditioned ideas. So many other life forms on earth have instinctive mating habits, why the assumption that for homo sapiens it is socially conditioned? It doesn't seem logical in that respect.

Ok well since i had an unrealistic expectation people could make the jump, here is a jar of parasitic worms in a easy to open jar instead

Because real men know when not to open a can of worms.

You are the source backing up one or more of the points, to whatever degree you feel you might have any of those unrealistic expectations. If you don't have any of them, then my post is not for you. Simple really.

Or that she had an unrealistic expectation that she was sufficient for all his needs and he wouldn't wander? That is an unrealistic expectation that the source is one you happen to agree with. The source in this case is secondary to the validity of the points raised and to what degree any particular person can acknowledge that they may be engaging any of those unrealistic expectations or whether they are even unrealistic. That might be pretty close to the truth of it I feel. We think we know but when it comes down to it, might it not have more to do with what makes the other exciting rather than what they are hopefully are?

So you want to add more to the unrealistic expectations list?

Sure why not considering there is a RL man and woman behind the avatar just as there is behind the profiles on a dating platform. The only difference I can see is that the ability to take risks with a potential other in virtual is much greater but then there is also a greater risk in that the person behind the avatar is not as they really appear. Again it is real women behind the avatars (assuming), so other forms of online social interactions would parallel a virtual world other than the greater risk taking because of the greater level of anonymity virtual provides. This is is I think is especially true with having the ability to change display names as I have seen many take advantage of. Here is an online list of unrealistic expectations women have for men. They may not have their exact equivalents in virtual but there is still some equivalency in attitude I think. Unrealistic dating expectations women have for Men He’s supposed to be good at “manly” tasks A man is supposed to know exactly what women want and need As a man, he’s supposed to take care of everything, but still allow me independence He’s supposed to be both masculine and sensitive Expecting his place to have a lot of feminine touches That he’s not for me if he doesn’t want to do everything I do Expecting the guy to be 100% confident on the first date Expecting the guy to call/text after the 1st date Asking him to be comfortable showing vulnerability but think of him as weak when he shows it Only being willing to date tall guys Expecting him to change his love language https://newmiddleclassdad.com/unrealistic-expectations-women-have-for-men/

I think one has to remember the 80/20 rule or something like it where the rule of thumb is that 80% of one gender is only interested in the top 20% of the other gender. This works both ways and makes it hard to determine what average means in that context.

Anti-support support group

Considering there are only about 10 regular posters anymore, that is half the forum!

My response was more geared to a global "you" rather than a specific "you", though I will admit it could be seen as a fine line. I did not follow it up with a specific example and the rest of that post was distinctly global in nature and dealt with the objection to support/recovery groups rather than the person making the objection. Neither did follow it up with saying the poster was insulting and slapping the face of those who benefit from them. Those are personal and emotional accusations. A definite no-no in recovery oriented venues. If multiple people in a thread say one has a tail, then maybe that one should look back to check if they have perhaps grown a tail and deal with why others are seeing something that one is blind to themselves. That is what recovery is about, dealing with how one might be communicating with others in a way that those others consider harmful or insulting.

Though I don't disagree I will say I found it an interesting thread from some of the things pointed out by various posters, aside from the main thrust of the topic.

But you do in the forums all the time. Do you believe most of us in the forums are lying or roleplaying too? Are you? The forums are really not much different from support groups in some ways in a more general way, so I fail to see why some seem to have an issue with them inworld and yet spout in the forums all the time. The difference with the inworld support groups is that they are geared to specific issues and the people that attend them more focused on actual recovery from them. Properly chaired and facilitated, a support group tends to look at the nature of issues rather then specific instances. The idea is to relate to one another through the deeper sharing of how problematic behaviours or attitudes trigger one into self defeating patterns that may result in the indulging of addictive substances or practices like food, sex, drugs, alcohol etc. One can be much more honest with themselves and others in a group wherein all there have acknowledged having the same problems and a desire to recover from those, without a fear of judgment from one's who haven't the same issues. Inworld support groups can be a gateway into attending RL groups if available locally and that has certainly been the case for a quite a few over the years. Since the pandemic though there has been a large increase in zoom style group meetings which has affected the attendance of some of the inworld groups I attended in years past. In any case the idea is that there is help available out there in a number of different formats and regardless of which one used, hopefully those that can use them or even just are curious can go and attend the one that is most comfortable for today.

Can create new Folders in Lumiya Outfits too and they will be seen in the Firestorm and SL viewer.

Yes, I doublechecked this morning. Made new folders in Cool and then saw them as accessible in both new Firestorm and SL viewer when I logged in with those after.

My pet peeve in regard to this is a little the opposite in that SL does have some support groups out there but people who could be helped by such groups, do not avail themselves of them. So many out there with no ready access to professional services, either because of location, financial constraints, other limitations or just not recognizing in themselves the need of a little help and support even though it is obvious to those around them. The only reason I am still alive today is because after a little tip from an acquaintance about such RL groups led me to go check some out, wondering if it might help me with what I thought back then was a "little" problem. It was the non judgemental sharing of personal experiences of those group members, that helped me to realize I was in somewhat dire straits and needed the help of a support group structure to recover. There is strength in numbers when others in the group are also working on similar issues, making it much easier to change and develop new healthy habits to counteract the unproductive ones I was into. For myself I realized it is support group setups that are much more beneficial to me vs professional services, as there are those of us who relate much better to others recovering from a similar issue. It can depend somewhat too on how motivated one is in seeking out help though as some will work harder on recovery if they have to pay for the service whereas others are motivated solely by their own desperation to turn a bad situation around. Either way there is help and support out there for those who could use some, whether or not professional services are available and affordable.