Have you ever played SL with a grumpy RL?

[Bryce Faith]

I dont have the best RL relationship. I try to enjoy SL to keep myself distracted but it doesnt seem to work that way.

Sometimes my time in SL looks like this:

My avi dancing in a club, the camera pointing to outside somewhere but i am not listening to music because i have my grumpy RL around and she needs attention too.

Or:

She wants me to go to bed and gives me hell for staying up late, and i have to tell my friends in SL "i am going to bed i am tired".

Oh and whenever i go through a store, she watches me like a hawk and thinks i would spend too much money on SL.

Am i crazy, or is that kinda normal? I just want to enjoy SL and talk to my friends, but sometimes its hard when shes home...

 

[Tracy Redangel]

In my opinion, I don't think your RL has to like everything you like, but she should at least be supportive of you because it's something you enjoy doing.

Obviously I don't know your whole situation with your RL, but it doesn't sound like your terribly happy. Tell her how you feel. Tell her it's something you enjoy doing it and she should just trust you and let you enjoy.

[RudolphUkka]

Is that a RL wife or mother? If the former divorce her. If the latter buy a lock for the cellar.

[Ceka Cianci]

if you are spending way too much time on SL then you may want to curb it some..if sl starts to hurt your RL at all then it's becoming a problem..

if it is that she just doesn't like you on it because she just doesn't like you on it.. then make her put something on the table that she loves to do to give up as well.if she doesn't like it..

 

my fiance knows i spend lots of money on SL..but..he also knows i earn part of our money as well..he has his kabillion sports channles and his things as well..so that argument last all of 60 seconds..

he will ask me to jump off of sl to go to bed or sit and watch a movie or something with him..i will do it right away because i would rather be cuddling with him than a bunch of people  on the net hehehehehehe

the real problem comes when they stop asking..

thats if it is your wife or girlfriend..

if it's your mother..

mother knows best..get off of that thing!! LOL

 

[Ceera Murakami]

Balance is important. If the RL person you are talking about is a girlfriend that you live with, or a married partner, ask yourself this: Which is really more important to you? Your real-life partner or your on-line fantasies?

I think if you answered the latter, it's time to gracefully get out of that relationship, because you aren't being fair to either of you by continuing it.

I also think the latter answer is likely to be the wrong one for most people, and that if you're asking that sort of question, you should seriously consider quitting SL for a while and working on repairing that real-life relationship.

If you're still living at home and it's your mother, consider that she's likely covering most, if not all, of the expenses that pay for your food, shelter and possibly school. She has every right to set rules of behavior while you live under her roof. Don't like that? Get a job that will support you, and move out, if you're old enough. Or listen to mom and do what she says.

In the long run, SL is a fine form of entertainment, but it should never be a substitute for real-life relationships, family, or friends. If it's interfering with your real life, you really ought to back off and spend less time in SL.

[Dana Hickman]

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Ceka Cianci wrote:

if you are spending way too much time on SL then you may want to curb it some..if sl starts to hurt your RL at all then it's becoming a problem..

if it is that she just doesn't like you on it because she just doesn't like you on it.. then make her put something on the table that she loves to do to give up as well.if she doesn't like it..

my fiance knows i spend lots of money on SL..but..he also knows i earn part of our money as well..he has his kabillion sports channles and his things as well..so that argument last all of 60 seconds..

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I like this answer ^^^^

a lot !

Nobody likes competing with SL or the machine it runs on for quality time with the one they care about. Resentment happens easy in that case and has been known to be the cause of the grouchy in the first place.

[Dresden Ceriano]

The first two statements of your post are very telling... "I dont have the best RL relationship. I try to enjoy SL to keep myself distracted"...  You really need to ask yourself why you'd rather spend time being distracted from your RL relationship instead of working on it to make it better.

Sure, SL can be a great escape from the stresses of RL, but using it as a way to absolve yourself of the responsibility you have, to yourself and your supposed loved ones, to work on what obviously needs some major work, does no one any good. 

In other words, if you aren't happy with your RL, do something about it... just trying to hide out in SL is not going to work, as I'm sure you are realizing... hence this post. 

Only you have the power to make yourself happy... now, stop being lazy and make it happen.

Good luck ...Dres

[Vladi Hazelnut]

If SL is interfering with your real life you should quit, its that simple. Maybe find another hobby you can both do. Then again if you don't give a rats ass what your partner thinks and would rather stay in sl and risk that relationship maybe you should get out of that relationship. Or maybe she should rather. If your real life parnter wants attention and you would rather spend the time in a make believe world its not a shock your relationship is not that great.

[Six Igaly]

I have a partner who gets grumpy when i spent to much time RL! 

And as it comes to your relationship, you don't have one IMO. You 2 are just co-existing for reasons only you 2 know.

It sounds to me you are beyond the point you want to spent time and efforts in this relationship and try to survive by getting distracted by SL. But are you? She tries to control your SL as well (successfully). You don't listen to music, have your camera pointed to an ( i assume) innocent scene.  Not much of a distraction i would say.

Dude wake up. Try to figure out  ASAP if you really want to continue like this. Regardless the answer to that, do you want to go next step with or without her. 

Most likely both are unhappy in  this situation. You can start bringing this to an end right now!

 

[Lanas Criss]

Plenty of reasonable advice and insight has already been shared but I wanted to throw something out from a slightly different direction…

I don’t mean to sound dire, but in my line of work I see unexpected RL healthcare drama play out daily and it’s obvious which partners and families have underlying anger, trust, jealousy, and too painfully often out right disdain for each other even though they live under the same roof.  It’s those pesky RL folks who’ll choose your nursing home or make important life decisions for you when you can’t so handle those real people with care.

That RL partner is there to get you the extra blanket and soup when you’re sick and cold, or help with any of the other messy RL realities that naturally happen to us all.  You need to be there for her, them, or whoever your future connects you too.  She may even blossom into something far less “grumpy” if watered and cared for (that’s a whole other thread though).

The best practical advice I can offer is when this became a sore spot between my husband and I years ago we agreed on particular nights that worked well for both of us when I might fall asleep alone cause he had a few more tanks to move about or soldiers to chase.  That gave me the comfort of knowing which nights were going to be warmer and friskier in bed and that he wasn’t trying to avoid me.  It was simply that all the other hooligans were up late playing at those silly times (most of those hooligans were, and still are, single or divorced… coincidence?)

It’s always discouraging to hear that the SL I thoroughly enjoy (in moderation of course) causes so much consternation between too many RL couples.  Get out there and reach a playtime agreement you’re both happy with if at all possible... some unexpected part of your future may depend on it

Time is priceless, spend it wisely.

Good luck, fingers crossed.

[RudolphUkka]

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Vladi Hazelnut wrote:

If SL is interfering with your real life you should quit,

---

 

Or if RL is

*******

interfering with your

*******

SL you should

*******

quit.

*******

RL, that is.

*******

[Eloise Baily]

There's only one way to quit RL and I'd rather turn the computer off for a bit.

I did get grumpy in SL because I was miserable RL. I quit for four months and got myself an RL. I'm happy in both worlds now, though I don't visit inworld as much as I used to . I think that's a good thing. I go inworld when I'm alone but sociable, or when I get the creative urge....or just when I want to play dress up.

My new home, job and B/F take car of the rest (all RL). I recommend RL highly .

[Poenald Palen]

What she is doing is totally abnormal!! She is being honest about what she feels about your usage, and THAT is horribly strange....most of the people out there would ask the tech dude at work or a freind to put a keylogger on your PC or a camera hidden and pointed at your PC with blue tooth streaming all of you folicing and debouchery...or shopping so they can build up a case against you. Next step, destroy your freindships and so on. This one is being honest...she is a freak! Of course, if she wasn't you shoud 'discover' the camera after continuing to act as you where....THEN, you act totally crazy all night and moon the camera and switch it off as you enter a giraffe furry sex area...stuff like that.

[Poenald Palen]

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Eloise Baily wrote:

There's only one way to quit RL and I'd rather turn the computer off for a bit.

I did get grumpy in SL because I was miserable RL. I quit for four months and got myself an RL. I'm happy in both worlds now, though I don't visit inworld as much as I used to . I think that's a good thing. I go inworld when I'm alone but sociable, or when I get the creative urge....or just when I want to play dress up.

My new home, job and B/F take car of the rest (all RL). I recommend RL highly .

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Your reccomendation is a nice one. Shame some can have niether of either much, so they settle for at least a small amount of one or the other. Personally, I biologically function....the rest is all insanity and fragments of mental conditioning, mental experimentations with what...well...anything in life really is...what is reality and so on...but really dumbed down and broken into fragments and tangents that crumble from thier original origins and get lost and turn to dust....like having a tool that rusts as you use it and crumbles before you are done with your task. You try to work faster, but you keep falling asleep and missing the nails and can't see stright...not, I am not talking about drugs either.

If you have a significant other then be glad you don't have to wonder if they are trying to kill you or otherwise destroy your life...literally. Be happy you have no burdon placed upon you by people more powerful than even your government can handle...be happy you have no burdon of wondering if one will drive by and crush you if you are on the roads..be glad you have no worries of premature cancer inflicted upon you and so on....seriously, not to be all "wahh, boo hoo, wo is me" BUT.....maybe you need to worry about money and you can somehow try to put your wifes worries to rest and enjoy each other for more hours....even  if you still use SL. Can you  maybe purchase a limit and show her, then just freeze the card the rest of the month? Sounds stupid, but if it stops wasting her time, allows you to get on with your time and be happy.....well, both of you wil enjoy more of you time together. All we have as an assurence is time between birth and death, with death a horribly changable variable.....so, enjoy it more by trying to work out something? Not saying it will work or happen...but seriously, consider this another plea to both of you instead of just one sided "get the wife off yer back mate!" and approach it in a way where she is happy also.....and try to keep that trust as well. Happier times to you in the future, though I doubt I have helped much because I know this is a answer anyone could have given. Sort of a vote...though, I doubt that even matters....lol. Which emphasises what I say.....you have little control over a lot of you life, so try and make the most of the fun times you can have. Though, sometimes people like being stressed a bit, it feels "normal" you know...like, if things wheren't that way there must be some other stress lurking up somehow? Not sure, so maybe it is healthy for you have a tiny conflict...but try not to be to miserable and enjoy your time and all that....even if you have to grumble for show? But seems like such a lie and I bet you will be more likely to grumble for real and not show! So, working it out seems better....try and help her trust you and try and ignore her if this doesn't work? Hell, I don't know. Ignore them will work better for some people, it all depends...I choose to ignore. But, my life is far far different...so I will not get started on that.

[RudolphUkka]

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Eloise Baily wrote:

There's only one way to quit RL and I'd rather turn the computer off for a bit.

I did get grumpy in SL because I was miserable RL. I quit for four months and got myself an RL. I'm happy in both worlds now, though I don't visit inworld as much as I used to . I think that's a good thing. I go inworld when I'm alone but sociable, or when I get the creative urge....or just when I want to play dress up.

My new home, job and B/F take car of the rest (all RL). I recommend RL highly .

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To demonstrate that I am not always grumpy may I express my sincere delight at your rehabilitation.

Rudi

[Tolya Ugajin]

You can take the path I took in that situation.

Divorce.

Now, you have to decide if it's worth half your stuffs.  But, if you don't take that advice, then maybe you should try making her happier before she takes that advice first.

[Sommerland Starostin]

Hmm well I don't know your situation with this person you've labeled "grumpy RL," so its hard to give advice. Thing is, you'd rather play SL then be with grumpy. There is a reason for that. Because I know someone that I'd gladly turn off SL as soon as they walked thru the door rather then keep playing. Seems to be some unsaid communication going on between you two, you by playing SL & finding fun in things that don't involve her and her nagging at you to turn off SL & be with her. I'm pretty sure she has a nagging feeling hat in some way you don't want to be with her. Now it could be she's an unhappy person and some people can never be happy no matter what you do. I grew up with a person like that.  So yeah I'd did a lot of things to escape that atmosphere. So you can keep complaining about "grumpy" and this person can keep being "grumpy" but bigger things are going on with this picture I feel. And both of you're aren't happy but you can only take responsibility for yourself. Now I don't necessarily mean forget what she feels & do what you want but take some time to think about all this & maybe a solution will come to you.