Why is there a lot of disagreeable people on this board? (And by extension, other boards related to SL?)

[Arielle Popstar]

30 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Can't be me, I love a good drama! I just dislike being attacked by disagreeable people all the time.

On reflection I wonder if as in how like attracts like, disagreeable people attract disagreeable people? If one is being attacked by disagreeable people, is it possible that one is attracting that to themselves by being disagreeable in some form?

[Love Zhaoying]

13 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Scrolling up I saw the fighting and attacks against each other end after Gopi's apology, and then some though-provoking comments by Istel, Cinnamon, Sammy, Sid, Love, myself, Sabrina, and Kathlen...so not sure what you're referring to.

Thank you, I tried VERY hard. It seems that when I listed certain aspects of "disagreeable people", those lists were taken personally as if I were singling out individuals. That certainly was not my intent. 

[Luna Bliss]

7 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

43 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Can't be me, I love a good drama! I just dislike being attacked by disagreeable people all the time.

On reflection I wonder if as in how like attracts like, disagreeable people attract disagreeable people? If one is being attacked by disagreeable people, is it possible that one is attracting that to themselves by being disagreeable in some form?

Hmmm...could be yes, or at least some of the time. All I know for sure is that when you don't respond in a disagreeable manner back the energy frequently dissipates. I think this might be a life lesson, or is for me anyway.

Edited May 1 by Luna Bliss

[Love Zhaoying]

11 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

47 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Can't be me, I love a good drama! I just dislike being attacked by disagreeable people all the time.

On reflection I wonder if as in how like attracts like, disagreeable people attract disagreeable people? If one is being attacked by disagreeable people, is it possible that one is attracting that to themselves by being disagreeable in some form?

Attempting to focus on the topic of "disagreeable people" (on the Forum, in this case):

Possibly. 

But in actuality, I am only "attacked" regularly by a very, very few individuals.  For the most part, I think of the "usually disagreeable" people, possibly only TWO quote / direct posts towards me in a provoking manner if I did not quote, tag, or address them first.

So no, even though I get a lot of people complaining about my post count and style, I do not think that I "attract" disagreeable people.  Very, very few complain about my post "content" or give unprovoked personal attacks.  Possibly TWO.

So, the lesson I learn from that is:  If you do not want to engage with disagreeable people, do not quote or engage them, and they will for the most part leave you alone. 

Thanks for brightening my day, sometimes I tend to focus on the negative and forget that for the MOST part, disagreeable people leave me alone.  The vast majority of people who engage me are nice, complementary, friendly, and seem to appreciate my content.

So, was I exaggerating by saying I was "attacked" by disagreeable "all the time" if it is only ONE, maybe TWO individuals?  Possibly, although not on purpose - if even ONE disagreeable person were to "attack" you regularly and without provocation, it feels like being bullied.

Thanks again!

 

Edited May 1 by Love Zhaoying

[Orwar]

12 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

So no, even though I get a lot of people complaining about my post count and style, I do not think that I "attract" disagreeable people.

   The squeaky wheel gets the grease?

[Luna Bliss]

26 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

On reflection I wonder if as in how like attracts like, disagreeable people attract disagreeable people? If one is being attacked by disagreeable people, is it possible that one is attracting that to themselves by being disagreeable in some form?

To reflect a bit more on your question...a very odd thing happens in SL related to the "disagreeable people" in SL (or the SL forum) Gopi is pondering on. I do a spiritual practice in SL named 'Kirtan' where we design an experience with music, dance, and text to feel a greater sense of love (Bhakti Yoga).  Frequently, these very odd people enter and try to grief or disrupt the event, dressed in all black with additional menacing attire (weapons, sharp objects), attempting to look and act 'scary'.  Sometimes they have RL pics of themselves in their profiles and they have these 'Charles Manson creepy eyes'. They often stand in front of the Kirtan leader in a confrontational manner, or sometimes glom themselves onto the back of an avatar. A few weeks ago someone started the dance circle moving I was attached to and so one was dislodged from me.

So, I see that when you focus on love there is a certain percentage of people who are compelled to ruin it, disprove it, disagree with it.  It's not all about a disagreeable person attracting someone disagreeable, but I do agree with you that sometimes this is the case.

Edited May 1 by Luna Bliss

[Arielle Popstar]

8 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Hmmm...could be yes, or at least some of the time. All I know for sure is that when you don't respond in a disagreeable manner back the energy frequently dissipates. I think this might be a life lesson, or is for me anyway.

As in turning the other cheek? Could be. 

Years ago when I was early in my recovery journey, I regularly spoke with this old codger who had been at it 25 years at the time. He would regularly say things about how life was and I would vehemently disagree with him until I started to realize that given some time, I would come to understand what he was saying and wind up agreeing with him even though we no longer discussed what he said. He opened my mind up to the possibility of something and then left it to me to reflect and meditate on. After a few times I stopped arguing with him and would just say that though I didn't see his point right now, I would keep it in mind until I did and sure enough, a few days, weeks or months, I would suddenly have an ah ha! moment where I understood what he said.

[Luna Bliss]

12 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

As in turning the other cheek?

Some think when you 'turn the other cheek' that you've lost power and so to regain power they must attack back in an even better way...really 'get' the other person, win the battle.

In reality, the most powerful response is to not respond at all (to turn the other cheek when attacked). It actually requires much strength to do so in many cases.

[Persephone Emerald]

4 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Often times, the Mods encourage us to "take it offline / to DM's".

That can be scary if the other person is disagreeable. 

Heck, I have most disagreeable people blocked!

Discussing an issue in private messages can be productive if both people are normally reasonable or if at least one of them wants to apologize. When the person one is irritated with has no desire to find common ground, to either give or accept an apology, talking with them in private messages is useless.

Been there, done that.

[AmeliaJ08]

Have to say I find this forum deeply santized, it's very heavily moderated and I just don't see a whole lot of anything that is too harsh by my standards.

That said there does seem to be some small gaps and weirdly selective inaction but meh. It's not twitter, put it that way.

The internet was built - in part - on disagreeing with each other, it's what it does best for better or worse. In more recent times it has been a whole lot of worse though, I find that forums like this were a much better way of disagreeing with each other... but that might just be nostalgia.

 

 

Edited May 1 by AmeliaJ08

[Love Zhaoying]

I think one thing (not brought up yet so far as I recall) that is often missed when referencing "disagreeable people" is:  

It is way too easy to assume that someone who posts something "challenging" (whether negative, critical, complaints, etc.) actually WANTS a reply.

Sometimes people just want to vent.

One reason "not responding" can be so difficult is, if a "disagreeable" post appears to be "provocative".  Do they want a response? Are they "daring" someone to respond? Are they seeing who has the "courage" to respond?

A couple approaches:

1. Know your audience. If the "usually disagreeable" person is posting something that fits a "pattern", and you already know responding to that doesn't score any points / win any friends, just ignore the post and move on.

2. Know when to ignore the post. If they are not directly addressing you, or a part of the topic that you care about, there's no reason to respond.

3. Know when to "cut your losses". If you choose to respond to a "disagreeable" post, and it doesn't go well, no need to continue. 

5. Know when to "count your blessings". If a "usually disagreeable" person posts something "challenging"/"provocative" and it is not "targeting" YOU, just be thankful and move on, there is no need to respond.

6. Know when to step in.  If a "disagreeable" post is targeted to someone unjustly and you REALLY want to come to their defense, go for it. But, don't be a "White Knight" and always come to the defense of the "underdog".  Be warned in any case, it probably won't end the way you originally hoped.

 

Edited May 1 by Love Zhaoying
I am proud of this post, and bookmarked it for later reference!

[Kathlen Onyx]

49 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

So no, even though I get a lot of people complaining about my post count and style, I do not think that I "attract" disagreeable people. 

 

For the record when I commented on your posting style I wasn't trying to attack you (If you thought that) I was just saying that, for me, it can get overwhelming sometime...like rapid fire bullets. LOL. There are plenty of times when I appreciate it and some I don't. In no way was that meant to silence you or get you to change in any way. YOU do YOU and don't worry what people think. They are all opinions anyway, not facts.

Edited May 1 by Kathlen Onyx

[Arielle Popstar]

24 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

To reflect a bit more on your question...a very odd thing happens in SL related to the "disagreeable people" in SL (or the SL forum) Gopi is pondering on. I do a spiritual practice in SL named 'Kirtan' where we design an experience with music, dance, and text to feel a greater sense of love (Bhakti Yoga).  Frequently, these very odd people enter and try to grief or disrupt the event, dressed in all black with additional menacing attire (weapons, sharp objects), attempting to look and act 'scary'.  Sometimes they have RL pics of themselves in their profiles and they have these 'Charles Manson creepy eyes'. They often stand in front of the Kirtan leader in a confrontational manner, or sometimes glom themselves onto the back of an avatar. A few weeks ago someone started the dance circle moving I was attached to and so one was dislodged from me.

So, I see that when you focus on love there is a certain percentage of people who are compelled to ruin it, disprove it, disagree with it.  It's not all about a disagreeable person attracting someone disagreeable, but I do agree with you that sometimes this is the case.

I still see in your story a "like attracting like" in the sense that the griefer group shared a general theme and the Kirtan group the same but different theme. That the griefer group attended, could be just a desire to disrupt or it could be an unconscious curiosity to try to absorb and understand what the Kirtan group had that they didn't. It wouldn't be the first example of those who came to scoff, stayed to partake. Requires kid gloves to be sure but is possible. Nothing happens in the universe by mistake as it is said in slightly altered words.

[Kathlen Onyx]

8 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Sometimes people just want to vent.

 

Venting is good. It isn't probably a good idea to vent about a person while the person is standing next to you. i.e. other forum members. 

[Love Zhaoying]

1 minute ago, Kathlen Onyx said:

For the record when I commented on your posting style I wasn't trying to attack you (If you thought that)

No, I did not take it personally. 

I do find it a little confusing sometimes when people focus on my "joke" posts to the exclusion of my "serious" posts, but I don't have much control over that. (For awhile, I added "Is joke!" to some joke posts to help those who may not "get it", but was mocked for it.)

I get it, when I see someone's name come across the "Unread Feed" in post after post after post, I can get annoyed - especially if they recently annoyed me!

 

[Luna Bliss]

4 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

I still see in your story a "like attracting like" in the sense that the griefer group shared a general theme and the Kirtan group the same but different theme. That the griefer group attended, could be just a desire to disrupt or it could be an unconscious curiosity to try to absorb and understand what the Kirtan group had that they didn't. It wouldn't be the first example of those who came to scoff, stayed to partake. Requires kid gloves to be sure but is possible. Nothing happens in the universe by mistake as it is said in slightly altered words.

Good point, and I actually do see one such person. Not a griefer, but someone who hangs around the community frequently and advertises herself as a succubus. She appears to be leaving the dark side now.

[Persephone Emerald]

1 hour ago, Sid Nagy said:

/me tiptoes is after a long period of hesitation.

What a toxic atmosphere, mostly spead by those who say they hate it when this happens.

/me tiptoes out of this thread again.
 

Just like profiles that say "No Drama!"

[Jaylinbridges]

4 hours ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

I'll have it closed then

Closed and deleted would be better.  Worst thread title and topic I have seen in a long time.

[Arielle Popstar]

1 hour ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Attempting to focus on the topic of "disagreeable people" (on the Forum, in this case):

Possibly. 

But in actuality, I am only "attacked" regularly by a very, very few individuals.  For the most part, I think of the "usually disagreeable" people, possibly only TWO quote / direct posts towards me in a provoking manner if I did not quote, tag, or address them first.

So no, even though I get a lot of people complaining about my post count and style, I do not think that I "attract" disagreeable people.  Very, very few complain about my post "content" or give unprovoked personal attacks.  Possibly TWO.

So, the lesson I learn from that is:  If you do not want to engage with disagreeable people, do not quote or engage them, and they will for the most part leave you alone. 

Thanks for brightening my day, sometimes I tend to focus on the negative and forget that for the MOST part, disagreeable people leave me alone.  The vast majority of people who engage me are nice, complementary, friendly, and seem to appreciate my content.

So, was I exaggerating by saying I was "attacked" by disagreeable "all the time" if it is only ONE, maybe TWO individuals?  Possibly, although not on purpose - if even ONE disagreeable person were to "attack" you regularly and without provocation, it feels like being bullied.

Thanks again!

 

Perhaps the basic problem is seeing these types of "disagreeable" people as being just the more "challenging" ones.

Some feel it just wonderful that everything they say is agreed with by all but the best lessons and learning is from those who challenge ones words and actions when one believes they are golden and they are now incensed that there is someone out there who doesn't think they are the best thing since sliced bread? How does that affect ones self esteem and worth? Is that perhaps the real crux of the problem and is avoidance of those types, the real solution?

[Luna Bliss]

3 minutes ago, Jaylinbridges said:

4 hours ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

I'll have it closed then

Closed and deleted would be better.  Worst thread title and topic I have seen in a long time.

But it's evolving into something good, Jay.  People are discussing optimal ways of relating to each other.

[Luna Bliss]

7 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Some feel it just wonderful that everything they say is agreed with by all but the best lessons and learning is from those who challenge ones words and actions

I see some truth in this.

[Persephone Emerald]

1 hour ago, Luna Bliss said:

To reflect a bit more on your question...a very odd thing happens in SL related to the "disagreeable people" in SL (or the SL forum) Gopi is pondering on. I do a spiritual practice in SL named 'Kirtan' where we design an experience with music, dance, and text to feel a greater sense of love (Bhakti Yoga).  Frequently, these very odd people enter and try to grief or disrupt the event, dressed in all black with additional menacing attire (weapons, sharp objects), attempting to look and act 'scary'.  Sometimes they have RL pics of themselves in their profiles and they have these 'Charles Manson creepy eyes'. They often stand in front of the Kirtan leader in a confrontational manner, or sometimes glom themselves onto the back of an avatar. A few weeks ago someone started the dance circle moving I was attached to and so one was dislodged from me.

So, I see that when you focus on love there is a certain percentage of people who are compelled to ruin it, disprove it, disagree with it.  It's not all about a disagreeable person attracting someone disagreeable, but I do agree with you that sometimes this is the case.

Eject, Ban, Block.

[Luna Bliss]

Just now, Persephone Emerald said:

Eject, Ban, Block.

We do, if they disrupt the experience for all.

If they just want to dance with us looking creepy we allow it.

[Arielle Popstar]

1 minute ago, Luna Bliss said:

I see some truth in this.

I learn more from the darkness then the light unfortunately. The darkness I equate with pain and those are the lessons I remember the most and do the most to avoid in future.

[Persephone Emerald]

 

22 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Good point, and I actually do see one such person. Not a griefer, but someone who hangs around the community frequently and advertises herself as a succubus. She appears to be leaving the dark side now.

1 minute ago, Luna Bliss said:

I see some truth in this.

I know nothing of this person who describes themself as a succubus, but I don't think this necessarily means that someone is "dark" nor that identifying with "darkness" necessarily bad. Darkness is part of life. It can represent mystery. Excessive "light" can be bad too, such as toxic positivity, which does not allow people to express their real thoughts and feelings.